But not from a saucer.

Richard Madeley - scruffy bastard
Steve Penk

People, and I use the term loosely, that make noises whilst either eating or drinking.
But especially eating. Like when they slap their lips together. Usually whilst eating apples or *spit* crisps
Ignorant c*nts.
I've got no time for their kind.

The Ill mannered c*nts.

Mark Hughes moaning about the referee for some reason

they deserve nothing better than death

.

Rob Brydon's cruise ad. Bet he's tight as arseholes

My lovely old dad was most likely the softest dad in the whole wide world ever but one thing he could not abide was bad table manners.
Me and my older bruv and sis used to suck our crisps when he was about. Not cos we were scared of him but out of love and respect really.

******* ADS IN THE MIDDLE OF LIVE SPORTING EVENTS!!!!

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Rob Brydon. Over exposed Welsh prick. Not as funny as he thinks he is. In fact not funny at all.

PS I've just had my third massive shit of the day.

Vindaloo last night perchance.

people that don't appreciate the comedy brilliance of Rob Brydon

I find it difficult to appreciate something that simply does not exist.

'This is the life'

Is it ? Good, well ******* stay on the bastard ship then you boring twathouse

Boxers who do the stupid looking at each other at the weigh-in nonsense. They all look like twathouses.

And whilst I'm at it, why do all the small boxers all sound the same ? All nasally, high pitched and northern.

Filthy northern bastards!

Twats who stand in the supermarket checkout queue with 2 items....and then their missus turns up with a cunting trolley load of crap.

Supporting a club since 1967. Season ticket holder for 20 years until had to give it up as lost job and cannot get a cup final ticket even at phase 5. I agree they should have phased the sale but once Season Ticket holders and club members and loyalty point qualifiers had their opportunity to purchase then it should be open to all others.

The word 'twathouse'

getting a bit of tissue somehow jammed up inside the charging port of my phone so the charging wire keeps falling out.

Crawling round on my hands and knees for over an hour to locate the hole in the lawn where the Clothes Airer goes. And then being sprayed by foul putrid water once I find the thing and insert the pole.

My 2 dogs.
They're cockerpoos (hmmmm) who've been named Chewey and Chief when they should've been named Itchy and Scratchy....they fight..and bite, and fight and bite and fight!
Fight fight fight...bite bite bite...
I love dogs but they both must pack it in soon or in the oven they're gonna go.
Gas mark 5.

Wow. An hour. Is;
1 your garden ma-hussive, or
2 your memory abysmal, or
3 your relationship with laundry best described as fleeting?

My wife. For putting on programs like 'What would be your Miracle' with stories like a child with cerebral palsy walking for the first time, then mocking my attempts at disguising my man-blub. Didn't wan't to watch it in the first place!

Try it yourself, the grass grows over the bayonet during the winter. I wasted 30mins searching 2sq ft of lawn for ours.

Put a short stick in it, but a long enough one to peep over the grass. That or get a cover for said washing line and leave it in.

The reaction on TV to West Ham leaving Upton Park. Never head of reaction like it when a team has moved ground and if it was so amazing why are they leaving?

:)
You're talking to a bloke who can still shed a tear at Little House On The Prairie!

Big garden and uncommonly thick grass which has totally matted over the hole

Footy fans singing/chanting along to Ache breaky heart, always hated the crap song, brings back cringe worthy images of Brits in Spain line dancing on morning tv, and Stiff Little fingers killing it on a encore one xmas Billy Ray Virus should be hung for this tune !

Tossers who stand at a newsagent, read a newspaper, then put it back on the shelf. Just buy the feckin' thing, you tight bastard.

I'll try shoving a stick in it, the covers don't seem to last that long. That or the wife can find it herself....

Stick a dirty great Palace flag in it. Problem solved.

BT Openreach, a company that is all about improving communication, but having given you a time slot as to when they will turn up, then do not provide any further communication on the day, until they are at your door.

