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-   -   Things that annoy you (https://www.cpfc.org/forums/showthread.php?t=255975)

Joe85 26-01-2017 08:18 AM

Another 7:20 turn out

Tony Montana 26-01-2017 09:41 AM

The over acting of Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell on QOS. There is not way they care hat much about the result of a 2 bit quiz. They ham it up far too much. cringe City

davech 26-01-2017 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by civil eagle (Post 13456966)
Adults on scooters (not the motorbike kind but they are annoying as well) nearly got hit by one of these tossers the other day, the guy was wearing a helmet what a tosser

Didn't notice you as he probably had his ipod & oversize headphones on...

Prince Phillip 26-01-2017 01:05 PM

I really don't like "cuppa tea" instead of plain old "cuppa". It's a given that the word "tea" is there in the original abbreviation.

Superfly 26-01-2017 01:53 PM

Geezer I work with sings all day, which is annoyng enough, but he keeps on getting the words wrong.
In the past 10 mins I've been treated to 'Whoa Bim-Bam, Bam-ba-Lam' (Black Betty) and the Lionel Richie classic, Hey You Hey Me

elgin eagle 26-01-2017 01:53 PM

Not knowing enough Suzanne Vega lyrics.

elgin eagle 26-01-2017 01:54 PM

Especially to sing at work.

foresthillbilly 26-01-2017 02:39 PM

The way bands songs are on 'auto-repeat' in my head.
At the moment it's Dire Straits "Brothers in Arms", Can't get rid of the fecker.
I have a love of hard raaawwwkk, so this blights my life. Significantly.

I also had a dream last night about my brother, who had to go on a trip to Nepal for work purposes in 1985/6.
He had a ticket for the "Brothers in Arms" tour at Wembley arena,...which went unused.

Jim Cannon 26-01-2017 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tony Montana (Post 13457072)
The over acting of Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell on QOS. There is not way they care hat much about the result of a 2 bit quiz. They ham it up far too much. cringe City

Pretty sure it is scripted anyway, shows like that are complete garbage

civil eagle 26-01-2017 11:58 PM

Hotels where the plug sockets don't take normal size plugs preventing you charging your phone whilst having a wank

Worksop Palace 27-01-2017 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by civil eagle (Post 13458418)
Hotels where the plug sockets don't take normal size plugs preventing you charging your phone whilst having a wank

Lol :supergrin:

kayjay 27-01-2017 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prince Phillip (Post 13457411)
I really don't like "cuppa tea" instead of plain old "cuppa". It's a given that the word "tea" is there in the original abbreviation.

Coffee?

kayjay 27-01-2017 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elgin eagle (Post 13457520)
Not knowing enough Suzanne Vega lyrics.

would hold you in high esteem in most circles.

foresthillbilly 27-01-2017 12:19 AM

Booking Fees and Service Charges. I don't pay them

Calls from international call centres. herrow ? goodbye

kayjay 27-01-2017 02:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by foresthillbilly (Post 13458452)
Booking Fees and Service Charges. I don't pay them

How do you fly anywhere?

PhuketEagle 27-01-2017 07:29 AM

Hey civil e - 'Hotels where the plug sockets don't take normal size plugs preventing you charging your phone whilst having a wank'

Answer:Take a spare battery charger with you & you can watch all the internet porn you want on your 'hands-free' phone! Have a nice day now!

Ardent Eagle Forever 27-01-2017 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhuketEagle (Post 13458548)
Hey civil e - 'Hotels where the plug sockets don't take normal size plugs preventing you charging your phone whilst having a wank'

Answer:Take a spare battery charger with you & you can watch all the internet porn you want on your 'hands-free' phone! Have a nice day now!

And don't forget the tissues:D

Blind_Eagle 27-01-2017 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by foresthillbilly (Post 13458452)
Booking Fees and Service Charges. I don't pay them

Calls from international call centres. herrow ? goodbye

Must have been a right bummer missing the fa cup final.

Neckinger Eagle 28-01-2017 12:22 PM

Probably been said a dozen times over, but when you go into a cafe or restaurant on your own, and there's one table free. You queue up only for some (normally obese) family to come in and head straight for the free table. Then just sit there, not even ordering

Thank you very much fat beardy guy in the yellow anorak in Caffè Nero Beckenham

ChiswickEagle 28-01-2017 01:27 PM

Being the only person in the office on a Saturday.

