Jacqui Oatley getting an MBE,a fairly good presenter,not a very good commentator,they seem to give these out like sweets these days. Still more deserving than Cordern and Ant & Dec though

Daytime TV positively discriminating to the point of nausea with overtly homosexual or lesbian couples on virtually every light entertainment programme. I can't remember the last programme I saw that didn't have a pair of queens or butch rug munchers on.

Attempting to pay my local vehicle tax by using their shiny new well advertised website only to find that they will levy a $14 fee for the pleasure (alternatively I can write a cheque and put it in the post for no fee to be processed by a town employee. :confused::confused:)

Black privacy windows in the car next to you that you can't see through, to see if it's safe to pull out.

Stinging nettles. I'm tingling like Peter sodding Parker!

"Lott-ree" it's lottery; say after me lot-er-e

Apparently going up to £2.50. That annoys me. C*nts.

Pokeman Go

I'm 40 and don't have a smart phone, everyone at work was either talking about it or playing it.

I realise I'm not in that particular demigraphic mind..

Disproportionate swearing cheers me up. Ying and yang.

Dock leafs me lad, dock leafs.

Which, incidentally, are scientifically proven to do absolutely feck all for nettle stings

Placebo, innit ;)

It's amazing how you rely on making eye contact with other drivers while driving. I find it really disconcerting when you can't.

People taking friendlies seriously

Anyone over the age of 12 who uses 'wacky' swearwords in their tweets, fb updates ect. "Thunderc*nt", "Cockwomble" and so on. There's a reason why you don't say such nonsense in real life.

swearing for people who aren't very good at it

shitc*nt is an exception though

Someone used Cockwomble on a GCC thread and I LOL'd

Sorry

BBC website with spelling or grammar mistakes. Happens all the time, have they outsourced their copy abroad? Today's offering. "Many supermarket have empty shelves and Venezuelans spend days in queues to buy basic goods."

The Daily Mail website is a trove of such ineptitude. I know I shouldn't look at it but I can't help it. I don't think they have any editor function at all.

The lady on the train the other day shouting 'shut your c*nt' down the phone several times.

I like a swear word but on a train with children about when your a grown adult. Think about it. Time and a place

Not much of a lady by the sound of it

What was the gist if the conversation to get to that extreme? Or maybe she had Tourette's?

One of Chocky's family ?.....

Things that annoy you
 

At first it thought she must have been pissed off at the person on the other eve of the phone but from my eves dropping it sounded more in jest. If you can saw 'shut your c*nt' in jest when on a packed commuter train.

The hostile version of 'You must be kidding'.

People slowing down from the speed limit just because they pass a speed camera.
The camera is there to catch you going over the limit.
You were going at the limit so why slow down - herberts

A46 into Leicester - I'm looking at you.

I think it's instinctive on strange roads if you are in autopilot mode.

Jack Black

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Should have taken her phone off her and chucked it out the window whilst nonchalantly continuing to read your Metro.

People who spend ages stirring their tea. It really doesn't need stirring for more than about 3-4 seconds. Some guy at work he other day was at it for about a minute. The noise...Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding, etc. THAT'S ENOUGH!! CHRIST

The sour-faced woman with double-lensed glasses, a Berghaus hat and nothing else, organising the trollies at M & S Ilkeston with no connection to M & S. Was a huge fan until she wheeled a trolley into the back of my ankle and told me to f**k off when I challenged her over the issue.

I think you need a hug

As an electrician, I get somewhat aggravated when I'm asked if I can do a job and at the same time I'm told how long it will take. "It'll only take you 15 minutes". (i.e I want the job done but I don't want to pay for it). If you know what the job is and you know how long it'll take - you f****** do it then!

Yes,one dimensional actor/comedian

The twat on the Hellman's advert who spreads the mayo straight on to the bacon in the BLT, and he uses streaky bacon, what a prick.

I knew a bloke once who would only drink tea if it was served in a cup and saucer and he would only stir it anti clockwise.

Slow people in control of the mouse grrrrrrr

I don't believe this story.

Like there's an M&S in Ilkeston...

:rolleyes:

Dog owners that talk to/about their dog like it's a child.

Walking in our local NT park yesterday, early morning so nice and quiet, (apart from barking fkin dogs).

