I do not know if there is a sad tale behind why, so without having dig at him, you will be comforted to know that despite years of happy marriage there are no sprogs.

Thats good. Sadly i suspect other similar feckwits with the same mindset to pass down will still be able to breed. Copiously usually, unfortunately for the world.

I do apologise me ole flower,in future I shall use the term excavator:p:p

Trying to dismantle a toilet to identify if it has a leak and not having any type of spanner that fits the nuts.
Then going out to buy a socket set finding that Screwfix don't have the one you want, only one that might work.
Getting back home to find that it doesn't work.
Is there a leak or is it a weird condensation issue - who knows?

Have you moved to Coney Hall?

:supergrin:

The current use of the word “Smarts” in advertising

Is it fully shutting off after you flush and it fills back up? Sometimes they get a bit of crap in the joint or the ball leaks. Not real crap you understand.

Maybe someone's pissing on the floor and not telling you.

If all else fails, nip up to Scotchland as I’m sure Elgs will have several eBay bogs in his garage

Garages ;)

It's never condensation, my only tip is never disconnect the pan unless you have a new doughnut washer.

The queuing system in sports direct

In case he gets hungry?

Things that annoy you
 

Got this Scottish guy at work and had to work yesterday- ad today. He loves sending out negative stories about England fans so I’ve had 2004 hooligans in Croydon - the ikea story so was at work today and about half and hour before I left., I said guess what Gary and he said what so repeated again so he asked me again and so I said it’s coming home - rest of office pissed themselves & he wasn’t happy. [emoji23]

You got one of those japanese toilets skinty?

Thank you.

Companies that advertise the fact that they offer customers their statutory rights, as though they're a selling point.

You sound like quite the raconteur.

:D

Chavvy types with no shirts on, often with grim tattoos and necking tins of crap lager.
Most of the banks, who give their finger to the general public by relentlessly closing branches, and their friends,the government , who gormlessly let it happen.

Being asked, EVERY BLOODY time, on iplayer etc if I am over 16/18 and if I want to set up parental controls. No I don't, which is why I haven't. There are only two people in here, both adults.

Maybe it's a height thing, I never get asked :p

Trying to buy a new car and having to deal with car salesmen.

After all these years, they haven't changed their script, or tactics. I hate the process with passion - it should be an enjoyable experience, not akin to getting a colonoscopy, which frankly I prefer!

At least with a colonoscopy there is an anaesthetic involved - if you’re smart.

And a good prep kit!

Either car salesmen or a gastroenterologist... they are both out to shaft you. :eek:

Does carwow or something similar not exist in the states? Reverse auction, takes a lot of the pain out of the process.

I don’t believe so, but getting the price and vehicle you want is not the issue really. I want to test drive the cars, check them out etc.. to do this you have to go to a dealership and deal with salesmen, who are incapable of letting you do just that, but start pushing the, “What would it take for you to get this car today”, “We have a special on extended warranties”, “Today is the last day of the July 4th sale”, “Let me introduce you to my manager”, “Can we sit down and go over the numbers” etc., etc..

Only got another 4 cars I want to test dive!

Drivethedeal over here are brilliant, better than carwow. I've used them 4 times. That is the best way to avoid car salesmen and you get the car delivered to your door. There must be something similar over there. A great way to make car salesmen extinct which is what they should be along with estate agents.

'Home ripening' fruit.

Isn't ripe, has a random ten second window when it must be ripe (caveat: will be unseen by the human eye) and then it's f'king rotten.

Unmitigated pony.

Avacados - rock hard, then before you know it, mushy.

I want to buy a car, not be sold one, try selling and I will spend my money elsewhere.

Can I just add Chris Suttons attempts to imitatate Talk Shits Adrian Durham and render 5 live commentaries on the world cup impossible for me to listen to.

Shutl and Hermes. Sh'thouses.

That's a very good way to put it.

Just go for the V8

It’s always good to go in with a figure you want to spend in your head. Tell them that figure off the bat and do not be ashamed of it, when you say it, say it like you mean it. Then, sit back and let them do all the work trying to get close to it.

Thanks to the Internet and various Apps you can pretty much walk in with the price you want to pay. This worked out great when we got my wife's car about 4 years ago. My problem is I don't really know what I want, so am having to do the rounds trying all these different vehicles like frigging Goldilocks.

Oh... and had the obligatory follow-up message on my phone this afternoon... "Pleasure meeting you, blah blah, just following up to see if you had any additional questions, blah blah, hope to talk to you soon, blah blah..."

To be honest, I feel for the young man, he was telling me about how he came out of the army, the hours he puts in, wife and kids etc. (and no he wasn't telling a sob story). He's just a gofer doing the grunt work. If I wanted the car you get handed over the the dreaded Financial Manager.... which is akin to a meeting with the Mafia Don!

A bit too much juice for my liking...

https://www.myamericanmarket.com/184...able-juice.jpg

Just add tequila...

The feckwittery of human beings. This place has been a ghost town for nearly 45 years.

Must have been noisy when that lift shaft gave way.

In which case, walk in and tell them that you have no intention of buying today but want to do a test drive. State explicitly that any aggressive sales tactics will immediately put you off buying

'kinell. It's like one of your kids works for drivethedeal or something.