Polak 28-01-2017 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cantspell (Post 13455892)
The use of the term reach out

"Light touch" as well

Jerry Murphy's Fringe 28-01-2017 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polak (Post 13460777)
"Light touch" as well

In terms of management speak; quick and dirty, is the one that irks me most.

Polak 28-01-2017 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jerry Murphy's Fringe (Post 13460783)
In terms of management speak; quick and dirty, is the one that irks me most.

"Air cover".

Hedgehog 28-01-2017 06:29 PM

It's an old one often repeated, but bloody carry on luggage strikes again.

How can I be in Group 1 boarding and all overhead bins around where I'm sitting are full? I've noticed people who sit near the back and board either Priority or Group 1 have started putting their overhead bags nearer the front as they board so they can pick them up as they pass on the way off the plane.

Either the planes need a redesign or the rules have to be strictly enforced. I'm all for the later.

Johnnieboy 28-01-2017 06:35 PM

O'Leary has ruined flying for everyone :(

Hedgehog 28-01-2017 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnnieboy (Post 13461804)
O'Leary has ruined flying for everyone :(

Yep - these ex-Arsenal players are reeking havoc... :rolleyes:

cappuccinoeagle 28-01-2017 08:14 PM

Matt Barbet - smug
Nancy Dell'Olio why is she still in the public eye?

Stellavista 29-01-2017 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cappuccinoeagle (Post 13462113)
Nancy Dell'Olio why is she still in the public eye?

Don't know, but if it all goes tits up for her, she's got a hell of a career as leather in a sofa ad.


Alanis Morissette. Thanks silence and then continues to release her f*cking awful albums. Piss off, Alanis.

And am I the only person who wants to punch James Corden in the face?

FORZA SELHURST 29-01-2017 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stellavista (Post 13464338)
...And am I the only person who wants to punch James Corden in the face?

I think that's the default position. I want to kill him and his wider family.

cantspell 29-01-2017 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedgehog (Post 13461825)
Yep - these ex-Arsenal players are reeking havoc... :rolleyes:


Bergkamp knew [emoji4]

the digger 30-01-2017 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedgehog (Post 13461772)
It's an old one often repeated, but bloody carry on luggage strikes again.

How can I be in Group 1 boarding and all overhead bins around where I'm sitting are full? I've noticed people who sit near the back and board either Priority or Group 1 have started putting their overhead bags nearer the front as they board so they can pick them up as they pass on the way off the plane.

Either the planes need a redesign or the rules have to be strictly enforced. I'm all for the later.

Compounded by the crew asking me to put my smaller, regulation size bag under the seat in front, limiting my foot room.

This whole scenario confuses me most on long haul flights.

PhuketEagle 30-01-2017 06:22 AM

Mark Hughes & Steve Bruce. Make me puce & puke!

WLYWLYAWYPWF 30-01-2017 06:31 AM

Insomnia

kayjay 30-01-2017 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WLYWLYAWYPWF (Post 13464427)
Insomnia

Maybe you'll see things differently after you sleep on it.

elgin eagle 30-01-2017 07:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WLYWLYAWYPWF (Post 13464427)
Insomnia

I hear you. Feck all last night. Going to a car auction today, probably bid for the wrong car or stretch at the wrong time or something.

OldPeanutSeller 30-01-2017 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kayjay (Post 13458435)
Coffee?

No, no no! You can have a cup of coffee, but if you're having a cuppa it can't be coffee (or anything other than tea). You could lose marks in your English A level for doing so.

WLYWLYAWYPWF 30-01-2017 10:46 AM

Oversleeping.

ChuckMcBalls 30-01-2017 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnnieboy (Post 13461804)
O'Leary has ruined flying for everyone :(

I actually find Ryanair one of the least intolerable for this because at least they enforce the hand baggage size rules half the time.

