Having Paul Ince and David James doing the F.A Cup draw.

Is there seriously nobody better?

Some dopey bint trying to push in front of me on the platform and then when I stand my ground slagging me off to another woman. **** off!! I needed to say that here as I of course said nothing in real life. :)

Blokes who spit their chewing gum into urinals. Should be made to fish it out barehanded themselves.

Done

+ Quad bike filtering bellends..

Lily Allen is busy saving the world. The FA cup is dead to me now.

You worried about James dropping the balls ?

Traffic officers in their stupid cars and bloody cones. A car breakdown and they decide they need to cone off half the motorway.

They peaked with Mark E Smith

Years ago working in the NLA Tower, bet a colleague £10 he would not fish one out (not his as far as I know, or mine) and chew it for ten seconds.

He did, fair play. Threw up after but a tenner richer.

Employers who sack you because you won't drive illegally, so that they can get you to drive a bus 7 days in a row.

Spending a small fortune for a half term holiday somewhere 'hot' and checking the weather forecast. And seeing nothing but bastard rain for 5 out of 7 bastarding bastard days

Bastard

Su Pollard - annoying,over the top woman still dining out on a crap role she did 30 years.
Lewis Hamilton - Charmless nerk

Talk Talk 2 totally different phone calls regarding the transfer of my sim only number to the new handset and sim they sent me yesterday and to terminate the wifes sim only plan with them also.
Tried to ring yesterday but lines must have been down so went and spoke to an online advisor and thought everything was ok after activation as Icould make outgoing calls.

Friend calls round today telling me they have been trying to ring me but with no joy, when I call from my handset it turned out that they had transferred the number I wanted terminated over to the new sim.

First phone call and the advisor sounded like she had a cold and couldn't be bothered to take the call, when I had explained what was happening I was being talked to like I was either thick or lying and couldn't wait to end the call as I was losing my rag.

She claimed to have sorted it and to just restart the phone, low and behold once I called my house phone again it was ringing with the wrong number.

I ring back talk talk and spoke to an advisor who had a bit of savvy about them and traced the problem to the new sim having the same serial number as the one I wanted terminated so are sending the right one out.

How hard was that :wallbash::wallbash:

the ******* clackers at Leicester

Leicester and there cringeyness full stop.

Bloody Palace at times. ANNOYED.

Bastard weather forecasters who can't do their bastard job.

Sat by the pool in 24 degree sunshine :)

People writing on the facebook profiles of the dead.

"Omg. Can't believe it's true Hun and you're dead."

**** me.

'The dab' seriously, just **** off

:confused:

:D

You don't want to know

If you love the dab, you'll love this video

The price of beer in Dundee it's worse than Shoreditch paying over £4 a pint.
Then again on Friday night I went to the student union (I'm up here on a Uni reunion) and a bottle of smirnoff was £25 plus 2 jugs of mixers, it was shared between 4, the result was quite predictably carnage

Did you make it to St Johnstone v Dundee?

I didn't last night wasn't as heavy as Friday night but it was still a 2am finish. Plus we went out for a curry and given Dundee Perth is a rail replacement coach I decided not to risk it for the benefit of my fellow passengers.
Watched it in a pub and very glad I didn't go Dundee were pish

Scotrail bastards. Dundee have been pish all season by all accounts, badly need a goalscorer. Shame we can't loan them some of our yoof.

Aye on both counts

Fat bastards ordering a diet coke. It's not about to make a difference when you eat a double cheeseburger and chips with it, you lardy c*nt.

Having a minutes applause for the King of Thailand

I do it. I also ask for extra salad on my large doner if I am on a diet.

It was one of the more unusual minutes applause I have seen at a game.

The strangest was for Nelson Mandela.

Applause or clackers ?

Terry Venables Dad surely? ( No, Nelson Mandela was not Terry Venables Dad, that should be self evident, but there was a minutes silence / applause for Terry Venables Dad, who was called Fred, I believe.)

That one does beat it but it was before I started going so that why I didn't know.

It was a minutes silence.

People writing "happy birthday, 79th birthday dad, still miss you" Dad's dead, so he's not 79 you div. Move on.

You can get Facebook in heaven you know...

really?? well why hasn't my mum posted anything in years then (and she would have found this very funny god bless her:D)

Roaming charges.

People that refer to themselves as "petrol heads"

It would be a little amusing if someone just wrote IDKHWD on it.

Same as with The BBS... apparently you can read it, but you can't post. :rolleyes:

Dave need to work on this.

Pete Carroll. FFS get rid of that gum!

The aftermath of Celtic v Rangers games.

Unleashes more of your drunken idiots out for trouble.

or "Foodies".

Like eating food is some kind of niche event for the select few.

Idris Elba on twice almost every ad break telling us to get that f*cking Sky Q box.

And the music, the bitch and the dog on the continual credit score adverts which I've moaned about on the worst advert thread. Drives me mental.

When the council spends thousand upon thousands of pounds on road resurfacing only for some utility company to dig it up 2 weeks after it has been done.

On a similar theme, when the roads around where I live and the freeway to work finally get resurfaced, after I have driven over the pot-holed feckers for the last 8 years, just as a) I no longer drive to work and b) I'm moving from the area.

No sympathy. Totally serves you right for referring to a motorway as a freeway. You American bastard.

People who think English nouns specific to the UK should be used in another English speaking country even if they are incorrect.
A Freeway is a specific type of motorway (or highway ;) ), one that is not surprisingly, free to use, as opposed to being a toll road.

