Home | Forums | Gallery | Twitter
 
CPFC BBS  

Go Back   CPFC BBS » Off Topic » General Chit Chat

Notices

General Chit Chat Off topic conversations. Please do not post CPFC or sport related threads here

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #61  
Old 23-10-2001, 06:18 PM
MARKOFBLOCKB's Avatar
MARKOFBLOCKB MARKOFBLOCKB is offline
PURPLE GLOVES
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bromley
Age: 38
Posts: 405
Rep Power: 0
MARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fine
A man wlaks in to a bar with a flamingo and a cat. He walks up to the bar and orders 3 pints. They all drink them and then the flamingo goes up and buys a round. They all finish and then the man buys a round. This goes on all night with the man and the flamingo buying the drinks and the cat just drinks them. The next time the man goes up to buy a round the barman says "I know it's strange you coming in here with a flamingo and a cat but it is only you and the flamingo buying the drinks, what is going on" the man replies "well i found a lamp and when i rubbed it a genie come out and offered me one wish" "what did you wish for?" asked the barman. " I wished i had a bird with long legs and a tight pussy"
Reply With Quote
  #62  
Old 23-10-2001, 06:52 PM
charltonhater's Avatar
charltonhater charltonhater is offline
Registered Useless
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: SE London
Age: 34
Posts: 9,853
Rep Power: 11392972
charltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
A cowboy rides his horse to a saloon and kisses his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him why he did that.
"I have chapped lips."

"Does manure help them heal?"

"No, but it keeps me from licking them."
Reply With Quote
  #63  
Old 23-10-2001, 06:53 PM
charltonhater's Avatar
charltonhater charltonhater is offline
Registered Useless
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: SE London
Age: 34
Posts: 9,853
Rep Power: 11392972
charltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
There was a lady at a bar. Every time she wanted a drink she would raise her hand. She had very bad armpit hair. The Bartender was getting really grossed out and told the man sitting at the bar that next time she did that he was not going to give her a drink. One minute later she said, ''Bartender, Bartender, get me another drink.'' The bartender said no. The man sitting there said, ''Oh give the poor ballerina another drink.'' The bartender said, ''How do you know she is a ballerina?'' The man replied, ''Well anyone that can lift their leg that high must be a ballerina!''

Last edited by charltonhater; 23-10-2001 at 07:02 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #64  
Old 23-10-2001, 06:54 PM
charltonhater's Avatar
charltonhater charltonhater is offline
Registered Useless
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: SE London
Age: 34
Posts: 9,853
Rep Power: 11392972
charltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.
"How'd you get that, son?"

"By hiking."

"Hiking?"

"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."


Reply With Quote
  #65  
Old 23-10-2001, 07:01 PM
charltonhater's Avatar
charltonhater charltonhater is offline
Registered Useless
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: SE London
Age: 34
Posts: 9,853
Rep Power: 11392972
charltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
The manager of a megastore came to check on his new salesman.
“How many customers did you serve today?” the manager asked.
“One,” replied the new guy. “Only one?” said the boss, “how much was the sale?”
The salesman answered, “$58,334.”
Flabbergasted, the manager asked him to explain.
“First I sold a man a fishhook,” the salesman said. ”Then I sold him a rod and a reel. Then i asked where he was planning to fish, and he said down by the coast. So I suggested he'd need a boat -- he bought that 20-foot runabout. When he said his Volkswagon might not be able to pull it, I took him to the automotive department and sold him a big SUV.”
The amazed boss asked, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fishhook?”
“No,” the new salesman replied. “He actually came in for a bottle of asprin for his wife's migraine. I told him, ‘Your weekend's shot. You should probably go fishing.’”


Reply With Quote
  #66  
Old 23-10-2001, 08:34 PM
MARKOFBLOCKB's Avatar
MARKOFBLOCKB MARKOFBLOCKB is offline
PURPLE GLOVES
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bromley
Age: 38
Posts: 405
Rep Power: 0
MARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fine
Quote:
Originally posted by charltonhater
Perhaps you aren't a comedy genius after all. That one is crap.