I am in the 8AM til 1PM slot this morning, and basically am a prisoner in my home till they turn up.

Yes ok it is a first world problem, but it is a justifiable one to be moaning about.

I feel foolish (not for the first time) . Engineer just called me from Dunfermline to say he is on his way.

Bastards who cock up your moan!!!!;)

Thank you for giving me a reason to still feel in moan mode... The engineer was great on the phone as well... has a great sense of humour ... ******* hate him already and he has to turn up and sort out, and probably **** up, my broadband installation, that is almost 3 weeks late :veryangry

I am back in full moan mode...cheers Owngoal.

the tickets came Cary ;)

I am in full moan mode Paul...... bet they are forgeries .

(btw just sent you a text about them before seeing this message :))

:D

Chris is coming up for a beer, I'll give him your forgery to take back down. Don't fancy going near stirling at the moment. Thanks though I'm coping. military world and a lifetime of watching Palace concede stupid goals has given me good coping skills at dealing with traumatic stress :)

Good stuff mate.. yes probably staying away from Stirling is a good thing for you.. I can understand your military experience giving you assistance in dealing with your awful experience but nothing more traumatic than Palace giving away a late goal is probably the key and most important thing in giving you the strength and the coping skills to get through it :)

Exactly mate. Nobody understands post traumatic stress better than a Palace fan. Its instilled into us as children.

:eek::eek:

Hayfever

This is the stuff for that

https://images-eu.ssl-images-amazon....SR214,320_.jpg

Available at all good pharmacists!

Seeing my dementia Mum today and her not having a clue it was my Birthday, and she didn't know it was her Birthday on Monday either (89). I took her flowers and chocolates she didn't have a scooby what they were for.

Oh and having the shits last night, annoyingly having to run like a bastard to squirt mud piss out my arsehole every 30 minutes. Not totally annoying, annoying would have meant me not getting to the pan and my strides down in time and one session was close. Close to posting on the Poo thread.

Happy Birthday mate. Bet she still enjoyed the chocolates anyway.

Thanks and oh yes she did, she's just a little girl now, hates proper food only wants cakes, sweets and chocolate.

Thanks for that. Is The Lounge Bar in the Harbour Area?[/QUOTE]

No it's up the hill, Google Lounge Bar Avenida Bonanza. However, with our game meaningless except to a Southampton fan it might have to be requested. The owner is called 'Bolton Dave'. Daft name for an Accrington Stanley fan.

Is that the new 'we sent them to live on the farm'?

:supergrin:

Contract 'negotiations' where the boss tells you this is the contract, like it or lump it. *****.

Just had the sound out from the missus that her eldest is in need of being bailed out yet again. So more savings about to be swallowed by his bank charges and standard life mistakes. Wouldn't mind if she would give him a proper bollocking, but the old final warning always falls on deaf ears ready to be repeated in six months. Glad my own two aren't as ******* hopeless as that chump.

Keep bailing him out and, well, you'll keep balling him out.

Is this a progression from one of my all time favourite threads, about the peculiarity of humanity that is teenagers?

No.
It it really is a case of in the oven they're gonna go.

What age is he?

If we're talking 25+ with a job, I'd prepare a contract for him to sign specifying how he's going to pay you both back, in staged payments over a specified time.

Charge no interest (it's family after all), but what you're trying to establish here is that you guys aren't a free bank that can support for ever.

If he defaults long term, bring him before Judge Rinder!

My daughter using a glittery bath bomb and not washing the bath out afterwards. I now look like a walking vaggazzle

People who visit the country side,and think it is ok. to let their dogs run loose on farmland,i had to fire a shot in the air today to get a large alsation away from some lambs in my field,the dogs owner then uses the classic line"Hes a lovely dog,he wont hurt your lambs",i advised him that if i see said dog again i will assume he is a wolf,and shoot the thing,as well as any witnesses to the event.He left in a huff,convinced that i was merely being horrid,telling me that i must hate animals.They really dont get it.

Totally agree. Some dog owners are the pits.

