They're on the lesser known channels for the most part, but still.

"We'll send you a monthly update as to the progress of Roderick, your very own dolphin"....

'ks sake. :rolleyes:

Spotify restricting accounts to playing music on one device at a time, meaning I often go to play something but end up having to find where I'm apparently already using it. I pay £10 a month for this, stop being such a pain in the arse

Tom Kerridge's gastro-banter

Shisha bars opening in croydon flouting smoking ban, yet pubs are shutting down?

Really? How do they do that? Just curious how they can get around it.

He's actually worse than Oliver, which takes some doing.
Lush!

because its not smoking. Vapour is expelled into the atmosphere, not tobacco smoke.

agree he has become a real prick of the highest order, shame as I used to like him

The way 4 or 5 people sit around one side of a dinner table so the camera can get a good view of everyone in soaps. I know there's not much more of a way around it but they do it ok on Sunday Supplement. Tiny table with the whole family crammed round one half of the table. Sunday Supplement they have fat bastards sitting properly although not one of the pigs seem to touch a even a bit of toast. And on Corrie they're always eating Shepherd's pie every night. In every house. Well except the Pakistani one.

I noticed that as well, they have cottage pie.......bastards

Isn't it.

PS Dev pisses me off too. Serves him right now for having two complete munters wanting to drink his corner shop jiss.

People who talk on the phone while eating.

HMRC

Doorbell ringing Jesus freaks. Your welcome to hold whatever religious beliefs you wish but don't waste my time banging on my door trying to convert me to the ways of your particular deity.

Stop waking me up on Saturdays and stop dragging your poor sprog door to door with you as part of your sermon. *****.

Building sites in the City. Do the noisy stuff at weekends or at night.

People who wear a scarf indoors. Makes my blood boil.

Ah yes. It's up there with people who wear a scarf with a t-shirt.

That too!

Me: Do you believe that, as creator of the universe, God knows everything that has happened and everything that WILL happen?
God botherer: Yes. God is all seeing and all knowing.
Me: Therefore he already knows the outcome of this conversation. Why are you still on my ******* doorstep?

Wearing hats indoors is even worse--does the bloody roof leak?


and and and -- jeez--- That look which i reckon is a look a like for Justin Beiber baseball cap in reverse,why? and that low slung arse style with the jeans,why?.

Celebrating goals with a pre choreographed dance routine... Like Sturridge.

Was at a christening recently and the vicar stopped to politely ask a man to remove his hat and another to stop chewing gum. Instead of being mortified with embarrassment they both had looks of pure indignation.

Nothing says 'annoying preppy schoolboy' more than Patrick Bamford and that ultimate shit haircut.

Dwight Gayle and Frazier Campbell against Liverpool as well

People who cannot park properly.
Don't they realise those straight white lines are an indication of where the car should end up?

People who think these things matter. That bastard chewing gum has ruined everything!

Its called respect

Sunglasses on the tube.

.................................

:eek:

This abomination of a 'hairstyle'

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com...f8139a4251.jpg

Traffic lights that have those black plastic filters over them so that often you can't actually see the colours of the lights at all. I guess they are designed for complicated junctions where other waiting traffic could accidentally read a 'green' but often I find them totally unreadable even when directly in front of you. FFS - are the lights green or red?! Ridiculous!

^

Wavey arm twats in general, but sturridge and moreno sidekick, especially.

Celebrating in front of the oppostion full stop, in fact.

I've found that, in these situations, the best thing to do is just to close your eyes and keep on going and hoping for the best.

So far so good.

The light at the top will be red. The one at the bottom green.

Sharlene Spiteri of Texas talking about her music industry longevity

What about my favourite, amber gambler?

Your face

Gareth Davies disagrees with this.

Jamie Smith looked terrified.

People who don't adjust their headlights correctly or fit a bulb so it points up in the air. Do they not see where the headlight beam is directed ? Bloody annoying and dangerous at the same time. And anyone with xenon headlights .. Even worse.

Modern-day cinema goers. Talk throughout the film? Repeatedly boot the chair in front? No problem. :veryangry

Went to the cinema the other day, bloke the row along brought in a Chinese takeaway. Why would you?

