"Hey buddy, move outta the way so I can take a photograph on the tooob."

Realising to late that you grabbed the deep heat instead of the lube. Upsets the misses as well

You get these types all the time in China, especially with their spoilt shit little kids. The other day in McDonald's the other day, the moron in front of me says to the waiter "I want a KFC burger". How I didn't slap him upside the is a mystery.

So true, its not like I have any thing else I could throw... oh what about all the ******* coins in my pocket that I used to pay for the bottle. Stadium safety really is just a chance for little killjoy Hitlerites to make their shriveled up little dicks feel big by inconveniencing the rest of us. Scum, sub-human scum.

Thanks for giving a word for it. I ******* hate Toppers.

We generally refer to them as Elevenerifes ie if you've been to Tenerife then they have been to ....

AKA 'Black Catting bastards'.

If you've been to the moon and put a nail through it they've been round the back and bent it.

If you've got an Elephant, they've got the bag it goes in.

You've had just two hours' sleep, they've had minus two.

I know a bloke over here, I said some of us were going to go to Karaoke and he said I've sung on stage in front of 2,000 people before. Yeah, nah, do one mate.

The funny looks you get walking around with a black carrier bag early doors, i'm not an alcoholic i've got scotch eggs and mini cheddars. Then the funny looks and evasive tactics when you have to tell everyone you pass what's in the bag.

You should've made sure the last photo he ever took was the front of an oncoming train.

Where I work they are called two-shits

Just give them all a whole plane to themselves and double pay for the cabin crew who would have to put up with these uncontrolled shits.

It doesn't matter what airline you're on, there's always at least one screaming bastard within earshot. Why should people have to pay the earth just to get away from selfish c*nt parents (considering these low cost airlines are rarely low cost any more anyway)? I know a few mates who have all taken kids on planes, being aware of this problem they make sure their kids behave. Kicking the seat in front. Parents who can clearly see this happening and do nothing should be allowed by the person they are annoying to have a cup of scolding hot tea thrown over their faces. And then have that Ryanair trumpet 'on time' fanfair played afterwards as everyone applauds.

People with e-tickets telling you that you are in their seat despite the fact it is a seat that you bought a season ticket for. :veryangry

I hate them more.

******* ******* wanking shit **** bollocks arsehole.

To present another side:

I've taken my kids on planes before. Both of mine are still very young. They behaved though, and didn't scream all flight.

For the avoidance of doubt though, if one of them did scream all flight, and some twat attempted to complain to me, they'd have to complain about a broken nose shortly afterwards.

:hi:

Bloke up the golf club known by everyone as two sheds.

When somebody brings you a cup of tea only half full. Build my expectations and crush them there and then all in one foul blow.

I always ask if the tides out, or are the cows on strike.

Worse still, when you go to finish the last bit that you've been looking forward to and it is already down the sink cause some impatient OCD dolly has grabbed your cup while you're not looking.

I haven't commented so far but the old chestnut of eating stinking fast food on public transport drives me close to distraction, my last experience was a silly cow pulling out a large tub of Wasabi noodles on a packed tube , couldn't she have waited?

Dirty buggers putting their feet onto seats on trains and buses.

Is the tide out .... Classic .:lux:

Chocky for PM. :lux::lux::lux:

He's got my vote :p

People that get offended about pointless or innocuous things on other people's behalf.

Where you sticking it to need lube? and does she not lube up herself naturally? Pictures or home videos could explain more maybe!

Lol how would you be able to with your face boiling on the floor?

No seriously if you had been trying to control the noise out of respect for others that doesn't put you in the same bracket as the lousy don't give a shit parents not fit to have them in the first place. The same wankers who let their kids run riot in restaurants etc.

I never hear my kids on a plane. I take a left and they take a right with the nanny. Only way to travel.

At least you're a glass half full kinda guy.

Cup draw on a Monday, three days later we still don't know when which matches are on TV

Same. Scum of the world, absolute pond life. Insecure bastards.

It was a woman. While it would have been a bit tempting, I don't really want to spend 20 years in prison. I'd miss out on Palace's Champions League campaigns.

I have nothing but sympathy for parents with screamibg kids on plane trips. It's the ones that tut at it that need chucking out the window at 30000 feet.

The very young scream because they are in pain because of the pressure on their little ears. Child abuse. Why not just punch them in the face for 3 hours instead on a ferry.

Bbs posters that wait until regular posters post then jump on the bandwagon

:lux:

People that work in offices and wear their ID necklace out of office and everywhere they go. Take it off you div. No one cares who you are and who you work for.

Same goes for people that wear festival bracelets until the day they die. Don't know whether I mentioned it before but they need a slap.

People that wish you "Happy Halloween" or similar shite.

People that want to be sponsored for a 'no alcohol' month or a sky dive can **** off as well.

