People who raise their two index fingers and wriggle them when they talk to you. Not sure exactly what it is meant to mean. I know it's probably been around for years but I always associated it with something a stewardess might do while giving you instructions on how best to jump the queue to the emergency exit if the plane goes on fire. Or a communication tool a weather girl might use to tell deaf viewers it's going to rain. Now however it seems like everyone, from the local dustman to the village idiot are using this signal It makes me have to hold in laughter more than annoys me, but I do admit to yearning for the good old days when all you had to know was the wanker sign and the dear old V-sign.

^ you mean the “quote” thing?

Anyway, I think I’ve seen someone else post this, but people who work in charity shops having an attitude that they are holier-than-thou.

I appreciate this is a gross generalization, but it just seems a common denominator when I go in these places.

Ask your cop mate where does the highway start from? I am sure that person can explain better. :)
Pavement is part of the highway.

Annoying is the fact that i'm once more getting up in the dark and getting home from work in the dark. Bring back summer :(

After my recent experiences with animal charities I refuse to even enter the places now.

Understandable in the circumstances :grrr:

The treatment of Strictly Come Dancing as a major news item by the media.

People who put their glasses on top of their heads. Up there with people who tie cardigans round their shoulders in wankery behaviour.

Why? If you wear reading glasses, it's often a practical thing to do.

Dunno, just one of the minor annoyances which make up much of this thread

So me walking around with my sun glasses on top of my head would send you ape shit?

Yep I'd love to give their head a wobble ( another annoying phrase) and watch their glasses plop into their 'cuppa'.

Things that annoy you
 

If only you could remember that is where you put them!

A while back I was in a dark, seedy bar during the day in New England. The barman was a gruff Bostonian who had obviously been working there far too long. He was chatting to one of his regulars when a flash looking touristy type with sunglasses came through the door,
The barman carried on his chit chat until finally the fellow called out to get his attention. Grumpy never missed a beat. He just looked at the potential customer and said, " There's two types of people who walk into dark bars with their sunglasses on. Ass-holes and film stars --- And I haven't seen you in any movies lately."
The guy did remove his glasses, did order a drink, drank it sheepishly and then left.

Are they white ones?

Errrm... No

But I know what you mean.

I sometimes like dangling my sunglasses down under my chin from my ears.
I used to see dickheads do it in Cyprus so now do it only to annoy my wife - never fails.

When I buy stuff from ebay and the barstewards take ages to post the thing...youv'e got the money now go to the post office you lazy ****

Had someone who took over a month to post something :veryangry

This:

https://www.wish.com/product/5f4f012...2196&share=web

Where is the challange, the mistique of is there a monster in the reeds, what will I catch? They are making it into a vidoe game.

People who invade your personal space and stand over you in cafes, bars, etcetera.

Not great for my claustrophobia

Dont come back to Spain then Nino.

Golfers who have them on the back of their heads......

Bjork's new single, getting played a lot on 6 music (which I love), it REALLY gets on my tits, can't listen to it.

People who put pics of food up on faceache etc and then post "nom nom".

I buy loads of them in poundland and then leave them all round the house so there will always be a pair in the room I'm in. And then they all end up in the same room.

Nobs who put them on the back of their neck

reminds me of this

More than you'd ever want to know about pavement parking:

https://www.gov.uk/government/consul...ons-for-change

This
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-63046919
Losing your home yes not being able to afford heat yes but not coz you can’t go on holiday !

When you’re in a rush, the driver in front turning into Mrs Philanthropic and stopping and letting out every bloody car, bike and hedgehog that appears from a side road. No one’s buying it lady; we all know it’s about control.

Whilst that’s the caption to the photo, he doesn’t mention holidays at all in any of the quotes in that article.

Back when I used to drive into the West End every day to my office, I’d occasionally decide to ‘drive like a Christian’ rather my more normal Operation Weserübung approach.

It was quite cathartic.

It was the caption that pissed me off. If the bloke did say that then he’s still a knob.

Chris Philp MP.

Yes, imho a grovelling BJ sycophant, whats he done now?

Ah, now a grovelling Truss sycophant as well

Until last month my MP.

A permanently dry mouthed, toadying lickspittle.

You must be related to him;)

Brilliant.

Has anyone else noticed that there’s loads more dogshit everywhere recently, much more than there used to be? All over the pavements and parks, it’s horrible. I dunno it it’s selfish dickheads buying dogs during lockdown then not knowing/caring how to clean up after them, but it’s ******* disgusting.

Toyota Camry drivers.

