Absolutely loathe this preposterous ad. "Where gut instinct meets smarts!" The advertisers for the gambling industry have now officially eaten themselves. For a start the guy needs to put some cake on his shoes to invite his trousers down for tea.........and then, do you see he greets an actual black guy on the way in? He must know him. How modern and urban is that?:rolleyes:

Fair enough. So was it 65% of your stamp duty or 75%?

I've been so focussed on tent shopping that it's completely slipped my mind.

It's 80 per cent but I will throw in the tent.

*Tear-streaked grovelling acceptance*

:D

Having my earhole bent the minute I walk in from work cos the stepson is a turning into a grade A cock. Despite her deciding she has already dealt with it...why bother bintering on about it then.

Obviously England losing, Hoddle commentating and Fellaini are all annoying, but it’s the return of Januzaj, ex wanker who spent half his time at Man U diving, that tops the lot.

people supporting other teams telling England fans what we should expect from our side, how we shouldn't support them (how dare we throw limbs aots when celebrating a last min winner...), pissing on our rare optimism etc

seen it a lot before and during this world cup and it gets right on my tits

Trying to explain how the World Cup works to my wife. I thought she had it, then says to me, "I'm sorry England lost". "It's OK, we are still in it" I tell her. To which she says, "How can that be, they lost".

My barber

I innocently told him where id be watching the game and he turned up and got mcshit*****d pissing off my mates in the process

Literally had to throw him in a cab

You'll be pleased you've got Falcao to come next, then ;)

That's almost as annoying as the old mate who turned up to my wedding, coked off his face, and spent the evening reaching new levels of obnoxiousness while flirting with my mum. Also flung into a cab, with his wealthy, even less pleasant, girlfriend. :)

Next time tell him your watching the match in Aberdeen, that'll test his mettle as a barber/drinking (ex)buddy/mate-pi**er-offer.

Snap

Any comments about wives/girlfriends not understanding football/World Cup. Especially when they say it to my wife.

Gazza - widely advertised yesterday on BBC that he would be on Robbie Savage's show this morning live. I thought 'how long before he uses the f bomb ?'

About 20 seconds as it turned out.

Good job you didn't have to explain the going through on yellow cards thing...

Pengey going home with the Germans.

Tickertape reception for him along the High St.

He might be back tomorrow.

Wednesday can't have been easy for him.

People accusing Pengey of going home

Having a new 'better' computer system at work(which, in my view is not as good as the previous one) and being frequently told off by my boss I am doing things 'wrong' and have to change my working ways in to use it correctly - surely a new 'better' system should bend to me -not me having to adapt and change my whole way i work.

:p

Calls himself a fan.

Yep same with phones. You get used to using it then it changes and makes the phone slower and you frustrated. iTunes is the classic example

Horse flies.

Bitey bastards. Feck off.

All flies can **** off.

Sand. Overrated.

.

ITV football commentators Clive Tyldesley and Jon Champion - they both grind my gears.

Aztec Camera.

Fvck off

That the Cocteau Twins never did Eurovision

People who think everyone is interested in their dog (or child)

Why? Seems harsh.

I have 4 kids and 4 dogs which one would you like to talk about? :p

Your cat.

:D

I must admit, I was mildly impressed I didn't write "your oldest daughter"

Going shopping and having to decide the dinners, each week is a chore that I give into and go for the same old crap out of necessity.

I sit and watch those 6 minute cooking videos on the book and think to myself "oh that looks nice, might give that a go" knowing full well I can't as the 3 kids are all a pain in the ass "I don't like this I don't like that" to be fair the older 2 ain't that bad and will try new things.

I hate cooking different dinners, and I can't put spice in things as Mrs B has no tolerance to it at all.

How long were you saving that one up?

Space invaders.

The spatially challenged humans, not the digital aliens.

Or the tasty wheat based snack?

