I've banged on about this before. Saw a poster earlier where the last word is 'sorted', which came as a relief as I thought the bloke was telling me to sort it. Fvcking automated wanker.

I haven't seen anyone doing that pretend golf shot thing for years! I once worked in an office which was full of twats who did it

There was also one guy who could be having a fairly normal conversation about work stuff, and mid way through he would hit an imaginary cricket shot.

******* bizarre thing to do - one of the many reasons I am so glad that I am self-employed. I would probably sack someone on the spot if they did that in my firm!

Thankfully this seems to have died out? I used to have change shifts with someone who did this and right in the middle of passing on safety critical information to him he would start taking golf swings. The conversation would stop and after a few seconds he would say 'Go on I'm listening' then start doing more swings. :veryangry

Middle aged blokes who have never had a row in their lives, who join a gym and take advantage of the 'free boxing lesson' promotion. From then on, after a couple of cold ones in their local hostelry, they find the need to start shadow boxing and bobbing their head around like a demented child. All this in the hope that gullible punters might think that they're an old ex-pro who never lost it, when in fact he's just Bob from the toy department, whose missus cut out a coupon to join the gym to get the lazy bastard off the sofa.

United fans saying they won 3 trophies this season, like the community shield is really anything more than a friendly, to try and make their season sound better

That's not even a Micky Mouse treble. More like a Dean Gaffney threesome.

When I see people shadow boxing whilst they run I go red.

Side on, talking into it? Yeah...wtf?

Ah yes. Forgot about those characters. I used to work with a "batsman" too. He also used to do a marching routine around the office.

:supergrin: That knee forward straight bat defence shot?

My son's new passport arrived today by normal post with 'Home Office' and 'Important Documents' stamped all over it. The envelope was passport-sized and you could feel the passport in it. You would have thought in these days of heightened security they might make it more difficult to spot and intercept passports.

Why would the post be less secure than any other delivery mechanism?

yup:supergrin:

Amateur.

I prefer the flicked back foot on drive.

I would have thought recorded delivery and some attempt to conceal its contents might be worthwhile?

A good old fashioned 'blassht under the ear' normally learns 'em, big man.

Double bluff, see.

FFS. 'Sorted' makes a wee bit more sense now. I'm still annoyed.

My step-sister has always been an annoying c**t, but at the age of 53, she has now decided to start saying the word 'divine' at least once in every sentence. Dopey tw*t!

I have seen some of these characters in the gym - they think they are Ali but are more like Ali Babar

People who live to work. The only exception,if it's their own business.

So-called mates who cry off @ the last minute before a heavy night's boozing due to pathetic excuses like "I've got diarrhoea" or "my knee hurts, I can't walk" or even "it's raining quite hard, boo hoo." Boozing's a sacred ritual & no amount of ridiculous excuses can hide the fact that you're a poor excuse for a human being if u can't deal with poo dribbling down your legs, destroyed cartilages or being soaked through & freezing all night. I mean, they do that in Newcastle all the time, even the women. So man up I say.

Two things today, the fact I have to drove past 3 James Corden billboards on the way to work.
Second the fact that already wealthy celebs get paid bucket loads to do things most of us have to pay a fortune to do if we even could ever afford it. ie James Corden and his mates doing a road trip across the sates.

Even worse when you're surrounded by them and they snear at you for arriving and leaving on time instead of doing 60+ hour weeks like they do or get arsey for not responding to a work email at 9pm on a Saturday evening.

Or mates who come up with excuses like the wife/girlfriend has said I can't go and seem to actually like being under the thumb.

The overly long screws to secure a toilet seat.

Pretty sure that in most cases that's a lie....they're just saying that, rather than admit that they don't want to do it.

For the first 20+ years of their life they said the same thing, but instead of girlfriend, they blamed their absence on their parents saying no.

That don't stay done up properly so every few days you're on your knees fiddling round the back of the khazi tightening them up

Wives and kids are great excuses for not going out with people who annoy you, but that you are too polite to tell to f*ck off.
Life's too short to waste time doing things you don't want to do.

