Blimey, I'd forgotten all about her, haven't seen her since the mid 90's probably.....is she still knocking about then? One for the "I Didn't Know They Were Still Alive" thread!

I work taking the money on the gate at a wildlife park, the amount of people who have been in a queue then wait till they get to you before looking for their wallet or purse. You know you've got to pay get it out ready and the people who wait till you put it through the till then tell you they have a voucher, BASTARDS

well when the buy overpriced headphones i for one can understand his annoyance.

She was on some Celebrity Antiques Road show type programme on BBC2 the other day,narrated by another annoyance,Tim Wonnacot.

The weather

Daughters 16th birthday party tonight. 20 sixteen and seventeen year olds at my gaff. Plan was a couple of gazebos in the garden and keep them out of the house as much as possible. Heavy pissing rain now forecast from 5pm through the evening and night so now I've got them all inside, eyeing up my wine and whisky :eek:

It's the extra 500 or so who turn up after hearing about the party on Facebook you have to worry about :(

I missed this, WTF?

Wheres The Faggot?

Oh how I miss England an its lovely weather.

distract them with a bottle of jagermeister

Invalidated his contents insurance too?[emoji4]

In a assured it's not been on FB.....

Will find out later I suppose. I won't be taking any shit.....

:rolleyes:

I think they'll be doing that on their own....

Enlighten me. Austrian biscuits don't dunk. I've ruined several cups of expensive coffee this week.

My daughter's 16th next week. Expensive hairdressers, cinema with friends and nice Italian restaurant. I'm not putting up with any of that party shit. Good luck! :)

:p cheers mate

Cost me a frickin fortune. New iPhone 7, day out in York with lunch, out for a curry last night on her bday and party tonight with nails and make up done by some rip off merchant. Bless her, she's worth it and she knows it's more than her life's worth if there's any damage done tonight. :D

To be fair I know most of her mates and they're a decent bunch. But they're 16 and 17 when all said and done. I've removed my wine and short stuff from view and decided not to put the new TV we've collected today up until tomorrow

In a similar vein, websites that have white writing on a black background - I end up with lines across my eyes for ages after reading one of them

Buying a new TV to find out your current TV stand isn't big enough and I need to but s new one, adding £100 plus to the bill

FFS give me a break !

Makes a change.:)

Quality :)

You rascal

Money For Nothing (the shite BBC programme, not the Dire Straits song). Presented by an annoyingly vacuous bint, the show is pure, unadulterated drivel.

The title is also misleading in the extreme in that she shells out often hundreds of pounds (or nothing, if you go by the title :rolleyes:) to her cronies to transform crap she has scavenged from rubbish tips into more garbage. And they waste my licence money on that! Must still be some school-leaver in charge of commissioning programmes, then.

tend to agree each time she talks she screws her eyes up and its all teeth and chin.

Don't worry mate they won't notice your wine or whisky they'll be too busy puking everywhere after 3 hours 'pre-drinking' before they arrive :)

And another thing...

People who take the lower offer on The Chase

What the f*ck is 'The Chase'?

An ITV quiz show presented by Bradley Walsh,it's pretty good.

Nothing in that sentence has sold it to me. :)

Brighton c**nts

You don't know the Digestive game?

I don't know how to play chess either.

Almost the same as the Digestive game....but the digestive game has more jizz.

People who take the middle offer on The Chase when it's only a couple of grand higher than the lower.

How's your drum this morning Worksop?

Any notable fag burns or vomit?

Loads but the kids behaved impeccably

I've got an absolute stinking hangover

They were great to be fair. Only one minor spillage on the lounge carpet.
New kitchen still in tact.

I made a strict rule of music off and everyone gone by 12. Me and the Mrs were enjoying it so much we eventually turned it in at just gone 2. Bit of embarrassing dad dancing but all her mates were pissing themselves so all good :D

Daughter and her 5 mates still fast on. Just about to get the bacon on.

Happy days

The fella who was supposed to be doing a 20 minute talk at the festival I am presenting music for.....who is still going after an hour.

Good work. Mine turns sixteen at Christmas. Could get messy.

Agreed, it is a bit tactical in that respect. My target is those who take a few hundred quid or the negative offers.

Oh dear, discussing afternoon quiz shows. Any street cred (can I use that expression at my age? :D) I might have ever had is disappearing at a rate of knots :(.

The fact that I just agreed with a statement by the haggard known as Katie Hopkins about the rioting due to a bloke that died after swallowing his own stash ��

Turning the tap on in the kitchen, water comes out and hits the curve of a teaspoon in the sink, sprays everywhere. Mother ******

:D

Every single one of the Nationwide adverts with a poem.

Being attacked by marauding mini-flies when I flick open the kitchen bin. Get back to your rotting food in the dark, I say.

And spraying onto your crotch area, making it look like you pisses yourself.

Peeing yourself and not having a tap/spoon near to hand.

Schoolboy error

Virgin mobile unlimited data refusing to work abroad despite the new laws. My crappy phone laughs in the face of your new laws.

Captain Obvious

Just admit it, Pete.

Things breaking in the house, first the boiler now the dishwasher.

Spent ages trying to find a parking space in Puerto de la Cruz in Tenerife today. Some local festival was on so spaces at a premium. In the end, left it up on a pavement next to several other cars. Figured that as they were old, bashed up local cars it was a safe bet. Got back a few hours later and all the cars including ours had gone. Some time later found myself paying €80 in the police compound to release the car and an extra €100 for parking on the pavement. Must have got good bonuses today - no wonder they were looking so pleased with themselves.

