No buffet open on the train.

What’s he done Elgs?

It’ll be all the weight the trains carrying from Elgs EBay collections en route

Without wishing to dismiss your ire at this, why the feck would you want to eat anything from a train buffet ?

Must admit it’s been years since I’ve seen a buffet trolley on a rattler but didn’t they used to sell beer and wine on them IIRC. Maybe that’s what annoys him, the lack of available booze on his commute - if it’s the lack of food, I agree with you [emoji106]

Kept jamming the brakes on every 20 minutes. Wanker. I know it's leaf fall but FFS. Am exhausted now. Can't find bargains in the car boot sale in this state. Need more tea.

That's done you before hasn't it mate? Long way from Devon without something to eat.

Oh I see - bastard!! Go and have words with him and educate him [emoji3].

Perhaps he avoiding all the trees, dead reindeer and murdered russian dissidents on the line.

Nah, pretty sure he was thinking i have to stay awake so so do you. His relief managed to drive it fine.

He got off at Preston i think. Possibly Crewe.

Jessica Knappett, especially on Travel Man last week.

Feck me! A backseat train driver!

:D

:D

Booze!

I got a meal deal, and luckily brought some g&t rations just in case.

I think they are striking as they are the only ones that don't get weekend rates. Fair enough.

:D:p

You'd be critical too if you had to stagger about like a zombie carrying a huge bag of fabric samples you bought for no reason.

At least you got something mate. I dont think anyone gets weekend rates in our franchise, not sure about your tocs. Ours get 5% commission off what they sell off the trolley.

[emoji28]

I can imagine your house is full to the brim of stuff, Like Del Boy’s [emoji3]

Were it only one house mate. Theres two other buggers full of crap. Its a disease comrade.

Did you get the orange ones at an amazing knock-down price on the 13th July?

Theres quite a few orange ones in there. Bit of a mixed bag if im honest.

I feel your pain brother, what does it take 30 seconds. Whilst you’re at it once you finish playing pool turn the pool light off and return the cues to the rack don’t leave them randomly leant on various chairs or tables waiting to ambush people as they walk past. Lazy bastards.

buying a ticket for the away game against West Brom this Tuesday and then only just realising that it has be picked up from the Selhurst Park box office - which is 140 miles away from where I live.

Brilliant.

The horrible new look of Chrome. Its like firefox now at the top and all bollox in the middle.

Things that annoy you
 

Newcastle United, mostly Benitez, Ashley and ex Clown Shelvey.
Self service checkouts that don’t accept cash.

You need this thread: http://www.cpfc.org/forums/showthread.php?t=276578

If it was Red, then you're a murderer:frown:, if it was Grey, then you're a Hero:lux:

Not sure there’s much of a Red population around Fort Neef

Commie bastards.

Overtly religious posturing by players on the football pitch, especially in the PL. Should be a completely secular area.

It's only the supporters who need to pray...

1980's double glazing sales technique at Goldsmiths in Crawley.
"I'd like to look at that ring for £800" (the one that I know I want, in the style I want and with the correct stones to metal ratio)
"Oh yes, but there's a nice one in the window" (gets totally different style - but with bigger stones and £3,250)
"its not what I am looking for' (give back)
"Ok, was it this one at £1,250 - lot better value than the one I just showed you I agree"

Finally get the one I wanted to look at, 'they can be quite bland', 'you know about all the aftercare with these?' 'the material wears very quickly' 'we are running promotion, but the one you like does not qualify'......

I have seen it every time in there, with the manager looming to apply pithy emotionally charged comments to further up-sell.

I have no intention of buying anything in there. As with before I simply need to see the item and then pop in to Hatton Garden to spend the same money on a better item.

My issue is that each time I have seen several other people collapsing under the pressure - especially young people and those not he wedding trail.

I doubt this means much to anyone else, but I feel better. And its raining so I can't mow the lawn.

