:veryangry

High winds.

And weak fences.

People who stand drinking by the bar in a packed pub, specially when they stretch their fvcking arms out

It would be nice if when introducing a "google tax" people put in a provision that said "This section only applies if you are Google".

Yes but why so much now about cricket, especially reporting on New Zealand arriving home after the World Cup?

One Sunday morning they started with all the Premier goals from the teams they wank over. Then went on to cricket for ages. Then went back to the 'shit' teams goals in the third part of the hourly programme. Just be normal and show all the games then go to a different sport.

Expand your cultural and sporting hinterland, son

No. It's the football season, report on football first then fine show some tarts playing netball afterwards. And that blonde slag who wets her knickers over horse racing is another pisser.

Cricket is what people who are no good at SPORT do.

No, thats golf.

Tennis fans. Specifically Wimbledon fans.

Come on Tim.

Absolute wankers the lot of them. They know nothing about sport and tune in for two weeks a year......and they laugh at anything on the court that's out of the f****** ordinary.

Pimms drinking over priced strawberry eating non sports loving wankers.

Aww stoppit, you are far too an urbane, cosmopolitan modern man for me, sweets...

When a pigeon lands on Centre Court and everyone sperms and gushes on the seats.

If Natalie Sawyer got her bouncers out I might stfu.

Women who decide to stop in a supermarket aisle and have a chat, trolleys as much as three abreast meaning an almighty jam builds up. If you want to ******* gossip over the pointless shit that goes on in your lives use the ******* cafe upstairs you gormless bints.

Neighbours on both sides who say the fences belong to you.

If you can find out which way the tops of the fences posts slope, you can work out who owns which fence. Alternatively, which side the panels are nailed on.

think with fences the left one always yours

People who don't stop banging on about the gym. Yeah, we get it, you go to the gym lots. You don't get a medal for it and no one cares :p

Foxes - always pissing on my lawn, leaving great circles of brown dead grass. My gardener pal reckons if you scent your lawn by pissing on it, that will convince the foxes to stay clear as I would have marked my territory. I'm all for it but the missus doesn't want me waving my tadger around in full view of the neighbours.
Any help would be appreciated

Great call

Not sure you actually need to piss directly on to the lawn. Perhaps you could use a bottle of piss.....or preferably the wife's?:p

Others say the right. Also if there are little crosses on the site plan that point into your garden it means the fence is yours. Both my neighbours have showed me site plans with the crosses pointing at me. My deeds show no crosses.

Thanks Wolf, I'd have a problem fitting in the neck

Ah yes the old fitting it in the neck problem. Just ask her to open wide.

Class

Upper obviously.:p

Says the premier league footballer:rolleyes:

True

Cricket the only game that you play for a week and it ends up a draw!

This is not necessarily always the case. A 'T' mark on the sale plan usually indicates who the responsibility for the boundary or fence etc lies with. The 'T' points into the land who has responsibilty for the boundary/fence. The deeds would normally have wording to this effect and also state whether the fence has to be built or maintained in a certain manner.

Traditionally when erecting fencing, the arris rails supporting the wooden fence would be placed on the side of the owner responsible for the fence so that the 'good' side of the fence runs along the boundary line. This ensured that no part of the fence encroached onto the neighbours land. Often today, people when replacing fencing people ignore this rule and have the 'good' side facing into their own property.

Right in my case case.

The good side of my fence is on the inside of my fence, and that's the fence on my right, so you have truly fcked up my earlier logic-come-beliefs regarding the fence.

What, it's on the right or its right that it's on the left ?

Agreed 100%.

If I look out of my back window, the fence to the right has the panels nailed on to it from my side of the garden, so clearly the fence has been put up from my side. The fence on the left: the posts slant at the top in such a way that it suggests they were put in from the neighbour-to-the-left's side.

Oh what did you tell him that for ??? Bottling your piss is completely sensible in this situation, but had you not told him that then it could have been hilarious , especially when he's caught by the outside night light at midnight :D

Lobbing it out of the upstairs bedroom window onto the unsuspecting mother in law would be better though surely?:D

Fences? I hate fences.
Has to be walls.

Sorry :(

In the retro category I've just been reminded how much having to sit through Showaddywaddy as a kid annoyed the fck out of me.

A boring driving hate.

So I'm cruising along and a car is at a junction on the right of me. It's busy behind me but no cars coming towards me. I stop and flash the car signalling them to come out in front of me. Oh nope they were going left and just not indicating.