Could be worse - the seat I just removed had the bolts concealed within the toilet bowl. Had to cut them off and get a special (expensive) seat to replace it which you can only get from plumbers merchants. Called close coupled apparently - who comes up with these pointless 'innovations'?!

enough of that dirty talk on here, fiddling with your nuts in the toilet disgusting

tbf That sounds a lot worse... a lot lot worse.

My guess on who comes up with these 'innovations' are the same people who make the simple task of changing a headlight bulb in some cars impossible without removing body parts (either from the car or yourself, perhaps both).

Finishing what I needed to do this week at work but having stay for another 30 mins because those are the rules.

People who overdo the posting of irritating .gifs

Luvvie Martin Shaw droning on again about the 'purgatory' of being in The Professionals

People who buy expensive shiny new phones and tablets then cover them in hideous thick plastic screen 'protectors' that have been stuck on wonkily with loads of air bubbles. Then usually encase them in some kind of pointless bulky rubber case to finish it off.

Really brings out the OCD in me.

£6 parking ticket at Thorpe Park and £12.50 for one night at Premier Inn Heathrow.

when you buy a new pair of shoes or trainers and the laces have been put in in the most ridiculous way possible. Can someone please explain why you would thread one half of the lace and have the other half going straight up? it means you pretty much have to unthread the lace and start from scratch

Lovely stuff

Just pay the man the 20 quid like anyone else.

Watford.

The TV build up to the FA Cup Final,think it started at 12. I will switch it on at 5.20.

Another one for the toilet seat.

Celtic FC

Setting the new blow up spa thing to 40c,then find out it's to feckin hot to get into:grrr:

That's how they do it in the forces, makes it easier to cut the boot off in case if injury I believe

People on public transport who:
Eat
Eat loudly
Eat smelly food
Put their feet on seats
Talk loudly on phones
Listen to music without headphones
Have total disregard for the injuries inflicted by the large backpack they have on
Put bags on seats to stop someone sitting next to them
Pile in the train while others are still getting off
Occupy priority seats when 'priorities' are clearly next to them
Generally, those who only think of themselves and have no concern for others.

Other than that, I like travelling by train.

This is an odd one.

I look after all my Mother-in-law's bills as she is in a home and not playing with a full deck so to speak.

Anyway, she was getting the paper delivered to her everyday, which was billed for every month by the paper. As she is not reading the damn thing I just stopped the monthly payments about 3 or 4 months ago thinking no pay no delivery.

Anyway, it appears they continue to this day to deliver the paper to her, and last week I get a bill from a collection agency demanding 3 months payment.

As she has been getting the paper, I went ahead and paid up, while wondering to myself why would they continue to deliver if I wasn't paying.

I just read the small print on the monthly bill and it states, "This is a continuous subscription that may be cancelled at any time. You must call us at 1-800-***-****. We do not accept any other method of cancellation."

Is it me, or is this entrapment? I'm sure if you call the number you get a bloody sales pitch begging you to keep the subscription.

Very strange.

I think you're banged to rights on that one Hedgehog

What happens when she pops her clogs? Are they going to deliver into perpetuity?

That feckin exploding silver ticker tape as Arsenal lifted the FA Cup. What's the point when you can't see the joyous reaction of the players???

If that was Palace it would've done my nut in. Waited 40 years to see our captain lift a major trophy and end up staring at a silver glittering mess instead.

Questioning the wisdom of buying your daughter a drum kit instead of a parrot. Especially when you fancy a Sunday afternoon snooze.

Tough decision though. Both make an awful lot of noise when hit with a stick by a young girl. :D

My neighbour mowing his lawn at 7.45ish this morning.
People who use the toilet then don't wash their hands(every workplace seems to have one)

Especially those that come out the traps and head straight for the exit. Disgusting.

Going out for a drink with friends and having to leave early because the other half is pissed again:wallbash::wallbash:

Getting home to her gob for half an hour,now unconscious in the front room :veryangry:veryangry

Sunday lunchtimes used to be the other way around :D

Once a ponatime it was the best drink of the week,now I have her in tow,feckin unconscious gobshite :grrr::grrr:

Maestro

:D

True. Prepared to reconsider parrot option now however. Still hopeful for 'fad, then back on gumtree' though.

Should've gone for the electric option, with headphones

True dat.

