Gino D'Campo

50 Shades of Gammon

When you’re in a lift and someone thinks it’s ok to try and get out first from the back.
Literally wait 5 seconds, we’re all getting out.

Commentary pieces in the media on the days news; eg “Inflation hits a record high 10.4%, Here’s what it means for you.”
1. You don’t know me, you have no idea what it means for me specifically.
2. Generally speaking why would anyone think it was anything that required further explanation anyway.
3. Where will this kind of space filling nonsense stop(
“Your airplane has just been taken over by murderous psychotic terrorists; Here’s what it means for you.” or
“Your leg has been caught in a threshing machine; Here’s what it means for you.”

Grrrr.

Did they know you were all getting out? Maybe they were worried that the people in front of them wouldn't get off and they'd be stuck.

Finding out that Th~m~s H~rdy set some of his so-called "novels" in the place I'm moving to next week.

Why is that annoying (genuine question)?

Because of Sam Spade of this parish.

have you got a weird keyboard set or is it a quiz - I think I know the answer and can I claim my prize?

While here - do you mean the village or the specific house

Shaftesbury aka Shaston, one of many of the places his legacy has infected.

Didn't realise Dorchester Prison was still open for business, so to speak.

So you actually are going to be west country boy again? Good luck with the move.

hope the move goes well

Yep - first time in almost 30 years. Cheers Steve (and welt).

I think one would probably need an ebike for that Hovis hill.

So we won’t be seeing you at Selhurst Park?

Good luck with the move. And Hill isn’t quite as steep as the camera made it look…

I have inhabited the West Country now for 33 years and you will be devilishly close. I will round up a pitch fork mob and set your thatch ablaze as soon as you’re settled.

As long as you don't stoop as low as a Susan George arse rape as a terror tactic.

It's a lot steeper than the roads up to Crystal Palace.

I'm wondering actually. I have walked up in both places and I suspect that Gypsy Hill has a steeper rake in parts.


Not 100% sure, I confess.

Most people just wait for the doors to open and say excuse me.
But there are other people in the world like you.

According to veloviewer, Gypsy Hill has an average gradient of 5.8% and a max of 8.5% (the measured segment is 0.9km); whilst Gold Hill is av 16.5% max 21.6% (but is only 0.1km). So not even close, I'm afraid. It may be the difference in length explains the impression you have.

Always found Milestone Road a challenge.

Groups of people who stop to chat at shop entrances

Thanks Maz. And, no. Moving away from the Great Wen gives me another good excuse not to visit Fortress Slhurst.

Also, that hill is a bastard.

Also x2, what annoys me is wankers like me hijacking threads.

That’s about 30 miles away from here, which should, hopefully, be sufficient. :)

Good luck with the move wcb.

Cheers Blind. We almost moved to Weymouth which is even closer. I think what I will miss most about my part of London is the variety of wildlife. All I could see in Shaston were pigeons (feral and wood), jackdaws, magpies, starlings and house sparrows.

How has Rula taken the news?

It gives me great pleasure to say a) you must be right and b) thank you for taking the trouble to be pedantic ; in this case it was useful!


(Although I did chuckle at veloviewer ;) )

Thank you. I was just genuinely interested in how steep the Hovis hill was (and veloviewer is a great site for hill profiles, albeit from a cyclist's perspective).

Yeah, sorry about that.

Alot of people are unable to communicate with their months on trains etc.

Would rather be rude barging past than clear the way with a request first.

Weymouth even closer ?? No - I assure you, it's much further. I assume you're talking about the distance from Selhurst - that surely should be your reference point. And Shaftesbury to Gillingham is just a short hop, and then via train it's just a skip to Clapham, followed by a jump to Selhurst. Less than 3 hours door to door. You have no excuse. Shaftesbury Abbey used to be a site of pilgrimage so you can swap one holy ground for another.

Amazingly enough Mal you are talking out of your arse. Weymouth is closer to Chez Blind than Shaftesbury is, and that is what I was talking about. I am fully aware of how to get to London from Shaftesbury via public transport.

Returning to things that cause annoyance - surely those who look for reasons, no matter how weak, to avoid attending Selhurst must be near the top of the list.

Are medical reasons OK with you in your Ivory Tower?

You're such an easy target (even easier than Welt ! ) that I feel I'm sure to spot you when I'm next driving through your new neck of the woods. :hi:

I'm not sure people of your vintage should be allowed behind the wheel.

Hardy foresaw wcb’s eventual homecoming of course. The wonderful “The Return of the Native”.I recommend it.

First thing I do when I move will be to turn the Gold Hill Museum into The Interactive Ridley Scott Experience™.

Unless he was part of the #MeToo/Epstein lot obviously.

:)

I know. Terrible, isn't it. But don't worry, if you're relocating next week I'll be well out of Shaftesbury by then. But watch out in mid-Sept. I'll try and do the same.

Done well for a scally, chored Paul Young's guitars..

Yes, leave the women's work to women right.

That’s rather sexist isn’t it? I couldn’t possibly agree.

Perhaps you have male staff who do the supermarket shops for you? Or perhaps you buy all your produce from local independent stores. Surely you don't buy online? :D

Good lord, no. But the rule that operates in my house is that those who enjoy a job, or are more expert at it, tend to commandeer it. Yup

:D

What if you don't enjoy any job?