Scum

Oh and one more. Having your dinner - falling asleep at 8 on the sofa and waking up and 10 and being wide awake at bed time!

Shit April fools jokes.

People who play music in their cars so loud that it makes the windows vibrate, drowns out your conversation, or the tv in your house, your phone conversation, or anything else.

I always wonder if they actually enjoy having the music at such ear splittingly loud volumes, or just do it to impress. Unfortunate if the latter, because most people seem to think they are attention seeking dicks.

What about when you call someone and they've got the TV blaring out in the background and they keep saying "I'm sorry I can't hear you"..... TURN THE TV DOWN YOU MUPPET !

The silent T in today's spoken word, closely followed by 'so...ooooo' as in it was so...oooo lovely.

Harvey Keitel annihilating the characther of Winston Wolf in those appalling direct line adverts.

You can't need the money, surely?

Overpriced organic 'I saw you coming' style food markets and the pretentious arseholes that use them. Stick any combination of the words artisan, rustic, organic, sustainable and locally sourced on a pile of dog shit and they'd be falling over themselves to use it in their latest farmhouse quinoa salad.

"...there is a stall selling bioidynamic and organic wine - I think they were doing tasters and the grain stall looks good too - they are selling organic tuscan olive oil and balsamic which seemed pretty reasonably priced but you need to take your own containers."

**** off.

moon cups.

Hmm telephones. I worked in recruitment for Royal Mail, and people would call up for a job from railway platforms as noisy trains thundered past.

It also annoys me when people call you up, and are having a conversation with someone else when you answer, and/or when the first thing they say (even though they've called you) is 'can you hold on a second'?

Vs

Waitresses in a hotel plonking the food down and just shouting 'ENJOY'. Aren't there other words you should be adding around this command? And i shall decide thank you.

Formatting a CD

Nuisance telephone sales calls, and compensation claim companies.

12.5% service charge for bring two plates of food and two drinks and a bill over.
Well done

Took your advice Wolf, and tried your bottle technique. Unfortunately foxes returned and carried on pissing as before. Prob is that with a bottle, piss tends to come out too fast and only cover small area so foxes simply circumvent it.

The swinging tadger technique will surely cover a wider area, if I go for the arc effect along the borders. One of our neighbours has agreed to help, thus removing the possibility of a midnight visit by Mr Plod.

Thanks for your advice anyway.

Next problem is to stop the geese Poyeting on our lawn.
It really feels like the Alamo here!

Why not buy a cheap watering can? With the spray nozzle you'll be able to cover a wider area.

True dat.

In fact the whole tipping culture/expectation in the US as well. Pay the ******* staff properly you *****.

Everyone should adopt the Japanese model.

I hear you bro but there is an alternative version where average and bland food is dressed up and charged at artisan rates. Where you basically get a burger and chips for stupid money, then they pad the bill out with soft drinks including kid sizes at 4-5 quid a pop.

Alternatively just pop the thumb over the end of the bottle and let it dribble out as it were. You know like adding brandy to a sauce etc. when cooking.:p

Or take a mouthful of the piss and spray spit it.

Speaking of, getting a carpenter round to quote for 11 metres of shelving and being quoted 1,100 quid to source the wood and put them up. He wasn't even worth expending the energy on to tell him to fck off. This is the trouble with living in an 'arts' type area (or the h- word) - you ask for simple quotes for stuff and you get artisan rates back, with aged worn oak wood reclaimed from a museum floor etc.. whlst they try to flog their wooden 'art' at the same time.

Something similar happens me but in a much more refined, annoying way !

Getting dozy on the couch for about 10 mins almost nodding off but eventually coming around again but then when I go to bed I can't sleep at all, it's like I had one sleepy chance at falling asleep for the whole night which I wasted and just can't do it again !

Standard behaviour in Aberdeen?

That really pisses me off. The food doesn't cost the around they charge to produce, even including in utility charges and rates. Surely then, on top of the exorbitant profit that a restaurant is making, they've factored in the cost of the staff. If that is the case, then why am I expected to pay them twice? If they don't like what they earn, get a better job. ******* parasites.

Yes. That's a bastard. The other night I went to bed after newsnight about 12ish having missed most of the programme....at 1am just as I'm dropping off the boy appears in the bedroom with "growing pains".

Sort him out and have a piss.

At 2am just as I'm dropping off having lain awake getting more and more frustrated he reappears with the same issue. Get him some Calpol from the fridge.....

