The worst bit is they've not offered me any

Steve Smith. As if his face wasn't annoying and punchable enough, his arrogant and ignorant personality makes him my most hated cricketer. Grr.

You only have yourself to blame for allowing her to choose

AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!! For ****'s sake it's 'up front'... where the **** has this 'up top' nonsense come from???

Holds up the ball... WTF, he's a footballer not fecking Dick Turpin.

The fact that a group of failing 'celebrities' trying to dance is considered prime time TV on a Saturday evening.

Anyone who pays £7k for a sofa needs their head testing or hasn't seen how easily they're made.

..or people born in Thornton Heath and Norbury and think they're Irish..:hi:

.

Chocky man speak with tongue that is not forked.

People who leave dots because their brain ran out of steam.

People who have a user name thinking they're cockney when they aint.

The LCBO closing at 4pm on sunday.

People who don't get irony.

Weathermen speaking (& sometimes looking) like robots on TV. No-one REALLY talks like that do they?

Latest refugee 'crisis' progress reports cited as 'news'. Sing: "How long, has this been going on?" Yawn....more to follow....

James O'Brien on LBC.

Lefty dickhead totally obsessed with racism and immigration.

"Open Letters"

Stop your bloody attention seeking and just write to the person direct

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Surely you should have sent this as an email?

People who walk in front of perfectly good stairs to then walk down the escalator, mainly at train station entrances at rush hour

:D

wankers who park their cars 75% on the pavement, leaving a gap of about 1 foot for pedestrians to squeeze through. If you get a keying dont be surprised.

....and those that park across two spaces

Fat people who cant fit through a gap of 1ft:D:hi:

You talking about the whitehorse turnstiles? They seem to get narrower year by year :)

Working for 9 days in a row again.

People who 'think' they get irony

'Ironic' by Alanis Morissette.

Whistling.

Most of the callers and pretty much every presenter other than James O'Brien on LBC.

Right wing scaremongering bigots obsessed with Muslims, asylum seekers and immigration.

Anyone who keys a car whatever the circumstances.

If my neighbour parks across my drive again I'm going to do a bit more than key his 4by4 monstrosity

Keying a car is out of order. But if they do park across your drive then smashing a window and releasing the handbrake to move the car is completely acceptable.

Premier league wages.
100/150 per week to things with stupid hairstyles who can't control a ball, pass to a team mate consistently, keep possession or shoot within 5 yds of the target.
Earning 4 times more in a week than the average supporter earns in a year.

A fair point :p

Jerome was and still isn't on that sort of money. Oh you mean that spic twat Costa that Delaney owned!

People who just stop when they exit a shop. Probably having a little think about something .... Bless .


People who write Bless.

People who "think" that people who get irony don't.

My eyesight is getting worse, I thought you said w*nking for 9 days in a row, would have been an all time record!

My beef at the mo is Easyjet. Since they've started seat allocation, every flight I take is a nightmare. I don't understand why people take so long to find their seats, and then many end up in the wrong row, or find the overhead lockers full and disappear half way down the plane to find space for their oversize cabin luggage.

I fly weekly with them and I can't remember the last time we ever left on schedule, not helped by the fact that dozens of cabin bags seem to get shoved in the hold anyway.

Now they're allowing 2 pieces of hand luggage, it's got even worse. Some people take the p**s

Mobile phone voicemail....'after you have finished your message, hang up.'

Um...ok.

Speak for yourself ! Try looking at the Man U forums , they're on it 365 days a year.

PC World

the bloke at the bank who told me on the phone that I would have to sign the letter I need to send. No shit mate thanks for your help.

Women on their phones in the lift.
Then when they arrive at their floor act shocked when the doors close because they haven't got out after 10 secs.
Then half way out of the door look back at their phones.

'Bro'

Bruv

Fvkwits over here who still can't drive round a roundabout. This is not France you don't stop half way round . Twats. Dunno know why I'm posting this. Not like anybody is going to read it and say , ah that's me.

The noise that luggage wheels make and the fact that most bags that are being rolled along are of a size and weight that I could pick up on the end of my cock! Lazy bastards.

C*NTS (cap lock accentuation required) who walk around with earlobes that look like f*cking Calamari.

Emailing Games 'customer service' address as can't get thru on the phone and their guarantee that they will get back within 7 (SEVEN!) days............

Cuz

Constant requests for sponsorship, I had a day off and came back to 3 recently, granted I work in a big company but its getting out of hand, they all contain the same old gumph about how everyone knows they arent athletic but are gonna give it a go and anything you can give etc.......

Also sponsorship used to be solely about marathons and long swims (unless you were a kid) and now it appears that as the permittable distances to be sponsored for decreases the requests increase !

B&Q for selling utterly useless ******* shit and repeatedly wasting my ******* time having to ******* take it back.

Myself for using B&Q.

Going to bed and realising you forgot to fit the fit duvet cover earlier in the day :veryangry

Keeping something because it "might come in useful" only to end up taking tons of crap down the dump that you've been storing for years.