We negotiate of course!!

Good luck with the move.

I see a former resident was Cnůt the Great, I'll leave the joke to someone else.

I wouldn't say I'm great.

Good luck with the move, I hope it goes better tha ours has just been.

Bought a new place, moved in on the FRiday afternoon to find the bastards had stripped the place....light fittings, water heater...even the batteries out of the remote control for the air con, had to get the lawyers involved to get the bastards to replace the water heater.

Since then we've discovered the oven doesnt work, the halogen hob is faulty so one ring doesnt turn off without being reset by turning of the fuse.

To cap it all, we have had to rehome our beutiful Mastin dog as he wouldnt settle in the place and refused to use the large area we had chosen for him to be his "area". As a consequence we have been abused by a dog sanctuary who have slandered us in terms of opur treatment of the dog...theyve been very clever and not used our names in the slander. This has caused a huge amount of stress and strain, divorce is on the cards and my wife is now suffering from depression.

Eh?

He was convicted of burgling Paul Young's house years ago.

Good grief, Pete - sorry to read that liturgy of woe. Hope things improve soon.

Out of interest, how long did you allow for your dog to settle ?

Bloody hell Pedro, that is awful. I have nothing constructive to add I'm afraid but just hope it all gets sorted for the good asap (and thank you).

We gave him a week, but it was obvious from day one it wasnt going to work. He was a nervy dog anyway, but we had 2000 square metres of land for him to run around in before, we are now in a 3 bed house with a massive area under the house, not a cellar I hasten to add, for him which he just wouldnt enter. My wife and I took turns every night sitting up with him to calm him and reassure him but he just wouldnt have it.

Genuine question. Is a week long enough? I know it took our cat nearly 10 to 12 weeks to even begin to adjust to a new environment.

Our cat settled in 2 hours. I cant really emphasise how big Baloo is, he is extremely strong and if anything spooks him all he wants to do is get out, anyway and to anywhere. He took out a heavy wooden gate at our old house, the week he was here he tried to get through a barred window at the front of the house, scratched and pulled down a load of cables that were by the back door where he was trying to claw his way in, he couldve electrcuted himself.

When he was in the house he would charge the front door, scratch at it and pace around the ground floor, and then we had a thunderstorm....he was going to hurt himself and he was so stressed and unsettled, we had to make a decision that was best for him, which is when the dog sanctuary got involved....

Crikey Pete I’m so sorry to read this. I can’t offer any advice just BBS support

Black wheels on blue cars.

Cats in Dog sanctuaries.

Sorry to hear this Peter.

Not what you need when it's stressful enough moving house.

Especial sorry to hear about your dog... poor guy.

Neighbours. Again.

Apparently its ok to have a party in your back garden with a karaoke machine until 3am but if I give the referee a right earful at 10:30am it's worthy of a complaint. Twats.

Sorry to read about your poor experiences Pete.

Glad it's not just me

Premiership players wages. Obscene !!!!

Paying cash at a self check out and getting all the change in 5p pieces.

Can't remember the last time I paid for something in cash.

Paid cash at the barbers this morning, other than that it's usually tap and beep

Camp Lejeune emails- like 5 every day

What is camp Lejeune?

Well according to wikpoodia it's a army base in America

There was a major scandal many moons ago about contaminated water and I heartily sympathise.

But I've never been in the military
Never been to the states
As I was naughty in my youth, they won't let me in anyway so I never will

But still mega spammed by some thunde***** with an email like uuueshgakdka@hdhsakak.com

Yes we all get loads of these on a daily basis, but this is particularly random

Just drugs and high class hookers these days

Although I imagine high class hookers carry a chip and pin machine these days.

That is very random to get spammed by.

I've been getting Camp Lejeune emails too recently. Makes a chance from the usual ones, which have sadly evolved as I have got older - rather than "Meet hot young singles" I now get erectile dysfunction, hair loss & funeral plans

Gregg Wallace.

I hate the way the other one says 'Parsta'

and 'Yo gurt'

Without a doubt.

I too get the emails, but we also get the TV ads from the class action lawyers on the TV.

Annoying thing about the emails is I can't get them to automatically go to spam/junk. I have to individually delete them as they show up. Getting a few like this recently.

Torode is a foreign and they speak funny, whereas Wallace is an utter ****.

People saying snuck..

And hanged, instead of hung

I'm sure most men would rather be hung than hanged.;)

I am having a debate with myself about this.

'Wilf snuck in and nicked the ball of the sleeping defender...'

Is that usage a no-no?


Whereas, 'I snuck a snickers today, bloody lovely it was.'

Hung for everything except for an execution, then it's hanged.

'Snuck a snuke up your sniz'?

Tony Cascarino say "I don't know where he digged that up from"

Tony Cascarino?

You've really digged that up from somewhere

People who say "heighth" rather than "height" particularly irritate me.

Aks instead of ask.

Never ever quite understood how that one came about.

It's patois origin isn't it?

Its West Indian in origin, all my Jamaican mates say "Arkst"

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He's left us hunging

Presumably Aldershot is in abroad for tax evasion purposes.

Anyway, here's what the son of the co-translator of Asterix has to say:

‘Matty’ Cash

The name Matty