Armadillos

EFA

Yep. Bastard things. I agree with the bold statement. Worksop is the ****.

I was going to say red nose day on TV but I haven't watched any of it so will have to say 'the last leg' instead, what a load of painfully cringeworthy shit and tonight as if that Australian bloke wasn't bad enough, you've got special guests Sandey Toksvik and James Blunt!

Sandy Toksvik, Uggghh cannot stand her. Nails down a blackboard is preferable to listen to, than her droning voice.

Ripped Jeans.

Why??

Oi, I resemble that remark

And get your own material

don't you dare talk shit about james blunt ever again

Yeah one of the most unfunny programmes on TV.

Good sing along song that. Tony Christie ?

Not sure if serious.

James Blunt is one of the funniest things on Twatter

Shalalalalala......(insert chockyism here)......shalalalalala

Weekend rail engineering works

Facebook tomorrow.

Thinking you are getting an early night and then realising the clocks go forward.

Meg Ryan's plastic surgery.

Having to go to work when the clocks go forward.

Trolls on bbs

100% serious. James Blunt is God's gift to man.

Never mind that. I had to get the train back from Haywards Heath today, but as you've just alluded to, there were no trains. No big deal; the information display showed that the bus replacement would be along in eight minutes. I popped over to the garage for a drink and had a quick cigarette, and it was there. But my ******* God. The bloke driving the coach was an absolute maniac. He was driving through the dodgiest of high weald, up-and-down, bendy roads like he was in control of a motorbike! I got off at Three Bridges a shivering wreck. The disappointing thing was that no-one else seemed that bothered.

Yeah, I make you about right!

Ok fair enough, seemed a bit of a twat to me but I don't really have anything against him my point was more how unfunny 'the last leg' is especially that Aussie bloke. Painfully unfunny.

Why just today?

Hey everyone look how great my life is!

"Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful mum" (who isn't even on Facebook to see this sad attention seeking post of mine)

Twats.

Old people.
Not the benign, genial and erudite ones - but the ones in that space between lucid mobility, and, doddery befuddlement.

Rationale : three demonstrations in ten minutes today (whilst having the misfortune to be at at the shops) of a total lack of situational awareness and manners. 1) I pause to allow a chap in a wheelchair through the door first - then old bloke barges in to that space past me and blocking me off and tuts loudly 2) lady of certain vintage just pushes past me in the queue at Waitrose, feigns an apology and just carries on regardless, 3) whilst travelling around the roundabout an ageing man in a recently polished 10 year old Focus fails to see me on his approach to the junction - applies full anchors at the last moment, after I had started my own evasive action : glowering at me for having the temerity to be on the road.

The Elderly today - not like they used to be, no respect. Shuffling about in fawn clothing...

Do not let it worry you,you'll get there soon enough;)

Especially when mum is dead.

Lol....and what are they doing shopping on a Saturday anyway, when they have all week to do this? (Joke)

I'm also a supporter of older people taking a driving test beyond a certain age. I can't see the downside, if they pass then carry on driving, if they don't then it's best they either stop or take a course and try again. My own dad, a keen driver, felt he'd lost some upper body strength in his 70s, so wisely changed to a car with assisted steering. But some carry on regardless with inappropriate tanks and struggle with parking etc.

A friend's relative is now such a poor driver that they plan every journey so that it has no right turns in it...I'm not joking.

With a user name like yours, I should imagine that you're not far short of being called elderly yourself.

I remember Jerry Murphy playing, if you can you must be an old fart like me:D

And along with HB, above - maybe it is the looming fear of impending haplessness that drives my ire.

But Jerry did have great hair.

And that scuppers my participation in live threads for the rest of the season.

Although I can tune into a few of the rearranged fixtures.

Yes, all of that. Brainless slush really.

'Here's a pic of my dad that passed away 13 years ago...etc.etc.' ......that's when you start to filter the false buddies...

Indeed. What I like about Blunt is that he is the first to take the mick out of his music and himself.

I have the first anniversary of my mum's passing a week on Wednesday. I needed my sister to do this like a ******* hole in the head.

My.dad died 7 years ago And she does it every christmas easter Father's Day - anniversary of his death and his birthday- worse people that never knew him like the posts - just stop it!