Because it's cheaper than buying popcorn?

Can we add commuters with foldaway bikes and the air of smugness they walk (well cycle with) please

This is the most shocking thing I've heard today, and I have looked at the all-chelsea-fans-are-racist thread.

Unblievable. If they're doing it with chinese takaway, they must be doing it with other hot food. Disgusting.

The most shocking thing I've ever seen in a cinema, was a woman pleasuring her man whilst other men looked on, but that was in an adult cinema in Amsterdam.

Very good. On trams, too, because it gets round the rule about not taking bikes onto them.

People playing the corporate game to the max. The sort who walk round with that fixed grin all day, kiss the arse of the VPs, laugh at their shit jokes and ask how their kids are and stride 'purposefully' even if its going for a piss.

Yes, these fckers annoy me.

People who can't apostrophise k's properly. :rolleyes:

People who don't drive at consistent speed, especially on motorways!

Whether you are going to drive at 60, 70 or even 80mph can you not stay at that speed ? Are your leg muscles too weak to do so ?

Always annoyingly stupid to have some tosser fly up behind you and tailgate you until you move out of their way but then realise 10 mins later that you're passing same tosser because they've now decided to inexplicably drop their speed by 20mph after trying to kill you getting by you earlier as if on the way to a serious emergency :grrr:

Many many many years ago I went on a stag do to Amsterdam we all went into a show about 11am called Ted and Tina. Tina was a fat old munter and Ted was a big teddy bear with a strap on. We were just pissing ourselves until she asked who wanted to take the place of Ted, then we all ran out the place shitting ourselves.

I hadn't even started my aromatic duck yet.

Many of the cinemas over here have tables to put your food on

http://static.ipictheaters.com/20111.../westwood6.jpg
http://static.ipictheaters.com/20111.../westwood7.jpg

Note the extra wide seats to accommodate lardy arses

Very civilised. What are the blue things?

I'd probably volunteer if I was on my own. At the end of the day, all you're doing is putting on a belt.

I did volunteer to do the banana nonsense. Don't know if they still do it. That was by myself as well.

not sure what the black things are but the blue is from a little light so you can see what calorific pile of fatty junk you're eating.

Wall plug sockets that have nothing plugged in but are set to "on".

to be fair, I'd quite like them over here. I'm the kind of weird bastard that eats stuff like Starburst in an order but I can barely see what flavour they are unless I put it right in front of my face

People that drive with fog lights on even there is absolutely no fog.

Even worse are people that drive with fog lights on and headlights off. I think it is some kind of deluded thought that it makes their car look cool. It doesn't.

BBC 'News'

All new cars from 2014 have to have sidelights on the front now permanently on. Its law now in the UK.

In Oxfordshire, there is an Italian restaurant.

And upstairs there is a cinema.

Best of both worlds.

People that bang on about the gym. No one gives a flying f*ck if you rode 33 miles yesterday ..

Or Lorry drivers that decide to overtake another Lorry at 63mph

People who stand infront of the doors when you're trying to get off the tube.

When you're at a bus stop in a queue and when the bus comes people try to bus to the front.

When people sit on the asile seat and then put their bag on the inside seat so you cant sit down.

Transport wankers

My mate took a date and she opened her bag and pulled out a square pie meal.
Not sure if he was impressed or disgusted.

Fat people who can't put their arms by their sides while walking down the middle of the pavement. Their arms have to swing out at a 90 degree angle to their body making overtaking a hazardous and drawn out affair.

Just right for watching Spaghetti Westerns

So the electricity leaks out?

Bosses who completely skew the balance between minor administrative issues and actual output.

Example:

Come in every day after 9am but do a 50 hour week and receive platitudes from internal and external stakeholders = disciplinary action.

Come in dead on 9am, spend exactly seven hours in the office and do nothing but spend your time wandering about, on your mobile or on Facebook = promotion, unfettered overtime and smoke blown up your arse.