Somebody already mentioned it but people who can't live in the moment and constantly take photos and videos of everything. It's great watching DVD and TV footage from 20 years ago from gigs where everybody is off their heads and enjoying themselves. Today, everybody has their phone in the air filming the whole show so they can post it to their knobhead friends on Facebook and tell them how 'sick' it was and they got 'proper mashed'. Absolute bullshit.

How quickly the velcro on my trainers becomes less sticky, meaning i have to stop several times readjust them when out.

Didn't fly with mine until she was 5 and past the screaming age. Why take little kids on planes just stay UK you twats!!

Could your
Carer not help? ;)

People who talk about how they hang out in Shoreditch or Dalston all the time, particularly those over 19 years of age.

There was one particular wanker like this on the apprentice who started describing it as 'edgy'. I had to switch off.

"can you move down the carriage"

usually shouted by a very posh middle aged woman, whilst people are already attempting to move down the carriage. These people see themselves as the train police and after they have made their loud request they look round as smugly as possibly like they are some bastion of righteousness who have managed to part the waves with their words.

People who talk as if everyone is listening

But who would sort their trainers?

Forget kids. Fat people on planes. Pay for two tickets or **** off. And why do i get overcharged for 1kg baggage when the **** next yo me is carrying 50kg in his gut scott free.

Reminds me of this letter of complaint sent

Dear Jetstar...
Do you like riddles? I do, that's why I'm starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What's fat as f***, stinks like shit and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? That's right, it's the man I sat next to under on my flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.
As I boarded the plane, I mentally high-fived myself for paying the additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra room, when I was suddenly distracted by what appeared to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle.
As I got closer, I was relieved to see that it wasn't a dangerous semi-aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly obese human being. However, this relief was short-lived when I realised that my seat was located somewhere underneath him.
Soon after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent possessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne - Eau No.
Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, it's entirely possible that none of them actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.
Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didn't catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this letter, I'll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I've given them all the same surname - Couldnotgiveash***).
After my request, Chatty 1 and Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how s*** they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the aircraft, to which Giggly responded, "hehehe, they're for crew only, hehehe". I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental impairment.
I tried to relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveas*** triplets, but unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now lying down. It was then I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing,
I revisited the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both "crew only" rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she's flying on a big, shiny metal thing in the sky.
Imagine going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn't that exactly the same as having someone who can't control their calorie intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that's why I'm demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for an emergency row seat.
I'm also looking to be compensated for the physical pain and mental suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one-handed as I'm yet to regain full use of my left side. If I don't recover completely, I'll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.

To discuss my generous compensation package, email me at: richwisken@hotmail.com, or tweet me at: @RichWisken

No regards,

Rich Wisken.

Haha. Nothing more satisfying then when the words "**** off" echo back.

People stalking about computer stuff, that I could never understand.

Bricks.

Shame if you tell them to do one, you're seen as the dickhead.

absolutely agree. My girl is 2 years old and we would never let this happen. Ignorant and uncaring, twat shit **** parents.

Government policy that allows homeless people to freeze on the streets, until they can't take it anymore.

Arseholes who abuse hospital staff. In the space of 10 minutes while visiting my dad in Mayday I heard one visitor call a doctor a **** and another who, after shouting at a nurse and saying she had no manners and no respect because she was on the phone then ran his arm along the desk sending phones and a pc monitor crashing to the floor.

I don't wish harm on anyone but should either of these ***** have the misfortune to develop a life threatening condition I sincerely hope they receive the treatment they deserve.

Scum.

No amount of perfect parenting will stop a kid screaming in pain if their ears are affected by cabin pressure changes.

A 20 cent lollipop sorts out their ears.

Remember when we used to be given boiled sweets at take off and landing? And peanuts the tight bastards. Now we get naff all.

This excuse works but most of these shitty little brats are at it long before take off.

Although people who bunch together at the front of the carriage/bus when there is plenty of room further down are also annoying. As are people who have to stand up on a train and make for the exit when it is several minutes away from the destination.

Then they say excuse me even though you clearly can't move until the doors open and people start getting off

Waiters who keep coming over and try and top up your beer/wine glass from the bottle while you are eating, a ridiculous number of times. Because you do that it doesn't mean I will buy more!

Lack of escalator etiquette.
Those pairs of tossers who stand side by side ignorant to those in a hurry.
Want to throw them back down the bastard as they get to the top.

People who start sentences "I'm the kind of person who..."

TBF. That's about spot on for cabin crew. It's amazing the didain you get from their eyes should you interrupt their 'break time - seemingly 8 hours on long haul' to ask for another small bottle of wine. I tend to ask different crew members in order to avoid that look becoming complete loathing.

what was their response?