Most of the other budget airlines don't, so you get these assholes with gigantic carry on bags taking up all the room, and as the poster above said, because you are someone who actually follows them, you get punished and have to put it under your seat.

cappuccinoeagle 30-01-2017 07:49 PM

Ready meals that only be microwaved

Malarkey 30-01-2017 07:51 PM

Ready meals that can't be microwaved

foresthillbilly 30-01-2017 08:01 PM

Country drivers

People driving on unlit country roads with their Main beam on, ignorant of the fact they are blinding oncoming drivers who are unable to see the ****** road, so therefore have to slam the brakes.
You can see the shimmer of headlights before you even see the car coming towards you, and that is the point you should switch to Dipped headlights. Coz when the ignorant thwats wait until they see you, that first 2 or 3 seconds before they 'dip' is the time you end up driving into a ditch coz you can see fck all.

Some **** also did a hit and run on my parked van before Christmas.

Some other **** took my off-side wing mirror off last week, driving towards me on my side of the road,...and didn't stop

Yocals: Putting the '****' in 'country drivers'

cranesparkeagle 30-01-2017 08:02 PM

OUR fans swearing at OUR players on websites

Pistol Knight 30-01-2017 08:10 PM

Ready meals

Malarkey 30-01-2017 08:46 PM

Meals that you physically have to put effort and time into preparing

Jim Cannon 30-01-2017 09:17 PM

the possibility of relegation. It shouldn't really, as it happens so often with us

newish eagle 30-01-2017 09:35 PM

People that don't indicate at roundabouts. Just drift across the exits, relying on your Jedi powers to anticipate their moves!

RobertCPFC 30-01-2017 11:18 PM

Getting this one in early:

Transfer deadline day

cappuccinoeagle 30-01-2017 11:46 PM

Robbie Savage doing the FA Cup draw,actually Robbie Savage,full stop.

Stellavista 31-01-2017 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RobertCPFC (Post 13466314)
Getting this one in early:

Transfer deadline day

http://i.imgur.com/pyFY72V.gif

Oli28 31-01-2017 12:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malarkey (Post 13465830)
Ready meals that can't be microwaved

This, although generally if you put anything in for 6 mins it'll be ok

art malice 31-01-2017 02:04 PM

Talksport will be looking back at the 2011 transfer window in a minute. Desperate

Nork1 01-02-2017 05:08 PM

Radio playlists. I can understand the reason for having them on commercial stations, they get paid to promote artists but why do the BBC need them? I listen to 6Music quite a lot, great station, good mix of musical styles but ******* hell their set playlists leave a lot to be desired. I stopped listening to commercial radio because of the ******* go compare ads, some of the playlist tunes on 6 seem to be on just as often and are just as annoying.

PhuketEagle 01-02-2017 06:11 PM

Brain-dead French-Morroccan/Algerian moronic tourists revving hired BIG BIKES & racing up & down all night. Hope their hols or lives end soon :jerkit:

Superfly 02-02-2017 01:02 PM

"I watched <film> and it was rubbish. That's two hours of my life I'll never get back"

Chuck a sickie. Time back plus credit - sorted.

stamford triumph 02-02-2017 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nork1 (Post 13472550)
Radio playlists. I can understand the reason for having them on commercial stations, they get paid to promote artists but why do the BBC need them? I listen to 6Music quite a lot, great station, good mix of musical styles but ******* hell their set playlists leave a lot to be desired. I stopped listening to commercial radio because of the ******* go compare ads, some of the playlist tunes on 6 seem to be on just as often and are just as annoying.

Yes, same with 1Xtra - all these new up and coming urban artists they could be playing but every morning they seem to play Bruno Mars and Ed Sheeran! Also the amount of times they play the same adverts for other shows on 1Xtra and other BBC channels - might as well have webuyanycar.com adverts.

strawberry mivi 02-02-2017 02:05 PM

On the subject of radio tunes.
We woke up this morning to the radio alarm playing Sunny & Cher's 'I got you babe'.
It was like Groundhog Day all over again.

Steamy 02-02-2017 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by strawberry mivi (Post 13473927)
On the subject of radio tunes.
We woke up this morning to the radio alarm playing Sunny & Cher's 'I got you babe'.
It was like Groundhog Day all over again.

It's going to be even freakier when it happens tomorrow...

Martin H 02-02-2017 04:49 PM

Cold phone calls and the rude ******* (choose expletive of choice) that make them. Had my umpteenth call from an energy solutions company and politely thanked them for the call but explained I have had the house renovated and dealt with the energy solutions and need no further help.

