They employ advertising consultants so stupid that they produce an advertising campaign based on meerkats being endemic to the steppes of central Asia despite the species being the subject of the best-known natural history documentary in history, then have to come up with a pathetic back-story to try and look as if they'd bothered to watch it. Cringeworthy. That they then end up selling more plushy meerkats than insurance policies is equally bonkers.

I have to hit mute when that so-called opera singer comes on. And you forgot to mention moneysupermaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarseholes. That one is like chalk on a blackboard.

I'm amazed people actually get paid for coming up with shite like this. I must be in the wrong business.

I’ve always stuck with Confused.com. Not because I like their name, advertising or James Corden but because a few years ago I spent loads of time putting my insurance information in and I really don’t fancy ever doing it again. I suppose I’m their perfect customer.:rolleyes:

I don’t recall recall meerkats featuring in any of the episodes of A Passion for Angling.

'The best known natural history documentary in history' is Father Ted.

Is that you Alan?

Really .Kiwis living in Australia perhaps. Mind you I have never heard my NZ mate using it.

.

This ^

No, you are in the right business. I doubt if anyone would ever pay you any money for your creative output.

Thames Water! Today i got a bill for £290 for six months water in a one bedroom flat.Uusally it is around £75-80.Because of Coronavirus they cannot send out anyone to check even though the last few days i have seen a Thames water van around here about 4 times.
Last time i argued a bill they threatened debt collectors.And now my managing agents said it is down to me even though there was a leak in the hallway downstairs where all the pipework came in.Surely it is down to the managing agents and landlord.

Ozzieagle is a man of few words.:D

You never heard an Aussie say "ay"? :eek: Obviously not as frequent as the Kiwis granted, but it's there. And maybe influenced by the Kiwis living amongst them?

Come to Scotland - here the rate for water is set by the local authority and billed with your council tax.

Come to the southwest my bill is at least £800 a year and that's with a government rebate.

People going out of their way to be offended in some sort of anti-PC crusade. I got the following in an email this morning (in response to a request for people to sign up to a series of surveys)


"I was going through the sign-up process.

The question of ethnicity came up. It offended me. The options were in an order I could understand, but disliked. You either order every option in alphabetical order, or you order it by dominance.

What you have done is group ethnicity by colour - brown, black, white. You have completely ignored what all the television adverts tell us, and that is that EVERY SINGLE FAMILY in the UK is a mixed-raced partnership! "Half-cast" should be at the top of your list.

Anyway, thanks to your political correctness, I would like to be removed from this group."

(For the record, the ethnicity categories and order were those used by the ONS.)

And yet it is the 'left' who are called the 'snowflakes'!

Brentford having to report racist abuse of Toney. FFS what is wrong with people don’t they see the fking signs at the grounds or the players taking a stand. Getting so pissed off with this as it seems to be every day someone is being a ****.

But with so few people in the ground - staff from both clubs, a few journalists, scouts etc. - who could it be? :confused:

Don’t care who it is, they are an arsehole that should be named and shamed

I agree 100%; just was trying to get my head around who it might be (that doesn't work with the players)?!

That is absolutely laughable, isn't it?

You really ought to do a remedial course in Iron Age history. You could accidentally have aligned yourself with the descendants of King *Gwrmph in preference to those of King *Aghrrrp.

Or you should have told him why chimpanzees weren't on the list at all!

I think that early 80's Millwall documentary beats it.

I would have suggested Ron Noades, but that ship has sailed.

Sakho being in Dubai, all things considered, is starting to grate.

I very large and heavy pine cone falling from a great height and shattering our patio table glass top into a million pieces.

Bloody wind...

HH you have some mishaps in your garden/patio.

Don't get me started...

We are having a Michael Fish type wind storm today... actually pretty unnerving when you are surrounded by big old trees.

Plus some plumbing issues under the bathroom sink, but that's for another day.

News reports.

Sole intention these days seems to be to be as negative and shocking as possible. There is never any positive news. Even if it's a quiet news day, they always find something negative to report on, even if it means bending the truth or even outright lies.

It's no wonder when there is a serious message to relate, people have already switched off.

Yep, mentally draining. Never an "and finally..." story any more.

Seems the internet won't have to work hard to fully kill off TV given how horrid 24 News TV is as a source of info.

My wife again...

I'm doing the grocery shopping and can't find certain items on her shopping list, so I text her with alternatives.

She text's back, "OK".

So I have to text back, "OK what?", and so we go on.

The bit that annoys me is when she is texting her friends she writes half of bloody War & Peace... All I get is "OK"!

I agree with this, albeit the media's fawning coverage of Biden's inauguration has been annoying. OK he's not Trump but he's hardly the second coming.

If the meter reading is correct it is likely that leak has affected your bill,if it is now fixed?ask them to consider a leak allowance.you might need to provide a couple of readings. With peeps working from home and generally being home more usage has tended to go up but not tripled!

