:D

Ben Fogle.....happy birthday for the Queen?...what a citizen! All the piss poor people who have put their hands in their pockets to help the NHS or opened up empty properties to aid the effort....where the feck is she? The wealthiest woman in the country who owns multiple...empty properties? She is a disgrace.

Bit unfair, Crofty. She gave a speech from her second home where she is harbouring her nonce son. What more do you want?

I am at home with Covid-19....he is at home with Wendy 14!

It's far worse. They ask - whats your budget and they say £3-5k for the whole house. They go back and it's fully decorated, it has luxury fittings, a new boiler, rads, full re-wire, new bathrooms, kitchen etc and they say - went just over budget - £5250. Oh and they threw in a huge TV as well for fun. Landscaped garden the lot. Right.......

One that always annoys me 'pre-lockdown/constraints' is when you are in a public loo and you realise that the guy other next to you is openly staring at your 'manhood'. Always puts me right off when I am trying to break the 'hit the porcelain from further than 6 feet record'. Very annoying....

The other shows that I watch a lot of, but at the same time find annoying (and I think you have them in the UK) are these House Hunter shows, both domestic and international.

9 times out of 10 the people buy the money pit, or the one that is way over their budget.

And, yeah, you really did just look at 3 house in your search.

Actually the list of announces at these shows is pretty long for me... too many to list here. One example is when they end up buying a plot of land to build on... what great TV that is!

I still watch them though!

No REM. End of the world

5G, coronavirus isn't real, chemtrails ,9/11, david ike, flat earth all batshit crazy, it's the end of the world as we know it...

:D

Dear Phil

I know you don’t like me but I think I deserved the emoji for my Billy Joel

He nicked my idea and got a laugh

Not happy Phil

To be fair to Phil, I'm a bit disappointed that i pulled the trigger so quickly.

I was just as surprised at your smiley as I was a lot Phil’s lack thereof

Well, nearly, not quite

:p

Your desperation for praise annoys me.

:D :D :D :D :D

Even you could see the humour in that

Granted it’s not stand up comedy quality

:veryangry :veryangry

I can’t be at see to match your five

He didn’t start the fire.

Now you’re one of the few people I like on here. Don’t make me flounce

Bruv

I’ve got your back, our kid.

I dont just throw smileys about, you can 2's up on his one

I was hoping you had him on ignore.

The Ignore function is strictly for the bourgeoisie. Phil and his fellow members of the First International are heading to the frozen wastelands of the north to raze all the building of Worksop to the ground as I type.

:lux:

Fair play Phil, fair play

There ain’t nowt left to raze yoof

The thing with all these shows is, if you watch one you've seen them all. They all will follow the same formula. Ramsay finds a crap restaurant, comes in, throw a few fxcks into everyone and a week later there's lines going around the block to get in. Yes there is, because he's there. There's a show called Bar Rescue which has the same formula.Finds run down bars, finds what he thinks is wrong, gets abusive with the owners and within days people are coming from miles around to sample their mean magners martini.
A bar around the corner from me, owned by three firefighting brothers was on it a couple of years ago. They were told to act as if they had all fallen out. The barmaid, who was married to one of the brothers was instructed to cry and reveal that her marriage was on the rocks because of the bar. It was all made up. They got the bar fixed up for free, and that particular episode did make for good TV but they all said they wished they hadn't done it.

Yep, all of these shows to be taken at less than face value.

I bet they feel dirty participating in the scam. At least the bar was done up for free.

As for the public queueing, same kind of thing as the full churches when Songs of Praise comes to town. Sad feckers. Needs a vicar to say quite clearly, we hope to see all you hipocrites back here next week when the cameras aren't her...you know who you are.

And Trevor Francis tracksuits from a mush in Shepherds Bush...

I wonder whether Chris (officially for Palace TV) or FYP (unofficially) can ask Andy Gray about missing football gear.

Living proof that retirement is not good for you. ;)

Funny you say that, they (Ramsay) did one at a restaurant we went to occasionally run by a brother and sister. In the show they made a big deal of the brother and sister arguing over how to run the place and falling out.

We went there before and after the show, and in all honesty was non plus on the changes.

I'm not sure, but pretty sure the place closed down about a year later anyway.