Oh sorry that's space RAIDERS my kids call them space invaders which is very amusing dont you think. My dogs just wolf them down.

I saw archive footage of Roddy Frame last night looking smug before launching into some poxy whimsy.

Your solution is to bin the Mrs, and eat like a king.

How old is your oldest daughter?

Or, eat the Mrs. Basted in chilli sauce.

Im sat on Eastbourne beach. Lovely sunny day. 3 miles of beach Im told. So why do i get the annoying , shouting loud music playing group sit next to me?? Sod off [emoji35][emoji35][emoji35]

Because there’s more than one and they sit at intervals that mean they can’t hear each other but no one else can manage to get out of earshot.

Im sure i was never like that as a youngster.

23, economics degree from LSE 5'10 slim in a well paid job with a career nicely planned in mergers and acquisitions in the city. Single.

If she wasn't below my decency line, I'd say she was the exception that proved the rule. :love:

Microsoft Office going subscription based.

Tiki taka

Ok, I realise this might sound bad initially but 'charity workers' out of context. Please hear me out though cos I am convinced i am in the right on this one - I was in a Purley pub enjoying the Russia v Spain game and a charity worker comes in during the penalties, goes up to everyone for money and comes upto me starting to give me this spiel during critical moment of the penalties and I snapped told her 'Go away, I am watching the football' she then abused me back as she walked away.

Little Englander Brexiteers - thought I'd keep it out the July 1st thread

Amen to that.

Get LibreOffice it is free and MS Office compatible.

Palace fans who look for any reason to knock Steve Parish.

If they were bought a brand new car, their favourite one, for their birthday, they would moan about the colour.

Self-appointed "South American Football Expert" Tim Vickery. What annoys me is he's got the worst "Jan Leaming" ever for adopting a ridiculous native accent whenever pronouncing a South American player's name. He almost stops his sentence and takes a run up.
I do hope he's consistent and names such as Patrick O'Flaherty, Pierre DuPont & Hans Mueller get the same treatment this side of the Atlantic.

Things that annoy you
 

I love Tim Vickery I have to say, think he shows up the likes of Shearer and Savage for the dullards that they are.

On a more serious note, I had cause to pop into my local Co-op yesterday for a few essential provisions and I was once again dismayed to observe the lady behind the counter give her fingers a good lick in order to open the carrier bag she was loading my groceries into. Supermarkets either need to make this a sackable offence or design bags which open more easily. I really don't want a stranger's spittle in close proximity to anything I or my family are going to eat.

Putting pennies on, Argentina, Portugal, Spain and Croatia (yes they won, but not in 90 minutes) 0-4 for the weekend..

Don't ask me for any tips.

Amazing always nicking a £1 out of my account, they give it back, but still rankles..

Somewhere in my heart is innoffensive!

You baste the mrs in her own juices....and you have the cheek to call yourself a chef?

I would. But the OP was lamenting that she wouldn't let him eat spicey food. So killing two birds.....

The certain knowledge that the weather will be shite once the kids break up

The amount of commercial vans parking on my road - with the drive access already reducing parking this is a problem. Park your vans at your workplace

Belgians

Last year that happened down here on the very day they broke up. And pretty much stayed shit for the rest of the holiday.

Yeah but has she got her own teeth?

I agree on Tim Vickery.

On your second point: pack your own bags.

Ha. If you can see if you can get a clip of Lucy Zelic the Australain presenter if you want to hear someone wanting to hear pronunciation. It's laughable.The whole World Cup has been one load of over pronunciation including ,saying arena as, Rrwna.

I'll stop wanking in the fruit and veg bags, I promise.

Bread, of any sort, that is not buttered to the edges. I hate dry crusts!

You would hate my pants.

Watching an England game in a Bar in The US. An English pub no less. Too many English armchair football "experts" and US girls who know nothing about what the **** is going on.

As an aside, as this all happened around mid-day here, dosen't anybody work any more?

