Guys that stand at the urinal taking a piss with both hands on their hips... what's that all about?

No idea, i need both hands on me winkie when i go.

Maybe they have a really manky cock and dont want to touch it?

Spunky?

you'd hope they'd give it a wipe with a flannel if that was the case

Or the curtains.

I listen to LBC mainly.

The Hairy Bikers.

A food programme (which, as a category, I like) interspersed with lengthy un-comedic set-pieces.

They think they're funny. They're not. I want to hurt them.

Get used to them they have at least two new series :D

Rail announcement tonight, 'Sorry for the late running of this train. This is because of the fact that the train is running late'. Idiot.

When you are merging onto a freeway/highway and the dickheads won't move over and let you merge

.....and way too fast. BREATHE for Christ sake

I'll panic a couple of days before :D

Being a cheap and lazy bastard-

Bought a phone for a tenner- will either smash it, bathe it in beer or lose it before long.

Bought a sandwich toastie for a tenner- all I get is an oozing mess

Having a week off, but not (yet!) having the motivation to do **** all..

But the start off October is soon upon us, which means, as always for golders, no booze and running every day

I believe it is known as "doing a Rigsby".

People pretending they give a toss about who is managing the England football team.

Whether it is Sam Allardyce, Gareth Southgate or Dot Cotton, we all know England will win a group containing Malta, Slovenia, Scotland and Slovakia, then be absolutely shit at the World Cup.

Why it needs anyone on £3m a year in what is basically 'semi-retirement' management to then achieve the above (almost bugger all) is beyond me.

Smartarse myopic feckwits. A younger, angrier me would seek retribution in violence.

So the older you would hate the younger you?

You calling me a feckwit? I suppose to be fair nobody does smartarse quite as well as you.

Quite.

Why do England get so many mangers on the downward slope to retirement, rather than someone up and coming?

Wenger linked. He's 66 FFS and won nothing for ages.

If I want someone who has won nothing, then bring in Howe and give him until the next WC to build something of his own.

And not on £3m a year.

This WTF. I've seen two men doing this in a matter if weeks. One proceeded to lean in the wall above. What are the trying to prove?

Daily Telegraph expose. Don't think they will now name anyone officially due to legal action. Instead of teasing people they should have printed it, bet they don't now.

They plan to spin this out for the rest of the week, but yes if they don't name names tonight it'll fizzle out.

Feckin remainers whinging on about the injustice of it all and how anyone who doesn't agree with them (and the doubly feckin BBC) is stupid

Get a life

a multiple layer of governance removed from my life is wonderful

I stand outside the toilet when I'm having a wee. It's so enormously long I have to lay it in the urinal and wind it back like a dynamite cable.

In the name of adventure I tried this this morning (the toilets were empty I should add) and proceeded to get the leg of my trousers wet!

Now I'm double annoyed.

The advertising at football matches which states 'First Never Follows'. Henry the First followed William II, Richard the First followed Henry II etc.

My huge cock prevents me from getting anywhere near the urinal, where else can I put my hands??

Don't talk about little Willy like that.

I thought there was a bit of tension when they were making pancakes in the heat by that lake yesterday on TV. It all started when the weird one addressed the normal one as 'darling'. It's like it'd finally grated on him (the normal one).

The only time the hairy bikers were funny was when they were being impersonated by Reeves and Mortimer a couple of years ago on some comedy revival thing.

Being on a train home from straford with a load of smug gooners

Videos that automatically play on websites.

Now sites are having more and more of them on each page, main story, advert, some other random crap etc, that you'll be sat there thinking you are listening to voices in your head especially if you have multiple tabs open.

Me.

On a serious discussion about Housing on the Daily politics, my shallow self takes over and all that enters my head is 'her tits are massive' :frown:

It is on right now for those who are interested in the housing crisis.

I think you must need a short stumpy one for it to work. I'm still astounded some men consider it acceptable behaviour.

Try your throat. :D

Do housing crises come in pairs?

Only when things have gone tits up.

Mark Clattenburg

The wife deciding to organise a meal out for the two of us on the one ******* Friday night there is a game on.

How did your good lady react when you told her to cancel the meal?

Ba dum tish!

:D

efa

How dya think?! She's in a mard ...

Flowers on the way home I reckon ...