Your not too good yourself
Reply With Quote
  #67  
Old 23-10-2001, 08:55 PM
MARKOFBLOCKB's Avatar
MARKOFBLOCKB MARKOFBLOCKB is offline
PURPLE GLOVES
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bromley
Age: 38
Posts: 405
Rep Power: 0
MARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fine
There is an englishman irish man and a muslim in a plane and the piolot comes out to them and said "the plane is going to crash and i only have 3 parachutes i have got one and you three will have to sort it between yourselves" he then jumps out the plane. the englishman said "we can draw straws for the other 2 parachutes". they draw straws and sure enough the irish man pulls the short straw. the englishman is about to jump out the plane when the irish man says "what the hell am i meant to do?" "i don't care" replies the englishman and jumps out the plane. the muslim is getting ready to jump and the irish man says "what the hell am i meant to do? please help" the muslim says "if i was you on your way down i would shout praise Allah" he then jumps out the plane. The irish man then jumps out without a parachute and half way down shouts "PRAISE ALLAH!" a big hand swooped out the sky caught the irish man and placed him gently on the floor. the irish man says "thank God for that" and a big foot comes from the sky and stamps on him.


I know they are getting worse
Reply With Quote
  #68  
Old 23-10-2001, 08:56 PM
charltonhater's Avatar
charltonhater charltonhater is offline
Registered Useless
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: SE London
Age: 34
Posts: 9,853
Rep Power: 11392972
charltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Quote:
Originally posted by MARKOFBLOCKB



Your not too good yourself

*sticks tongue out at Mark of Block B*


Knock Knock?
Who's There?
The Interrupting Cow
The Interrupting Cow..
MOO!
Reply With Quote
  #69  
Old 23-10-2001, 09:04 PM
Hallowed Turf Of Selhurst's Avatar
Hallowed Turf Of Selhurst Hallowed Turf Of Selhurst is offline
Humble Pie Eater
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: A town called Malice
Posts: 561
Rep Power: 23567
Hallowed Turf Of Selhurst will leave the TV and the radio behindHallowed Turf Of Selhurst will leave the TV and the radio behindHallowed Turf Of Selhurst will leave the TV and the radio behindHallowed Turf Of Selhurst will leave the TV and the radio behindHallowed Turf Of Selhurst will leave the TV and the radio behindHallowed Turf Of Selhurst will leave the TV and the radio behindHallowed Turf Of Selhurst will leave the TV and the radio behindHallowed Turf Of Selhurst will leave the TV and the radio behindHallowed Turf Of Selhurst will leave the TV and the radio behindHallowed Turf Of Selhurst will leave the TV and the radio behindHallowed Turf Of Selhurst will leave the TV and the radio behind
Well, considering they are all copied and pasted from various joke sites, i wouldn't have thought any of you are that funny

Jelly baby walks into a doctors, Jelly baby says "doctor, i think i have aids" doctor says "well it's hardly surprising, you've been hanging around with allsorts"
__________________
did you hear about the Crab who went to the disco? he pulled a muscle.
Reply With Quote
  #70  
Old 23-10-2001, 11:29 PM
charltonhater's Avatar
charltonhater charltonhater is offline
Registered Useless
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: SE London
Age: 34
Posts: 9,853
Rep Power: 11392972
charltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Quote:
Originally posted by Hallowed Turf Of Selhurst
Well, considering they are all copied and pasted from various joke sites, I wouldn't have thought any of you are that funny

Aactually I got my interrupting cow knock knock joke off an episode of 'Get Your Own Back' which was screened about three years ago.
Reply With Quote
  #71  
Old 24-10-2001, 04:23 PM
charltonhater's Avatar
charltonhater charltonhater is offline
Registered Useless
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: SE London
Age: 34
Posts: 9,853
Rep Power: 11392972
charltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years. And the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard.
Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. 'So, they're trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster. I've got to do something about this.' He walks up to the new bird and says, "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well, I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finish's first gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," said the young rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy," said the young rooster.

