Work: when are you back from Johannesburg
Me: Sunday
Work: we'rr booking you on a flight to Dallas on Monday
Me: <internal rage>

Yes, we still get it. It's targeted a bit more - usually there's been a tip off that someone on base has been indulging. But they have to be 'random', so hundreds get tested to catch one. And, of course, if one of the hundreds gets caught too...

Business or economy?

Work policy is everyone flies economy unless they are a set grade (which I am) and also a certain age (which I am not).

I found this out before joining and negotiated more money to cover upgrades. Unfortunately I only counted on about six long haul trips a year. I've done three already this year.....

A bat ?

Commuters boarding busy trains then spending time folding their clothes and shuffing round their items and blocking the gangway then looking offended if you ask to get past.. By the time they have finished most if not all of the available seating is gone.

Yeah that's how I know I'm in proper pain as I've taken a 5mg one and currently working from home (very painfully) doing my company's year end accounts, it's not knocked me out. I think I'll need a second set of eyes on the work I prepare mind :supergrin:

Yes, a common pain. In a similar vein, the wankers on the seats on tube trains who think it's ok to barge past me, who's been standing for the entire journey, just so they can get to the front of the queue when the doors open at the stop I'm disembarking on myself. Wait your turn.

Did it look like a bat, a ball or a catcher's mitt?

Mine are more akin to the pitchers mound these days :frown:

You Arse. Why didn't you tell them Monday?

Sadly yes. You had to be an NCO or above to 'qualify'. Quite why that was I could never really understand. Like a lot of things in the forces to be honest. All about control I guess.

Thats what elgin.told everyone.......me, I would just charge a tenner.

Feel your pain bro

A tenner!! I was always worried about the buggers who volunteered.

A baseball bat. I was so surprised by its girth that i took a photo of it. I won't lower the tone by posting here though

Contemporary artists stealing a living with art that was probably done by a 4 year old.

Same for planes where someone has sneaked in before their seating area has been called and then spends ages unloading their hand luggage in the middle of the aisle.

Cycle super highway. Loads of traffic on lower thames street all in 1 lane. Massive cycle lane empty.

Echo that one:wallbash:

and when the plane has landed, there's always a bunch of people who sit waiting until the doors open before standing up in the aisle, blocking the way while they fackarse about getting their luggage out, putting their coat on etc.

Theres always a few minutes between the seatbelt sign going off and the doors opening for you to get your shit together and get ready to leave. USE IT

Diabetic?

Turd base.

Luis Suarez,cheating again. Currently,my least favourite footballer

I'll raise you commuters wearing heavy coats opening train windows in winter, without asking anyone else, rather than taking their ******* coats off to cool down.

Owen Hargreaves. Chats a "tonne" of shit whilst trying to sound cool and authorative. #TwaddlewithaMidAtlantictwangtosser

The fact that I still can't watch or think about the fa cup final last year. 8 ******* minutes and losing to them wankers after one of the best moments of my life.

I still haven't watched it. As for them........fill in the blanks. _______ ____ _____

Never watched it either, haven't seen either of their goals and doubt I ever will, most I've ever done is watched Puncheon's goal once on YT but that's it.

I loathe them and I loathe Clattenberg.

Alcoholic.

:D

I haven't been able to read the programme... probably never will now.

I did watch the game recorded on a Spanish (Mexican) channel, which meant I didn't have to listen to the Wanker fest.

Funny I feel sort of the opposite, especially if I'm stuck in a window seat. All gets a bit claustrophobic.

Has anyone else been unfortunate enough to hear 'Savage, Flintoff and the Ping Pong Guy' or whatever the **** it's called on radio 5? I quite enjoy Matthew Syed's articles on sports psychology and such like in the newspapers so I thought I would risk it, but after a couple of tries I cannot stand it any longer.

For those who haven't heard it, imagine Albert Einstein attempting to sustain an erudite conversation with a couple of chimpanzees and you are getting close to the money. In truth Syed acts as little more than an Ernie Wise style link man between the other two chumps' interminable rants and anecdotes, struggles to get a word in edgeways and hence comes across as rather dull.

Everyone knows Savage is a twat anyway, but it's Flintoff that I find really irritating. He clearly thinks he's the new Peter Ustinov, one of the most amusing and entertaining raconteurs on the planet. Everything he says in that broad Lancashire accent gradually gets louder and more hysterical as he reaches what passes for a punchline in a crescendo of incredulous shouting, Savage shrieking with delight in the background. And if he mentions that ******* pedalo one more time i will personally strap him into one and let it loose in the middle of the Atlantic, that'll give him a fresh anecdote for his after dinner speaking.

New guy at work showing up for casual Friday in a Manchester United T-Shirt!

Comes from Bath... so his local team I guess.

I was going to show him my photos from the Final, but then thought why bother.

Double Post

You deserve lots of rep

Bipe's rant was glorious.

Don't entertain football conversation with him whatsoever. I blank the Liverpool/Man Utd supporters at my gaff who aren't from the area or have a decent reason to support them.

I don't know why but that made me LOL.

Because it's funny Pat made me LOL too.

Nostalgic TV programmes about an era that I can remember (the 90s). Shows I am getting old.

Don't I was watching Saturday take away with the missus and they had steps on who are making a comeback and it got me thinking that we still have a great number of entertainers from yesteryear but in say 30 yrs time are people going to feel saddened that the thin bird who was fat but now thin again from steps has died, or the first winner of big brother?