At 2.30am I get a text on the phone next to the bed from P&O saying my ferry the next day may be delayed because it's a bit windy. ( have to have the phone on for work).

Eventually drop off about 3.30am before getting up at 7am. :veryangry

Girls man!!

What is the Japanese model?

TV debates. Does anyone actually decide who to vote for after watching them?

Even more useless when our melt PM doesn't want to actually debate with the opposition (without throwing in all the loons from the small parties)

Sounds like Giraffe in Blackheath Village / Bury St Edmunds (or wherever else they've sprung up but I haven't been to recently)

\I am also annoyed today at the "Moral Politics" of Boris Johnson. What are you going to do about all the London properties being bought up by home grown or foreign wealth as investment opportunities and the spiral of unaffordability faced by the average Londoner as a result? Filth just like all your Silver Spoon In Mouth peers, including the likes of Ed Milliband who would sell every principle he knew if it would get him elected.

Top tip, don't go back to the restaurant if you don't tip them in the states, they never forget a bad tipper.:D

Great to see their faces though when you don't leave a tip cos the service was SH1T.

Absolutely no tipping. You insult them if you try to pay extra.

Even taxi drivers.

Are you that bloke off the car advert who misses his team's first goal because he has to take his lad for a shit?

Same as everywhere else but they just dress it up as a sexy schoolgirl

Beards........again

Then jiss on it on a bus.

Even the men?
Interesting

People (seemingly about 50% of them in this area) that are simply incapable of staying on their side of the road.

The privatisation and monetisation of London annoys me, and is quite dispiriting that no-one really does too much to fight it. The whole city has become self-aware of its economic value and anything of any character and value is being carved up and sold off to anyone who wants a piece, for whatever (sometimes dubious) reasons they may have. The fabric of the place, the depth is being lost. Those little places in Soho you could hang out in - gone, replaced by luxury flats or poncy bar restaurants. The concert venues, the little corners where you could work and enjoy, the parts of Hoxton that had real grit, suburbs of south london that had normal housing prices, all gone replaced by a vacuous world of surface glitz and sheen but with not too much else undeneath. I don't know why people dont do more, over the 10 years i've been out it is noticeable what has happened. Maybe everyone is happy because their property has increased in value so the drive and edge of disatisfaction to do something about it has been blunted.

Er no mate.

Some things are far too important. He can cross his legs until half time. :angel:

80% in all of Spain. Texting, phoning, eating or talking to their passenger. Driving just gets in the way.

What a life, a few cold beers and it would be perfect.

They're already pissed.

The VoiceOvers on sky that link the programmes ..... WHERE'S THE MUTE BUTTON ?

Things that annoy me.........

just about everything since I turned 50 !!

After talking to some Sunderland fan about Arsenal and Liverpool fans protesting the £63 ticket for today's game:

People who think their opinion is the one true one and treat anyone who doesn't share it as wrong.

People in glass houses who throw stones. I'd have a look at Sunderland's support before saying anything about Palace. Roker roar, my ******* arse.

Sunderland fans in general. Arrogant bastards, seem to think anyone with any new ideas or movements in football is fake or some shit. They're nothing these days.




Yes, I'm irritated but this league's fans are something else. Can't talk football without hurting their egos.

Ed Sheeran.
Those rapists beards that so many men have nowadays.
TV adverts with adults using childrens voices.
People wearing sunglasses on the top of their heads.

Ryanair

Shit sand. Hate the sticky sand on beaches I like it course

Selfie Sticks.

The sheer self-love is loathsome.

You mean selfish love Maz.

Elderly drivers on country roads. The speed limit is what you should be aiming for, not twenty or thirty mph below.

We used to go and stay with my ex's grandparents a fair bit in France and they lived in a pretty and secluded village, the one road in and out was a 50mph road but it was a 5 minute drive in straight line. Every time they came to pick us up and drove us down this road it was infuriating, driving dead on 50 as about 40 cars overtook to the sound of the grandparents tutting in the front in disgust and muttering some kind of racist remark about the French.

Cyclists who swerve to avoid drains or potholes without looking at what is coming up behind them

:)

Continuity Announcers.

I'm not interested in the crap you are serving up at random times in the future. I want to read the credits to get the name of the actor that has slipped my ageing mind and you have helpfully reduced the screen to the size of a postage stamp in order to advertise stuff I have no desire to watch. :veryangry

:p

Spot on :D