Your boat looks to big for your puddle!

:D:D
Not my boat,just a cut back from Shoebury beach.That dog will not be told:p

Threads in capitals

RESIGN
BIG SAM
SUPA AL MUST STAY

Peston on Sunday. Possibly the worst political programme I've ever watched.
How the f*ck does that stay on the air?

Snivelling, sniffing twats sitting in a quiet lecture theatre.

Buy some f*cking tissues you moron.

Multiple threads about the same thing. And then with moronic additions like 'the final version.' Yeah, course it is. Until next weekend. Or tomorrow.

this bad ******* Palace mood not going anywhere yet

don't like being this irritable

Virgin f&cking mobile. Waiting on hold listening to crappy happy music when I just want to reach down the phone line and rip someones throat out.

You need a f*cking long arm if they're in India.

People who are so self absorbed they are completely unaware of what a dick they are. Regular readers will know im back at my favorite co worker who im at war with for sink etiquette.

Today she has topped that by ringing up another co worker, who an hour previous had to go to the vets to put her dog down, to ask whether she could use her office parking space today as she wasn't now going to be in. (3 out of the 4 of us pay for car park spots in the building, she refuses to as parking elsewhere saves her about $1 a day in parking fees)

All to save herself a few quid as she was an hour late to work as it was and so missed out on her usual early bird car park charge and wants to save a few dollars topping up the meter. Not once acknowledging what the other coworker had just gone through.

She sounds a real gem...

My annoyance of the day is getting 4 days off work, catching up on a lot of lost sleep and getting some good R & R only to not be able to sleep and toss and turn all last night so back at work today I feel exhausted again.

Squeezy Marmite jars. Fvcking joke.

It must have been noted before but... rucksack wearers (both straps on) on crowded trains and people with a general lack of spatial awareness. And don't pretend to be looking at your phone, we know who you are.

Stalkers

That's disgusting. Aren't you tempted to have a word?

Catching up on lost sleep is apparantly a myth.

Online electrical suppliers who take your money, piss you around with excuses for not delivering your order, refuse to answer emails when you try to cancel then close down/go bust/do a runner with the cash. *****.

Get this bastard

iPhone died last week.

So no phone since last Monday.

New phone arrives yesterday.

Set it up and etc and put it on charge overnight whilst leaving it on as have an alarm set.

At precisely 4.34 this morning, a whole shit load of texts from last week ping through and wake me and the Mrs up. Not knowing wtf was going on, checked my phone. Only to see the following texts arriving from various mates between 4.15 to 4.55 on Saturday

'**** me mate wtf are you lot doing ?'

'You're going down mate'

'Come back on?'

'Get in - pardew the man'

'**** me sideways !'

'Eeeeeeeaaaaaagggggllleeeessssss'

'Bollox'

'Oh my'

'Shit. Sorry pal'

'You really are going down'

Couldn't get back to sleep

Bastard

The last two texts of "Couldn't get back to sleep" and "Bastard" were presumably from the same person ? :D

Adults on skateboards.

Mill Road in Cambridge. If you thought Islington, shoreditch, box park was hip and trendy, this road is a 2 mile long string of unfettered boho bollox. Today I saw a 50 year old on a red Raleigh chopper mark 1 cycling down the middle of it. I wanted a loaded gun.

:D

Yup

It was either roll over and tup the mrs or go and have a shower and go to work.

And to top it off, the shower was feckin cold

Adults on kids scooters,:jerkit:

Kids on kids scooters. Parents letting their spoilt brats run havoc around supermarkets, shopping centres and pavements in particular.

People taking their dogs in to shops - seems it's becoming increasingly tolerated.

Never seen this, not even in Hollyoaks. Good grief what is the world coming to :veryangry

There's a restaurant down the road from us that welcomes dogs.

Korean BBQ?

:lux::lux:

I live in Cambridge. You didn't meet Disco Kenny too, did you?

To get a bit high and mighty ...

Excess "hidden" salt in processed foods/cereals/meals etc. Obviously some is needed - I know it is a flavour enhancer -, but that much? (One Oxo cube = 1.8g salt (30%) ffs! If it were me, I would add a few more herbs and spices.