If that Waitrose was the one in Beckenham, then I hear you. It seems to be the spiritual home of those sort of old people. I've seen passive agressive trolley rage, tutting and queue jumping in there like you wouldn't believe.

We recently had medium sized amount of shopping to do and rather than asking if she could go first a hatchet faced old boot behind us with a couple of items decided to literally hop on the spot tutting loudly and waving her arms about until we offered to let her go first. She pushed past us without even acknowledging our presence let alone saying thank you and off she went, presumably stopping on the way home only to throw a cat into a wheely bin.

Mum and dad both dead two years, but none of us feel the need to post pics up on birthdays and Mother/Fathers Days, saying crap like "Today would have been your birthday..."

It's just "look at me and how sensitive I am, look how I can wallow in my pain" crap.

I'm really sorry mate. I didn't even know that my sister knew your dad. I will try and stop her.

I made the mistake of going there a couple of days before Christmas, assuming that all the elderley middle class people that make up 95% of its customer base would have been more organised and got their shit sorted earlier.

Big mistake. Jesus H Christ on a mother****ing bicycle, was it a big mistake. Trolley rage, passive aggressive glares and muttering, tactical blocking of aisles, frenzied product snatching, parking punch ups and so much tutting and sighing that you could hook a windmill up to the place and power a small town for a month. Next time I'm going for the tranquility, politeness and levity of south norwood Aldi, those posh old women can do one. Your loss Waitrose.

When a client owes you shit loads, they ask a question such as "can you just send me a copy of X and I'll get your bill paid straight away" and your assistant seemingly can't prioritise. I mean, I'm sure she'll contact me quickly enough on Friday if her salary isn't in her bank...

:D

I've only been there twice although I've lived in the area for 25 years. Absolutely hate the place because of what you say above. We'd never drive there now either. My wife drove there once and made the mistake of stopping to let a sweet old lady come out of her parking space. This woman steamed into our car and then said that my wife drove into her as she was stationary and that it was my wife's fault. As the land is private, the insurance company said it was knock for knock.

Are you hoping you die before you get old? :D

Charity street muggers....have you got a minute...no I fooking haven't and your fake happiness and sob story is going to take longer than 1 minute to get through.

This one baffles more than annoys me and it may well be me who's got it wrong. But ever since Prezzo started infesting the High Streets of the land a decade or so back, I have always pronounced it as 'pret-so' just the same as you would pronounce pizza as 'pete-sa'. However, everyone one else I know pronounces it as the anglicised 'prezo' i.e. just the same as it is spelt. Why is that?

I am not being pretentious here, it just seems natural to me that the word is intended to be pronounced in the Italian way, so to speak.

I agree. Even the people who work there pronounce it incorrectly.

People who comment on stories on the BBC website. You get articles about the complexities of Brexit and then the highest rated comment is someone who just goes "out means out". Everything is the fault of foreigners or Facebook or the BBC itself or how terrible it is that a company or franchise is foreign owned (today it is South West Trains). And the sucking up to Theresa May or any member of the royal family is vomit inducing.

Best stay a way from the Brexit thread on here then.

On the subject of old people it can't be any conincidence that their favoured newspaper is the Daily Mail. The very eptiome of hate, intolerance and and small-mindedness

Some of the comments on the BBC website make the Brexit thread look like a bastion of intelligent, well thought out debate.

Bravo. Well said. And I always try and add a bit of an eyetalian sprinkle to my pronunciation when ordering in Prezzo & properly give it some flourish with my "arrabbiata" and "pappardelle". The waiters love it.

But when I tried similar in an Indian restaurant it resulted in a massive brawl.

'Aloo Akbar'?

Yes, all old people are fascists.:hmph:

Sag Aloo
Bombay potatoes
Three pints of Guinness.

What's the problem?

Steve Bunce.

Nob.

Burnt my bridges with a company about 5 years ago. Like big time with a few of the tops bods there.

Said company has since been bought out and is about to win the contract at the site i work on.