Going out for "a couple" of beers after the game and getting home absolutely shedded at 11 o'clock having left my coat in the pub :veryangry

Just hit the biggest sheep in the world doing 90mph. The coupler must have ripped open its guts and spread them right down the train, which then cooked them. What a bleeding stench. Wasn't feeling particularly great as it was, having got home at 3am after someone died on the train coming home after football. The joys eh. No morrisons for me today.

Thanks you. These twats that kiss the pitch and cross themselves and all that bollocks get right on my tits. And you know full well that they mostly will be the ones who never go to church, beat their wives and children and shag brasses while tooting gear off their arses through rolled up £50 notes.

Ooooh I was just over the road a couple of hours ago in The Jubilee Oak Wetherspoons then up the Chinese at the end of The Boulevard :)

Or lamb cutlets.

That was no lamb mate. It was like a sheep that had eaten another sheep. Fat fooker. His mate escaped death by inches. I swear these animals do it on purpose.

What do you do in that instance Elgs? Obviously there’s no time to stop but do you attempt to slow even if it’s an animal and not a human?

Despite being a Palace fan. Jay Buckley manages to irritate the **** out of me every time he opens his goofy gob.

Just try to react and brake quickly and hope they get out the way mate. Not much else you can do. Carcasses of stuff litter that line, its just basically 120 miles of wildness and crappy fences. I saw his mate on the way back fecking about in the weeds on the other side of the track. Another one will get him unless he can find the broken bit of fence that he got through and go back. The other one was spread over a fair distance but i guess it makes it easier for the birds of prey. Was thinking how different it all was compared to being in London yesterday. Chalk and cheese really.

Must be hard, I have to say. Lord knows what it must be like when a human jumps in front of you and you see his/her eyes facing you. I f—king hate it when I hit something in a car (I live in the country in West Sussex). I’m no Vege by any means and love my meat but hitting something in a car turns my stomach.

How the ******* **** can the X Factor be on on a Saturday & Sunday?

I hope to be the one who starts the Simon Cowell RIP thread.

Its shit mate, people tell you to look away but thats easier said than done in my experience. If id not taken a day off on wednesday that would have been stag, tree, and sheep on my last 3 trips up there. Also took out some sort of blueish looking goose type creature on the way back as well. Not much you can do at high speed without a steering wheel though Andy. Think they are jealous about my hair.

I ran over a fox once... on the return trip... there was 3 fox cubs sitting by the dead body... I think I killed their mum :(

I’m completely naive when it come to train driving, but is there a horn/alarm you can ring that can warn people/animals ahead or do they not hear or react?

How long does it take to stop a train at full speed out of interest?

Yeah you see a lot of foxes by the lines dont you. Theres lots by eastfield depot in Glasgow. I guess apart from the trains its relatively safe for them. Certainly safer than Springburn anyway.

Yeah, two horns. A low and high tone. On class 170's on either side of the coupler. I must be exhausting the spare stock of the buggers lately. Dont know they dont put them higher up really.

A few years back a kitten darted out in front of my car. Lost sight of it to the side of the car and heard a thud. Stopped to see if i'd killed it only to find it crouched in the middle of the road. Walked back intending to pick it up, take it to safety/check if i'd hurt it. I bent down to grab it with both hands and as i did it leaped away from me...and into the wheel arch of a passing van.

Remember seeing this kitten go round and under the tyre about a meter from my face. It came out the other side with its eyeball hanging from the socket and its chest cavity split open.

blood and guts everywhere. The poor ****** was flopping around the road. Didn't really know what to do at that point. Ran to he car to see if i had anything to cover it up with or finish it off. By the time i got back it had been flattened by a lorry or another passing car.

You know how to cheer a thread up pal, I’ll give you that

Yikes. I’m a animal lover... I find things like this so traumatic.
Pheasants must be blind... the only animal that flies towards your train when you sound the horn

Nigel Farage is a Palace fan too. Him and Jay from the Inbetweeners are both dreadful people, but I’m not sure who is worse. Farage has brought financial instability to the UK with his xenophobic claptrap, but Jay from the Inbetweeners is very irritating.

