Sent me mental!

Put them in the freezer, the gum freezes solid and you can just pick it off.

16 and 48.:rolleyes:

Do I qualify for some sort of grant?

I am trying to get the 2nd amendment in my house

Menopause seems to be lasting 5 years.

You are doing it wrong.

This Fortnite game; every teenage lad seems to be playing it endlessly, often shouting a lot it seems.

Yeah I saw that on Google, but our freezer is full - don't ask. The "clump" I can pick off, but it is what is left in the little crevices that I couldn't get off.

Used another tip found on Google instead. Spray with WD-40, leave for an hour and scrub with an old toothbrush (don't use the wife's - it makes a mess of it) and paper towel. Still took some elbow grease, but got most of the gum off.

Added bonus, the shoes don't squeak anymore!

It isn't the shoe squeaking. Did you rub some WD40 on your joints?

Some might say it is my wallet!

Monday is my Friday, and Thursday is my Monday. Sundays, I work from home.

The Andrex adverts. “I feel as clean as a squid” **** off!

Exactly the same for me mate. Medals is all we’ll qualify for

‘Top Bins’ for Top corner of a goal.

Women who still wear their handbag when they’re having their photograph taken on holiday.

Just put it down for a second !

Snap....

We ought to set a WhatsApp up so we can compare strops, rants and hissy fits.

And we can also discuss how the girls are behaving

posh people saying "mate"

The First Choice 'mahoosive inclusive' advert is getting right on my tits

The phrase ‘...... is a thing now’

We are entering further into a world of double speak where vocabulary is being reduced.

Only 1500 different words in a newspaper now apparently. Less in a Murdoch comic. Dumbing down in the tv news to fit in all the sensationalist smear lies. Anyone would think they want to control us with propaganda or something. Double speak eh. Starting to think Orwell was onto something.

They've been doing that for years mate.

The following is a real overheard conversation at my not even that posh university, some 15 odd years ago.

"Bevvies mate?"

"Beer o'clock mate."

"Bosh"

Agreed, I am also vexed by the modern appropriation of the word 'woke' to describe some sort of political / social enlightenment.

'It's lit'

I do hope the bosh was your physical intervention in said discussion.

The inclusion of curling as an Olympic sport. Quite how it qualifies under the “higher, faster, stronger” Olympic motto is beyond me. Slower, lower, duller, maybe.

About the 1500 different words, is that not linked to the volume of the paper and length of stories - not strictly dumbing down?

Language is simply a vehicle to convey a meaning. If that can be accurately achieved with fewer words, that must be a good thing.

People tapping away on their laptop when on the tube. I really don't want to be continually nudged by your elbow.

Bloke on the phone in the caff talking loudly about his incontinence

You did check it out though didn’t you.

I asked him to sit on all the condiments

Insurance brokers.

Yep.

In fact, just Insurance.

People who ride their motorbikes/moped so slowly down the middle of the lane blocking the road so their kid can eat their dinner out of a bowl on the back.

Simplicy in language is most often the most profound however if concepts are being simplified by language that is the danger of losing cognative critical ability on a wider scale in society if it is not challenged whilst being spoken down to, and losing vocabulary. I would suggest that a phrase ‘...is a thing now’ is generalising a concept to not distinguish what is distictive about the attributes that make it noteworthy, why not use a relevent adjective? Or is that not a thing anymore.

You are kidding me!

Not. Sure. If. Being. Whooshed.

No, he almost dropped his bowl of porridge when he saw them.

The film lids you get on food packaging, you pick the corner bit off then that breaks then spend 30 minutes trying to find a gap in the seal which in the end you give up and just tear round it with a fork/knife.

Bastard things.

No Im talking straight. I cant see what part wou

Is that Rambo behind there with the fullstops?

I once had Bamber Gascoigne sitting opposite me in the hospital waiting room, talking loudly on his phone about his dick....

Was it his starter for 10?

True. Not the UK though.

Hopefully not the picture round.

That pair of bloody stupid singing sisters on the Nationwide advert, does my bloody box in!!.

I know they have but it still makes me cringe

The trick is not to waste 30 mins and just cut the ****** off:D

That gonk in the bobble hat presenting the Winter Olympics.

I joked to the wife that he had all the charisma of a Blue Peter presenter.......

Wife and I were just saying same.......who the feck is he?

I'll have to hurry you......

Me and mrs Cannon said the same too

:D

At least it wasn’t “I’ve started so I’ll finish.”

Finding people watching HD TV in SD.

Oh and why the BBC can't put the local news on in HD which is why loads of people watch in SD.

Er.....

http://images.radiotimes.com/remote/...700&height=422

What did he say about his dick?

His testicles are actually next to each other but are made to look like one’s on top of the other

Did he catch something off Five Bellies??

Where's his dick?

Moves around but this week it was bottom left with a cravat on

In any case, it's still no reason for Bamber going to hospital. Eh? ;)

Fair point. I think he may have been discharged pretty quickly

To be fair.... It's easily enough done and we've all been there... Get distracted by the cock and balls and lose track of the original supposition. Hugs xxx

The twits who, after organising a Soul and Funk night at my local, and after several reccomendations, didn´t book me to DJ because i dont use vinyl (apparently they wanted the ´70s authenticity that only vinyl has?) are now contacting me because they don´t have a PA to use.....they weren´t very happy when I pointed out that for authenticity maybe they should set up an old Goodmans stereo in the corner of the bar and blow the speakers after an hour.

I love the posts you make mate.

Enjoy them whilst you can, coz this place is slowly sinking into the pits and I´m sick of it.

Torn between posting :( or flounce alert.

Don't you dare bugger off from here and try and bring Mickus back as well.

Not a flounce whatsoever. Just a thought.