Oops, getting my Isle of Wight natives confused

People who essentially watch their team lose once every four (two for the really committed) years talking about the years of hurt.

I can also vouch for drive the deal. My local car dealer matched their offer when I showed them their quote. The discount was huge - more than I ever thought I could negotiate with the dealer directly. Dealership was unhappy but wanted the business so it added credibility to drive the deal in my opinion - dealerships clearly recognise these types of broker otherwise they would have told me to do one.

Annoyingly (back on topic), it also makes me realise how much margin there is in new car sales and how I should have been using this tactic for years.

Adverts that use the same ******* phone alerts that you have on your own device and have you reaching for your fecking mobile. Gets me every time. Wankers.

To be fair, there are lots of unfinished buildings in Cyprus, many of them inhabited.

The new puke inducing Facebook ad

Lovren

Clive Tyldesley

Beer chucking.

Wankers.

Agreed.

"yay, we scored, and now no one has anything to celebrate with and everyone will have to spend 20 minutes queueing at the bar"

If there was one thing responsible for England going out, I'd say it was this disgraceful waste of beer.

Another message on the voice mail, and a hand written card in the mail today.

I think I have a new admirer.

Yup. He's a testicle.

Yup. 'That's not ok'.

Thanks Mum, you c**t

I’m irritated by football fans who post on a message board about “inexperienced” managers, whilst pointing out the faults and mistakes they feel the manager has made.

Despite being actually, totally, verifiably and utterly... inexperienced.

It’s like Dave from “cleansing services” trying to tell Bill Gates how to build a successful business.

Not whole towns with a great bit of beach though.

We can't have it so you can't have it. Mind bending stupidity.

It's ok we're all related in some way over here 😉

No I don't know anyone who works for drivethedeal. They have saved me a lot of money when I have bought cars. That's all.

Gas is well cheap for septics.

Yeah I cant stand him - Is he widely liked? He often says exactly what I don't want to hear :supergrin:

It annoys me that Rock n' Roll Parts 1 & 2 is such a great record, but you can't justify playing it anymore because Glitter's a convicted nonce.
Thank f*ck Cliff didn't get done.

The bloke off the wizard of oz advert

‘But we can get you home ,just do the shoe thing’:veryangry

That my teenage kids, all musicians, don't really get the joy of f*cking loud music.
I play something to them, which they may or may not enjoy, and they nearly always ask me to play it more quietly. What the f*ck? How can you listen to rock music quietly? That's alien to me.

Was it Gary Glitter?

Litter

Rolf Harris.....

Celebration police

having to come up with 'objectives' at work

I've been working for 30 years and in every job, every year, everyone hates doing their objectives. From lowly assistants to chief executives there comes a point when the same old shit comes round

"****, i've got to submit my objectives by Friday"
"Can I have a look at your objectives and tweak them a bit?"
"Just copy what you did last year, no one will notice"
"This shitty system HR have some up with doesn't work, why can't we do it the old way?"

etc etc etc

There are only so many self-evident truths, but one of the top ten is that everyone who works in HR is a c*nt.

This is an interesting analysis.

I think you may be on to something.

In my experience, people who work in HR are generally people who have worked in operations, find it quite tiring and a bit tough so take a sideways move in to office based bollocks.

They then proceed to make life difficult for operators and the general workforce alike.

In summary you are correct.

We have a monthly 'one to one' with your manager (with written record) and twice a year a PDR - personal development review (formerly known as Appaisal,but 'rebranded')

What a load of fecking bollocks. Even the managers are like 'help me out here, we've got to put down something' to satisfy the beurocratic system.


:wallbash:

HR = Scum.

To be fair, some of the beer probably been consumed (Budweiser, Corona etc) its better to chuck it.

Beer snobs

All wannabe psychologists and control freaks but painfully lacking in self-awareness in their ivory towers that they lack the respect of employees.

I enjoy Robert Elms's show, but he is curiously apolitical for a working class lad who went to the LSE.

That poxy Jackie Chan record. Generally on the work radio about 10 times in 8 hours. Saying Jackie Chan 300 times in 3 minutes isn't big, and it certainly isn't fkin clever. Cockwombles.

Trump? Bet he’s been warned to avoid the subject.

Sadik Khan on good morning tv calling free Tommy Robinson march saturday a extreme far right group and twat Morgan just nodding pair of wanchors

Feltz doesn't. I think he genuinely has only a passing interest in politics, which is astonishing, considering where he was educated. He seems more interested in jazz, fashion and cycling.

^ This in spades.

Modern food and cooking

The neighbours and their three year building programme. Wankers.

Mmm fair point about Feltz.

New Romantics weren't big on politics, as I recall.

True :p

Parents.

Utter *****.

Baldists. I love being bald.

Obvious trolls that never, ever, seem to cop a ban.

Where as your posts are always non-confrontational and balanced.

But never trolling.

Yes dear. Of course not.

Gas is not the problem.... I just want a good ride that is quiet.... Much like Donald Trump apparentently!

As being someone with Tinnitus, hearing humming right now, I wish I looked after my ears more carefully like your children.

Is this a mumble rap track?

Kids

Utter millstones

People who sit with their feet on the seats on public transport.

Yeh, but I bet you had a great time at those Hawkwind gigs, off your gourd, with your head in the bass bin.

Sonic Attack

Bit like the volume in the pub just now.