He just ignored that and started to say well I am no ringing for that I am ringing about your solar panels. So I repeated. OK but I really don't need any further help with my solar panels or my energy solutions thank you.

So he now gets a stroppy voice on and starts again, so I interrupted him and said that I had tried to politely explain twice now that I don't need anything from him.

He interrupts me once again and now very upset with me and tells me that I am not listening to what he is saying.

At this point I said, I tell you what, I tried but just **** off.

I know that he is trying to earn a living and I am sure my final response wasn't great but WTF am I supposed to do - say OK then why don't I stop what I am doing and you tell me all about it.

Thankfully he had a number and so I have whacked that onto my BT junk divert list.

swissroll 02-02-2017 04:53 PM

My cat, stuffs it face full of food and runs off to puke - entire ground floor is either wood or tiled except for one small and rather expensive rug. go figure

pallet 02-02-2017 04:59 PM

My cat who despite living rent free, getting free food and having the run of the house still hates me.

fioreuk 02-02-2017 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pallet (Post 13474147)
My cat who despite living rent free, getting free food and having the run of the house still hates me.

Had an ex like that.

ExiledStirling 02-02-2017 05:17 PM

5live and Talksport doing commentary of the same game

KYLIE MINEAGLE 02-02-2017 10:49 PM

Cats.What's the point.

Danny_Cheviot 02-02-2017 11:00 PM

Shoe laces. Despite the double knot you tie in the morning they spend the whole working day trying to untie themselves, then when you return home from work and you try to remove your shoes in a darkened hallway, they turn themselves into a sailor's knot used to berth aircraft carriers to a jetty.

Worksop Palace 02-02-2017 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KYLIE MINEAGLE (Post 13474671)
Cats.What's the point.

Pussy init

mushroom 03-02-2017 12:56 AM

Buying what I thought was a choc chip cookie only to find it was raisin.

OLD BASING EAGLE 03-02-2017 01:06 AM

The numericals on a computer being in a different configuration to that on you phone. Who did that you barsterd.

danpalace07 03-02-2017 05:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KYLIE MINEAGLE (Post 13474671)
Cats.What's the point.

Cats are ******* great. Take care of themselves, are very affectionate, don't slobber all over you like dogs do (I'm still a big dog man though, this isn't me having a go at man's best friend), make their own entertainment, don't need walks, keep mice and shit like that away from your gaff

when they decide from very early on that you're their fave human in the house :sunglasses:

Payroll Legend 03-02-2017 08:03 AM

Beyoncé. You're pregnant. Well done.

Payroll Legend 03-02-2017 08:05 AM

The fact that I just discovered that Beyoncé is already programmed in to predictive text. Ffs.

mroakley9 03-02-2017 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Payroll Legend (Post 13474882)
Beyoncé. You're pregnant. Well done.

SHE'S HAVING ******* TWINS! HOW CAN YOU NOT BE EXCITED? GOSH, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS SOMETIMES?

Payroll Legend 03-02-2017 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KYLIE MINEAGLE (Post 13474671)
Cats.What's the point.

Agreed. It's all about me with cats.

Worksop Palace 03-02-2017 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by danpalace07 (Post 13474860)
Cats are ******* great. Take care of themselves, are very affectionate, don't slobber all over you like dogs do (I'm still a big dog man though, this isn't me having a go at man's best friend), make their own entertainment, don't need walks, keep mice and shit like that away from your gaff

when they decide from very early on that you're their fave human in the house :sunglasses:

Well said young Daniel

Worksop Palace 03-02-2017 09:50 AM

Scenario A. I get up for work most mornings about 6am. Wife doesn't need to get up until 7ish so I pad into the bathroom, quietly close the door and proceed with the morning ablutions. I then return to the bedroom and get dressed in the dark with just the small light from the bathroom to guide me. Wardrobes and draws are shut slowly and quietly and inmake why way down stairs, feed the cat and I'm on my way. Everyone continues to sleep soundly while i make my way up the M1 to work

Scenario B. I have a rare day working from home. I advise my darling wife the night before of said rare opportunity and that I'm really quite looking forward to having a bit of a lie in especially as I was up at half 5 and not back till 8 on Thursday.