Biggus was wavering but one read of the Mutch thread yesterday made him decide he´d had enough.

Probably an oldie but many people still get caught out.

Those companies that send out your yearly automatic insurance/utility renewals and hope you don't see or follow up the unbelievable figure that they are charging you. Worse still when you phone up the customer services to cancel and they still want you to renew despite you telling them you can get it for half price elsewhere. (this weeks chancers are Tesco Home Insurance).

Also me for not always looking for better offers.

footballers, managers and even bloody linesmen, taking themselves too seriously by covering their mouths when they're having a chinwag. They must think there's a bunch of nerds in Bletchley Hall trying to decipher them saying, " I think it's time for a sub" or "pass it to me next time, you greedy bastard." That little runt Giggs used to be the worst for this. He'd be giving his words of wisdom, behind his hand to Van Gaal, who never looked one bit interested in what advice the little genius of 92 had to offer him.

I was going to post pretty much the same thing recently. I see they are actually doing after the final whistle as well now, usually when taking to someone from the other side.

I guess in this day and age they just can't be too careful.

As a rule I now switch even if the current mob who’ve sent me out a ridiculous renewal quote match what I’ve found online as a matter of principal.

If enough people do it they’ll soon get the message (I hope!)

There used to be a saying that your shoes were not paid for if they squeak,no one seems to use it anymore, except me, is that why i get strange looks do you think?

Netflix app on iPad, why does it need to be updated so effing frequently? Feels like there’s a new update to download every few hours.

[QUOTE=art malice;14124699]Bloke on the phone in the caff talking loudly about his incontinence[/QUOTE

Bet you were pissed off

[QUOTE=old traf;14126428]
More chance of being pissed on

We have been here 17/18 years - we'll survive the twats dragging the place down.

Fagg.......

Oh I see what you mean ...

I walked into the toilets at work yesterday behind some geezer from a different office (shared bogs) who was talking to someone with those wireless earphones in. I assumed he would end the conversation as he entered the toilets but no, he nonchalantly strolled up to a urinal a starting undoing his flies, still merrily yapping some corporate bullshit. What a **** I said to myself. I joined him at the next urinal and ensured I fired my wastage as hard as possible to enhance to noise hoping that whoever he was speaking to would hear.

Given the speed at which my wastage was delivered I was finished way before tinky winky and proceeded to wash my hands. Their was then the option of paper hand towels or dryer. I swiftly moved to the dryer which was no more than 2 feet from where dingle was stood at the urinal jabbering away. I stopped the dryer when my hands started to melt by which time knobhead had zipped up. As I started to walk out of the toilets he walked straight out to the door without washing his hands, still talking shite into thin air. I called him a dirty **** which I think he heard but pretended not to.

What a ****

On the bog front. At work the other day, I received and signed for a delivery. Like with most deliveries, you have two parts to the invoice and one a carbon copy. I signed the delivery and he separated the invoice and I received one copy. Two mins later I needed a piss so went off to the toilet where surprisingly he was stood at the urinal so I approached next to him at the next urinal. I then noticed whilst he was holding his old boy, the second copy of the invoiced attached to the same hand and also his pen (which I used to sign the document). Given the fact that his hands are no further than a foot away from the porcelain where the splash would occur, there is no way that invoice and pen wouldn't be coated in his piss. He then proceeded to walk out without even washing his hands. I know for a fact that he often uses our workplace as a piss stop before I after he comes into the office. This means there is a high chance I've coated my hands in his piss before signing a piss invoice and holding his piss coated pen - Dirty f--k bastard!! When he comes in now I ensure I use my own pen and sign the document free hand without touching the paper. What is wrong with people FFS.

Maybe he used to work for Yellow Pages?

Or maybe he's able to piss without getting it all over his hands? Something some of you seem unable to do

This annoys me too and I wonder if there’s ever been a case when anyone has gone to the trouble of lip reading the whole conversation of the officials?

It’s ridiculous when you consider that some sports (eg rugby and American football) have mics on their refs so you can hear what they’re saying.

I’d advise the officials to be careful and professional about what they say on the pitch at all times, and then they won’t have to have this charade.

If they want to discuss how much they loathe a player or manager, wait till after the match.

It first annoyed me when the tennis doubles players did this....do they think there’s someone in the stadium that can lip read their tactics for the next play and then instantly convey this info to their opponents? It’s so pretentious.

It is funny when a manager is obviously having a paddy at someone and has to keep covering his mouth though. :)

Doris Stokes stylee

Where do you live, in the 1970’s? :D

Still happens in my trade. One copy for us, the second to be retained by supplier.

What trade is that, Antiques?

Joking apart, pretty much all of our deliveries are signed electronically and have been for a few years now.

People sat behind you on a plane or train who are unable to get out their seat without pulling with all their strength on the back of your seat, causing you to be violently rocked.

That bit of grease-proof paper between the spread and the lid for the spread container.

Bastard thing gets all creased up, mangled and covered all over in the contents that you end up with spread all over your fingers.

Motor trade. There is not one supplier of ours (and we have many) that do electronic signed deliveries. Strange I know is this day and age.

People with deliberately big hair sitting in front of you at the theatre. Big people can't help it, those that style their hair sideways and up can **** off.

Ah, the comforting safe place that non hand washers like to retreat to.

However, it does not protect them from the terrifying horrors of perianal sweat.

Flat battery alerts on smoke alarms that always go off at 3am in the morning.

People who think Weed is a drug in the same category as Heroin and Cocaine.

Jesus christ it's just a plant. A absolutely wonderful plant at that.

I do that to people who insist on reclining their seats onto my knees.

Living with my bird.

You hold your hands onto your perenium? How small is your willy?