Having just left hospital after 6 weeks following a 4-way by-pass and aortic valve replacement (complications before and after), salt intake is just one thing I need to monitor very carefully. I will ideally need to have less than the 6g per day recommended for adults. It is frightening how much there is, sometimes where you might least expect it.
e.g. A day's meals:
Sandwich (2 small slices wholemeal bread/fish paste for flavour) = 1.4g (most in the bread).
Can Baxters Country Vegetable Soup = 2.3g. I could reduce that considerably if I make my own.
Sainsbury Lamb Hotpot = 2.6g. Again, I could reduce that considerably if I make my own.
Total = 6.3g!!

Going to take a lot of label-reading/planning and/or a lot more home cooking.


Oh, and ban kids on wheely trainers too (probably done before tho')

Amazon marketplace sellers that indicate you will receive you items well before Christmas then when your order has been dispatched the deliver date suddenly changes to 23-30 December.

Useless *****.

Does that bloke dressed as a viking still ride his motorbike around Cambridge?

BBC1 HD on freeview.

Why can't they show the London news? It's the same transmitters, even ITV have been managing it for seven years!

And not only does the picture suddenly switch to a piece of text telling me to change channels for local programming, after a couple of minutes of that it then cuts to the same old clips of Graham bloody Norton, whose show must be even lazier and more out of date than their broadcasting software.

There may not be much on the local news, but that's not the point!

The phrase "digging you out" or some such variation.

Manchester ******* City messing up my acca tonight because they couldn't give a **** and prefer to pass backwards than win the ******* game.

Idiots who put their feet on train seats and then argue the toss about how the message was delivered. Cos that's exactly the ******* point. For the record it was pointed out simply and politely. That changed once it wax clear how ******* selfish and stupid the recipient was.

facebook everybodies bloody christmas trees so bored of it already

People who talk on trains about work,not the interesting people/relationships stuff but the stuff like emails and meetings that should kept in the office. Boring.

People who stand still on railway station steps,often looking at their mobiles,and getting in other people's way.

Fresh air fiends who can't seem to close doors in offices,especially at this time of the year.

[QUOTE=cappuccinoeagle;13355210

People who stand still on railway station steps,often looking at their mobiles,and getting in other people's .[/QUOTE]

People who stand/sit on the steps leading down to the Arthur when the rest of us are trying to get in.

People who spit in the street, revolting.

This new thing on Facebook of short sentences in larger text, just highlighting even further the utter banality of it all.

Yes! Such as shit phrase.

Yes I am looking at you KoW

other people....

I'm at training. The person next to me is either biting her nails in a very loud way or sucking her fingers.

Keep an eye on where she puts them in between.

The cat eating bits off the Christmas tree and puking up at 6am the last 2 days..

Pebbles.

Cats & xmas decorations don't mix gold. It's a handy reason for me not to have any*.

*decorations obviously.

The Red Cross. I once made the mistake of donating to them via direct debit. Ever since I've been bombarded with more junk mail from then than Virgin Media have sent me. I've yet found a way of stopping them sending me a pen and card set each month.
If you donate to them aeons have more influence than me please ask then to stop

People who dont take the shortest route (i.e a straight line) along a crossing and instead think its ok to walk halfway down the road whilst you wait for them to get on the pavement.

http://i.imgur.com/5l4fTnL.jpg?2

I have four of the little sods doing it. Sparkling piles of sick all over the house. Impossible to locate in daylight, but easy to find in the dark when barefoot.

Unfortunately most charities are the same, though mostly without the pens. I eventually get fed up and stop sending anything, but then feel guilty until a new one contacts me and then the whole rigmarole starts again....

I think it should be made legal to run them over if they do this.

Sniffers and coughers in the office. Stay at home you imbeciles.

Christmas shlt. Mince pies, turkey, Christmas pudding, brandy butter, mulled wine, et al. If this stuff was actually nice, I'd be eating it all year round. Just fvck it off.

Charities Christmas appeals (mainly on TV, but also in the rags). If homeless people were so important, why not help them all year round. Just because it's Christmas seems a bit of a token effort, and a bit cynical in that the advertisers are using a religious festival as a means of funds gathering.

