This with knobs on. Selfish *****.

People who shout out between points in Tennis. How ******* difficult is it to keep your fat trap shut?

The Pimms brigade.

This. The problem is however usually resolved by one of the following methods. 1. Get up on the premise of getting something out of the overhead cabinets and give them a hefty accidental shove. 2. Even better if somebody on your row needs to get out, a whack in the back is inevitable. When they predictably look round remain unmoved and "unaware" of your actions. Don't try this if the culprit looks capable of killing you though.

I'm flying back to England tomorrow, being over 6 foot every flight is a literal pain with the ******* inch of leg room you get unless you pay an extra 100 notes to get the emergency exit. Then when you're boarding there is a ******* toddler there! What extra leg room does a 2 year old need?!?

Room for a nonce to kneel down in front.

Let's go Andy, let's go

:jerkit:

Football mangers at big events like Euro 2016 who wear their ID badge in a plastic wallet around their neck.

Montages before any sporting event

What about slow mo montages of players during the game....? :wallbash:

Doubles Tennis, in between every point, the touching of hands, even if the partnership have just lost the point. What kind of psychological cods is that?

The French national anthem

It's only the best NA on the planet ....

It's a million times better than our heap of shit!

Prefer Italy one but they are both very uplifting rather than that GSTQ dirge.

I thought you had to be at least 16 and be able to say you are capable and willing to help in the case of an emergency?

As someone who is 6' 2" I get the exit rows a lot (without paying extra). Have you ever asked when you check in if there are any available?

No, that belongs to Italy.

This does my bloody nut in!!! I'm always screaming 'shut up!' at the screen.

And you know it's not about their support of the player they're shouting about either - oh no! it's just a big 'LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!' ego trip while they're putting off the player they're supposedly supporting - usually at the most crucial moment of the game.

So basically that player has sweated blood and tears day in day out all their career to get themselves into that situation, only to have some self obsessed talentless good for nothing nerd interrupt their focus at one of the the more crucial moments of their career.

I actually fantasise while I'm watching a match about having these people forcibly ejected.

Understandable if this fantasy also involved David Cameron being one of the shouters.

Wimbledon is so posh it stands out. The other slams have quite raucous crowds at times so you don't notice it as much. It's live sport at the end of the day so unless someone is being a complete dick then the players have to expect some heckling and badly timed support.

So good the Beatles used it in 'All you need is love'.:p

Obviously someone who wasn't too tight to pay for the extra legroom. Anyway, the crew should move a toddler away from the exit seats as they also do for the elderly and infirm. A toddler can't open the exit.

Also, airlines don't charge an extra ton for the exit seats. Certainly BA don't and I fly with them to Bulgaria.

Most airlines let you select a seat for free up to 24 hours before departure. I generally find that there is the odd exit seat to be found. You do need to know the layout of the plane as well.

This for Aussies living in NSW Jarrad Hayne.

Pokemon Go

You'll have to explain that one. I'm well well past 30.

It's this new app for your phone where you run around in real life looking for Pokemon. But, for those of us who don't care for such things, what it means is a whole heap of ****wits walking through the streets with their heads buried in their phones without a care for how many people they bump into.

Coleman for Manager thread. We don't need a new manager and when we do it better not be him

Just watching 7.30 and lo an article on it.Looks sad to me.

Nope. Maybe a close 2nd, but no cigar.

Sorry

That not a single England player knows the national anthem. The line is 'God save The Queen'. Not 'God save our Queen'.

Also - our national anthem. It's bullshit.

Our national anthem is indeed bullshit.

It is very very bullshit. I'm not keen on being ultra patriotic but in the the odd moments when I feel that our country has something to be proud of I want to listen to something that relates to it, not to some figurehead whose relationship to England beyond feudalistic tax extortion is tenuous.

Are there any other countries where the National Anthem is all about the nominal Head of State rather than the country itself?

Genuine question...

Wasn't there some talk that it could be changed?

Liechtenstein? It's their one 'God Save the Prince'?

I have just seen the South Croydon M.P. Gavin Barwell on TV."The man who saved Palace" yeah,that tosser.He is now sporting a beard,oddly though,he still looks about 14.Horrible little twat.

People who steal bath/sink plugs.