So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young rooster.

By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away.

As he walks away slowly, he says to himself . . . "Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."
Reply With Quote
  #72  
Old 25-10-2001, 01:19 PM
charltonhater's Avatar
charltonhater charltonhater is offline
Registered Useless
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: SE London
Age: 34
Posts: 9,853
Rep Power: 11392972
charltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietcharltonhater came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at their favorite bar. They're tired and worn out from a long day, having a couple of longnecks, just relaxin' and talking, watchin' the women go by. A really beautiful brunette walks by, and the two cowboys look at her, look at each other, smile and one of them says, "I'll give her a 3."

The other cowboy nods slowly, and says, "Yep. She's a 3 for sure."

Little while later another woman, this time a fantastic lookin redhead, comes walkin' by in front of them... First cowboy looks her up and down, smiles, takes a sip from his beer, and says to the second cowboy, "Well, I think that one must be a 4."

The second cowboy agrees and says, "Yep... she sure is a 4."

Time passes on, and the cowboys are still sippin' their beers, just watchin' folks pass. And across the room comes a drop-dead gorgeous blonde. As she comes near them, they both straighten up, and tip their hats back a little for a better look. First cowboy smiles real wide, looks at his pal and says, "Damnnn! That one has GOT to be a 6."

The second cowboy nods slowly, grins and says, "Yep. DEFINITELY a 6."

The woman hears them, turns around real sharply and comes right up to the two grinning cowboys... She looks the first one in the eye and says, "Excuse me. But are you two actually standing there rating women?"

The cowboys look kind of embarrassed, but they both nod. One of them says, "Well, yes ma'am, we are, but you don't understand...."

The blonde, even madder, looks at the cowboy and says, "Well, I'll have you know I've been rated far higher than that by far better than YOU."

And the second cowboy says, "But, ma'am, you really don't understand!"

And she says, "Well. What is it I don't understand. Here you are, rating women. I understand THAT!."

And the first cowboy says, "But ma'am, we use a different kind a rating system...."

The blonde, says, "Oh. And what would THAT be? No one has EVER rated me a SIX before!"

And the second cowboy says, "Well, we use the Budweiser method, ma'am."

Taken aback, she asks, "What the hell is the Budweiser method?"

And the first cowboy smiles, looks at her and says slowly, "Well ma'am, that's how many Clydesdales it would take to pull you off my face."

Reply With Quote
  #73  
Old 25-10-2001, 01:41 PM
Lords Eagle's Avatar
Lords Eagle Lords Eagle is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Walderslade Kent
Age: 65
Posts: 7,603
Rep Power: 8836722
Lords Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietLords Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietLords Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietLords Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietLords Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietLords Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietLords Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietLords Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietLords Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietLords Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy dietLords Eagle came here looking for the peace and quiet; the healthy air and the healthy diet
Taken from FHM but very funny:

A guy goes out clubbing and spots this lovely looking chineese girl, so immediately asks her to dance. They get on very well, more dances, a few drinks and at the end of the night shes asks him "would you like to come back to my place for coffee?" Which of course he does. They arrive at her flat and she tells him to sit down, have a drink while she slips on something more comfortable. Well, he has his drink and out she comes wearing a see though nightie and says "tonight I'm you're complete sex slave, you can do anything you want" to which he replies "wow tha's great, I'd really like a 69", "F**k off" she says, I'm not cooking this time of night!"
__________________
Cautiously optimistic!
Reply With Quote
  #74  
Old 25-10-2001, 01:49 PM
MARKOFBLOCKB's Avatar
MARKOFBLOCKB MARKOFBLOCKB is offline
PURPLE GLOVES
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bromley
Age: 38
Posts: 405
Rep Power: 0
MARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fine
Quote:
Originally posted by charltonhater



*sticks tongue out at Mark of Block B*


Knock Knock?
Who's There?
The Interrupting Cow
The Interrupting Cow..
MOO!

That is pure class. You have gone up in my estimation.