I guess that's to stop people sharing accounts. You can download your playlists and listen offline to avoid (just have to connect every 30 days)

Getting on a crowded train but a few seats are available through the carriage. Person in front stops at first one but rather than sitting down and getting out the facking way decides to take coat off, sort their bag, etc. meanwhile, all seats fill up from people coming down from other end of carriage.

Best of You by the Foo Fighters

People who insist on making a mad dash across a busy street forcing drivers to brake when there is a zebra crossing not more than ten yards away.

On a 2 lane motorway, uphill (yes M11, I'm looking at you)

You would enjoy Death Race 2000.

Are you saying punctuality is less important than productivity?

Parents who do their children's school artwork. Especially the ones who are found out when their little darling says, 'Mummy, you didn't do the bricks very well'. What's the f****** point. She's 8 years of age. Just let her do it herself and butt out. If it's crap (which it will be), it's crap. That's the joy.

Bookkeepers that don't understand how prepayments work meaning you've got to go through all the accounts again before preparing the monthly management accounts for the board.

(sorry, bit specialist :D)

And diagonally as well. Why not straight - it's quicker and safer.

People at work booking their car in for service and without even prompting reeling off the numberplate in the phonetic alphabet..

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo India November Golf Tango Whisky Alpha Tango Sierras...the lot of em.

An incident in the supermarket carpark annoyed the hell out of me. As I headed down the row to my car I passed an elderly lady clearly waiting in her car for someone to leave. It turns out the next person to leave, clearly her target was in the space next to me. I dropped my stuff in the boot and, got in and turned the key. In the time taken to do my seat belt the other other car pulled out . No problem, they were there first, Before I could move though the old lady moved up and ensured I couldn't move before spending the next two or three minutes wiggling herself into the space. If she had been patient I could have left inside 20 seconds leaving her with... at least most of the space her driving skills or lack of them required. Why?

Pedestrians in the road using mobile phones. Complete f*cking idiots.
Pavement cyclists. Nearly got hit by one as I came out my garden this morning, he was doing about 20mph. I think it's one of those instances where kicking them over is absolutely justified. Morons.

Rail commuters who moan about commuting. It's always been shit and always will be shit, if you don't like it either use a different mode of transport, or get a job somewhere else that is more local to you where you don't need to get the train.

Especially if the other one is doing 62 mph

I wish that were true. I'm sure he's read avidly in Sutton

People who not only walk slowly but also cannot walk straight and gradually drift across your path making overtaking them difficult.
People who walk down the escalators at a tube/train station but then suddenly stop at the bottom for some unknown reason.
Being bombarded by Jehovah's Witnesses trying to hand out their books/leaflets wherever you walk in central London.
People with umbrellas the size of a marquee who then decide not to make any effort to move for anyone.
In a pub, people (mainly older blokes) that insist of sitting/standing and drinking at bar. Get out of my way! I am trying to get served!
Paying £4.50 plus for a beer in some central London pubs :(

Good news! You only have to go as far as SE19 for that now.

Cyclists with headphones. Do they have a death wish?

Letting somebody out at a junction, only for them to dither like hell at every junction and crawl ten mile an hour below the speed limit for the next 3 miles.
Oh and Nissan Micra's.

Chatshows,celebs touting their latest wares
Chatshow host, Jonathan 'Smug' Ross
Televised award ceremonies,waste of time,just give me the results
BBC London Local News,takes half an hour,and covers trivia from Hertfordshire etc.

Can't believe this hasn't been banned yet

Pedestrians with headphones on combined footpath / cyclepaths who also can't walk in a straight line

The fact that so many modern cars seem to have had their indicators removed

West ham

You are very good with the visuals :p

I saw the original but didn't put it up because it seemed ancient!

Could be worth a couple of minutes of your time to pick up a few.

When the canvassers come knocking soon, answer the door with them and say, "Nice to see you. Now, can I interest you.......". Guarantee they will be halfway down the path before you get any further.. :D

#hashtags

Skunk smokers who still think it's :cool:

I used to but now -GO AWAY FLYING DEMONS!

Rory Bremner

£4.10 for a shitty Fosters in Center Parcs. Shocking

Brian the crappy confused.com robot.

I would happily take a crowbar to him. After he's told me where to find one.