How else do you practice safe sex?

Big crack right on the lip:sob:

Ouch, that sounds painful :eek:


Edit: you meant your pint glass

Teachers moaning that their schools have not been closed due to the coronavirus. Not because of the desire to stop the disease spreading- just wanting a bit more time off.
They get a 1/4 of the year as paid f**king holiday anyway.
My nieghbour was moaning like a b*tch this morning. So the obvious question...'have there been any cases in your school?'
'Er...no, but that's not the point'

But that isn't the point. He's right.

In my experience, she’s an exception and maybe should choose a different profession.

I was volunteering in our senior school last week and the teachers are working very hard, delivering lessons whilst simultaneously planning for the shut down which will occur eventually. It’s v stressful for them, with significant concerns about next term’s exams. They are invested in their students and worried for them.

One guy I met was spending every break he had unpicking all the various trip and travel plans that the school has. He said the insurance companies were kicking back on this, even on the international trips.

I’d happily do more volunteer work in our school to help, so it angers me to hear a paid teacher moan to you this morning.

I'm guessing teachers work harder than Leopold Stotch.

I'm a teacher, we wanted to stay open. I am now sat at home getting students to understand online classroom software etc.

According to his public profile he works in child protection so quite frankly he should damn well know better.

Perhaps not the biggest issue of the day but...

Walking upstairs to look for my glasses only to find them in my pocket

I sometimes walk around trying to find my phone and wondering WTF I have done with it whilst at the same time holding it to my ear and talking to someone on it.

Gettin old sucks FFS.

I think you must be living in some strange parallel universe, far removed from the reality of the life of teachers today.
My daughter and her colleagues have been working from 07.30 to around 20.00 over recent weeks planning for corona virus, an Ofsted Inspection and all the usual run of the mill child protection issues that are the lot of a teacher in the state system today, and yes preparing and teaching the curriculum as well.

Firstly, and apologies for not making it clear, his objection was purely based on him being a lazy bastard. I shouldn't have lumped all teachers together with this miserable f**ker.
Secondly, if any of you saw what I see on a daily basis. you would never question my commitment to my profession.

I am obliged to come in and use an online platform that is currently not working. We have been told that we have to provide evidence of these classes.

I'm using skype and whatsapp as the other platforms seem ****ed.

Give her a false name and address.

After me sand arrived at 4.30 yesterday :veryangry I've cracked on with the granite cobbles.Couple of barrows short to finish:frown:

https://i.postimg.cc/tJCQ9fvH/20200317-171407.jpg

TBF. Once I started the class it all worked swimmingly. 16/18 students.

What the heck is that going to be?

What material are you going to use to fill the joints in ?

Marijuana presumably, what else?

Oh Okay. Wasn't quite sure because since it went legal there seems to be so many different brand names to choose from.

Nothing,the pinks came out of Bow(job I was on)Bit of a feature if anything.Thought it would look different to the normal slabs/concrete :p

Using a liquid joint filler,bit like cement but stronger.Mix up in a bucket,into a watering can and pour it in.Will set like concrete apparently :D

You could leave it as it is.... very Zen.

People on Facebook putting up pictures of empty shelves in supermarkets .

Any round of trite upbeat faceache messages. Just better avoded altogether.

Latest bull shit bingo corporate phrase

"Let me socialise that with the group"

No, no, and no again

My thought as well

Oh missed your answer

costly

You'd be surprized how many people have got their rocks off of a Bow job

I'm getting a bit bored with all the captioned pictures related to the current situation.

Mostly seems to be a British trait... stiff upper lip, laugh in the face of adversity, etc.. Might have worked in WWII, but frankly it's getting a little annoying (if not quite funny at times).

What irritates the **** out of me is needing the soddin' things to look for them when I can't find the ****ers!

That's a heck of a wide gap you've got between your sets, mate.

It sort of reminded me of those terracotta soldiers in China...

Or wcb's teeth.

£0,just my labour.

I agree,maybe squeeze them up a bit:p

I think you are taking this home isolation boredom a bit too far...

Jim fvcking White.


Jim fvcking White dressed like the Milk Tray Man on Sky Sports News, evoking that 'off-duty' look.

Fvcking ****

It's why its important to have social distancing :D

Funny, I thought that too! Or the Tate Gallery's 'Sugar' exhibition years ago....

I've posted on the Coronavirus thread about our local radio station owner who was on the cruise around Japan and got infected.

He has finally been released to go home after 41 days in quarantine. On his daily blog there are comments like:

"My prayers have been answered"

"God is great!"

"God bless you and your family and may he continue protecting you all"

To quote a few... Just annoys me.

Edit: I see this subject is now being discussed on the Coronavirus thread. Ops!

You should check out Bob Mortimers train guy sketch on instagram, it is very funny and might make you feel a little better about these types, as always, have a campachoochoo on me.

The crying nurse.

The British ex-pats who live out here in the city I live in, posting on Facebook like they still live in the UK.

Get over it, you live here now... I don't care about Mr. Bean, Dettol, Tesco's, WW2 cookbooks, etc., etc. ad nauseam...

Go the **** back if you feel homesick... I thought not.

