People on the BBS who take great delight in criticising Gareth Southgate, insisting he's got an anti Palace agenda.

People who inflict their bare feet on people, I do not want to see your fungal nail infection, corns or bunions. Stop spreading your crusty dry skin on the pub floor. Sandals/flip flops are for the beach. Oh and whilst we are at it people who wear those training vests out down the pub. Put your hairy pits away.

New neighbours across the street. They have 6 vehicles, a Harley Davidson and a scooter.

They also have a 2 car garage, but as they have downsized from their previous house the garage is full of crap and will never see a car parked in it. Needles to say said 6 vehicles are parked everywhere on our little street which only has 8 houses on it.

Certainly pissed off a few of their new neighbours... I hear words have been exchanged already!

Training vest = wife-beater shirt

People who own a Volvo XC90.... its the size of a small house and makes it impossible for anyone around them to see what's going on

We’ve got a similar problem. House nearby has about 8 adults in it, but 11 cars.

Three cars on drive, two outside their house and then six parked (or should I say dumped) in front the rest of us. Some of their cars rarely move, there’s no way they actually need them all.

Nothing we can do legally about it, but bad feeling is growing. If you live with this behaviour constantly, it can become v frustrating that, providing the car is taxed, someone can park permanently outside your house and there’s nothing you can do about it. I appreciate it’s a public street, but what about the homeowner’s visitors, deliveries etc.

Not an easy situation to resolve, but causes a lot of friction. Maybe car ownership will eventually be curbed? Seems alien to us, but when I was in Shanghai I was told how they’re restricted to one car per couple, and even that was allocated in a ballot.

Doom mongers

People doing big shops in tiny supermarkets

Wow... you win! :eek:

People ignoring my super dry yet very perceptive post #416 on the France v Croatia match update thread.

Not much apparently... Just another manic Monday!

The funniest posts I have ever delivered have received no comment or rep whatsoever.

It is heartbreaking on the first dozen or so occassions but after it reaches triple figures, it is like water off a ducks back.

Hang in there.

The stupid clapping thing at Wimbledon when a player challenges a call. :jerkit:

Other people have to find it funny is the key. We all laugh at our own jokes, because we get them.

Dear Mr Duck,

Whats your funniest then? If I like it I will rep you.

Regards

Mr Water

Yep, also Audi Q7, BMX X5 etc. I often see them mounting the curb when going around corners as their owners are unable to perform simple tasks like steering them.

I just just checked it. :moo2::D

Ricky Gervais, please take note.

Wimbledon.

I cannot risk reliving the pain

You have made my point better than I did.

However you have assumed that my 'jokes' were not appreciated because they were not understood, omitting the fact they may quite simply have not been funny.

I thank you for that.

Suggestion threads in Transfer Hotline. Who are we making the suggestion to? Is Dougie scanning the BBS for transfer targets? Or do we all club together to make an offer?

Think the heat and lack of transfer business is getting to me.

Flip flops. In the office.

Seagulls. In Birmingham. They couldn't be further from the sea if they fooking tried. Need a cull of the bastards.

But you atleast must have found them funny?

Someone who see’s sense.

It’s like asking what is your favorite colour or what will you be when you grow up. I guess it’s for people to be able to claim they saw a player if they become well known first, maybe it should have its own forum because it’s a load of bollox.

‘Let’s go <<insert tennis player first name>>, let’s go!’

:jerkit: :jerkit: :jerkit:

I was the only one in a whole school who actually had the guts to say I was Palace. When I started going to matches without adult supervision and ended up at the back of the Holmesdale I was amazed at the amount of schoolmates I bumped into.

Poor customer service in the UK.

I'm not sure that you are allowed now without adult supervision

Ghostbikes, southern water, Amazon. Three companies I have had problems with, three companies that did everything they could to make me happy. None of the issues were their "fault" but how they handled the problem to get it resolved was exemplary

Biggus said that too, but I think that's so he has an excuse to go with me.

.

Babylon Zoo, Spaceman.

I remember seeing the Levi's advert and thinking what a great song it was. I still haven't got over the disappointment.

Getting old.... I'm joining the hearing aid club.

I can't believe how expensive they are. Fortunately insurance covers most of the cost.

Yesterday I purchased my first pair of reading glasses. :(

Kin great they are.:D

You did well to last to 48!

That’s what the bloke in Specsavers said too. :)

49 in a couple of weeks. I was hoping to get to 50. Still I can read my iPad without having to enlarge the text now.

Good luck with the hearing aids. When I was in Specsavers they were advertising them for a shade under two grand.:eek:

$7,500 for my two! :eek: (As said apparently insurance pick up most of the tab - we will see)

Apparently these connect to your iPhone and you can listen to music with them, and also do all sorts of things through the App.