It's usually on the DVR... watch it when I can. Not a big TV watcher to be honest.

Now my wife... that's another story.

I love Bar Rescue. I remember the episode you are on about. New series started about 6 weeks ago.

easyjet emails encouraging me to book flights.

Just **** off

Get this from the travel agent I booked a holiday through that was cancelled

I can get a refund ‘now’ on the cruise part of the holiday. They will start that process now (despite me telling them as soon as it was cancelled I wanted a refund and not a ‘cruise credit’) and it will be somewhere between 60 and 90 days before it lands in my bank.

The rest of the holiday cost - flights, hotels, transfers etc - will be ‘refunded’ via a credit note. I can use that credit note up to a date, yet to be confirmed by ABTA (apparently the date is going to be end of Oct). If I haven’t used the CN by that date, I am then entitled to full monetary refund.

Well, I say, I can 100% guarantee you that I won’t be using the CN before the end of Oct so can I have my money back now please. No. Why not ? Well sir, I can guarantee you as a member of ABTA/ATOL etc, your money is 100% safe with us. Good, I’m glad to hear it, but quite frankly, it’s not your money it’s mine and I’d much rather look after it myself if that’s ok with you. Well, you can email us sir and we will consider your request. Oh well thank you very much for considering giving me what is legally mine. Much appreciated

Fvcking dolls heads

FYP did when they interviewed him a few years ago, give it a listen.

I probably did listen to that before FYP started putting some of ther stuff behind a pay wall and I lost interest. I cant remember though.

What did he say?

I loved him as a player, why did he have to leave us twice?

I didn't understand your idea. Still don't.

It was the same as yours. But quicker

Only the post game pods are patreon.

Someone who clearly has a bit too much time on their hands:
https://www.kitchennightmaresupdates.com/?m=1

...but interesting to see what happened to the restaurants on kitchen nightmares after they were on the show, and how many of them have closed down since (spoiler - the vast majority of them have closed)

I watched an episode of American Ramsay restaurant nightmare years ago & some sort of mob involvement was hinted at. Early doors there was a brawl at the door with this big lad (sounded like he was possibly from New York?) giving out about someone swinging for his dad. Anyway, he went on to call some fella a "BLOWJOB!"
I'd never considered calling someone a blowjob and was enlightened. I subsequently went on to annoy my wife by either randomly calling people blowjobs, or just saying it out loud like some form of tourettes for well over a month.

Just admit you were watching it Friday morning and last night you called someone a “blowjob” from your car traveling at high speed.

Companies referring to themselves as a family. People on minimum wage in those companies peddling that very same bollocks.

FOAD already.

I found it:



You are sort of correct. The car was my favourite place to shout it.

Or getting PR praising the NHS when they have nothing to do with it

I’d pay big money to watch that very angry “neewwww yoorrrrker” shout that to your face.

:D

The “rough around the edges” & “utterly improvised” video-cam adverts that are anything but the sort.
The Crown calls the Co-op & Tesco.

Great. The longer scene is even better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3sl...re=emb_rel_end

There's a huge difference in styles between his US and Brit nased shows. The Brit based ones are more serious documentary whereas the U S ones are very sensationalistic. His Costa del Nightmares ones are a great example of the sort of Brits that come out here and have no idea what they're doing.

There are some sad stories mixed in there too, one guy from the US series committed suicide after being on the show, though this was more about him having an affair with a staff member.

People who say that they are not as young as they were.

TV channels keep announcing that this was filmed prior to latest government guidance.

Here’s a challenge, try and watch this without cringing so hard you turn inside out:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p089v084

God I hate Michael Ball.

'Star studded concert celebrates health workers'. Yeh, right. Nothing about virtue-signalling and market exposure. Why can't these f*ckers piss off for five minutes?

Have you not joined in their tik tok videos ?

I’m with you on this one. I’ll be watching crucible classics.

Especially Benjamin Button.

Getting really irritated by all the "we're all in this together" TV ads by various companies.


F*ck off - all you're trying to do is make yourselves seem to be caring and sharing yet still trying to flog your gear.

You are aware how television is funded aren’t you?

Yeah - the f*cking TV licence fee in this country.

