People who say "Being a parent is an amazing experience".

It's a f*cking rollercoaster ride interspersed with times of great fun and happiness, followed up with times of grief and occasional nightmares.

The continual financial drain is a further kick in the bollocks and their resentment of you becoming old and decrepit is a future gift, which you know you will have to face.

Wouldn't have it any other way though. :p

People who say being a parent is an amazing experiance are the same idiots who let their little darling do what they like and spoil the little barstards rather than have a confentration and displine them.

All I ever hear is people whining about their kids, sounds like a right ballache, makes you wonder why so many people reproduce? quite happy with my lifestyle the way it is!

Muppet Christmas Carol on Film4

I know what you're saying but they may just prefer the taste .....

Daily express headlines

Yeah. Fat bastards have their rights you know.

**** it. Give em a milkshake.

No milkshakes in McMucks out here. :(

They have beer though, which is nice.

Bonzai trees

Didn't know what thread to put this in.

I'm not pc by any means but I saw this today and even I had to remember this is 2017, right?

http://a67.tinypic.com/20psbvr.jpg

This must have been mentioned but dickheads with extremely loud exhaust pipes, usually on shit cars.

Is that a shelf in a cannabis farm?

:)

That turtle is floating man.

My new neighbour is a train enthusiast. He invited me to pop over and look at his train memorabilia. He has a semaphore signal in his garden :(

This post could of gone in a few places, but here will do the lack of respect for a funeral cortege. Maybe its me back in the past I was always taught to doff your cap when a funeral went past, as a kid it would be the school cap, if not wearing one touching the forelock would do. (some on here will be thinking what the hell is a school cap) Now ok I get that those days are gone but when I see a funeral procession out of respect I let the cars following the hearse out. Yet twice recently I have watched as cars just carry on end up following right behind the hearse then having to overtake............

Bloody Uber App... I've never actually ever used Uber, but have the app on my phone just in case I need them one day.

Last night I updated the app (as it asked me to), and I sort of looked through it to see what had changed. Apparently by doing so I ordered a car to my house.

This morning I see they have charged me $5.00 for cancelling the ride. I wouldn't mind, but I didn't state at any time where I wanted to go.

Be warned.

BGT.


It seems we have no talent.

The dead aren't in a rush.

I am.

I keep trying to get hold a of a semaphore stop board arm to put in my back garden as a reminder of the good old days of signalling :)

:wallbash: I am 63 years old and a reasonable cook, and yet I cannot seem to fry an egg without breaking it. My success rate is around 15 per cent. It pisses me off. When will I crack it? Advice appreciated.

Before it goes into the pan, ideally

Crack it into a cup and gently pour it into the pan which must have a decent amount of oil in it.

:supergrin:

Crack the egg open into a small ramekin or some-such and then pour it gently into the pan.

You heavy handed dope

Bastard :D

Whilst out cleaning my car earlier I pulled the pressure washer and hose in as a car was about to pass, driver of said car slowly rolls past with the old "you could do mine if you like"
Ha ha ha yep that's a good one but **** off and do it yourself you lazy bitch.

You are not alone. Try holding the egg upright by the most bulbous end and crack around the top quarter of the pointy end with a knife. The egg will have settled in the bottom of the shell so just empty it in the pan.

Crack shell in middle but don't separate until over the pan and as near as your hand can get to the oil,and as mentioned well oiled pan.

:) Thank you all, I will try all suggestions until I am BOUND to succeed.

Eggxactly

Worksop blatantly poached Hatters idea.

Mi head was scrambled init

Must have been booking my first round of the year at Turnberry today ....:p

Insurance Companies - when does a door become a gate and a bin store become a fenced off enclosure - answer gates and fences are excluded from an insurance claim - simples. They haven't won yet.

You must be smacking the egg too hard on the side of the pan, too manly no doubt!

Actually I was going to post something food related watching Masterchef and the bloke (not the bald one), HATE the way he says pasta... Parsta WTF is that? like he's trying to make it sound posh or something, is he an Aussie?

Er, yeah he is

My bugbear with them is the way Greg Whatsit says "choritzo" as if there was a t in it. It's not important of course but just annoys the hell out of me (I know it probably shouldn't!)

Yes, Torode is an Aussie.

Isn't how it's pronounced, Italian style?

People who refer to Chelsea as Chelski. It should be Chelsov. They arent owned by a Pole ffs

Can't stand the phrase "That's a lovely plate of food".

