Taxi for Mr Malice

I'll get my coat (of plaster)

Oxford comma. When did this start? Why and how can I get rid of the idiot that devised it.

Water Company turning off the water for maintenance before I've had a shower.

And the fact they didn't exactly advertise the fact they were going to do it very well. Apparently there is a sign at the end of the street which I obviously didn't see.

Edit: just talk a walk to look at the sign... apparently it's going to be off for another 7 hours! Amazing how you miss just turning a tap and water coming out.

Yes! I just can't listen to her.

It's flushing the bog that's the pain.

Fortunately I had taken a poop before, and only had one pee after so got away with it, but yes that was on my mind.

In the end it was only off for 3 hours... I guess they posted a worse case scenario.

Again, people who sniff their nose (avoiding some shit cocaine joke) on quiet morning commuter trains. If it’s a bloke by himself, it’s about 7 out of 10 people who do it. I want to cave their heads in, I dont even think they need to blow their nose it’s just some habit.

Got some that came with the head shaving kit. Never tried them because someone somewhere, may have even been on this thread, said what agony they were when the battery ran out in mid-trim with your hair caught in the trimmer. :D

Think I remember reading that too.

Long flights, don’t think any explanation is required. Got a 15+ hour one to Singapore on Sunday with a stop off somewhere in the Middle East.

People that pretend flying annoys them, just so they can let everyone know about their trip.

By the way. Im off to Singapore

Why haven't you mentioned this before?

I hate it when people talk about flying to Singapore, especially when Im flying to Singapore tomorrow, first class, with Kanye.

I'm going next week for Mrs KM's 60th. I did not want to say anything as it's only 9 hours from here, and flying pleb class.

People who moan about having to fly long haul. Simple answer dont go.

Just get battered as a haddock and fall asleep

People who just nag all the time.

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/LPRv4snVLmU/hqdefault.jpg

People that pronounce the letter aitch as 'haitch'.
I hate those hwankers.

C*nts who open their car doors into yours when parked. And don't apologise. And then do it again. It's taken me nearly sixty years, but I'm really learning to hate people.

USB plugs, why can't they be autosensing so they can go in any old how?

Nearly 60 years?
I'm surprised and disappointed in you.

The appalling and overly loud music in my gym. Not only that, but the negative messages in the lyrics and general horror show that is modern pop music.

I've tended to give twats the benefit of the doubt.

A general annoyance for me for many years....then I got an iPod and some decent earphones.

Sgt Peppers on a loop, am I right?

Had one or two of these reversible USB cables over the years and never had any problems with them but they never seemed to catch on?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Reversible-.../dp/B01BGK6LZU

Rubber Soul

You know better now.
:)

Because theyre not designed for divs.

Yapping dogs. I love dogs but not yappy ones.
Squawking seagulls too.
Serves me right for living in a chav scumbag town I suppose.

The TUI dance.

How sexism is seen as perfectly acceptable when it involves the subject of parenting.

Mum > Dad :rolleyes:

As an eg;

https://www.disabilityscoop.com/2009...s-stress/6121/

Not realising I was passed a fake tenner last night, particularly as it quite obviously toy type money not intended to be passed off as a genuine fake :mad::embarass:

I annoy me.

Isn't that my job?

You annoy everybody. So you are not of special annoyance to me. Me on the other hand, I would happily bitch slap myself.

Isn't that my job?

As above.

On the Palace website the photos in reports/articles never have captions under them saying who is who in the photo.

Pretty annoying if you are not ITK already.

Peter Drury!

Gormless gits who block the doors on the metro

Another pointless thread on General Palace Discussion- Watford LOL

It when theyve watched Palace win and are pissed as a result:lux:

City taxes. F*ck off.

That diesel is now 10p a litre more expensive than petrol

Good.

People that proudly announce on social media that they haven’t seen a single episode of game of thrones as if it’s a badge of honour or something, I just think, your loss muppet:D

And then get shitty when you ask them how many episodes of Corriendersdale Abbey in the jungle on ice factor they have seen.

Why?

Why all of a sudden diesal cars are now the anti Christ......

Speed cameras, ave speed cameras, unmarked police cars, Chelsea tractors, fat “minis”, soooo many cars. I want the old days back of the 80s/90s when cars started to be fun to Hooolie about in, you could still service them yourselves, there wasn’t much else on the road in comparison to all the wankers today and the cars weren’t fat obsese full of airbag bollocks they are now.

I watched one once, if that helps? It was shite. How can any rational human being invest so much time in that utter fanny?

Extended family, i.e. wife's family not mine. Talk about having to walk on eggshells... you need and organization chart to keep up with who's not talking to who, or who is pissed off with who.

Just leave me and my wife out of it will you, and don't take your problems out on us, if we didn't keep you 'A' informed about what happened to 'B'... FFS

You can get 70-80 mpg out of the things if you drive them carefully on the motorway so I can't figure out why they're suddenly the Devil's spawn either.


Surely an upgraded exhaust system would be better than consigning them all to the scrapheap?

