we really didn't need to know that you have a one incher.

Not that I recall

Far worse are players who celebrate excessively after an own goal is scored. Unless of course it's anyone scoring an OG against us and we can celebrate as much as we like

Whenever I watch Witchell I get the sense that he hates his job and considers reporting on the royals to be beneath him.

I wonder if the BBC and Witchell would like to move him to a different job in news, but are now stubbornly carrying on because they wouldn't want to give the impression that they changed their Royal correspondent in response to Prince Charles's hatred!

Witchell just loathes himself for being a ginger and takes it out on everyone else as all gingers do.

ryanair plane landings

Fellaini
Van Gaal
Sturridge's goal celebration

MOTD2 Extra now! Starting with Man U despite they had MOTD last night to wank off over them.

20 minutes on Everton Man U, 5 minutes on Watford and us and then onto Liverpool.

It is our day you bastards!

;) steady on, some of my best friends are ginger.

Fans watching football through their smart phones.

Just use your eyes?:confused:

The Union Flag (Jack) being flown/hung upside down :grrr:

:D

Impressive if you notice it :p

Internet hackers. Bastards had a go last night, duly told them to **** off. They're bloody smooth and quick. Took me more than a moment to cotton on. *****.

Having 4 weeks to wait til the cup final

People that walk around in t shirts and shorts when it's sunny but 12 degrees.
I'm looking mainly at postmen.

The One Show last night basically a free ad for a new superhero film, cringworthy

EA

That dramatic divorce ad on the radio for Cordell and Cordell, with advice for men 'going forward in their children's lives'. Fvck off

Totally deceiving claims/stats in adverts.
Lifelock, an online identity theft protection company stating in their ads that 1in 4 people have experienced identity theft.
1 in 4 ??? Really?? How do they work that out anyway?

Right at the bottom of their webpage they also, conveniently, state " no on can prevent all identity theft" presumably that includes them.

Poor Streety.

The overplayed Jacamo advert with a drummer and Freddy Wankoff being a sp*stic. They should've saved their money and got a chimp to jump around.

People who decide to try and and cross the road when there is a zebra crossing a foot away.

Do you mean like this?

https://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgu...act=mrc&uact=8

Noisy people while I'm asleep!

I'd cross the road pretty sharpish if there was a zebra crossing a foot away.

Divvy chavs who insist on walking around with Bluetooth speakers playing their minging choons.

Snow blizzards on the 28th of April when you're back on summer tyres. Global warming my arse.

Getting bitch slapped around the face by the collar of your own jacket during what should have been a calming walk along the seafront. F*cking wind today was a joke.

50 year old + fat blokes wearing football shirts in the crowd at the snooker

Grow the feck up you dimwits

Is it ok for me to wear one when watching the finals?

Me shouting 'up yours' to no one in particular walking into Tesco and everyone turning round.

'It's not about you,
It's not about yoooooo
Tesco shoppers,
It's not about you.'

No don't do it.

Football shirts at football matches

Sounds like you're suffering from 'Polite Tourette's'.

RUDDY SAUSAGES! NOT VERY GOOD NESCAFÉ! MUM YOU DAFTY!

Fvck off

Anyone wearing the I love snooker t shirts is even worse.

No T shirt is worse than this.

http://img.niadd.com/funnypictures/r...evelsbutfu.jpg

i beg to differ what about those sold by brighton or charlton?

Fair point.

http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/brighton%20nobo.jpg

Ken Livingstone,a complete and utter tool

English chat shows when the audience cheer at the titles of the guest's latest or previous shows/films.

Very American.

Roundabouts...especially the mini type, where people stare at each other looking who is going to go first. I have a favourite one near to where I live, that has a good few hundred metre straight view, where I can see the other twats glaring at each other, which I then approach at speed, just as every side is edging out to then shit themself as I bomb straight across.

Wow.

Ooooooh look the little stalker 'Aching Cock' is about.

chat shows in general. If I wanted to watch some twat lick arse I'd go on redtube

Myself, for expecting academics to work at the same pace as the rest of the universe and return a phone call in the same week. Should of known better with those ivory tower wankers.

British singers who sing in an american accent.

Close-minded people who can't accept that the establishment lies to us and covers up their mistakes. People like GorBlimey, and others of his ilk.

People with degrees who say I should accept their views because they have got a degree..arsewipes the lot of them :veryangry:veryangry .

Big hard man in his Audi/BMW

More likely a knackered old Vauxhall. :p

Helen Lederer - annoying, unfunny
Anthony Costa

People who think life is some kind of giant conspiracy theory and there is always someone to blame for whatever happens.

I had a meeting on Friday with two lawyers, on a matter entirely unrelated to the law. Could they stop banging on about being lawyers?
I'm not even sure being a lawyer is a badge of honour they should be drawing attention to. Aren't they in the same category as politicians, estate agents and bankers?
They were a right pair of thunderc*nts.