Sarah Palin

Royalists!

Why on earth anyone would seek to offer allegiance to the heirs of robber barons who murdered and stole their way to preeminence is beyond my comprehension.

But then they go on affirming their obsequiousness with bizarre suggestions such as
"well its better than having a president" (sic)
"well its better than being run by hitler"
"well they bring in lots of tourists"
"oh and i love lady di"

Annoy and disgusts me in equal measure: Today's adverts for banks and insurance companies. Pulling on the heart strings and playing on our fear and insecurity by using cosy family moments, always with young children to show they have an ounce of compassion and actually care about our welfare and not trying to diddle us out of our hard earned cash. DO YOU THINK WE ARE ALL FECKING IDIOTS?!?!

There's the one about life insurance where the guy, with his wife cradling their newborn behind him, wonders what will happen to them if he suddenly dies.

One I just heard on the radio was for a bank I think and you hear a mother bathing a baby then drying and cuddling her into a towel and trying to liken that comfort with putting your money into their company. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNTS!

I'll say no more as the great Bill Hicks said all I want to say so much better:

Incessant repeats of Del Boy falling through that bloody bar hatch. It was funny, yes, but not after seeing it about 50****ingmillion times!!!

I do understand where you're coming from but it still makes me laugh! It's not the fall, it's Del saying 'play it nice and cool son' :D

I share your anger. We have one over here for the National Australia Bank. The punch line is "It's not all about money" You're a bank you *****.What's it about if not money. It's what you do . Arse picks.:grrr:

:cool: Piers Morgan on Celebrity Pointless this evening. Managed to be a complete arse the whole way through to the final despite partnering our ow n Susannah Reid. Had to touch her at every opportunity, the git.

Agree. Cant stand Alistair Stewart either

Really because it works. We don't have to do the Trump/Clinton bollocks every few years in order to have a ceremonial head of state.

We can have our political tear up every five years instead.

People who use that as an excuse for the royal *!%...

People who can't present an alternative and also name-check themselves to the c*nt who attempted to commit genocide in Ireland.

People who sit down intentionally to watch a programme called Celebrity Pointless. How exciting is their life? Highlight of their year ??

Daylight savings - get that ******* shit out of here, I don't need an extra ******* hour in my day

The poxy two week "international break".

;) Steady on Biggin it was Susannah that drew me in.

You can relax, a day will still be 24 hours.

The amount of adverts Sky have a halftime during the football.

its not one or the other and that myopic view is exactly what annoys me most

get a junior history book and read the legacy of how the "monarch" took the high ground, usurped God, and placed itself above the law

They need to show so many so they can tell Thierry Henry there was a goal or some incident, because he clearly never watches the games

Surely after all that effort they deserve a bit of respect

The septics draining every bastard putt in the RC

Pissing me off royally

As opposed to people who spend their life being a knob on a football forum...?

Whats that like then ???:jerkit:

Still making friends and influencing people Lloyd?

Wrong street:hi:

Lloyd Christmas. That's you isn't it?

Dont do drugs kids:p

People who cant go to the threatre cinema etc without using thier phone.

:p

Fair enuff ;)

Alan Shearer seems to have an extreme opinion on anything & everything recently - and the media are lapping it up by going straight to him for his unquestionable undeniable truths. He def annoys me!

People who find it impossible to own up when they make a mistake.

Yes I am talking about you, idiot, who backing out their drive in their Ford Transit backed straight into the side of my car, and initially said it was not his fault and asked me what my car was doing there?

Makes you both :D and :veryangry at the same time.

Hugging people. WTF is this all about? People who meet each other for the first time having big hugs like they have know each other for years.
Especially on TV,.

Must admit i'm a firm handshake kind of guy. Always mess up the kissing ritual too. Is it one, two, or three? Seems to vary according to what part of the world you are from.

Head but for you blokes isn't it?:)

Glasgow kiss? :)

There was a bit of that going on yesterday.

This seems to have reached epidemic levels now, people with such high opinions of their abilities that they can do no wrong even when faced with undisputable evidence. I can understand not admitting blame but this is a failure to understand they can make mistakes.


Anyway this past weekends Grumbles:

Seeing someone you know in the street who says 'Well, I haven't seen you for a long time?' In a slightly sneering manner. Well yes it works both ways and where have you been?