Needing a poo after just recently having a shower.

The fast food (sic) place down George Street that despite a recent refit STILL thinks that the plural of Samosa is Samosa's.

So plug stealers?

Do they really not know it?

Personally I'd find it pretty embarrassing when the camera sweeps along the line of players and picks up my dulcet tones. So I'm not sure I'd sing it either.

I probably would if the whole team was, but not on my own.

Being told to put used bog roll in the bin instead of down the pan so it doesn't block the toilet. Clearly that's disgusting, so I decided to use the hose (that muslems use) only to get 15 bar pressure up my arse, resulting in what can only be discribed as involentary enema or water rape.

Agents

Nostrils - 'Being told to put used bog roll in the bin instead of down the pan so it doesn't block the toilet. Clearly that's disgusting, so I decided to use the hose (that muslems use) only to get 15 bar pressure up my arse, resulting in what can only be discribed as involentary enema or water rape.'

Maybe u should've used the hose to wash the bog paper down the toilet instead then....

Surely it's paper hand towels you don't put down the toilet?, not toilet paper.

It's not difficult. I get so annoyed that people fail to read signs, understand what the word 'liquid' is and fail to understand how the automatic passport readers work.

In Greece it is definitely toilet paper.

A good song like What Do I Get? being used to advertise McDonald's

They had this rule in Honduras when I was there. The thought of it wasn't very appealing, but it actually was better than I expected.

Certainly has to be better than overflowing clogged up toilets.

Nope. We arrived in Hanoi to find our toilet blocked. They sent a maid up to unblock it with her hand and when cleared, she told us in no uncertain terms what to do with the paper. I'm a plumber by trade, but that will be with me for the rest of my life.

'You don't know man, you weren't there'.

In most toilets in SEAsia you're supposed to wash your arse with the water gun and use the paper as a final wipe and dry, putting it in the bin when you're done.

LOL.

Guaranteed squeaky clean though. Wipe, wash, wipe. The three W's of Washing. It's an art.

Estate? Secret? Double? Football?

I can't give you rep again "spread etc" but would if I could. Funniest post of the year so far 😀

Paper hankies that disintegrate when you blow your nose, leaving you with a handful of snot and soggy paper.

You think its bullshit, I had to sing the bastard at primary school.

Something to do with the pipes not being wide enough to handle loads of bog roll or something.

Corfu was all modern during our visit this year.
No signs, flushing was a joy.

Fair play to her. I hope you throughly shook her hand to say thanks.

Adults on scooters

People who whistle in public

Yesterday, my manager.

Spending four hours painting the lounge/ dining room and being told she is not sure if she likes the colour. I should just repaint it all in red and blue stripes.

Motion sensor lights in toilets. I’m all for saving the planet but no sooner have I sat down for a number 2 in Tesco’s motion sensor toilets, the lights go out. And it’s not a dull glow for the exit sign but pitch black. What’s annoying was that I was in the middle of a motion so I believe these sensors are incorrectly labelled.

Fortunately, I was able to complete a line of ‘stand up if you love Palace’ and this, together with the BBS on my phone, brought enlightenment to me.

PM Dave.

Listening to people chat shit when picking the kids up from school.

People talk utter, utter shit, obnoxiously loud, as if we want hear about your ******* shit life.

*****.

Tour de France copycat wanker cyclists. They're out every year for a couple of weeks blocking the roads in their fecking spandex, then disappear for the next 11.5 months. *****.

#squadgoals

The other day I pulled up behind a car in which the driver was blocking the pump, sitting in the car while waiting for the passenger to do the shopping. I got as close as I could & managed to stretch the hose. Twat. Why would you do that?

Why would you not ask them to move?

Aggressively.

"Street food". Is this one of those emperors new clothes things or what.

- pick some crappy junk food like macaroni cheese or hot dogs
- add some fancy gourmet ingredients like truffle oil, slow roasted something, some sort of barbecued meat, exotically named vegetable garnish
- give your stand a stupid punny name like 'burger me sideways' or a twee cutesy name like 'the Jemima and BillyBob Happy burger company'

People will literally queue up to give you 8 quid for a tiny bowl regardless of what it tastes like.

Because I didn't have to.

Any kind of social media message which just say "and so it begins".