I don't think they responded to this complaint :D

I really do hate air travel The worse I had was Air India where the air hostesses blocked us from leaving the plane until every wanker had disembarked first. I was raging, which was only soothed slightly by remembering that my on flight Kosher meal had been beef :)

Knowing Shitstar he is probably still waiting. Makes Easyjet look like Emirates first class.

A good solution to this would be "Escalator Police" who stand at each end screaming loud abuse at offenders, before escorting them away on arrival at top or bottom for a good lesson in etiquette:D

Fat people who, when walking, swing their arms almost parallel to the ground as they can't put them by their sides. As you try to overtake them on a London street or station, you risk a whack in the family jewels as they're generally short too.

People who sit next to you on an almost empty bus. Have a ******* word with yourselves, you morons. I don't like being the **** who puts my bag on the seat next to me but someone's got to make a stand, y'know?

I have to take issue with this, particularly the NHS. Firstly, I do have immense respect for the job the do, my son is currently in SCBU as he was born at 26 weeks.

But, having spent a lot of time in hospitals of late, the thing the annoys me is that you can sense that the Doctors, nurses etc don't work for you or appreciate that your paying there wages, they're not interested in customer care because they have no customers. They're generally not culpable when they're shit and there's this attitude of if you don't like it, **** off, mate. Probably just me having a shit time but everywhere I go I'm getting attitude from people and just generally poor service. I'll exclude SCBU from that they're brilliant, but Consultants, Doctors, Nurses and clerks just seem to think your another number as you got no choice, you gotta pay regardless.

Now having experienced private care, its a different world, you're directly paying them so customer care is a priority.

I'm not condoning abuse, its terrible but I totally get peoples frustrations.


I hope that makes some sense and I'm not coming across as a twat, but the last few weeks have left a bitter taste in my mouth with hospitals.

My Mrs works in a hospital and the stories she tells me are terrible.
Staff abused daily, people treating nurses/carers as skivvies (One lady yesterday kept on pressing her buzzer because she wanted someone to go buy her chocolate peanuts).
There was a lady who was having a routine op, didn't speak English but every time her family visited, they would start writing in a note book... turns out they were advised by a family member to keep notes so they could sue if they felt the care was insufficient (this is not a one off)... they have tried to sue once before. The would complain her water wasn't refreshed, and she was in danger of becoming dehydrated... she had 3 healthy family members who could have filled up her water at any time, but they all sat there while they summoned a nurse over to refresh her water from a water cooler less than 12ft from her bed!
The poor nurses that work on the dementia ward are assaulted almost daily.

Simon Cowell

The scouse accent

Paypal

Charity singles

The new 'let's grow a massive beard' craze

Dog owners who don't clean up rovers turds

Mama Mia the musical

Virgin trains guards

My next door neighbours chirpy "hello"

Call centres

Swans

My sat nav

And the fact I'm getting old.

Or BBS posters who have to post when 2010 comment on a thread.

You don't think the difference is that private staff have half the number of patients to deal with then?

Yeh, you have to forgive my ignorance. Of course I don't see any of that and sounds terrible.

Fair point.

:lux::lux:

Anyone in a flat cap driving a car.

Indeed

I find licking the windows seems to deter them quite well.

Yes! Also, when loads of people get off a busy bus and the person next to you doesn't move to an empty seat. MOVE GOD DAMN IT.

Pedestrians who walk straight out in the road without looking and cars that pull out in front of you whilst on your bike. I see red every time, end up having blazing rows almost every day.

It's so cold these days that I'll end up losing my tongue licking a window.

Wash your mouth out Gooders. :D

Drivers who have there fog lights on when not foggy, are you trying to blind me and make me crash?!

Rep added! Absolutely

Things that annoy you
 

People in a busy boozer on a matchday who stand by the bar and chat with their mate while everyone else queuing scrambles to the front to find an inch of space to put their hand across with a note in it.

Move out the ******* way. This isn't luncheon hour at the Gentleman's Club.

People who can't tell the difference between "there", "they're" and "their".

why?

National pastime this in Santiago.

Probably a latino thing. Here you can be sitting in an empty waiting room and someone will come in and sit right next to you.

reminds me a bit of urinal etiquette. We all know which one to use when there's plenty empty, but what to do in those tricky situations?

http://blog.officezilla.com/wp-conte...tuations-2.png

Gawd they were all out today - you take your life in your hands driving in Christmas traffic. You can tell them before you see the caps - they've all got 15-year-old cars that look like they've just come out of the feckin' showroom.

People who scream, shout and swear at their children. It's more than annoyance though. It makes me sad.

When I hear a mother screaming at a 2 year old "Sit down you little shit or I'll get really angry. You've been a pain in the arse all day, just ******* behave", it makes my heart sink.

Kill Bill 2, The Matrix 3, Rocky 5, Anchorman 2 - just ******* awful

This. Poor kids.