So, at precisely 6.15 my wife's alarm goes off. She's decided that today she is going to go for a run before she has her breakfast. Her side light, the full bathroom light are fully on. Drawers and slammed and wardrobes banged off thei feckin hinges. Thankfully this only lasts 10 minutes and then she's gone. I fall back into a blissful sleep dreaming of Bentekes goal on Tuesday and the tidy bird from work.

20 minutes this bliss lasts before I am startled and brought back to conciousness by what I can only assume is a St Bernard dog panting and gasping for breath. My one half opened eye reveals my beautiful bride of 18 years almost dying having competed her 1.3 mile marathon. The lights are on again now and the bathroom door wide open as she begins her ablustions which last precisely 4 times longer than mine. The dustbin lids are now awake and piling in for hairbrushes, make up, hair bands etc. The chat is at full bore and my head is firmly stuck under my pillow.

And then quiet. The kids have gone to school and it's just the wife downstairs getting ready for work and having her breakfast. I drift in the blissful peace. And then a Boeing 747 lands on the house and brings me back to this awful place. What, it's not a plane ? No, it's her feckin Nutri feckin bastard Ninja blender thing, making the concoction of the day. It slows and its quiet again. I start to drift again and faintly hear the front door open and know now that's it's only seconds before I'm on my own and can go back to the tidy bird in the office. 'CAN YOU FEED THE CAT DARLING PLEASE' comes the screech. I'm fully awake now

I wish I'd gone to ******* work

Martin H 03-02-2017 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Worksop Palace (Post 13475012)
Scenario A. I get up for work most mornings about 6am. Wife doesn't need to get up until 7ish so I pad into the bathroom, quietly close the door and proceed with the morning ablutions. I then return to the bedroom and get dressed in the dark with just the small light from the bathroom to guide me. Wardrobes and draws are shut slowly and quietly and inmake why way down stairs, feed the cat and I'm on my way. Everyone continues to sleep soundly while i make my way up the M1 to work

Scenario B. I have a rare day working from home. I advise my darling wife the night before of said rare opportunity and that I'm really quite looking forward to having a bit of a lie in especially as I was up at half 5 and not back till 8 on Thursday.

So, at precisely 6.15 my wife's alarm goes off. She's decided that today she is going to go for a run before she has her breakfast. Her side light, the full bathroom light are fully on. Drawers and slammed and wardrobes banged off thei feckin hinges. Thankfully this only lasts 10 minutes and then she's gone. I fall back into a blissful sleep dreaming of Bentekes goal on Tuesday and the tidy bird from work.

20 minutes this bliss lasts before I am startled and brought back to conciousness by what I can only assume is a St Bernard dog panting and gasping for breath. My one half opened eye reveals my beautiful bride of 18 years almost dying having competed her 1.3 mile marathon. The lights are on again now and the bathroom door wide open as she begins her ablustions which last precisely 4 times longer than mine. The dustbin lids are now awake and piling in for hairbrushes, make up, hair bands etc. The chat is at full bore and my head is firmly stuck under my pillow.

And then quiet. The kids have gone to school and it's just the wife downstairs getting ready for work and having her breakfast. I drift in the blissful peace. And then a Boeing 747 lands on the house and brings me back to this awful place. What, it's not a plane ? No, it's her feckin Nutri feckin bastard Ninja blender thing, making the concoction of the day. It slows and its quiet again. I start to drift again and faintly hear the front door open and know now that's it's only seconds before I'm on my own and can go back to the tidy bird in the office. 'CAN YOU FEED THE CAT DARLING PLEASE' comes the screech. I'm fully awake now

I wish I'd gone to ******* work

Genius. :)

costello 03-02-2017 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Worksop Palace (Post 13475012)
Scenario A. I get up for work most mornings about 6am. Wife doesn't need to get up until 7ish so I pad into the bathroom, quietly close the door and proceed with the morning ablutions. I then return to the bedroom and get dressed in the dark with just the small light from the bathroom to guide me. Wardrobes and draws are shut slowly and quietly and inmake why way down stairs, feed the cat and I'm on my way. Everyone continues to sleep soundly while i make my way up the M1 to work

Scenario B. I have a rare day working from home. I advise my darling wife the night before of said rare opportunity and that I'm really quite looking forward to having a bit of a lie in especially as I was up at half 5 and not back till 8 on Thursday.