I had to take my 16 plate van, so only just over 3 years old, into London on Tuesday. 8 hours of on-street parking - £68.00 (That includes the extra £3/hr they charge for diesel vehicles) plus Congestion charge plus ULEZ, so just over £90 to pay out before l start making any money. Luckily, l don't work up town too often.

Here, have a read aboit why.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diesel_exhaust

That they pushed us to diesel then said oops we are wrong.

A bit like doctors and smoking.

People who use a photo I took as their own on Instagram!! Take your own fooking photo’s!!:veryangry

The strongbow advert with the beardy hipster ponces singing Electric Dreams. Piss off.

Sorted that for you:p

Was it your dinner ?

Tetley Tea bags.
Concave gnats-pi*s yielding w@nkers.

No,,,,my penis

McDonalds desperation for their marketing campaigns to go viral. Firstly, no one has ever had an argument about what constitutes a Big-Mac. They just f*cking order one and eat it. And secondly, if ever anyone ever says 'peely peely' to me, I will punch them square on the chin. C*nts!

People parking their cars so close to your car that when they try to get out of their car the door bangs the side of your car :veryangry

Ice cream vans. If I hear Teddy Bears Picnic once more........

:eek::eek:

Hearing the god awful Jess Glynne all radio and TV adverts. Who the hell told her she could actually sing.

Flat head screws and any **** who thinks it's a good idea to use them.

The fact that any type of unseasonal weather is now considered a "bomb".

"Heat Bomb"

"Snow Bomb"

"Rain Bomb"

"Weather Bomb"

"I hope you get bombed if you use bomb to descirbe weather"


****.

Your lucky, the one that comes round here plays, "When the saints go marching in"... which just makes me think of Spurs every time...

We had another one which played It’s Now Or Never (or Just One Cornetto, or if you’re really old Torna A Sorrento, however it’s spelt, today).

We've had another one that plays, "It's a small world after all", from the Disneyland ride... guaranteed to get stuck in your head and not to be able to sleep for humming it all night for a minimum of two nights!

Crap... I've just started it again in my head!

Songs that go round and round in your head. Any song that does that, but I suppose it really isn't the song's fault.

I have never heard that term, will be looking out for it now.

Instagram.

People who refer to the band 'Pixies' as 'The Pixies'

Strimmers

Mates who feel the need to live their life through Facebook notifications.

A glorious combination of things that I've already mentioned on this thread.

1 - Garth ******* Crooks
2 - People who say 'underestimate' when they clearly mean 'overestimate'

'I was transfixed on the Cardiff-Liverpool game on Sunday, but each time I glanced to observe Crystal Palace, I saw Wifried Zaha running Arsenal ragged. It was nice to see Christian Benteke among the goals again after such a long barren spell, but his link-up play with Zaha cannot be underestimated. Zaha needs someone to play off and a fit Benteke is as good as anyone.'

People who spend hours jet washing their drive, usually bored retired people looking for things to fill their day. Don’t they realise that the constant drone all fecking day makes people want to shove it up their arse and turn it on full blast,,,,,especially the fat old couple opposite me with their matching wellies and their garage full of pristine gadgets they hardly use, you know the type, one leaf falls in their garden and it’s an excuse to get the leaf blower out for an hour:wallbash:

But to be fair, they did take a parcel in for me the other day:D

The "footie" fans in Thierry Henry's advert car. Is that what we're all supposed to be like now? Top bantz.

At least he didnt suggest Wilf or AWB should leave.

Modern remote control designs. The Virgin TiVo remote is designed to make you drop it. It's like a bar of fecking soap.

I always told my kids that when the bell rings it means he's sold out :supergrin:

Sky Q remote is exactly the same, think it's going for the record in our house and i've only had it three months. Plus they all look the same, so when you sit them side by side with my LG remote and the BT house phone as well, there's been much hilarity at my expense when trying to turn the TV over with the house phone.

Teams who insist on wearing away kit when not necessary. Brighton, Watford and Spurs seem intent to wear their horrible green kits all the time.

You think that's tough? Imagine having a dad who's an ice cream man and being told you can't eat any of them..

:hi:

In a similar vein, the landscape team that take care of the common areas in our neighbourhood who come every Monday morning and start with the leaf blower outside our house at 7:00am. Not good form for us retired folks!

Especially not good when you have a bit of a hangover from over celebrating Palace's win yesterday.

Political forums and threads on football forums... why?

Cos peeps are interested in politics?
Although I never look at them

Because the BBS has always been more than just a football forum?

Newspaper columnists writing endlessly about their kids, trying to convince readers that they are a shit parent, while intimating enough to persuade you that they're really rather good. Laura f*cking Weir of the Standard. We don't care, love.

One of them poo’s that burns the ring.


Feel like I’m sitting over a candle at the moment. More frustratingly, as the burn sensation begins to subside the tummy starts to rumble.


Pain incoming...

People moaning about non-football threads on football forums on a non-football thread on a football forum

I hear you there. And the battery cover keeps falling off when you drop the controller. Tivo six is sh1t. I now have an extra two power sockets in use and cannot set a programme to tape when I am away from home unless the WiFi is on in the house. Was always able to tape without the WiFi being on before.

Technology upgrades that are anything but.