Walking into a two cubicle supermarket toilet desperate for a massive dump and finding trap one has just a spinning wheel with no toilet paper on it, no lock on the door and splattered excrement all over the floor, whilst trap two is securely occupied on a long term tenancy by a man talking on a mobile phone and wet farting in unison.

Can anyone confirm if he's right?

Slow pavement weavers.

Being delayed by barmen or teabar staff at football grounds because they can't work the cash register, Seems endemic at Premier league football clubs

:D

When you're talking to someone after they've obviously finished listening to someone else but the other people carries on speaking over you. Just do one. That's probably one of the quickest ways to piss me off.

Posh. End of.

Against modern tills.

ever pooed yourself in public thread is waiting

This is similar I think, unless you mean the same as below :)

When you're involved in a conversation with a couple of other people, and the person talking is exclusively directing their chat to the person next to you. The person next to you walks off, or becomes distracted with something , and the person talking then directs it at you, as some sort of conversation sloppy second .

Sounds like the goose in croydon...

It's usually when I've turned up by myself, and it's usually Indian or Chinese restaurants that do it. The last time was in the Chinese in Shirley, opposite the other chinese restaurant.

They do it at Indian restaurants if they can see you're p____d, which is fair enough in my book.

Ignorant f*ckers who get on a bus and open up a window because "it's a bit stuffy" whilst wearing a hat, coat, scarf and gloves.....

Take your coat off you c*nt, the rest of us don't want the freezing wind blowing around our ears :grrr:

You'd like the woman that gets on my train every day - gets on and then demands everyone to open the windows

I always open a few windows, to let the smell of fried chicken escape and to reduce the noise of someone chatting crap into their phones.

The trick is to wear as much clothing as possible to avoid calateral loss of heat.

Harsh,fabulous actor.
What annoys me are 'journeyman' actors who do the same old mediocre parts,year in,year out,raking in the money. Examples,John Nettles,William Roache,Steve McFadden.

Anybody that thinks Dapper Laughs is funny.

Anyone that thinks Celebrity Juice is funny

Every man should have a red pair of trousers.

similar but not the same. I mean when you're with 2 other people and you want to tell one of them something but have to wait patiently until it appears that the other person has finished. Then you start talking but get interrupted as the other person continues where they left off like you're not even there.

shut it............. I was talking

Things that annoy you
 

People's inability to hold private conversations to arrange gatherings and events, and therefore decide the best way to talk about going for drinks somewhere is writing it on someone's Facebook so it comes up on everyone's News Feed.

"Hey missed u bestie! Drinks on Friday? xxxx"
"U know me hun, I'm there for a cheeky cocktail or 7 lmao! Xx"
"Rofl, come to mine for 7 then will go to Tracey's for pre-drinkies before Yates. Bring ya dancing shoes hun! xxx"
"Lookin 4wd to it already babez!xxx"

And so on & so on.

Whatever happened to picking up the phone and calling the person to arrange something. Or text them? Why in the name of all things holy does anybody else need to know these details?

You think you can get away from it by deleting these people or unfollowing them but it still somehow manages to pop up on the main page.

Colleagues who stand over you at the print, blow out a huge sigh and then ask how much printing you are doing.

A) it's none ya business; B) you work in a council - seriously, how important is what you want the printer for and C) you saw me at the printer before you got out of your chair so why didn't you just ******* wait?

Unilad, banterlad, sportslad ladbible, etc etc.... Bore off.

People who moan about "modern football" Yet sit down every night and tune into Sky1 :hi:

People who deliberately talk loudly so you can hear them even if you are not remotely interested. They speak at a normal volume then it suddenly increases ..
"Yes should be a multi million pound deal and I'll be running the project myself" whilst on the phome or in the a Sainsburys queue " got Jools Holland coming round on Saturday for drinks .. My husband used to work with him" .. You get the picture. Whatever you do DON'T look at them or ask them about it.. That's what they want !!

Good shout. Add to that people saying 'LAD' when someone is acting like a ****.

"Sebastian had 7 Jager bombs last night and threw up all over Alistair's wall in his uni halls. What a LAD."

Bantersarus Rex, Archbiship of Banterbury, LADotelli.

They are at the forefront of a new breed of total ***** among young men these days

Leaf blowers

Blacks






































































That shop is far too expensive

Always makes me laugh because 'lad' is Irish slag for dick :D

oh yes!

In China, in winter it is cold, in the South especially there is no heating in doors, but the Chinese have this idea that in stuffy rooms in winter, you'll get sick. So what they do is, have ALL the windows and doors open in the winter. So you will be teaching on a ******* cold day, go into the classroom and every window and door is open, all this kids are wearing 2 coats, jumpers, gloves, scarves and the rest of it and they tell you that its 'for their healthy'! Used to spend the months for October to March in a rage.