Reply With Quote
  #75  
Old 25-10-2001, 02:02 PM
David Murray's Avatar
David Murray David Murray is offline
Playing a round
 
Join Date: Jan 1999
Location: On the crest of a Wren
Age: 68
Posts: 17,119
Rep Power: 175365
David Murray knows where the wild roses growDavid Murray knows where the wild roses growDavid Murray knows where the wild roses growDavid Murray knows where the wild roses growDavid Murray knows where the wild roses growDavid Murray knows where the wild roses growDavid Murray knows where the wild roses growDavid Murray knows where the wild roses growDavid Murray knows where the wild roses growDavid Murray knows where the wild roses growDavid Murray knows where the wild roses grow
A New York woman was at her hairdresser’s on Park Avenue getting her
hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the
trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?
It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.

So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser.
That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants
Are ugly, and they're always late.

So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on
Rome's left bank called Teste..."

"Don't go any further. I know that place.
Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced.

So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.
Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a
hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in
one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they
bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a
handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel -- it was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling
job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were
overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra
charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know
you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican,
a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes
to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to
step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook
my hand!

I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really...What'd he say?"

He said, "Where'd you get the shitty hairdo?"
__________________
Find the cost of freedom, buried in the ground
Mother earth will swallow you, lay your body down
Reply With Quote
  #76  
Old 25-10-2001, 02:30 PM
MARKOFBLOCKB's Avatar
MARKOFBLOCKB MARKOFBLOCKB is offline
PURPLE GLOVES
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bromley
Age: 38
Posts: 405
Rep Power: 0
MARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fine
Quote:
Originally posted by Hallowed Turf Of Selhurst
Well, considering they are all copied and pasted from various joke sites, i wouldn't have thought any of you are that funny

Jelly baby walks into a doctors, Jelly baby says "doctor, i think i have aids" doctor says "well it's hardly surprising, you've been hanging around with allsorts"

So you buy the Daily Star
Reply With Quote
  #77  
Old 25-10-2001, 02:34 PM
MARKOFBLOCKB's Avatar
MARKOFBLOCKB MARKOFBLOCKB is offline
PURPLE GLOVES
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bromley
Age: 38
Posts: 405
Rep Power: 0
MARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fine
Quote:
Originally posted by David Murray
A New York woman was at her hairdresser’s on Park Avenue getting her
hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the
trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?
It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.

So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser.
That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants
Are ugly, and they're always late.

So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on
Rome's left bank called Teste..."

"Don't go any further. I know that place.
Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced.

So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.
Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a
hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in
one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they
bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a
handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel -- it was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling
job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were
overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra
charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know
you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican,
a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes
to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to
step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook
my hand!

I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really...What'd he say?"

He said, "Where'd you get the shitty hairdo?"


Keep em rolling
Reply With Quote
  #78  
Old 25-10-2001, 03:49 PM
MARKOFBLOCKB's Avatar
MARKOFBLOCKB MARKOFBLOCKB is offline
PURPLE GLOVES
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bromley
Age: 38
Posts: 405
Rep Power: 0
MARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fine
What is ET short for?

Because he has little legs
Reply With Quote
  #79  
Old 25-10-2001, 03:53 PM
MARKOFBLOCKB's Avatar
MARKOFBLOCKB MARKOFBLOCKB is offline
PURPLE GLOVES
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bromley
Age: 38
Posts: 405
Rep Power: 0
MARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fine
Wife: When we got married you promised me a dress for every day of the year

Husband: I know and your wearing it
Reply With Quote
  #80  
Old 25-10-2001, 03:54 PM
MARKOFBLOCKB's Avatar
MARKOFBLOCKB MARKOFBLOCKB is offline
PURPLE GLOVES
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bromley
Age: 38
Posts: 405
Rep Power: 0
MARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fineMARKOFBLOCKB is happy as a lark and everything is fine
A font walks in to a bar when the barman shouts "OI get out we don't want your type in here
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:25 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.