People you talk to on the phone that probably don't like you or have no interest in the call that end the call the split second that they have finished speaking and you are just saying the 'G' of Goodbye when the phone goes dead. :veryangry

Things that annoy you? This effin train journey, that's what. Train itself is struggling to make it between stations, doors are screwed, there's a baby screaming a few feet away, a tramp just got on reeking of shite and the woman sitting next to me is shouting into her phone in a language I don't understand. Oh, and I'm on my way into work. Update: The driver's just apologised. Not sure what for, the tannoy's buggered too.

Further update: Shouty woman is now off the phone but has started snorting like a pig. Coughing too. I'm kinda hoping it's the plague.

Screaming child has now teamed up with another and they are currently screaming in unison.

Pokemon. Bad enough when it was hordes of geeks shambling along without a scooby, but now my young daughter is addicted to this (although at least she is actually the target age).

All this over a yellow mouse?

I was in my old local pub in Norwood in 2004 when someone came in and said to me 'I knew you wouldn't let me down I've been away for two years and I come back in to we the same faces standing at the same places with the same drink at the bar'. I replied 'Well I've been away four years and have popped back in because I came over for the Play Off Final'. Shut him up Mr Jobby smug faced twathouse.

The Nat West ad I just watched........"we are what we do" etc. Vomit inducing corporate bullshit.

I much preferred the Viz versions...

"No money? No job? Then F*** off.

Gnat West The Frank Bank."

Amen to that, it's amazing how ignorant people have become because of mobile phones.

We are responsible and responsible https://www.theguardian.com/business...ears-of-losses

Oh yes, with bells on. The Nationwide 'poetry' adverts are just as nauseating.
I wonder if they used the same agency that came up with the Beebs ridiculous Euro adds.

Bill Hicks got it spot on.

Anyone who calls me and, having passed on anything of relevance, proceeds to try and make small talk.

**** off.

Thought it was going to be a Greenpeace ad or something. ******* wanky bank *****, like they give a shit about anything other than a profit.

People that enjoy areas for natural beauty, then treat them like a dump. I cycle to work along the Thames out in Berkshire where it’s pretty green and nice. There is a towpath that is a cycle/walking path and I see the following on a regular basis:

- People that live in barges/riverboats who leave loads of rubbish strewn by the side of the river.
- Folk that feed the ducks, geese, swans, then just drop the empty bread plastic bags on the floor
- People that walk their dogs (presumably because it’s a beautiful spot) and don’t pick up the freshly laid turds
- Blokes that fish who leave a plastic bag full of their rubbish behind
- People that have BBQs near the river (presumably because it’s a beautiful spot), then just leave their empty beers, BBQ and food leftovers on the floor
- General litterers…folk just going for a walk who think it’s acceptable to drop an empty bag of crisps or some old tissues on the floor.

I’ve had a few confrontations with dog walkers I’ve not seen picking up and this morning I had to ask an old chap to please pick up his rubbish and use a bin as he dropped it right in front of me.

I sort of understand if you’re the sort of ignorant twat who doesn’t care about littering in a town centre (perhaps they know someone will clean up after them), but if you go out of your way to go somewhere remote because it’s green and clean and has fresh air, why do you then treat it like a shithole?

Never understood dropping litter. If you were capable of carrying it when it had something in, you are capable of carrying it empty until you find a bin

You should see the state of our late night weekend trains. You have to wonder what their houses are like.

Grown adults who take Scooters, hoverboards and anything else similar on their commute to work in Central London.

Nice sequence of threads just now:-

things that annoy you

then followed by:-

Tory party conference
Brexit

says it all

This.

I remember the days before mobile phones when we blokes were renowned for brief to the point phone calls ("Pub?" "Yeah - meet you there at 8" "Later").

We laughed at the women and their constant nattering. What happened?!

It's all that oestrogen in the water.

Mobile use whilst driving is bad enough, but I'm starting to see more and more people not even looking where they are going.
Twice today I saw women staring at the mobiles held near their laps, for a good few seconds whilst in traffic that must've been going about 15-20mph. It beggars belief.

I was waiting to pull onto a roundabout last week when I saw a woman coming round who was clearly texting on her phone, doing about 20 mph. I gave her a massive toot of the horn, which startled her. She probably mentioned it in her text.