It’s probably driven by the Tories, taking us back to the 70’s/80’s, to go with their Thatcher cosplay.

Every time we used to have a kick about down the park as kids, someone would end up with poo on their trainers. In one memorable moment, my best mate went to block a shot, but the kid shooting not only kicked the ball towards him but also a big dollop of diarrhoea doggy poo. It splattered all over his hair. He had to run home to deal with it leaving a park of kids in a fit of hysterical laughter.

Ain’t you glad they are ‘behind you’ ?

I was a keeper so my first job, before heroically tipping shots around the pullovers, was to examine the pen area for Frido's leftovers. You got to know which areas of Fort Neef rec were in need of warning signs for, old ladies carrying handbags, diving goalies and those outfield players with a tendancy to make every tackle a sliding one.
Last time I was in the Rec they had an astro-turf 5-aside pitch where the old tennis courts were. Not an aspiring athlete in site. I did see a dog owner picking up though. Something you would have never seen in the 70's. As for the new generation of park ball players. They were probably all at home doing an on-line course on "how to become a pro-footballer in 50 easy lessons" or playing 'football manager."
Looking back, our crew of wannabee football stars would have given up our Peter Bonetti gloves or our tins of Dubbin for that sort of facility.

Bell end step sons (again!!) that lack the brains to realise that leaving an under the weather cat with the shits unattended downstairs with no litter tray, while they laze about recovering from a few hours labouring.
Me and the missus were thrilled to come back to the inevitable after our day at work. I got to clean the stinking litter tray from that morning still sat outside, while she got to ditch the handbag our Charlie decided to shat on as a substitute. Removing the contents of the bag while runny slop was still on top was a bit of a challenge, but at least he hadn't got the floor this time.
Needless to say both got full barrels for their idiocy, with eldest manbaby being abruptly awoken from his early evening siesta which did cheer me up a bit from the trauma of burned nostrils and watering eyes.

Up here in Norfolk it is the main whine all over village Facebook groups, so they're just about one step from naming and shaming the owners around the village in a bid to halt rising turd spread. They don't know they're born when you consider what we went through as kids in the 70's growing up around Ashburton fields having a kickabout.

The Men's urinals at work and the inability of most male staff to stand close enough for it to catch the drips when finished.

You have to stand at them with your legs open to stop standing in the pool of piss forming on the floor in front.

Getting a new computer (Good thing... not annoying) than having to jump through hoops and frustration getting the thing back so it's usable/how you like it.

Plus some security setting somewhere (probably either in Firefox or the virus protection software on the new computer) causing all sorts of obstacles.

Software tools that needs reloading, but don't have a CD drive anymore, or the software is not supported anymore, so have to buy upgrades... and this is after only one day.

And don't get me started on "Live Chat" that turns out to be a Bot that is as inflexible as a brick wall... Surely the term Live Chat would give the impression you are going to be in contact with a live person?

Yes, this is supremely annoying. Vodafone do this, it’s really unhelpful. They also make you answer about 25 questions via an automated system when you call them too. Both feel like methods to waste the customers’ time in the hope they give up.

When it was a home game there the first thing the home team did was form a line and clear the pitch. Always the home team’s responsibility 😀 we would have dream of an dog shit free pitch and an Astro would have made us think we had gone to heaven!

I HATE ******* CHAT BOTS just keep tying human. It’s like those stupid “say in a few words” that then say “have you checked our website “OF COURSE I ******* HAVE OTHERWISE I WOULDNT BE PHONING !!!

So you did pull the trigger. Congrats!

(I'm not going to tell you how easy it was to set up my new MacBook ;) )

I have found that as soon as you ask the Bot a complicated question it almost always comes back with "A personal representative will be available soon to assist" or some such.
Of course, then there's the interminable wait.

Charlie Stayt- comes across as a sneery individual

I just went through one... please say your first name. Went well. Please say your second name. Didn't go well, had to spell it.

Finally got to a "representative" and the first question she has is, "what's your first and last name".... :wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash:

lol

Will people contact the press for anything to claim 15mins of fame (courtesy of Popbitch, and do mind your lunch)?

https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/r...paign=sharebar

[emoji1785]

Had to laugh--- she's got dog poo hanging out of her mouth but she manages, as she says, "to take a snap." Can't see her getting a snog in the near future.

Some people would pay good money for that....



(not me).

People who take the middle of 3 urinals then look at you like you are too close while they are peeing.

I’ve almost written a thesis on which urinal one should occupy if one is 1st in.