Clive Tyldesley
Colombians
Ryan Giggs
ITV
Clive Tyldesley

Not that different to how it is over here tbh...

Yep, had to endure two trendies discussing football whilst I was watching the Spain game on Sunday...it was cringeworthy.

Yes, worst thing about the World Cup. People who couldn’t explain to you the offside rule thinking their opinions are insightful, and even some people who’ve banged on about hating football in the past that have jumped on the England bandwagon.

You should try sitting in front of them at SP, match after match. They shout out advice to the players.

One day; one day...

Those American robot voices on YouTube dubbed over stills of football stuff you'd like to watch. There's 'kin loads of em!

False nails on ladies. How do they think they look feminine or attractive? It's blatantly obvious they're false when they're the size of a small shovel.

Also why do so many girls have scarey eyebrows? They look as if they're angry with everyone and have been stenciled with marker pen.

Really hurts getting one up the bum with those talons.

People who ignore hand luggage restrictions. Including the airline staff.

Especially when one comes off and you dont realise til you have a dump.

The digger i'm on with no air con,must have been 35+ in there today:eek::eek:

Consider yourself lucky that the couple next to you haven't waited until landing to change their daughters nappy.

I may have misunderstood the context of your post

Orange day marches.

One going past my window just now.

What an apalling din it is.

The ******* drum and the flutes. There is a reason this type of music is not in our modern day culture.

It is so bad that there is no need to even delve into the bigotted views that lay behind men who want to dress themselves up in fading 20 year old garb, that makes them look as ridiculous as they truly are.

Remember to employ the breadcrumb/seagull tactics. You have a prime spot for revenge for their bigoted din. Just lob it up in the air like confetti.

:D

Luckily this was not like last year when all of the Orange order bands in Central Scotland descended on Alloa.

Well I hope not. Now wondering if what just went by was a practice run, and that when England play this PM I will not only be be hearing the England drum off the TV but will have it blasting into my ears from outside my window as well.

Martin Keown co commentating - talks too much
Alan Shearer's punditry - mundane
Delli Alli scoring - wish he hadn't scored, wish it had been Sterling

The fomts used on the back of shirts at the world cup.

God Keown is awful. Shearer is ok and I don't care who scores but would love Sterling to get one as he has worked his socks off.

The plethora of marketing emails that I’ve received from companies pretending to congratulate England but really trying to sell me the replica shirt etc.

Some have already mailed me twice in one hour.

BT telling me that my tel and broadband is "changing". Just come out and say it. It's a price hike! Gits.

Think you misunderstood it entirely.
:D:D

Hope all was quiet.

As an aside wtf are seagulls doing in Alloa anyway? It's miles from the sea. How have we allowed this vermin to spread everywhere like this? Need to shoot them like russophobes.

It was Paul.

Alloa, to maintain its general scummy ambience, manages to hide its waterways from general view very well.

However a little delve into history, will tell you that Alloa and its surounds was a thriving place, with breweries, textile industries, glass works and coal mining because it was a river port that connected well with Glasgow and its city connections to the rest of Europe and beyond.

Then Thatcher happened*. It now takes pride in its second and third generation unemployed community that make Glaswegians such as Rab C Nesbitt look over somewhat enviously at.


* I hate Thatcher and therefore am hoping people take me at my word and not delve further and find out I am perhap stretching the truth (lying even) by blamimg her entirely for creating a sub culture of humankind

As for Russophobes does this count Paul? From someone from Alloa and its surrounds and on my FB friends list, who posted this yesterday;

I rang Rentokil and said, "At first there was only a couple but soon the ****ers had invaded the whole street. And the smell ... it's just unbearable"
He said, "Rats?"
I said, "No ... Eastern Europeans"


He is a Rangers fan.

:D

I lived in the valleys for 5 years mate, I hear you well.

Should sterilise the *****. (Not the Eastern Europeans).

People using my username in common parlance.