Good one. When running over the 7 sisters and beachy head, dogs are an occupational hazard and just go for anything moving. A few times the fckwitted owners just shrug their shoulders and go 'open land innit' and go on their way. There are some sonic dog repellant gadgets out there, but the oldskool method of stones also works.

Socks. Snooker balls

:)

You've got to travel light over those hills, a rucksack of snooker balls would pull you backwards ;). Stones and serious attitude projected to wrestle any fcker that comes near normally keep them at bay.

The Eurovision Song Contest - the only good things, Agnetha from Abba, Jay Aston & the song Waterloo,

Yes, those pedestrians with headphones/mobile phones are still pissing me off.

http://i.imgur.com/fR1ur4D.gif

James Blunt is a ****.

link?

The Hollywood fact that every flying craft be it propellor plane, jet plane or helicopter, when swooping in low or losing height quickly is suddenly equipped with a Stuka "Jericho siren".

Clothes. I've shifted off a bunch of weight recently (which is probs a good thing) but am left with wearing clothes that I had 10 years ago and now look like some 'cool uncle'/paedophile schoolteacher. And I hate buying clothes.

Internet with free returns.

Jacamo :D

People who constantly take "Selfies",Sat at the airport,some eejit with his camera phone pointed at his own mush,grinning like a twat.What drives these self obsessed tossers,is it insecurity or just plain self obsession.Starting to feel like jamming said phone down his throat.Edit,just noticed he is wearing Man.United shirt under his jacket,kind of explains its self i guess.

oi what the ****. james blunt is a blessing to this ****ed up world.

Trying to do your daughters algebra homework 35 years after you have forgotten about algebra.

Post it here...we like a challenge.

Panic threads about injuries before the FA Cup Final

You have missed a simple trick here - any homework I can't do I just tell my son they never did it at my school

x+8-√8+y+n-6=0
solve for n

:) ok (no cheating ;))

2) find the next 3 terms in the sequence 8,14,20,26,32 (thinks this is easy)
a) What is the formula for the sequence? (bugger)
b) Use this to find the 60th term in the sequence (ffs)
c) What is n when the number in the sequence is 68 (*stabs brain with cotton wool bud*)

:)

Top tip. The worst one is getting woken up in the morning with french homework, that really sucks.

You could hear that sound on the BBS as we swooped down from 5th...

The poxy shadows on the pitch at St.James park.



Oh well won't be seeing them again for a while.

remember the last time they were in the Championship? Every other televised game was Toon. :frown:

Were they caused by this?

http://i.imgur.com/vvmpcGN.jpg

2) 38, 44 and 50

a) 6n + 2

b) 6x60 = 360 360+2 Answer = 362

c) 68-2 = 66. 66 divided 6= 11. Answer n = 11

I'd like to claim credit, but my son did the last two more neatly than I did!

Cool i got the right answers :lux:

i got to 6n + 2 by using the formula 8 + 6(n -1), but dunno if i need to put that down first, or whether theres an easier way.

And that awful prematch music they play

For algerba standards thats probably one of the simple questions. One of those topics I used to hate and then had to do it at uni.

Its such a pointless subject 99.99% of the time isn't it. You must have been gutted when you thought you would never have to do it again :)

It came as a surprise.

......or we're both wrong. :eek:

I liked algebra as it's satisfying when you crack it.

But when I progressed to Additional Maths, I found I reached a tipping point with it. Might also have been because the teacher was trying to cover the whole course in under 6 months!

Wait till you get it again in 26 years then.

don't say that :eek:

so are eggs

posting up homework in future might have legs though, especially if its going to get harder.

Arsenal fans on Facebook orgasming cos they finished above Spurs. Someone should remind them they finished ten points behind Leicester,Spurs blew it,and the striker they were slagging off last week and most of the season scored a hat trick against a side that's Championship in all but name

The number 26 cards hung up by Chelsea fans for John Adolf Terry

Steam trains.

sleep deprivation

Hertfortshire