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Flip-flops, shorts and t-shirt is the national dress of Kent. Pub gardens are full of them in summertime.
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Constant fvcking announcements on trains. Shut the fvck up you recorded wankers.
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Americanisms-why are people saying “can I get a...” rather than “can I have/May I have...”
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No, JJ is right. You probably 'can' have it for you really wanted, but you're asking for permission/asking for someone to get it for you, so may is the more correct word to use.
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Being asked, in front of a full surgery waiting room, not to "get agitated like last time" by the receptionist.
I have never got agitated there before but, when you're suffering from depression and paranoid delusions, it's hard not to question yourself. |
Being made to jump through hoops to get the repeat prescription for the medication that's supposed to be helping me get less annoyed.
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My posh hotel room. The toilet is in the bedroom behind a glass western bar style swing door. Watching my wife have a 5hit is now possible and vice versa but doesnt really do anything for me. Maybe Im too old and this is the new foreplay for the younger internet generation?. Wheres the nearest Travelodge?
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The child psychologist who came up with the tag "Choose your battles"!
because there has never been a kid heard to say "Oh yes, you backed down and saw my point of view on that other issue yesterday and therefore I will carry out your wishes on this occasion to square the ledger" Leeches the lot of them!!! |
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Americanisms? They're Englishisms. Americans tend to demand rather than ask, which is probably why they think we're a little bit quaint. |
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Nikwax re waterproofing wash in stuff .. first take ever so slightly porous Tucano Jacket and wash in their special 'Technical wash', then wash in the waterproofer - which looks and smells suspiciously like watered down PVA. Dry and wear on bike in the rain (this morning) ... Jacket is now less waterproof than a teabag.
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Loud breathers
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Richard Littlejohn. And in case you're wondering, yes, he is a thing.
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When people telephone you and they are eating at the same time.
Actors talking whilst they 'eat', I often mute it and stick subtitles on until they have finished. If you have seen the latest episode of BCS, watch Jimmy make a bowlful of cereal take about 5 mins to finish. I have seen the episode of Room 101 where 'actors delvering lines' suceeds in being sent down. It should be on Room 101 every bloody week! |
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Bakery programmes.
Just when I thought I could just about stomach cookery programmes..... |
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Groups of people who occupy the full width of the pavement and don’t create space for people walking in the opposite direction.
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People who inconvenience you with their selfishness, then sneer at you .
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Uber drivers who think its ok to double park and block all the traffic behind them as long as they stick their hazard lights on while waiting to pick up their passenger
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Reading a detective/murder crime novel, and the crime solves itself by either process of elimination or a suicide confession note. FFS... where is the detective work in that?
As much as I love Morse, this used to happen a fair bit in his stories. (Morse is not who I'm talking about here BTW) |
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Having turned down two other offers, being told that the job you were due to start on Monday has been made obsolete
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Train Commuters: sit by the ******* window you *****.
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Cordless things that run on power packs (i.e. Hand vacuum, leaf blower, power tools) that have sufficient power for about 5 minutes before they crap out and need recharging.
It's 2018 FFS! |
Not being able to determine between appropriate and inappropriate emotional responses.
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People who go to museums (etc) and spend the entire time taking photographs of every single exhibit on their phones.
Buy the f*cking guidebook! |
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Worst offenders are the new Thameslink trains. More feet room on the outside seat. |
Celebrities not content with simply inflicting themselves on us all, also try to make 'stars' out of one their parents as well. Robbie Savage is the latest, with his mum.
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Something I ate yesterday.
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People who park their car on the pavement and leave the door open so you can’t pass. And/or give you a dirty look for closing said door.
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The betting advert that keeps using the word "smarts" :hmph:.
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People who walk really slowly and criss-cross in front of you.
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People who stop in doorways like they've only just realised they are going somewhere
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People who stop at the top/bottom of an escalator and stare aimlessly into space.
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I knew someone who resigned from a fairly good job to take up a "better" offer only for that offer to be withdrawn due to a recruitment freeze. F*cked him up for years. |
Supermarket staff
(I won't bore you with specifics) The ones who flit around doing nothing, with those headsets on, whilst there are large queues at the checkouts. Get behind the till you @r5ehole, and don't tell me to go to 'self-checkout', because there's a massive queue for that too. And others who have a distorted sense of authority (lack of self-worth), who completely neglect the needs of the customer. And those who are just fecking rude (ignorant) However, this is mitigated by the large amount of grief I throw back at them. Remember me ? I'm the customer (Falling Down is my favourite film) |
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I make a point of barging past them,...for one member of the group to then say to the others "shall we move somewhere where we are not in the way ? DOH ! Watch out. Real life is all around you |
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Offer and acceptance. Contract is made. They can't simply say 'nah sorry, we ain't got a job anymore. See ya' |
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Vicky Pattison - loud, talentless waste of space
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The X Factor.
The only way we're getting rid of this shit is when Cowell is in the ground. |
Pubs that charge £1 for a very average small packet of crisps
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The Discovery Science channel that thinks it's perfectly ok to air documentaries from over 15 years ago that are now totally utterly out of date and riddled with incorrect data due to more recent errr discoveries.
and also, therefore, Cable tv companies that force you to buy packages of channels that include total shit. |
Palace losing, riding my bike to blow off steam, get a puncture 8 miles from home, falling off said bike due to said puncture, trying to patch said puncture unsuccessfully and having to call the wife out to rescue me.
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Now stiff as a board because of the fall
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255 channels, and I'm listening to 5 tops. |
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People who bring poorly behaved kids to pubs; especially ones that start wailing and crying because Spurs are losing. **** off and take the little shit with you.
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Watford FC having a 100% win record
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Feeling hungover when you haven't had a drink for two days.
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Bono’s voice getting better
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Arsehole neighbours who light a bonfire at lunchtime, when it's a lovely day and you have a full line of washing out. Then ignorantly refuse to put it out. Wankers.
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Modern animated films - tedious, formulaic shite
Sequels to Action Hero/Superhero films - tedious, formulaic shite |
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Not reading the whole thread before trying to be funny.
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My neighbour choosing to smoke on his doorstep and blowing smoke in through my window as a result
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Hospital Records Podcast mostly. And venting on here rather than losing my shit or crying in the street. |
People who let their dog sit/lie in the middle of the walkway and make no effort to move it when people are trying to pass.
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Businesses that have an environmental policy that is more about marketing than principles.
Don't they know guff is one of the most significant greenhouse gases? |
People who order the wrong thing then tut at the server for getting their wrong order right. Even though the server has offered to make it right foc. FOC.
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Paying 30p to use a public toilet. Particularly in the council I pay my council tax in.
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Fvcking wankers. |
Wankers
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