It did ask if they can be programmed to tune out the wife... the girl said it was funny but all the men say that! Apparently you can't.

I’m officially over the hill…
Hearing Aids – Check
Cataract Surgery both eyes – Check
Reading glasses - Check
Prostrate exam – Check
Getting up in the night to take a pee – Check (At least I’m still getting up to pee!)
Hair growing out of ears – Check
Hair all gone gray – Check (At least I still have most of it)
Scared of driving over 65 MPH – Check
More capped teeth than uncapped – Check

It could be worse I guess, I could support Charlton or Brighton.

Can’t spell prostate - Check
10% discount at supermarket on Wednesday’s - Check

Well I was sort of prostrate when they were checking the prostate!

Ha ha. You would not be the first person today to call a press conference to correct something “mis-spoken” so feel free...!!

I'd be prostrate at the price of hearing aids. Not there yet FF

I was quoted over 2 grand for mine. Got the same ones free on the NHS.

Would you like me to fly over and shave your bollocks?

Is that what old people do? Shave their bollocks I mean.

No.

They fly over some young(er) bloke from Maidstone to do it for them.

Allegedly.

Only if they live in Bangkok... allegedly. :eek:

Football fans with unrealistic expectations.

Is that actually related to football or a comment on the bollock shaving?

Its true.

Spain sweety, but whatever floats ya boat. Xx

Who knew? :rolleyes:

I meant that only men in Bangkok fly young men out to them to shave their balls.

Well you could start a trend honky tonks. :love:

The relentless fvcking BANTER on Talksport. I’d love an ex-pro to just suddenly shout: ‘shut the fvck up I’m fvcking dying inside here!’

Getting to Wimbledon Chase station to discover there isn't an 11.03 to Herne Hill

Look, he in US land, one slip and he is up for thousands in medical bills, never mind the consequences.

I have been shaving Biggus' knadgers for years with no blood drawn.

Very few, if any, blood vessels in the scrotum I believe.

People sitting in parked cars with their engines idling, ****ers. You won't die because you have to switch your air con off for a few minutes.

Smoke alarms that cannot tell when you have simply burnt toast.

They might. Not worth the risk.

Buying this seasons away kit when living in Scotland.

It has the same colours as the Rangers away kit.

Should have bought the home shirt :(

Get a heat detector, if in the kitchen. Not the alarm's fault, it's just doin' it's job.

Instead of me getting a heat detector how about the smoke alarm is fitted with a smell sensor.

Stop sticking up for smoke alarms.

Stop burning toast.

What about all the deep fried stuff? :supergrin:

Living in a ground floor flat when upstairs have a herd of elephants (or at least it sounds like they do).

May I suggest turning the toaster down a notch. Do the scotch have toasters or is it still an under the grill job ?

Suddenly having a terrible memory.

We will watch out for you posting that again tomorrow.

Funnily enough it was an under the grill job as I was making cheese on toast.

Though I would like to point out that I also have a toaster. Only a two slice one though before you think I display a level of decadence not becoming of a resident of Scotchland.

Do you have a microwave? I don't. I do have a Breville and a George Foreman that never get used though.

I do have a microwave, and a George Foreman but no breville.

Score draw.

The way new car keys (do they still call them "keys"?) are bigger than the last Flip Phone I had.

What's that all about?

(Maybe this should be in the Tomorrow's World thread)

Sources indicate that 97% of George Foreman grills are located “under the stairs”.

Mines in the loft

Sea salt and rock salt. Basically, any culinary salt that isn't table salt.

And what's with kosher salt?

It's how real connoisseurs know the toast is actually ready

Table salt is refined and full of shit, sea salt etc isnt.

Table salt is shit. Otherwise known as death dust

Course sea salt is the only salt to use

Still the two fat birds down the gym who have the energy to talk non stop while excercising .

Himalayan is bestest.

You too?

We get our salt by the sack load from b&q, it's far more economic.

Economical. Hth

Pedantreeism.

B&Q sacks

Can yer gerrit in Sainsbury’s ?

Sucks

HTH

Probably

On a similar note, all car keys being electronic rather than mechanical. It means you can't take them into the water

Worth looking in TK Maxx/Homesense if you have one nearby.

The modern version of Lambeth Country Show

I'd never heard of Himalayan salt so I googled it.
Apparently it's not from The Himalayas.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Himalayan_salt

Next you’ll be telling me kosher salt isn’t kosher

Sea salt ...?

Himalayan is rock, not sea salt.

Is that because the Himalayas are made of rock, and not water?