Getting wasted then eating a pizza.

Waking up at 5am with a splitting headache and rotting gut whilst trying and failing to suppress the urge to puke everywhere.

Jonathan Pearce over exaggerating his excitement while commentating on the women's Euro Championships.

People often say 'other people leaving the cap off the toothpaste'.

But what about when your wife leaves the cap off the toothpaste, meaning you get a half crusty blob of dry toothpaste on your brush. You then put the cap on the toothpaste, kindly leaving her a nice fresh blob of toothpaste for her brush. She then leaves the cap off, meaning that you, once again receive a half crusty blob of toothpaste for your brush, again.

Repeat for 40 years.

Completely irrational, but Mark Sampson

Good call. No reason, but comes across to me as a wrong'un!

Arriving to a Monday morning email from one of the directors here copying in my boss informing me that our company is a 'paperless office' and so I should not be leaving paperwork on my desk over the weekend.

It was 4 invoices that arrived in the post last week and a US tax return form that I have to complete by hand.

It's a very good idea on paper

Things will always break, but it's worse if it happens after you have repeatedly told people that if they do that, it will break. And it breaks.

The 'Time To Shine' advert for Orbit chewing gum, featuring the cocky girl penalty taker.

Everything about it is wrong, how did a bunch of highly paid ad agency suits push ideas around and decide this was a great idea, and then manage to execute it so badly?

Put them all in the bin next time.

Hotel wifi that barely works for me but lets my daughter in the next room stream whatever crap she's watching on Netflix

The Grateful Dead. Massive forever in the States, but actually totally shit.

Christ, yeah! What is it with them?

The ridiculous obscene amount of money sky television extorts from people by their sales and marketing teams. Some could have an extra 90 pounds a month to use on literally anything else.

Never having change for the prepay car park machine if it doesn't accept notes .

Belatedly - not having the Open on the BBC because they're spending the licence fee on sending all their wildlife people on a jolly to Alaska to film dead salmon - something I can go to Waitrose and see.

It's utterly bizarre.

Feck me, half the population of Christchurch where I live, would drop dead in shock at the thought that a parking machine would need to take notes. :D

It's a different world down here.

I've never seen any species of salmon that are native to Alaska, on ice in Waitrose.

Maybe you should have watched the programme and learned something. :D

The Cloud

I guess taking credit cards is out of the question then.

However - Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream....

Cherry Garcia, surely.

Norton Security scan...more pop-ups & live updates from them than I had to worry about before I loaded their system. CXLD! Goodnight Vienna.

Fish is fish innit? :p

(Oh, just spotted your "location"!)

People in the office who type really loudly (especially when it's really loud and really quick). Especially the one guy who only does it to make sure everyone notices that he is typing REALLY LOUDLY AND REALLY QUICKLY.

Not wrong.....

whenever i type tallyt loudly and qusicvkly it aLL ENDS UP LIKE THIS.

I was pleasantly surprised on my recent holiday in Spain to discover that SkyGo and 5 live sports extra both work there if you use your data rather than Wifi. Wait till the Spanish bar owners realise they can stream the EPL via a phone from the UK for next to nothing - Mr Murdoch won't be happy! :D

Sitting by the pool with a beer watching the test match - heaven!

People seeing you and then still standing in your ******* mirror space at the gym

People who leave their phone on the table in restaurants, not for the first time saw a family of 4 do it at the weekend, depressing.

Those who check into a hospital on Facebook

Parents who allow their kids to play tablets or iPads at full volume in public, was on a flight on Sunday and both kids were watching films at full blast - I was 2 rows back and could hear it clearly so felt dead sorry for the poor sods around them - headphones anyone ?

People bringing iPads Orr tablets to the gym and loading an online exercise class and "joining in"!

People who like to look at themselves whilst working out.

Just another entry in the long list of shite bands that people only liked when stoned.

Friends of my kids whose parents foist them upon us for the day and night, who then waste every item of food my wife prepares for them and then demand sweets, fizzy drinks and other shite.

**** off you sponging little *****.

Golf - An irrepressibly dull sport for irrepressibly dull people.

I'd be more concerned that they spend my licence fee of shit like Eastenders and The One Show.

Why ?

this? Golf wankers! fair play to you WP if you don't wear this type of ensemble.
http://www.royalandawesome.co.uk/med...1470062524.jpg

Supermarket "ripe in the bowl" fruit. From rock hard to rotten without actually ever ripening.

Ripe in the bowl wankers.

IMO it's tedious to play and exceptionally tedious to watch. The people i know that like golf all seem like incredibly dull people (despite the fact a few of them are late teens and early twenties) and the golf chatter in the office makes me want to slice my own ears off. Also no real sport should adopt naughty jumpers and beige slacks as it's standard gear.

I'm aware that plenty of people will disagree of course.

I like and play golf....and I like you.....

At least you got that right.

This X 10.

So many types of fruit I like, but experience has taught me it aint worth buying.

I have a long history of being completely off my spud (retired stoner now), and I can confirm that whatever state you are in they will only ever sound shit. Hawkwind and Zappa on the other hand...

A Place in the Sun tv programme who, a few months back, ****ed us around whilst featuring my house. Who, showed the programme yesterday showing the price as £100k, telling the buyer is was pounds, when they knew full well it was 100k€....tossers.

Sound just as shit?

You have no soul.

That's about the same these days isn't it?

p.s. Any chance you could post me a few ripe peaches please?

I do, I have Stevie Wonder, Marvin Gaye, Sam n Dave and loads of other stuff in my collection.