Then one dog walker passes another dog walker and the dogs sniff each other and all that malarkey. 'Come on Alfie', says one owner. 'Oooh Alfie, one of ours is an Alfie.' Screeches - 'Hiya Alfie, meet Alfie. The Alfie twins. So cute. Alfie walfie palfie dalfie. Ah bless. How long have you had him' Blah blah blah blah blah.

**** off

I find dock leaves work wonderfully.

....and that she's wearing glasses, a hat and 'nothing else'. :eek:

:supergrin:

No, I'd believe that. Have you ever been to Ilkeston ? :eek:

Ah.....does it have the same 'very close family community' history that Okehampton has?

Very possibly !

I beg your pardon

:D

If the cap fits etc

Sounds like Katie Price's pox doctor.

Nightmares for me tonight. Cheers mate.

Crappy modern lightbulbs that take about a minute to 'warm up' by which time you've fallen down the stairs in the dark gloom

Hipsters... you act like you're different, but you are all the ****in same... the same clothes, it's like a uniform.

I'm getting into the habit of just leaving all of them on - I reckon that as their more energy efficient than the older ones I'm still quids in and I can actually see stuff without having to wait for a week before it's safe to move.

When receiving change at the till and they give you the coins first and then put the note and receipt on top of that. I want the note underneath so I can use it to funnell the coins into the relevant section of wallet and then be able to straighten the note out and put it in the notes\receipts section. Annoys me every time.

Ah, but when the note goes down first and the change piles up on top, you can get a slippy coins situation, which could result in coins on the floor.

which is usually worsened by cashier's who adopt the drop throw method in order to avoid coming remotely close to touching anyone

Coins into a wallet?? So, so wrong. What do you do on a night on the lash? A pocket full of smash in the morning is the sign of a good night. ;)

Yep. It's a wallet not a f*cking purse.

Coins and fivers go in the pocket.

The rest goes in the wallet.

No no no, don't mix them up! Lunacy.

Fair enough. I guess I'm just living on the edge.:D

People who just stand there or even worse sit down in areas where 100's of people are walking somewhere.

Ie the steps at the main entrance of Waterloo station or the people I saw earlier with a pram standing at the bottom of the ramp at platform one in East Croydon just chilling with their mobile phones.

Student Finance England, the most useless bunch of ******* idiots one earth.

I had a monumentally shit customer service experience this morning that did its best to suck the will to breathe out of me. It required all my training to tell myself it was just chemical reactions in my brain that would take 20-40 minutes to subside. But jeez those people were muppets.

Wonder if he would stir it clockwise in the southern hemisphere.

When the Mrs tries to pay for something giving the exact change but is 2p short and says to me 'have you got a 2p?'

No, who carries that shit around! When you put some change in your pocket in the morning, you don't bother picking up 1p's or 2p's do you?!!

I couldn't agree more, Bunch of fcuking Jobsworth wankers who should be lined up and shot Most unhelpful people I have ever come across fcuking tossers the lot of them.

Work socials. If I meet someone at work and like them enough to go for a drink then I will. But having to spend your evening making conversation with people I spend the whole day with and don't particularly like is pure torture. And if I don't go I am seen as an anti-social bore who isn't a "team player"

You do if your wallet has a place for coins

North American politicians and the bullsh!t that surrounds them. Granted, we have some C****, but this bunch of insincere lunatics take the biscuit, or cookie.

People who indicate then just move straight away, you indicating does automatically make a space.

That's a purse.

Happening more and more.
Fecking millenials.

Wankers who don't bother to indicate and pull out,specially when I'm on the motorbike. Utter c@nts.

Heat

This practice is positioned nicely between Japanese culture and a western human resources dept that hasn't yet been hit by cutbacks.
Surely the whole team building charade died out 10 or more years ago.
Inform the bitch in charge that people actually work from home in 2016.
The concept will floor her. Probably breastfed her kids till they were old enough to go to school.

Do you like Pokemon Go?

Kin wood pigeons where's the air rifle when you need one.

Without meaning to sound like Kow or pardews shorts, how do you know the person in charge was a woman, let alone a "bitch"?

Bitches ain't shit.