Cheaper too

It was only £50. Thought it might be therapeutic after the occasional palace defeat too. Already got a lifesize Clattenburg punchbag.

Wishing your Mother in law all the very best but when the paper,people,realise what has happened, they will stop delivering and write off the "debt". Best wishes.

[emoji23] how much did she drink to be that pissed that early in the afternoon?

I used to love a good Sunday session down the pub on a Sunday afternoon.

Yep thanks. Also as exectutors we should make that call to cancel the paper. I think dying is a legitimate excuse, and I can't think of a sales pitch they could come up with to continue delivery! :rolleyes:

Groups of 0% body fat women running with pushchairs in my local park upsetting my Dachshund's equilibrium as he is about to take a dump. Solo women(or men) with pushchairs who keep stopping to rearrange something as I keep holding back for them walking a difficult Labrador.

Do you have many dogs?

Yes. Many dogs.

Crack the paperboy over the nut with a snooker ball in a sock.

I think I would have coped.

It used to be a two horse race, now it's just showjumping.

Barbecuing, it takes bloody hours to get the thing lit then once it's going it bloody starts to rain.

Electric and gas ovens were invented because they are quicker and more reliable method of cooking food & barbecued food really doesn't taste any better than normal unless you like your food half burned.


My bloody barbecued is going out to the front garden tomorrow for our travelling brethren to take as scrap metal

She only needs to look at a bottle of wine and her legs go:mad:
If it weren't down to the sex when she's unconscious I would boot the bint out :love:

:D

Th blizzard of lib dem leaflets I've had to chuck out this week

Does the centre one rotate on its own axis

Monks face!

Monk Fish! (...photoshoppers pls!)

Unless you have a toilet pan designed by a psychopath so you have to contort yourself into the most impossible positions just to get a fingertip on one of the screw threads.

In which case you just cry silently until you move house.

Hungry House adverts. ***** the lot of them

On a similar note: The way that Aussie woman says 'Trivago' on the Trivago adverts. It doesn't help that she says it about 73 times in a 30 second advert either.

******* iTunes on my new MacBook wiping my entire non-iTunes bought music collection from my phone.

(my old old MacBook crashed the other day and I cannot retrieve the back-up from the hard drive)

The whole iTunes thing is way to over complicated. I guess it's all to get you to subscribe to there music app.

exactly. Horrible monopolistic piece of software

Serves you right for buying overpriced Apple stuff

Mark Hughes. Need I say more?

Singapore Airlines practice of running maintenance checks of their aircraft
at the boarding gate. Spent total of 3.75 hrs on the tarmac on adjoining flights.

Most things about politics on the internet (not just on here).

I would like to read some debate and see different opinions but you get the same old rubbish.

Current politics seems to involve waiting for someone to forget a number or detail then pointing and laughing at them.

Thinking it's Monday when it's Tuesday.

Deya loike dags?

Andrew Neil

Quite possibly the worst accent a supposedly top drawer actor has ever presented on the silver screen.

Gove. F*cking Gove. How the f*ck did that abomination find its way out of the swamp?

Modern corporate website design. In the old days, organisations would provide you with written sentences, paragraphs, stacks of links you could click on. All in a legible format, with all the space used.

Now, you get huge graphics, lots of empty space. Sometimes the graphics are so big they spill over the bottom of the page so you cannot see it all.

It is almost like they think the reader is too thick to understand English, so they have to reduce the number of words and increase the number of photos.

Take the BBC website. I'm using a laptop. The current home page had a menu ribbon at the top. It has a photo of a couple of deckchairs to illustrate a Brexit story. A photo of a Henry Kissinger look-a-like with the phrase 'police chief quit role to appear on Question Time' and a lot of white space. A photo of Liam Gallagher and a lot of white space.

Then 'news headlines' and 'sport headlines' right at the bottom, with the top of a couple of photos to make me scroll down. I don't want to scroll down, I want you to show me more things on the page.

And that's it. Shockingly bad design.

Edit: modern websites are the equivalent of designing something on A3 paper then printing it out on a load of A4 paper without any percentage reduction.

People who book appointments to view your property that is for sale and then not show up! Cunds.