Those stupid picture stands in Sainsbury's showing people 'food dancing'

Grow up ffs

Arsene Wenger claiming his team have found their confidence again after beating Lincoln City ... well done, Arsene - what a managerial feat you have achieved there :rolleyes:

Don't have a bit of wire to get South African SIM card out of phone.

Annoying

(Though probably could have used the 15 minutes of free Heathrow express wifi to tell my wife I was back in the country instead of posting this)

I drove past a massive banner and had to check twice to see if my eyes were telling me the truth. What is the point of it all?

Feck knows

It's pathetic is all I know

That workplace pensions ad with the monster everyone ignores. It's like one of those shite ones the Apprentice wankers make every series

Happily spooling through YouTube and stumbling on these abominations;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zHJSCt5xNM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bx7MuA5YGQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQW_DPyzFVQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i13_QHEKQyk

Someone brings their baby in, everyone abandons their desks & I end up answering their bloody phones.

:eek:

Roads that say 'no turning'. Fvck off.

People who three point turn on main roads.

Seconded.

I should have pointed out I was talking about side roads. Westgate Road off Foxgrove Road in Beckenham to be precise.

AAAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHH make it stop, only listened to 10 secs of the first one, kin hell, why!?

Cover versions that are worse than the originals, what's the point!? :wallbash:

I'm sure I'm not making this up but near the village of Ucking there was a sign that said 'no Ucking U-turn' Can anyone confirm that?

Telling doctor I'd pick up my new prescription for back pain (see few pages back) at lunch. Hobbling there from work on my lunch break to find the bastards don't open again until 2:30 :wallbash:

The Pet Shop Boys one isn't that bad.

Hmmm. Colour me unconvinced. :hmph:

The first two made me nauseous, but at least the BCR version was honest.

Italian people getting precious about what goes into pasta dishes. 'Real spaghetti bolognese, doesn't have meat. Or tomatoes. Or spaghetti. And it's not from bologna. And it's not food, we use it as fuel for our tractors'

So Mary Berry puts white wine in her spag Bol, deal with it. If only they know what shite British students have been putting into their 'spag Bol' for decades, that would really upset them.

I used to put Branston pickle and mung beans in mine. It was quite a well known delicacy at Essex Uni.

'spaghetti bolognese' is an english dish, like chicken tikka massala.

Brown sauce and grated carrots in mine. :p

Baked beans and sweet corn

That ******* chant the wankers fans keep singing over and over and over

This and that ******* country road chant of theirs too :veryangry:veryangry

The "something tells me I'm into something good" one is toe curling. "6 foot 5, hard as ****, gets the reds excited" for that **** Zlatan ain't much better and all

all their songs are nursery rhymes, the wankers. Best away fans in the land apparently...

Yes. What is it with Man U's songs??? Always find them toe curlingly embarrassing. They always sound like St Winifred's Chior singing that grandma song to me.

The new packaging for cigarettes.

Pretty sure I'm being whooshed here but.....you best tell the Chamber of Commerce in Bologna that....and the 450 Italian chefs consulted on the correct way to make it. :)

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/food-and-...orrect-recipe/

I think that horse has bolted, bit like asking good people of Hamburg how to make hamburgers.

You're thinking of Frankfurt, they invented the burger. Hamburg invented the sausage.

Stop it :D

Infact, due to ill feeling over WW2 bombings et , sausages were outlawed in Sussex until the mid 20th Century....the demand for the lengthy German comestible was so great that the illicit trade of imported bangers to that area led to the peoples of Brighton and surrounding areas being known as "Sausage Smugglers".

And Sausage Jockeys.

This thread has gone from bad to wurst.

I think you've just made that up. It's only you demanding lengthy German comestibles.

Gino's gonna poison Holly one day.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/tvs...ng-recipe.html

My USP is all English comestible

People that post links and nothing else. Give us a bloody clue as to what we are about to read. The post 2 above this one is the way to do it.

Said before I'm certain......but those clackers at Leicester! Sweet Jesus!

People like the wretched Julia Hartley-Brewer complaining about Muslims wearing a hijab.

Why are these people so frightened by a head scarf? She prattles on about 'you don't want people turning up with outrageous political statements on their tee-shirts' and she's correct on that. But it's a head scarf, not an incitement to riot.

She cites France as banning all kinds of religious regalia in public places, but it's just a head scarf. Our ancestors used to wear head scarfs in the 30s. 40s. 50s, 60s, so what's so wrong with them now?

She prattles on about being a feminist, yet feels entitled to deny people their basic right of freedom of belief and religion. Maybe we should ban dog collars? (the religious type).

Why is she so scared?

Pillows. Is there a scientific way of testing them in the shop without trying the shops patience and asking them if they could ask punters not to disturb you for a few hours whilst you tested them out with a little kip?

Ive lost count of the amount of money wasted having thought id found a nice replacement pillow only to get home to find even Terry Waite would have probably asked if they had anything a bit comfier.

Such an important decision to make sure you end up with the right ones. I usually sleep on it before deciding.

Humblebragging

In a similar vein, when someone posts a message of positivism and then declares that they are an opposition fan.

eg. I think Ander Herrera did deserve his red card, and Chelsea played excellently...and I'm a Man United fan.

Bad example but you get the gist.

:)

Can't beat memory foam. So much better than shaving foam.

The One Show. A live cringe fest.

Not being able to find an old thread

What's it about?

The 19% thread

Is it about vat? :)

if that's what you want to call it, fine :D

:D

Feck knows mate. Try searching using some keywords ;)

That's why I'm annoyed. I already have!

I just searched for 'low, scummish really' and it came back with hundreds of threads. Probably need to remember what the title was I reckon. HTH :p