That bloke who threw the coin last night .. What a "lad"

Cabella's stupid haircut

Facebook full stop. Colossal pile of wank for stalkers and the lonely. Add in anyone over the age of 14 using text speak, in particular LOL, ROFL etc. Using it makes you sound ********.

People who spit on the floor/street

Legal rulings that use the phrases like 'sufficent regularity' what does that mean once a year, once every two months, every hour

The comments sections on their pages are used by braindead piss-stains.

cough MOLLY SUGDEN cough.

OMG you are spot on LOOOOOOOL!!!!

And people who say "OMG" deserve an axe in their heads.

Same with scandanavians, to the extent where babies sleep outside in their prams, down to -7. What this means for me is my wife opens up and airs out in this climate and is then laid back to the fact the whole place has turned into an ice box.

The worst exponents of this seem to be teenage girls who are desperate for attention. On the train down to the airport the other day one girl proceeded to give her whole life story and slate her family to bits, pissing the entire carriage off, then call her uncle Barry and very politely ask for a lift from Three Bridges.

PMSL

Bad nachos

Good name for a rock band.

Customers who are being served in shops,but keep their headphones/earphones clamped on their ears - height of rudeness.
Conversely,also a shop assistant on a till with no customers,who had her arms crossed(bad body language) and was chewing gum too.

Computer says no.

Small yappy dogs that won't stop yelping and screeching for attention like the F*CKING LITTLE C*NT I AM HAVING TO LISTEN TO WHILST IT'S OWNERS JUST SIT THERE STUFFING THEIR FACES whilst we all have to listen to this SHIT.

I'm going to kick it's f*cking face off SHUT THE F*CK UP.

Ocado/Tesco/Sainsburys home delivery vans that just park and **** everyone else that is in the two mile tailback trying to get past.

Shopping. Any and all of it.
But especially;
treacherous supermarket car parks - during school hours,
shoppers entering said supermarket and stopping dead once inside the door - apparently overcome by the shock of finding themselves in the supermarket and instantly needing the healing powers of a tatty shopping list,
supermarket's and their ability to vacuum any sense of direction or peripheral vision from frequent visitors,
supermarkets having several million things on every aisle that all look more or less the same,
coupons, tokens, multiple receipts, offers, leaflets - it's all very well putting bags on starvation rations but then give me a foot and half of paper.

I could go on.

I don't like shopping.

Sounds like you need to go on an anger management course with Nigel Pearson

[QUOTE=Harry Bassett;12235391

Another moan, about breakfast presenter on 5 live Rachel?? who lets her voice fade away--so annoying ,she does not seem able to breath properly.[/QUOTE]

I thought I was the only one that gets annoyed with this.
Sounds like the last 4 words of every sentance are spoken into a pillow.

The "moose" Ian Abraham on Talksport.... Gabbles along at a 100 miles an hour .....needs to slow down and BREATHE in between sentences.

People who make a statement whereby you are expected to ask them to expand on their self important pronouncement.

Drives me crackers and I deliberately don't ask them why, or when or whatever.

Don't expect me to ask you to continue......either finish your anecdote or shut the f*** up I don't care one way or the other.

Rylan (******* I've got no talent whatso****ingever apart from doing an impression of Mr Ed and getting on Hull Eagles bastard nerves) Clark.. I could smash his ******* goofy head in....... RANT finished.no sorry it isn't...i ******* hate that ****...now it is

People who smile all the time when they talk. Brian Cox

Brian is a cox, more like .

German town in Mexico?

I get that in the Taxi all the time.. Which reminds me
People who talk to you but have absolutely no interest in what you reply, they are either texting or checking their emails. So rude. I normally resort to switching off the intercom and turn up the radio.
Oh .. And miserable Taxi drivers ...

People that think it's acceptable to ask questions every 4 seconds when watching a film.

"Who's he?"
"I recognise him. Wasn't in the car at the beginning?"
"Is he married to the blonde girl?"
"How long is this film on for?"
"What else has she been in?"

Just watch the ******* film.

The alarm clock sounding in the morning .

Have you been taking my missus to the cinema ?

This is why I don't like watching TV or films with other people. To be specific, films/shows that require you to think and pay attention instead of half watching while playing Candy Crush. The worst is when they go on with the "what have I seen him in before" routine for every actor...

The Mail Online which invariably has as its sport's lead an article on the wankers.

Its Chelsea today.