This. Currently you can hardly get into the lounge for boxes as we try to get ready to move. I haven't needed to go into them, we are managing fine with what isnt packed. The shed is also full and theres stuff under the trampoline. There should be some place where you can leave all this stuff and people can just take it as and when they need it. Its pointless dumping it and not cost effective to drag it all home again after a car boot sale.

Freecycle:

http://uk.freecycle.org/


I've got rid of loads of stuff that would have broken my heart to just throw away.

I might have a look at that. Will probably add to the clutter in some other hoarders house, but at least we wont have to look at it all.

Have to say the US tradition of yard sales really is a sensible idea. Not that they do it with any sense of not wanting to waste, I'm sure they get rid of stuff just to create space to go out and buy more stuff.

I'm sure its not healthy to have so much crap everywhere. I did need a hole punch the other day, but the chances of finding it in all these boxes is small to none. Easier to go buy another one :)

You'd be surprised what people are happy to come and collect and I really find it painful to contemplate throwing away something if someone else can use it.

I've got rid of loads of old paint of different colours in half empty tins. I thought it would have to be trashed but some bloke picked it up and was going to mix it all together and use as an undercoat in a cellar.

.

Probably a pyschopath preparing a dungeon for his next victim.

:)

I was going to ask if his surname was west. Half the stuff under the trampoline is diy related and totally worthless. Quite loathe to throw away nails and screws though.

Selling the sofa bed then watching the dog puke on it.

:D

Just take it all down the tip and have done with it elgin.

The queen and the "royal family" annoy me

...and the nauseating sycophantic reverence by seemingly normal rational people that accompanies them.

Too late i've sold the bastard on ebay. Not for 7 and a half grand though sadly. 'Couple of small marks on one of the seats' should now read 'couple of small marks on one of the seats and a big feck off damp smear stain on the other one, smelling slightly iffy'.

The coffee place called ****OFFEE on Bermondsey Street.

That Sir is beyond annoyance and understanding

Then you would have enjoyed the graffiti writ large on a wall opposite my office on busy High Holborn that was there for years: "The royals are boils on the bum of the nation."

That 'Rooney penalty kick' and/or pause some people do at the bottom of escalators to fit neatly onto a step: presumably to prevent their legs from being brutally scythed in half, or something.

I just don't get why normal folk give a shit about them, let alone defend the idea of a monarchy in 2015.

Good thing no-one on here puts footballers on a pedestal...

Marketing emails.
Especially those that make it sound like I know who is sending them, or that we have been communicating for a while.
I received this one today

Quote:

It’s Justin Beegel. I wanted to check in with you and share an Infographic with you.... blah blah blah

Oh hi Justin. Is that the Justin Beegel, or just the complete twat who can shove his ******* infographic up his smarmy arse? Infographic? You mean advert don't you? ****.

btw, Justin signs off his email as, Justin Beegel, President.
Hmmm... a president sending out cold-call emails. You must be running a very successful business Justin. **** off!

Hi (no name),

I stumbled across your website....

Did you, did you really? Didn't fall and smash your head did you, you pig's bastard?

Hi again,

Was looking forward to your response to my email the other day and haven't received a reply....

BECAUSE YOU'RE A PIG'S BASTARD ROBOT

I got one of those..."I havent got a ******* website you myopic goon"

Me expecting about three parcels in the mail, all on royal mail first class, and it taking longer than two days. I don't think my delivery man has even turned up today, let alone with my parcels.

Because otherwise we'd have a Presidential Head of State and the idea of a person like Tony Blair and first Lady Cherie Blair ceremonially representing our country is nauseating.

Being denied the right to vote by fair means or foul.

100% this.

Great British Bake off.A crap tv show put on prime tv when it should be on at 10.30 in the week.People talking about cakes.It doesn't even show you how they make them.The contestants even cry when they get it wrong and when they get praised.

Its a F$$$$ng Cake !!

Bet you're being forced to watch it right now!

My wife and children thinking they are all trainee lighthouse keepers, turn the bloody lights off.
Also having the battle of the thermostat already.

Why do people always bring up Bliar when talking about a British president? Can't see many voting for him.

OK, Kinnock then.

Whoever stood for such a role would be a washed-up politician or a Z-list celebrity, most of the country wouldn't bother to vote and within six months there would be calls for the restoration of the monarchy.

Right now the monarchy has a 70% approval rating so anti-monarchists would be better off finding something else to get their collective knickers in a twist about.

People getting off burning planes with their carry-ons.

That bug eyed prick presenter of Dragon's Den who has to say a stupid pun in every sentence in his voice over during every pitch. STFU or join the BBS.

BMW aaagghhh

Have had the same battle for years. Now taken the rather radical step of purchasing a highly insulated new build house with led lights in it. However, am expecting to be outflanked by them leaving all the bloody windows open and turning on every electrical appliance ever made.

Xmas.

And not the time of year.

People typing or writing 'Xmas' instead of 'Christmas'.

Good shout stink.

Xmas doesn't bother me much. The fact that it seems to start in October does.

let us be lazy, we all know what it means

Playing a game of five a side and being the last player picked :grrr: :(:sob:

Is 'Consumer *****est' acceptable?