Andros Townsend

If you want to really upset them call them solicitors as opposed to the now 'cool' term lawyer.

And, if you really want to see them apoplectic then ask why they have never became a barrister.

Solicitors have always been the poor relations of Lawyers. It's only solicitors who ever speak of 'fusion', for example.

You mean like the "it was those Liverpool supporters who were to blame" type of blame?
Idiot.

I did try pointing out to oh so mighty degree holder that George Osbourne has a degree in history and I wouldn't take anything he said seriously either, she got a bit upset at that, but she's still an arsewipe (as are most lawyers, politicians, estate agents and bankers).

Aching Cock is an IRA apologist who is not even Irish.

Very strange individual.

Being wide awake at 6am on a Sunday morning.

It must be the excitement of yet another great league victory yesterday.

Going out expressly to buy milk, only to come home with £38 quids worth of shopping I didn't really need and no f*cking milk.

Dog slobber.
The wet feeling through your socks when you've just stood in it, after the bastard has just covered the floor, after drinking two litres of water for the 3rd time in an hour.

Our dog barely drinks water at all. We've tried bottled and rainwater all sorts, but he only drinks about half a pint even after a long walk on a hot day. The only good thing is when he takes a dump they have the density of a lump of lead, which is very easy to pick up, although sometimes I have to break them in two to fit them in the little black bag.

People who mark movies out of 5 when everyone else marks them out of 10

To be honest we would all like to work at Costa.

:D

I've needed tea bags for 4 days and must have been in 5 shops in that period. Stupid brain.

Being at work on a bank holiday Monday and knowing if I go home early the bloody mother in law is there. Is like being in Saw movie.

:D

That would be a bit of a grind.

I feel your pain. In fact I am living your pain.

Wtf do you know about anything?

Posting a photo that some people took offence to and others, you included, used as an opportunity to attack someone who had previously disagreed with you and your type on migrant and political threads. That makes me an IRA apologist?

How are you getting along defending the Sun and the South Yorkshire Police on the Hillsborough thread?

Or should I say still blaming the Liverpool fans for the 96 deaths you arsehole?

People who say "Knocked it out of the park" or "Nailed it".

Or "Killed it".

Ray Winston

Talk properly you utter twathouse

You smashed it.

Out the park

:p

Shop assistants who try to direct you to a purchase from behind the counter. "Third shelf, no left, right, no left a bit". Answer walk out I don't need it that much.

that disgusting moneysupermarket ad.

Young Chelsea, Arsenal, Spurs etc fans who only ever watch football on Sky and wouldn't know what tube station to aim for if they had a ticket lecturing me about the game and sneering at Palace.

Yep, or when adults say words like "Awesome"

People who think others should talk properly yet use words like 'twathouse'

:D

Amoy and Sarsons bottles.

Amoy because they have changed and instead of it having a narrow hole to sprinkle the sauce on, it has a huge one so it pours out everywhere and floods your rice. It is obviously so you use more and they can sell more.

Sarsons, because you now can't unscrew the lid and top up with Sainsburys own label Vinegar at half the price. Again they are obviously doing this to foil tight arses like me.


Profiteering w4nkers

Where's your tool?

Bob Hoskins loved them :)

Done the same thing with Blue Dragon Soy bottles. It's a f*cking disgrace.

I know what you mean except I come home with 2 black whores I don't even fancy and no milk.

People who use self service checkouts when buying Alcohol. What's the ******* point? The whole idea of them is to avoid having to have any contact with people. If you've got to stand there waiting for 5 minutes for one of them to come over, look confused for 30 seconds then press a single button to authorise it, you may as well have gone to the till in the first place.

Idiots.

The whole point is surely to avoid queuing for ages at the checkouts?

If you go in to the small stores in impoverished areas you will find the id request is either deactivated or they quickly sort it from behind the jump.

Agree.

On a more personal note -

People whose location description is so bleedin long that I have to scroll right in order to read their posts.

That and the whole page isn't aesthetically*pleasing for someone who has recently discovered that they must have some type of illness called- formally-known as-a-fussy-******-when-he-was-young-but now-may-very-well-be-diagnosed-as-ocd

i

If I'd gone out for the whores I'd have forgotten to pick up the Anchor cream to squirt up their arseholes. Equally frustrating.

Self service checkouts. I don't want to work in a supermarket

http://www.standard.co.uk/goingout/b...-a3238666.html

Drinking cocktails at the Krays' old cells. Fvck off

Why is it that the option you want on those long telephone menus (if you are interested in XX press button XX) is always the last one??? :grrr:

"Two Blind Beggar Bellinis love."

If you double their score then that gives you the mark out of 10.

A little tip for you.

I enjoy annoying my kids by saying 'LOL'. ;)

Therein lies the reason I will never own a dog

I used to use 'LOL' as a joke, and then it accidentally became a regular part of my vocabulary, so be careful out there, and be sure to only use it sparingly.