Bah, Humbug

Christmas Jumper Day. Poor man's version of Red Nose Day & far more embarrassing for those daft enough to wear one. Saving kids is a good idea but sending the money that was paid for the stupid jumpers might have raised a lot more cash.
(One of the sponsors is Arsenal - says it all really. Sad.)

Sanctimonious ex drinkers. I don't care how great your life is now you don't suck piss. My life is absolutely shit and meaningless without alcohol so talk to the hand.

:D

Had a livener or 2 tonight mate ?

I don't drink.

:D

Gary Lineker sharing his opinions on Twitter.

Southern softie

GET SOME ALE DOWN YA !

Sorry for shouting

Myself when I get annoyed

Gary Lineker is a man who is having a very long mid life crisis if you ask me. Needs to be replaced on MOTD

ain't that the point?

Ellipses. Like ffs why not just use a ******* full stop or a comma like a ******* normal person?

Stupid people like this that want sympathy for their own stupid stupidity:

http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/149.../?ref=mrb&lp=7

The closure of Tower Bridge

Not a lot of ******* good open is it?:D

Depends if you're a big boat or not, I guess

Motorists with "baby on board" stickers in the back window who drive like ****s

Getting told by someone I have never seen before when I was unlocking the door to my house that nobody lives in it.

I have lived there since I was 4 so I will know better than anyone else.

Wow ! So you've never seen them and they've never seen you in 18 years ? Spooky ....

not having sex

I dunno, it does show him up as a twat more andmore.

I've seen what you've done there....

:lux:

Maybe you need to smarten up your house, it looks unlived in:supergrin:

Blood-curdling stuff. Be on your guard.

When we first moved into our latest home, an old house built in the early 19th Century; one of the neighbours friendly young children knocked on our door for a chat and preceded to tell us that 'did we know that there's a dead old lady buried under our floorboards?.' :eek:

How's that for a housewarming greeting :supergrin:

It must be one of the nicest looking empty houses around but maybe I should finish sorting the garden out. :)

The size of the revometer on my dashboard. Who gives a fvck?

Collar up on an overcoat.
Ooh, that piece of felt intimidates me. You must live in a mansion.

Probably my age, but what's with those earrings that stretch the ear lobes so it basically looks like you have a massive hole in your ear? And why?

The little scamps probably did it.

Playing football, and being in total pain... not aching, but pain. Getting old is so depressing. I asked the ref how long left, thinking we were edging towards the final whistle. He replied 24 mins, I could have cried.
I hate getting old. It's just shit, no plus points at all.

:) She probably reneged on their car-watching agreement.

....you knock on your new neighbour's door to get some more information about this tragedy, and they kindly ask you in for a cup of tea.

As you recount the tale, you notice on the mantelpiece an old photo of a child. A little girl, identical to the one who informed you of the ghastly tale.

"Look, that's her"....you say, pointing at the faded black and white picture in the photo frame. That's the young scamp who told me of the dead lady under our floorboards", you say.

The elderly neighbours looked shocked and confused.

"I think you must be mistaken Mr Bubbs11", the old couple laughed..."That's a very old picture of 'Nellie' , the lady who used to live at your new house...that picture was taken eighty years ago...when she was just a child".

A shiver runs down your spine..... as you realise it's 10 minutes to three, and you'll miss the kick off if you don't stop arsing around.

Not dying young?

Used to sing along with ''Hope I die before I get old''. Now I want to live ,live I tell you I have so much to offer and so li................................................

Maybe you could drive a train instead and help get me home?

Bottles of sparkling mineral water in my local Coles supermarket carrying a Health Star Rating of 5/5.

“I must have walked less than a metre from my car, leaving it for literally a few seconds to pick up the scraper and this man just jumped in and drove off."
Quote from the Oxford Mail story...would u believe this woman's profession is as a CARER? She can't even watch her own car for 5 seconds! Gotta laugh....

Breathing air that would otherwise be wasted on feckless millenials?

People with iPhones that think they are superior because you don't have one. I personally prefer Samsung, that's my ******* choice. Some spotty new kid at work turned round to me the other day and said "why have you not got an iphone" like I'm strange because I don't. It's not the first time though. **** off to the Apple shop and leave me alone.

You can't afford one can you ?

Palace supporters who claim to have been the best supporter ever until 19** when their circumstances changed and have been twice in the last 5 seasons and expect tickets for big games