Tough call.

Pheasants are territorial. They will defend against all intruders - even big metal ones :D

People in flash cars on the M1 thinking they have more rights to be in the fast lane, going at 100mph, flashing people to get out of the way.
And then I’m probably annoying to them crawling into the middle lane as slow as I can just to piss them off.

Really ? I've never been attacked when walking through their pens.

Maybe they don't feel threatened by you?

Pheasants, not peasants.

Used to work with a bloke that picked up pheasants that had been run over, gutted them and then sold them. Apparently if you knock one over and pick it up its classed as poaching, if you're following a vehicle that knocks one over you're OK to pick it up. :)

In emergency its pretty quick. Not as fast as a car though of course. I nearly forgot a station once but managed to stop it on the platform with the aid of the emergency. When i killed the man i was already braking as i could see him geeing himself up, so i already had it down to about 60 probably.

:lux:

Jesus, that must be horrendous seeing another human splatted on your screen. I take it he jumped in front at the station?

You didn't kill him mate. He did that himself

Nah, level crossing. He went underneath. I could see him warming up on the touchline as it were. I think its only the ones who jump off bridges that go through the screen.

Anyway, time for lunch :)

Semantics innit. I dont blame myself mate. If it wasnt me it was the one coming the other way.

Things that annoy you
 

What has to happen directly after that? Is the train stopped an halted in its position until further notice from the Police/ambulance etc?

What kind of support do you get if that happens?

Idiot's who hog lanes thinking everyone else should not pass them,no such thing as a fast lane either.

Jack-the-lad idiots who think 45mph in a 20mph road is acceptable.

.

Yeah, its a crime scene until they can prove cause of death. I think its trickier if the person is lying across the rail, no suicide note, etc etc. They try and get the line open again within 90 minutes of it happening if they can.

Trauma counselling and as much time off as you need. I took 3 months, but some take less or more. Some dont return to driving and take jobs as cleaners/ticket office etc.

Wow. Feck that.

People putting "@" in front of your name on correspondence.

Neighbour in block of flats who seemingly has the inability to not slam their door shut.

It's got to be wrong. It's humid, but doesn't seem as bad as it's been before. Huge thunder storms and rain most the day. Maybe it is right and why I've felt shit all day.

Maybe you were in a lauderette at the time.

:D

I know I shouldn't but that made me really laugh. I guess its how you tell 'em.

‘Went by the name of Lucky’.

Whilst I'm with you it would be helpful if Croydon didn't make roads 20mph that clearly shouldn't be. (Shirley Church Road, I'm looking directly at you.)

1. No such thing as a fast lane.
2. If you are not overtaking someone, you should be in the most left-hand lane you can be in.
3. If someone is going faster than the speed limit, it is not up to you to slow them down.

A million times this....

A trillion times that

People who use their phones upside down.

They speak into the bottom then have the speakers on max

I DONT WANT TO HEAR YOUR ******* BANAL CONVERSATION PUT IT TO YOUR ******* ER LIKE A NORMAL PERSON YOU PARNOID OLD GIT

Australians?

:supergrin::supergrin:

Not only jack the lads, nothing more maniacal than mothers on the school run

Especially ones in BMW X5's the fattest car in the world.

Three times over the limit

90 in a 30. Impressive.

Or is that 15 micrograms in 100 millilitres. Also impressive.

Reminds me of when George Bush Jnr was informed of a plane crash:
GB: Was anyone killed?
Aide: 3 Brazilian passengers
GB: How many's a brazilian?

Easy to do 60 in a 20. As I understand it, pretty much all roads in Croydon are 20 now, even ones which used to be 40.

My 'second' alarm going off when I am in the shower.

Were you washing it vigorously at the time?

Invariably!

Then abandoning their car right on a corner, feet from the kerb, blocking a drive, on zig-zags, opposite traffic island (delete as appropriate).

Apples iPhone X advert that they show the top of the picture as being black so you cant see the stupid notch. Con artists

The Halifax ads are grinding my gears