Shall I tell him, or will you...?

People who advertise their item on Facebook marketplace with the description 'this don't work, that don't work but other then that it's fine'

No it ******* isn't is it, and your still looking at an extortionate price just to fix up someone else's tat.

F**kwits telling me that 'sustainable urban agrihoods' are the way forward.
Yes, of course they are, you melon. The population of the world is going to be fed from a bunch of waste ground allotments.

:D

Its just Gormless being gormless as per.

Claudia Winkleman

How bad can she be and still keep her job?

Tess Daly says "Hi" (although she probably mispronounces it as she still hasn't got used to the concept of an autocue, or reading).

Amen to that. A talent vacuum. But, unfortunately, now appears to be a long, lucrative contract fixture.

Aren't the Winkleman firm old money in the newspaper business?

Dunno but leave Winkleman out of it, my girlfriend is her double! Fortunately nothing like her in character though, gotta admit she's pretty talentless and batshit crazy.

Terrible way to speak about your bird.

Mucca. Grade A c-unit.

'Your bird'. ;)

Her old dear used to edit the Daily or Sunday Express and had big wobs iirc. Her half-sister is the fit and is married to Thirsty Princess Margaret's son. Their sort celebrate Good Friday rather than Easter Sunday.

(© Debrett's Peerage)

This sums up the genre pretty well IMO:

Precious people. Sensitive flowers. Put a plaster on it and get mummy to kiss it better.

Never heard of this guy before now, but, he sums these programmes up splendidly.

Not being able to share the best videos or memes that appearon facebook.

You have stuff you can share, yet nearly every time something really great comes up, you can't easily share it.

Had a great meme to launch at Brighton numpties...described Noone down to a tee. 20 minutes I spent trying to save it, share it, download it. When I got it it posted up on the BBS as broken internet link.

I hate how messenger wants to keep it all in house and you can't easily share stuff on that either. It will never beat wassup.

Right click, save image, then post image on bbs.

You're not though.

I am.

People who are so desperate to go viral on Whatsapp that they copy a gag that's already been done that wasn't even funny to begin with. Sad bastards.

I'd never find it now. It was on Faceache.

I don't find gags funny in the written form. Chat rooms and social media have killed the art of good jokes.

That certain posters who are pretty much online shoppers for hospital bedpans & lanyards have somehow fooled some of the bbs that they should be listened to on the subject of coronavirus & absolutely revelling in it. Whilst their permanent massive blue rosette on their lapel partially obscures their face.

Absolute muppets

Muppets.

I know I'm quoting myself but this advert for a Samsung Galaxy Tab I just see sums this annoyance to a tee.

'Open for offer, great condition, just the screen doesn't turn on'
Well it's not in 'great condition' then is it.

Don't let Facebook put you in a bad mood dude.

Now that is 'philosophy' right there.

How do you go viral on WhatsApp? A few Lols in a group chat?

Next doors wind chimes. These are supposed to be soothing, calming even. Hers sounds like someone’s pushed a shopping trolley full of broken crockery down a flight of never ending stairs. A covert operation with a pair of scissors is needed me thinks.

I'll admit to be going a little deaf, but I really don't think it's me that has the problem when talking to some numpties on the phone.

Maybe they have headsets on, maybe the line is bad, maybe there is background noise, but talking fast (and rudely) is not going to help in the communications.

You're supposed to be customer orientated when on the phone you ****ard...show some respect and considered why I have to get you to repeat every question 2 or 3 times.

Really just want to hang up sometimes and call back later in the hope of getting someone different on the line.

I feel your pain.

Paying top dollar for a ps4 and fifa20. Commencing career mode and then getting dropped virtually every ******* game. This shitty toy I splashed out on is f*cking trolling me surely?

Are you playing the career of Jordon Mutch or someone?

Gregg Wallace.


( and reverb.com )

You wana try NBA2K.

82 game season, getting better throughout, sweep the first two playoff series only to get beat in the final play of the final game of the conference finals because there is some sort of untouchable characteristic attached to Lebron James meaning no matter what you do he scores.

The short answer is yes - sports games are a ******* nightmare.

You’ll keep playing though.

Yep. Some people are loving this situation, and I think they don't want it to end.

Pardon?