While I'm at it, people who pepper every sentence with "truth be told".

Sounds like a decent business model

I'd be careful about that.

When our local BP changed to include M&S, I moved from the pump to a parking spot within the garage forecourt to allow the person behind to use the pump whilst I did a quick shop.

When I reached the till a few minutes later, the staff were already making notes about my car, the time, the 'unpaid' petrol bill and were going to report me!

I pointed out the queues both outside and in the shop and explained that I'd moved to the side in a polite attempt not to hold up others. I also hadn't left the property but been in their shop the whole time.

The staff confirmed they didn't want drivers to do this.....so since then I haven't. I also kept hold of the till receipt for some time, half expecting I'd need to prove I had paid the petrol bill when plod knocked on my door!

I move off the pumps all the time and have never had anything except thank you said to me. Have you got a dodgy look about you?
:supergrin:

Banality of commentators. He asks about the strategy of a golfer on the first tee of The Open. 'Well, I liked to hit it down the fairway'. Who knew?

People who say "trust me" - you know they're lying to you while just trying to convince themselves they're angelic innocents.

Reminds me of "I'm not being racist but..." This is inevitably followed by a mind bogglingly racist diatribe.

Especially when doubled up with "Trust me, I'm a lawyer".

Why to people feel the need to add their photo to emails? Where I work it's akin to receiving an email from a sex doll with all the pouty faces.

Football - I'd just seen Benteke's agent say a deal wasn't close at the time

Weaving to avoid Broadband sellers & chuggers in Sutton High St.
This Pokeman craze,adults acting like children

If I am standing at a crossing waiting for the green man so I can cross, and you then join me at the crossing with presumably the same intention, you can be sure I've already pushed the feckin' button to activate the bloody thing. You don't have to bash out some feckin' Morse code on it. It is tantamount to saying you don't trust me to have pushed the button, and yes, I find that annoying. I'm not just standing there for my bleedin' health! F*ckwit.

Yup, embarrassing. Its even worse than the whole Harry Potter and superhero things.

Add in the idiots that stand pressing the train door buttons before they are lit up. It's not going to open until the driver is ready no matter how many times you press it.

For the vast majority of crossings the button does nothing- its a placebo.

Being the young 'millennial' at work, meaning I'm apparently some sort of technology wizard and also a great judge of what is 'cool'.

But you are...that's what we all think of you :hi:

BTW How do I get my Itunes to work from a mac to a pc ? ;)

Fear being Whooshed, but;

iTunes > Preferences > Sharing. Enable on both devices while logged in to your wifi at home.

It will soon end in tears when a few get beaten up

Ah, bless. :):)

No problem, happy to share top tips for taping the Top 40 off the radio as well, even better now it is on Radio 2's FM frequency. A few to kick off - Not sure what the fuss about Chrome Dixide is, but TDK are reliable and always use pause, not stop, when recording.

By the way, is your profile pic actually one of my school bag from 1980?

It's actually a pic of one our very own Dorking eagle was crowing about finding on another website. I was looking for a picture of an earlier version from 1979, and came across it on a Google search.

Chris Sophie x shamelessly ripped it off I think ;)

What is this Google and website you speak of? ( ok thats boring and annoying now) Got mine at Herbert Sports in the EG. 'twas on display on the top shelf - such was the majesty.

iirc (and I probably don't) mine was also white, but had crystal palace along the top, or possibly along a sash. Just remember it was class, and pissed all over all the wanky Liverpool bags that were all the rage at the time. Think my mum got it in a sports shop in Bromley.

I had one for school in what would have been about 1979/1980ish. From memory the eagle on the club crest was very wonky.

BUT as has been said, it was still a million times better than the kids who had Liverpool ones with long lists of all the years they'd won trophies along the side.

The one pictured I was very delighted to obtain from ebay a few years ago, and it is in stunning condition. Apologies if I was a little over enthusiastic about it, but it is a thing of beauty.

The club shop produced a weird 'bowling bag' last year with a similar design but long girly handles. Don't think they have sold many at all.

Yeah sounds like you had the same version as mine.

Companies pre authorising your card, then putting through the "actual" charge, and you having to wait for the pre authorisation amount to drop out. In the meantime you are denied access to your own money, GRRRRR