Phone her instead you nana!

I'm not a walking around the supermarket talking on the phone sort of person... :rolleyes:

Ok.....


:)

Speaking of Ok, reminded me one of what a flight attendant told me as her per hate, when she goes asking coffee or tea the passengers go yes....yes what????

Probably not as annoying as the passenger that answers, "Or me".

I'm sure they've never heard that one before...

Women saying "We are pregnant". I'm pretty sure I didn't carry anything through my wife's pregnancies.

Reading today that the BBC received more than 100 complaints that Mrs Brown's Boys was not shown due to Arsenal v Newcastle over running. Now I could understand if people were complaining that excuse for a football match was being shown in the first place. But MRS BROWN'S BOYS FFS, people actually watch this shit?

If you're on a long haul flight* and you're asked would you like white wine or red wine with your meal, yes is a perfectly acceptable answer in my book. Drink yourself into oblivion to pass the time & pass out.

(*I've only been on a long haul flight twice - there and back.)

In my drinking days the answer was "as much as possible please" to be fair

SC HAS BEEN ON HOLIDAY.

Proof that you can find 100 people to complain about anything in a large enough population.

TBF it was perfectly possible that the Arse - Toon game might have been quite funny - David Luiz is in the Arsenal squad, after all - but the probability of an episode of Mrs Brown's Boys being worth watching are precisely zero because they've all been seen before and universally panned as utter garbage.

Amanda Holden media whore

Her face looks like it's been ironed out.

You would

Obviously.

LOL, There is a lot of sh1t on TV, but Mrs Browns boys is truly appalling. I don't know if there is an expression to fit this drivel, but "scraping the barrel" doesn't come close.

Remember TWA airlines? They used to offer Tea and Coffee with the words " Would you like some TWA Coffee, or TWA T ?" :lux:

I watched 5 mins of this once and I simply don’t understand why people like this. Is anyone here going to confess and tell us WHY?

I brought this up with a mate of a mate who works for the Beeb and he confirmed this. He also revealed that all 1,916 complaints came from the same number in South-East London. Also the same threat was made on each call. This was the warning that BBC executives would suffer physical damage with a sock filled with snooker balls signed by Dennis Taylor unless Mrs. B and he bhoys were back on the box, pronto.
In these, "we're all in this together," atmosphere wouldn't it be good if the good ship BBS and the load of ship 'BBC' could come together and out this mentalist.

I see what you did there. Very good:D

Storm Christoph.I`m 58 and up until 10 years ago I`d never heard of poxy storm Harry f*****g Angelica,poxy Liam whatever.When the hell did this naming the storm nonsense start.Another thing,f*****g inauguration,who the hell care`s?ITV,BBC and Channel 5 all showing this shit at the same time,I don`t give a rats arse who the hell the god damned idiot is in the pox house,nothing to do with us,piss off septics.

Loving the rant Mad max haven’t seen one of those in here for a while.

Is this because Mrs Browns Boys was cancelled ?:eek::D

Seeing the WANKERS at the top of the table.

The Perf With Surf ad

Not really any of my business, but a friend in their mid-50s who has a room set aside for their Star Wars collection.

I've just found out that the bird (seems appropriate) is Danny Dyer's daughter.

KFC’s privacy policy.

They permit themselves to gather data from your mobile device, even if you are not using their WiFi or their app, if you have WiFi search switched on within reach of their hub.

I’m sure they aren’t the only company doing this but feck me it should be illegal. How could you agree to this if you’ve never used their app or website?

Or have I somehow misread it.

Reminds me of the sadistic nurse in the Singing Detective

"Tea, coffee or Ovaltine?"

"C-c-c-c-c-..."

"I'll give you some Ovaltine"

"F-f-f-f-........"

All these videos, be it on the news or TV in general of people getting their COVID shots... Do they have to show them plunging the needle in?

I can't watch them doing it to me, and certainly don't wont to see other people getting their shot either... I know what it looks like, I don't need to see it in glorious technicolor high definition in my face!

Yes, I'm a wimp!

Early shift

Liverpool, crap for 12 months and only deciding to turn up for two games...both against you know who.

Same applies to many questions.

"We've just had a baby"
"Ooh congratulations, was it a boy or girl?"
"Yes." What else could it be?

Do you not have a playroom?
They're great.

The which is implied, but you knew that.

Hermaphrodite?*

*probably called something else these days

Twisting the lid off the milk, and the little tab for the foil seal comes off with it, meaning you have to pick at the edges of the seal, swear a bit, then just stab a knife into it instead!

Esayjet
Sending me an email telling me I can use my voucher to book flights. Where the bloody hell am I going to fly to???

More of a Star Trek fan huh, I get ya.

Recipes with ridiculous ingredients.
Saw one today for a soup that included Guernsey breakfast milk. WTF is Guernsey breakfast milk? Can it be bought anywhere but Guernsey? Whats so special about the "breakfast" bit?