Damn, I should have checked first :o

People that are ill that play the hero by coming into the office then use the communal fridge to store their lunch so that they spread their filthy ******* germs to everyone. 2 of my team have already been taken out by it this week and i've got some Aids ridden filth as well now just in time for the weekend. Bastards

Schools who give out merits in over long assemblies to children who have clearly been shouting and fighting but who have apparently made up. So have a fight and kiss and make up and you get a big well done from the head. Whereas my boy got a merit for great behaviour, listening skills and learning. A very worthwhile merit which has been devalued due to his sharing the limelight with 2 x catty girls.

Oh, and making 4-10 year olds say thank you to the lord for a great day and singing all 100 verses of all things bright and beautiful. Brainwashing. Where's the proof the lord god made them all? They should keep teaching to facts and all things Palace related.

Or the Guardian online which at any one time has at least 50% of its content addressing Man United despite the fact they are just a mediocre mid table team.

But I thought the Lord God made Palace. :eek:

All I know is that when Alan Mullery went to Rome to see (or possibly sign) the Lord's representative - he was told to eff off.

People making light of AIDS or similar in ways like this.

Now that is funny. 😄

He's just a grinning pansy who talks shit about stuff he or nobody knows f*ck all about. And he takes his own name up his arse.

Question Of Sport,especially the very unfunny Matt Dawson
Lee Evans
Jimmy 'Smug' Carr

I don't watch Question of Sport these days but they must've always had an annoying bastard on it then forever. Like when I used to watch with Emlyn Hughes the screeching prick. Modern day version is League of Their Own with that fat prick who hosts it.

The anger in this thread

Remember Emlyn Hughes trying to get off with Princess Anne? The sick ****.

Just watched some of Question of sport .. My god Matt Dawson is so annoying. I used to love the show when I was a kid .. Completely ruined it now.

Easily offended people.

Paul ******* Scholes writing about Man U ******* nited in a London paper

I enjoy these, erm, analogies.

I'll see the word 'AIDS' in a sentence and know it's gonna be funny, whatever the sentiment.

I thinks it's because it loses its gravity the closer to 40 you get.

Thank goodness this only happened once but it really did annoy me. I was shopping at a supermarket and when about to pay deliberately ordered my shopping in order of squashableness so that the least squashable items came of the conveyor first so as to go at the bottom of my bag. To my astonishment the checkout operator then started reaching over about every two or three items in such a way so as to mess up the order.

I didn't know what to say so said nothing.

That's a good shout.

When he was a player, he was as quiet as a mouse and wouldn't talk to the media. Now he's too old and packed it in, he realises he needs to rake in some fecking greenbacks, so he writes a shitty little column in the LONDON Evening Standard, slagging off Citeh every week (like anyone's interested)

P*ss off ginge... go and tout your boring views to the Manchester Evening News if they're interested, coz 90% of London isn't.

Arsewipe.

Stay-at-home alcoholic housewives creating LinkedIn pages and saying they are 'self-employed'. Incredible middle class *****ry.

Where I live, and elsewhere I guess, they are usually wealthy enough to open a shop selling shit to idiots.

I'm beginning to have a problem with sensible drinkers.

One manly beer with his curry
One cheeky glass of wine with dinner
Two jovial beers before the football

The choice is simple: stay sober or get drunk.

It's like they're trying to prove something.

People who tell little kids Father Christmas isn't real :veryangry:veryangry:veryangry:veryangry:veryangry

Kids over the age of 9 that think Father Christmas is real

Things I don't miss about NW1/NW3 include that

The man in the Moneysupermarket adverts who can walk in heels a damn site better than I can

Criminals turned religious nutters killing innocent people in my city.

Selfie sticks.

Bandwagon rugby fans

Made in Chelsea bitch being paid anywhere between 3-20,000 GBP for doing charity work for Banardos. Disgusting.

Cars parked on the front lawn

Settings 1 and 2 on a toaster. . . . thats not toast! its warm bread

Roy Keane said something the other week about the real reason Paul Scholes never did any media work when playing, was simply he couldn't be arsed with it. He managed to get out of all commitments simply be creating this image of him not being comfortable in front of a camera etc.

Now his playing days have finished and he wants a new career, you cannot shut the little ginger **** up.

The massively increased number of begging advertisements asking us to sponsor a donkey/polar bear/snow leopard/dog/cat/orangutan/tiger...and now dolphins

I cannot help but wonder how many of these are scams?

See earlier post.
Toasters are a trade description offence :veryangry

Car Parking enforcement companies. We were going to charge you £100 for parking there for those 6 minutes, but we will kindly reduce it to £60 if you pay within 14 days. Wankers.

Settings 1 & 2 are used for Hot Cross Buns, surely :confused:

and how much they fork out on the adverts!