It’s self-explanatory until you get to 4 urinals. If you approach 4 urinals, all empty, one should take one of the inside urinals, not either of the outside urinals.

Could you explain your reasoning please?

While on urinals, anyone who puts chewing gum in one should be made to remove it with their mouth.

Of course.

Let's say you do take one of the outside urinals - let's say #1. The next person in will be compelled to take #4 (the one furthest away). The problem is that the next person has to decide whether to stand at #2 (next to you) or at #3 (next to the person at #4). He has to make the awkward choice which person to stand next to. One of you is 'chosen', one of you is 'shunned'.

To avoid this, one should always take urinal #2 or #3 when approaching 4 empty urinals. Let's say you take #2. The next fella in has the easy choice to take the one furthest away from you (#4). The 3rd person in also has an easy choice - he picks #1 (he can only ever be accused of peeking at one cock, rather than two). The last fella in has Hobson's choice, #4.

^Very logical, I like your reasoning.

Yes, I’m convinced.

What about if I take urinal 1 and then the next person takes urinal 3?

Or urinal 2?
It dies sometimes happen.

Yep. This not taking the outside urinal malarkey seems utter mathematical madness!

Outside trap always safer, only have to worry about neighbours on one side

Take one of the middle ones and you're openly inviting all comers.

Outside traps used more often because of the above = dirtier.

JAT.

Less chance of splashback on your trousers

I've been in a situation where there are 3 urinals. Two at adult level, and one at little people/kids level.

Outside adult one is occupied, do you take the adult one next to the occupied one, or do you use the low kids one? I would take the kids one, but being 6' 2" it can be a bit of a challenge not creating a lot of backsplash, it also leaves you somewhat exposed!

First world problem I guess.

The urinals at Victoria station had a reputation for winkie watchers in the 80s but when you gotta go you gotta go. I sensed someone clocking my weenie and he immediately said: "New shoes ?"

Does it matter? You’re not meant to suck on that yellow thing that kind of looks like a big strepsil, you know.

Traps = shitters, no?

Whole different kettle of digested fish.

BTW... hate troughs... No matter how bad I need to go, if there are others close by or people waiting for a gap to open, my bladder says forget it!

Metal trough urinals annoy me especially when busy like at half time. I may as well just piss myself as overall I would end up with less piss on me and at least it would be my own. Those EU ones with the fly on to show you the sweet spot (got them at Schipol airport) are far more fit for purpose.

He's a turd.

Then you would wonder why he didn't take #4 (i.e. the one furthest away). You'd think he was trying to grab a peek. #2 would be too obvious but #3 is still dodgy.

just about every advert on telly at the moment, seem to be designed by fourteen year olds.

We called the square ones urinapple chunks many moons ago.

[edit] I’ve just noticed it made Roger's Profanisaurus:

urinapple chunks [n] The fruit- like yellow cubes that nestle around the plughole of ashark's mouth. Kola cubes

Gatwick airport has some fantastic urinals, each one has it's own sink, mirror and seperate little walls inbetween, it's like the urinals of the future!

At Palace during halftime any man is happy to take any gap shoulder to shoulder no matter how small to piss.

My birthday yesterday, came home to find the wife didn't want to go out because she'd already taken our son out for a Chinese at lunchtime. Had a ham sandwich.

At least you got some pork on your birthday 🎈🥳

Great punchline haha.

Hope you had a good one, maybe next year spam?

Just past six in the morning, I was having a pee - Waterloo East. The bloke next to meet takes a long look at my dick and starts to laugh! I’m not usually aggressive - zip up in record time, faced up to this massive bloke and said ‘what’s your fu*king game!!! The bloke took of his beanie hat, roared with laughter and said morning Mart. It was one of my closest mates. Hook, line and sinker - So funny ��

:supergrin:

Well that was a conversation starter.

Happy Birthday Maidstoned.

Friend of mine didn’t know what that was and thought it was for cleaning your winkie after a piss. He assures me he was a small child at the time.

Ex-players coming back to score against us:mad:

To be fair it doesn't seem to happen as much as it used to... used to be nailed on.

There are hardly any ex Palace players in this division.

You know, I was thinking the same. I can only think of a few.

The team Roy ended up with was really quite a bit below premier league level, mostly.

Chris Kavanagh.
Also the dreary away fans chant Chelsea Chelsea ad infinitum

Chelsea
Man U
Liverpoool
Spurs
West Ham
Everton
Man City
Newcastle
Arsenal
Leeds
Villa
Watford
Southampton
Millwall
Charlton
Portsmouth
Shrewsbury (though not so much)
Football