Vardy having an opp and De Bruyner being out for 6 weeks so playing into the WANKERS hands m. ******* wankers !

Having an Ad Blocker active on your browser, than nearly every website you go to blocking you from continuing unless you turn off the Ad Blocker.

I bet it was a skiing one and all :)

Hehe

You get drunk quicker and all :)

When I fly on a plane I like to be served TWA milk and TWA coffee but I love to be served TWA tea.....

(Gosh I am showing my age now lol)

Mary Berry chocolate cake - requires dark chocolate bars with 39% cocoa content. Shame you can’t get dark chocolate with 39% cocoa content for love nor money!

Saturday: Phone in an order to a local restaurant for pick up. They say it will be ready in 45 minutes to an hour. No problem.

Drive over there at maybe the hour mark and find quite a few people in line. Some employee is going along taking peoples names than going and find their orders and brings it to them. I find a seat and wait, and wait, people come people go... an hour goes by (two hours since the order). Finally another employee guy sees me and asks my name, goes to where they are putting the bags of food and Bob's your uncle there is my order. Apparently it had been there all along!

Fast forward to today. Place and order on the Internet for new bathroom faucets from a big box hardware store. Last night I get the email it is ready for pick up. Head on over there this morning, and give a copy of my email to the girl on the pick-up counter. She looks in her computer and I see her making a phone call. She tells me the package is still in shipping/receiving and she asked them to find it and bring it up. 15 minutes goes by and she calls again, then goes back there to look herself. She's gone maybe 15 more minutes before she come back and tells me they are unloading a new pallet and it is probably on that. 30 more minutes go by, and to her credit I can tell she is getting embarrassed and very apologetic. Finally just for the heck of it, she takes a look on the shelf behind her, and low and behold there it is... there all the time - someone hadn't updated the info in the computer to say they moved it.

Fortunately I saw the funny side of it... not much point in being otherwise!

Annoying bit is, when I got it home, my wife didn't like the faucet's and I'm going to have to take them back!

The Guardian thinking that Stephen Fry, Rowan Atkinson and Peter Cook were in Monty Python:

https://i.ibb.co/G7Dghkj/Four-Yorkshiremen.png

People who check the stats of inoculations every day and moan if they’re slightly below where they should be.

Well if you had said “I’m here for my taps” she would have understood what you were asking for and found them straight away I’m sure ;)

You know we had a plumber here at the beginning of the week, and every time I said tap he would correct me and say faucet.

I can’t win!

Wake up in the middle of the night busting for the toilet. Fair enough. Stagger to toilet and have a pee and back to bed. Two hours later, wake up needing to pee again. Why?! Where did that pee come from? I didn’t drink anything after my last pee. Why did it decide to hang about and not come out with the last lot which would’ve been the sensible thing to do?

I've got news for you, that's called old age onset.

Cheers :)

Tell him your "Faucet the tap up 'is clacker", in your best Sarf London. Once he is in your gaffe he is on UK territory.

I know what you mean. I have had some success in combatting this by making efforts to drink more water during the day, but less in the evening before bed

In Jamaica we don't call it a tap, or a faucet, its called the "pipe".

Or bong?

Leaving that poor error aside, the article - about middle class people pretending to be working class - reminded me of psychokiller.

Ha! I do miss the days of him (and Mitchell to a lesser extent) trying to identify with the lumpenproletariat. cr does his best but it’s not the same.

Isn't that the joke though? The UK obsession with class...

They are all gentlemen's club wealthies that have pulled themselves up from their bootstraps.

The argument could be that they are new middle class, because of their working class roots. Or that they were never working class at all and are inventing their stories of former deprivation.

The other joke is the 4 comedians, and the original Monty Python troops were all from the Oxbridge middle class set that made up BBC light entertainment of that time. And while funny, perhaps none of them have ever experienced what real working class living is/was. However good the likes of Ripping Yarns might have been, or how many knotted hankies they may wear on beach scenes.

The original Four Yorkshiremen sketch wasn’t in Month Python’s Flying Circus, it was on At Last the 1948 Show. The performers were Cleese, Graham Chapman, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Marty Feldman. Feldman was proper working class - the son of Jewish immigrants to the East End.

You only get up twice?

I just wet me bed feck it

I can sympathise with the night time incontinence sufferers.

"Brilliant" is becoming the most inappropriately overused word by football commentators and summarisers. Even routine defensive blocks, hit and hope first time crosses etc are regularly described as "brilliant".

You're far to young to be having that problem. I would suggest a visit to the docs.

Karen Carney absolutely useless pundit

The other pundits on BT were equally useless other than Jenas who at least researches the games he covers. I suppose with so many games to cover they are scraping the barrel.

Struggling to see the relevance of this, since the joke they were making was about their own university backgrounds.