Shitting myself.

http://www.lbps.co.uk/plastic-surgery-for-men-london/
&
https://www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll/overview

Already looked at that. Can't change my NI number :D

And a couple more - just for fun;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=havj7IHyi_U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEpak-VAU5M

iPad.
Shitty screen that doesn't register taps when using the keyboard (coupled with autocorrect renders the majority of typing complete garbage) yet when scrolling the page up when reading an article on the web, is so sensitive that the slightest touch to an ad or another link is good enough to activate it.

Having roast beef for the first time in a while, going to the fridge for the horseradish......to find the wife had thrown it away because "no one eats it"......

I'm channeling your pain mate.

Apparently me saying "so I'm nobody in the house now then, I better chop my cock off!?" Was an overreaction.

Businesses that take payment at the point of sale and then email you to tell you the goods are actually out of stock and can't give you an exact date of despatch.

Sky News - most days but especially today. A Brexit Deadline countdown above the news ticker. WTF? Currently at 730 days, 12 hours, 48 mins and 40 secs.

Ann Summers?

I'd call it more a strong statement.

Daughter and her friend came home from school. Her friend was meant to be here for a few hours. After 25 mins friend asks to leave... I drive her home... she's silent... can't get a word out of her. I ask my daughter if they fell out, she says no. She said she was sat in bed chatting to her, while her friend used her hair straighteners... then all of a sudden she announces she has to go home immediately.


I go up stairs, and it seems she put down hair straightener on my daughters new bedroom carpet, and burned it.

Well I don't read it.:S:

No they're actually quite good although the returns policy is a bit fussy. Wouldn't take back my used butt plug when I said it was too small.

'Kin beat me to it you bastard

Ha ha LOL 😂

Bummer

Are we allowed to say that ?

🙈

People that try to save the life of a bottle of hand wash by diluting it with water.

This means you squeeze the top hoping to get a nice dollop of fresh antibacterial moisturiser and instead get this piss weak squirt of soapy air and phlegm that makes you wish you didn't even bother to wash your hands in the first place.

Why don't people just throw the ******* bottle away and buy a new one?!

Accidentally copying in a client to an email which basically says that the client is a ******* idiot!

Client did something very stupid, which he knew he had ****ed up on. He probably didn't need to see my sarcastic email taking the piss out of him to realise this!

Customer sent me an email which contained a chain of emails to his employee including one in which referred to me as "the stupid printer", even though the reason for the delay was his data not being print-ready and him not checking or replying to emails.

We found it funny that he didn't seem to realise that I'd be able to see all the messages just by scrolling down, but as he has been extra polite to me since maybe he did!

Attention seeking women who need to cough loudly all the time.

Agreed. Such a great product but so frustrating! I can spell, I don't need Apple to incorrectly predict what I want to say and then send a message before it is finished...

Cheap zips on non-cheap clothes

Club shop?

April Fools Day.

So not such a great product then?

Women in their 50's and older who refer to their "Girlfriends" and even worse their "boyfriend".

Just makes me cringe every time I hear it.

Left handed people who draw a 'tick' backwards! They don't write letters backwards, so why do it for ticks???

Mrs Brown getting a chat show,and apparently their first guests were the most tedious,smug people in the world,Holly Willoughby and Philip 'Pip' Schofield.

I honestly don't know how people can watch that shit

On a different subject, Center Parcs beer prices. I get the captive audience stuff but fook my old grannies boots....£4.35 for a Carling and £5.40 for an Estrella. £5.40 ! Cheaper in bloody Barcelona. At least they decent beer now though. Last time I was here it was Fosters or Kronebourg.

Good job I was in a good mood yesterday evening. Cost me £27 :D

Should've just left it at that

Not this time

They weren't the first guests, it was on last week.

Fact! Total sh*te.

it's a joke that this (mrs brown) is billed as comedy

Radio presenters giving a "Shout out" to/for someone.

What the f is a "shout out"? Apart from not-very-shouty way of saying 'hello'.

I must, must get a life.....

English singers who sing in an American accent.

Big shout out is even more annoying.

Mega shout out

Yup. Ordered a new sofa with guaranteed next day delivery, last week. No sofa.

.... or 'a big up' even - WTF?

Big up da mandem

Chelsea gimps on the youtubes