Thought you oddballs called toll roads, turnpikes?

I didn't want to risk further unsympathetic ire for the use of such linguistic oddities.

Kissing couples on rush hour public transport.

Got no problem with public displays of affection but not on rush hour trains/tubes right in front of me where I can't move away.

the kind of thing you see that makes me not have a single shred of guilt when using Kodi streams

When on the phone to a call centre and you cant hear a word they are saying because the loud bastards sat around them dont know how to talk into a microphone without being at the top of their voice.

Efa

When a centre back moves out the way of a football so he doesn't get hurt

Easily spoil the moment by shouting "Get A Room"!

Or joining in with them.

British people sharing mawkish American memes on Facebook. 'Like and share if you love your Mom' and all that bollocks.

In particular self-declared British patriots sharing right wing American guff about stuff like 'Homeless veterans sleeping on our sidewalks'. Just because it's in English doesn't make it any less foreign, you idiots. What's wrong with good old trusty British memes?

Getting gubbed by Bet365 from taking part in their betting promotions. It's almost enough to make you cry. I guess it had to happen sometime :(

Must have had a good run then mate ? !

I reckon about 2000 worth of my winnings was through them mate. Was great fun while it lasted though. Now I have to rely on horses falling over (coral), or coming second to favourites (paddy p and betmclean) which isnt half as easy as picking a winner at 4/1 or better and laying it off each time. Still got lots of football offers with others as well I suppose, but bet365 is the holy grail for the matched bettor. Might change me name to V Putin, with some fictitious uk address so I can set up a new.one :)

Beautiful work my friend

Fwiw back in the day when you needed a US address to register a US account on the PlayStation network (to be able to download US apps which were not available over here) I used to use 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW as my address.

:)

I guess bet365 will want a matching address for the bank account sadly. Maybe I can adopt some fit 18 yr old au pairs on the condition they open a bet365 account.

www.matchedbettingblog.com is your friend my friend.

Cable thieving nonces, specifically from railway signal boxes

The tiny maze at Hampton Court.

And 2 fvcking hours to drive home from it

Some of them corners must have been pretty tight in a car.

Still going with even newer adverts, they obviously can't be shifting any. If it could do my job for me, make a perfect ruby, wipe my arse and get that Travago Aussie woman to come round and gape in my face .... I just might be interested.

:) Austin Powersesque

:supergrin:

Just made me LOL by the pool and now everyone thinks I'm a weirdo. Or maybe that's the budgie smugglers .....

Back on topic.

Annoying.

STACEY F*CKIN SOLOMON.

Have to turn TV over at first glimpse of her. Talentless and butters to boot.

God botherers turning up at my house 0930 sunday morning,we are three miles out of town plus half a mile up a laneway,yet they still found us.I was tempted to tell them to p@@s off,but Mrs.Bart invited them in for breakfast,purely for the effort in locating the house.I would prefer to have offered them a lift back into town.

9.30 on a sunday, should they not be in church?

Someone leaving a post-it on my car, with no info as to who they are, requesting that I park in my designated space. I did not know that I had one. But what I do know now is where I will be looking to park my car everytime.

Hopefully I will get another note telling me where I should be parking.

Feckwits in Range Rovers incapable of parking within the parking space lines, thus rendering the adjacent space unusable.

Jazz.

The West End.

Stansted Airport.

Car park "designers" trying to ram as many spaces in as possible, so making them too small for modern everyday cars.

The Range Rover isn't an everyday modern car. And I am talking about Residents' parking spaces. This f*cker has three Range Rovers. He creates parking space chaos.

Three is a little greedy. At least one should be a Defender (vintage, preferably).

Maybe if he were living in Snowdonia. We don't get many floods or blizzards in NW1.

I so hope one isn't an Evoque but I have my fears..

Stella wrote that the owner was a "he" ...

Well, to be fair, he has a lemon sucking faced wife, and an army of domestic staff. I can't say that I've inspected the vehicles closely, but if you mean the one with the deformed roof, no.

Run out of post it notes or what? Get him told.

Shit hecklers at comedy gigs. Pipe down, there is a reason you are sat there having paid for tickets and not on the stage and thats because you are unfunny and irritating.

I think Chocky was in last nights Bill Bailey audience in Auckland. When asked the name of a hecklers band "Yankee and the Dune Coons" managed to render even Bailey speechless.

If he bought another four it would be. :)

Happened to me today in Farnham :grrr:

Guy in a suit looking most out of place in the Lidl car park.

As he came back to his oversized 'car', I did point out to him he was taking up two spaces (by holding up two fingers to him, from inside my campervan as I neatly parked it in another space).

No need to say more

Full beam wankers!! When they're behind you and it's catching you in the eyes in your mirrors!!
It's when I wish I had one of those neon message boards in my back window and I could just press a button which said 'Oi ****, dip your lights' :wallbash:

I sometimes just adjust one of the mirrors in a hope it blinds them. Mind you, they might then just tail-end me. I have not thought this through.

Definitely not me as I would never pay money to watch that straggle haired unfunny tosser who goes on every celebrity quiz show and can only be 'funny' if he gets his Bontempi keyboard out. Hilarious c*nt. Horses for courses though he is very popular and even Rachel Riley said she fancied him. So who is the c*nt to be fair him wot has probably been noshed off by her or me calling her a plastic Man U slag?

Chocky hits form.

:)