Stansted Airport

Maybe its Spanish Chorizo? If so we say "Choritho"

What on earth is Italian chorizo?

Pepperoni?

An insult to the land which has given us Prosciutto, Toscano, Coppa, Milano, Bresaola, Napoli and Mortadella (to name a few).

Dog meat

You need to get up earlier mate :lux:

Spam

tbh people who use alternative names for clubs like Chavski, Le Arse (used to be big back in the day), Spuds, Liverpoo etc need to have a word with themselves

Yeah this one's especially shit. It should obviously be L'Arse ffs

Except for Wankers.

Love chorizo - especially good in cauliflower cheese

As you were

Had it in Spag bol last night - superb. Will try your one with CS though next time :p

I hope Maz didn't mistakenly think chorizo was Italian. It would almost be on a par with the Thomas / Oliver Cromwell fiasco of 2008.

Good man

Fry some onions until slightly brown and chuck in your chopped chorizo for a few secs to release the oil. Drain and chuck into your cheese sauce adding a little mustard and paprika if desired. Cover your nearly cooked colli with said sauce, sprinkle with breadcrumbs and cheese, pop in oven for 20 and serve with brown bread

Smashed it

Bonjour

Ah yes! What a team that was!

Chorizo made from Hungarian Mangalica pig ftw

Superb, thanks. Will give it a whirl, but not on bread as I don't eat bread (bowl shit, if you pardon the prase). :lux:

Pan fried chorizo and bread is one of the greatest things ever.

Not if you end up on the pan for the rest of the day with stomach cramps, nausea and the trots, it's not! ;)

I'm beginning to wish I hadn't mentioned the damned stuff!

They also pronounce bruschetta as brushetta so, even ignoring the point made emphatically by other posters, it still doesn't work.

Posts like this annoy me. A cross between a M&S advert and that fat tongued mockney div, Jamie Oliver.
The food threads are full of such posts, but are at least in the correct place.

Plus the staple diet in Worksop is spam with coal dust.

:D

You girl

I'm just happy he didn't mention eating it out on the lawns on garden furniture.

Totally smashed my rigid preconceptions of Worksop. If he wasn't such a blinding geezer i'd be equally annoyed since my cooking skills amount to cheese on toast with bits of tomato on top.

My, how très bohème.

Sometimes I add lettuce if i'm feeling cosmopolitan.

Oh come on. Where do you find a lettuce in Scotland.

In batter.

They are rumoured to be grown under artificial sunlight conditions.

If it's been sent from America

So you proclaim.

Very very good. Wouldnt have got that without maidstones help though.

English elections when its a 1 horse race
i waste of tax payers money

Sore throats. Especially when you know you're gonna wake up every hour needing a drink. Hate sore throats.

That's alcoholism not a sore throat.

You is living on the ragged edge innit.

Must spread rep.....

I is. Sometimes it tends to burn, rendering it pointless, but at least i've made the effort to eat healthy.

Unlike Elton John, who is more of a rocket man.







I'll get my coat.

I have a bad back. I am heartily sick of people recommending osteopaths and physiotherapists to me. Just stop it.

Also, people running the London Marathon. Well done, no need to mention it to me now. Thanks

Some cheese on toast will sort you out.

Arnica.

And cheese on toast.

People who try and make you feel sorry for them and then come back and post on here thinking you will lay off of their bilge. Need a bitchslap

Things that annoy you
 

Hokey remedies are a close second in the bad back annoyance list.

I get a dodgy back from time to time, arnica is a great help. Enjoy your pain hobble boy.

Oh God yes, I travel quite a lot and Stansted is definitely my least favourite airport in the world.

The General Election - bored already

Have my mum staying with me for the weekend and happened to watch Corrie with her after years of abstention. Overlooking the piss poor writing, the acting - almost across the board - was horrendous! How do these feckers manage to get away stealing a very good living being totally shite at their chosen profession?

The worst culprit is the actress (and I use that word in its loosest term) who plays Tracy Barlow. It's school drama class level.

Yep. Most soaps are the same now.

You are Gillian McKeith and I claim my ten pounds.

:D

If you think I'm going to examine your stools, you've got another thing coming.

youtube recommending me a whole heap of brighton videos lately like what the **** i don't need this shit in my life

You really are a happy soul. How about some cyanide then?:p

Posts being moved without explanation.

Haven't seen it for years but Bill Roache has always been shite. And Eileen Derbyshire's now corpsing full-time instead of just three nights a week

Or "supersede-gate" of 2005.

There's a control freak war going on.