People still spitting in the street. It’s firstly the most disgusting habit anyone can have, but doing it during this crisis makes me wish for a purge once a year.

Who is she?

I saw a guy do this in line when I was waiting to get into the supermarket Wednesday.

WTF are they thinking???

I wanted to kill him, preferably by strangling him with his shitty mask.

Also “celebrities” crying about how lonely they are in their million pound mansions. Oh boo hoo now you know how the rest of us feel.
I mean footballers moaning on their £100k pee week with their football pitches in their homes. Do me a favour.

Hard to spit through a mask isn't it?

He pulled it down. But not once it’s lodged in his throat.

That is one bizarre thinking process... Mask will protect me, but **** everyone else...

You can’t reason with idiots.

I think you're confusing me with nathe, you daft donkey-rimming bellpiece.

These people don't have thoughts. If you confront them, they will just get aggressive. Where's a copper when you need one?

I gave up on Talksport a long time ago now, but it occurred to me that they'd still be on air so I was intrigued to hear what they might be waffling on about now there's nothing happening.

I kid you not, the one that supports Sunderland was waxing lyrical about Eric ******* Cantona and how, after the break, he was going to share a hilarious anecdote about Alex Ferguson's dressing room reaction to Cantona's King fu kick at Selhurst.

It took just 15 seconds before "Alexa! OFF!"

Do you do a lot of Bow jobs?

You are, as always, an Edwardian cockerel

Thats easy to do, you're both dentally challenged horse fellaters,
have a mouth like a burnt out fuse box and if you had one white tooth youd have a full snooker set in there.

'Baby on board' 'Child on board' 'Little **** on board' stickers on cars.

What the **** is the point of these things?

There are so, so, so many things to criticise me for, but bad teeth isn't one of them. You c~nt.

It wasn't funny the first time.

Bird on Facebook marketplace getting rid of 3 dvd/blueray players for free, I messaged her around 10pm last night to ask if they were still available and heard nothing.

woke up at 8.00 to see a message she sent at 5am 'yes there still available", sweet so I replied "when can I come and collect them?"

Messages me back 10 mins later "oh sorry someone else's coming but your second in line"

������������

Apologies, I'm under pressure.

Stops you crashing in to them, and if you do the emergency services know where to look :rolleyes::rolleyes:

That's taking the piss.

On the plus side, all those minimalist houses. Very crisp and sharp but ******* uncomfortable when you’re locked in it for weeks on end and your sofa is made out of slate and you don’t own a cushion

Also, a lot of these mollified ringpieces have their own gyms and spas but not a single book. F~ck 'em.

:lux::lux::lux:

So you're annoyed at the early worm?

.......a book.....you can read?!

Excused then,carry on.

Arrogant dickhead today. Parked right outside frint if Sainsburys, came out eating a whirl threw empty wrapper on the floor. Masdive car park loads of spaces has not got the brain to use that ir a bin.

This aged well. I was criticised for suggesting that there were more important issues than lost holiday costs.

SC, yesterday:

https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images...X__400x400.jpg

It is indeed good news.

And also we had the deep joy of reading Workshop squirming about his ten grand Butlins afloat holiday and Mr. Thermomix coming over all Angelina Jolie.

[

The continuation of adverts on TV for cars, cruises, and showing bars full of people to name a few.

Who the heck is going out to buy a car at this time (are they even selling?), who the heck is going to be booking a cruise at this time (are they even taking bookings?), and bars full of "happy" people is just taking the piss...

My feeling on this is that they are padding between programmes irrespective of who the advertiser is. They are still advertising internal flights , and Woolworths who are a supermarket here ,who have **** all to sell.

Or already paid for and scheduled ad campaigns?

Saw one today for an amputation attorney. Wtf?

Sorry wrong thread

Probably this , but it don't look good, especially the supermarket ones. I had a text from a car dealership saying they had a sale on , replied I was'nt panic buying cars this week.

Did you lend him.your teeth?

This thread is about things that annoy you. Where does coming all over Angelina Jolie fit in that?

Not realising that you've accidentally hit caps lock until it's too late.

OOOHH YES, DEFINI.....

Oh **** it.

hA hA hA

The full-on mush up to the camera on video calls. Just give us a few more inches space and less nostrils. Or are you trying to block us seeing your washing on the airer in the background?

People getting changed into full workout gear to go for a walk

Like cyclistas puling on full Tour de France gear to go to the shops.

Just armless fun, surely?

We have some local walking trails, nothing too exciting, on the whole pretty flat and a well defined path.

Sadly they had to close them after this weekend due to over crowding, but when I've gone for a "walk" over there in the past, I've always had to chuckle to myself at the variations in get-ups people wear to do the walk.

It ranges from people in dress shoes, jeans and a casual jacket, to people dressed for the Himalayas complete with full-on backpacks, hiking boots and walking poles.

I like to think I'm somewhere in the middle with trainers, cargo shorts and long sleeved T-shirt.

Is that you on the left?

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...w6MuxZLvcTZTIg

LOL - More like the 3rd from the left front row... with a bit more hair.

Mr La dee dah Gunner Graham is you?

I see myself more as Gunner "Gloria" Beaumont... But taller.