People who type like they're determined to shatter either the keyboard or their fingers. They must realise how loud it is? Do they think it makes them sound important? Or busy? Stop it.

It would be very hard to do pretty much any job I have had from home, not everyone is an office worker.

Yes, this!

Drives me nuts. Are these people so stupid and unaware of the disruption to the flow of pedestrians they are causing?! Or is it just plain selfishness.

On a similar theme, another bug bear are people handing out free newspapers etc in the middle of a busy place where people are walking. Couple of guys standing outside of Monument, right by the entrance, where there is already a restricted area due to building works. They just get engulfed by a sea of people and cause un necessary further blockages. Morons!

I had a couple of days in Chester and spent an evening in the 'Smokehouse', a US barbecue style restaurant.. alfresco, right on the river nice location etc, and the food was ok, beer marvelous and priced accordingly.. I ordered pulled pork & fries.
My meal arrived with the pork presented in a mess tin, the fries in a plant pot, a portion of slaw in a cup cake case with all 3 receptacles arriving on a plank of driftwood ..
Using any utensils with the mess tin produced a 'nails down a chalkboard' scraping effect which made for an uncomfortable experience. Service and staff were nice but please sort this ridiculousness out.

Yes, yes, YES!

Goes double for those ignorant selfish f*ckwits who, upon exiting from baggage reclaim and finding themselves in the airport arrivals hall, immediately stop plumb in the middle of the exit gangways while they decide whether they want to take a pee or get a coffee at Costa.

There's people from six other flights who want to get home stuck behind you, you SOBs! :veryangry

When they come back to you after a couple of minutes to ask if everything is okay with your meal, ask them for a plate whilst giving them a disgruntled look. And don't tip.

Is there anyone who actually thinks serving food this way is a good idea?

I've never met anyone who does

http://wewantplates.com/

T*ssers who bring bikes (including folding bikes) on commuter trains during the rush hours………ride the f**king thing.

Best action I’ve seen against these t*ssers was in France. I saw a passenger dismantle someone’s bike with a Swiss army knife while the owner was sitting reading their paper. When they came to get off in Nice, their bike was in bits by the exit door.

When my phone is on 40% but decides to go flat anyway

HR depts are/were the domain of the back to work Mum.
Her latte sipping friends insist she returns to the workforce to start feeling good about herself again.
Long time friend of the family senior manager does old golfing buddy husband a favour and gives bitch a job, hiding bitch in a role completely unrelated to the bottom line.
A long time ago she stopped putting out for hubby and is going to make male folk in general pay for her persistant migraines and frequent insomnia.
A real delight to have around the place.
They just won't shut the f**k up about Lukey's toilet training and Teisha's offering to the tooth fairies. I'm trying to shed the effects of last nights 10 jars and bitch is moaning about a "synergy" issue within the department.
Needs pushing in front of oncoming traffic.

Mostly everyone, pedestrian and vehicular, specially when I'm on the motorbike. Including other motorcyclists

People who have mass water fights.

You're talking about the steps out of the Arthur W, yes?

Wow. Just wow.

Fvck. Right off.

This new fan-dangled idea with selling houses that state 'buyers fees apply' which ultimately means they want the buyer to pay for THEIR estate agent fees. F--k off comes to mind. No matter how much I liked a house would I pay someone else's fees purely from the moral side more than anything else. Or I would just add the fee on top of the offer price, and tell them so!

I don't buy a car on Autotrader and hear the fella say when I look at it "you can pay for my edvert which you saw the car in too son".

Talk about taking the piss!

:D

Yes, a hotel just outside Trowbridge in Wiltshire that I won't name just in case they feel uppity. Just put the meal on a plate so I can eat it normally, you plonkers.

It's so true I do menus for a bar/restaurant who serve chips in 'mini chip frying baskets'. Everyone just empties the c*nts onto their plates. Pointless waste of money for them to buy all those things. Might seem like a 'fun' idea at the time but think about it. People want their grub on a plate.

That reminds me there was once a curry house in Norwood Road that served every dish from 'the cracks of their arses'. F*cking shithole.

An equally effective treatment is when they announce at the tube station that the train won't leave until the bike is removed.

Going anywhere in the concourses of that stand is a nightmare.