So, at precisely 6.15 my wife's alarm goes off. She's decided that today she is going to go for a run before she has her breakfast. Her side light, the full bathroom light are fully on. Drawers and slammed and wardrobes banged off thei feckin hinges. Thankfully this only lasts 10 minutes and then she's gone. I fall back into a blissful sleep dreaming of Bentekes goal on Tuesday and the tidy bird from work.

20 minutes this bliss lasts before I am startled and brought back to conciousness by what I can only assume is a St Bernard dog panting and gasping for breath. My one half opened eye reveals my beautiful bride of 18 years almost dying having competed her 1.3 mile marathon. The lights are on again now and the bathroom door wide open as she begins her ablustions which last precisely 4 times longer than mine. The dustbin lids are now awake and piling in for hairbrushes, make up, hair bands etc. The chat is at full bore and my head is firmly stuck under my pillow.

And then quiet. The kids have gone to school and it's just the wife downstairs getting ready for work and having her breakfast. I drift in the blissful peace. And then a Boeing 747 lands on the house and brings me back to this awful place. What, it's not a plane ? No, it's her feckin Nutri feckin bastard Ninja blender thing, making the concoction of the day. It slows and its quiet again. I start to drift again and faintly hear the front door open and know now that's it's only seconds before I'm on my own and can go back to the tidy bird in the office. 'CAN YOU FEED THE CAT DARLING PLEASE' comes the screech. I'm fully awake now

I wish I'd gone to ******* work

v good

pallet 03-02-2017 10:48 AM

My wife phoning to to tell me while I am stuck at work she is having her car washed and then going to have her nails done. Hard life.

OldPeanutSeller 03-02-2017 11:04 AM

people who can't read and digest anything longer than a twitter message

Sick Bucket 03-02-2017 11:10 AM

Great post Worksop.

Women.

Generally they are ******* annoying.

As are cats.

Worksop Palace 03-02-2017 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sick Bucket (Post 13475135)
Great post Worksop.

Women.

Generally they are ******* annoying.

As are cats.

Cats > women

Pidster 03-02-2017 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OldPeanutSeller (Post 13475124)
people who can't read and digest anything longer than a twitter message

TLDR

OldPeanutSeller 03-02-2017 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pidster (Post 13475348)
TLDR

:(

andyocpfc 03-02-2017 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Worksop Palace (Post 13475012)
Scenario A. I get up for work most mornings about 6am. Wife doesn't need to get up until 7ish so I pad into the bathroom, quietly close the door and proceed with the morning ablutions. I then return to the bedroom and get dressed in the dark with just the small light from the bathroom to guide me. Wardrobes and draws are shut slowly and quietly and inmake why way down stairs, feed the cat and I'm on my way. Everyone continues to sleep soundly while i make my way up the M1 to work

Scenario B. I have a rare day working from home. I advise my darling wife the night before of said rare opportunity and that I'm really quite looking forward to having a bit of a lie in especially as I was up at half 5 and not back till 8 on Thursday.

So, at precisely 6.15 my wife's alarm goes off. She's decided that today she is going to go for a run before she has her breakfast. Her side light, the full bathroom light are fully on. Drawers and slammed and wardrobes banged off thei feckin hinges. Thankfully this only lasts 10 minutes and then she's gone. I fall back into a blissful sleep dreaming of Bentekes goal on Tuesday and the tidy bird from work.

20 minutes this bliss lasts before I am startled and brought back to conciousness by what I can only assume is a St Bernard dog panting and gasping for breath. My one half opened eye reveals my beautiful bride of 18 years almost dying having competed her 1.3 mile marathon. The lights are on again now and the bathroom door wide open as she begins her ablustions which last precisely 4 times longer than mine. The dustbin lids are now awake and piling in for hairbrushes, make up, hair bands etc. The chat is at full bore and my head is firmly stuck under my pillow.

And then quiet. The kids have gone to school and it's just the wife downstairs getting ready for work and having her breakfast. I drift in the blissful peace. And then a Boeing 747 lands on the house and brings me back to this awful place. What, it's not a plane ? No, it's her feckin Nutri feckin bastard Ninja blender thing, making the concoction of the day. It slows and its quiet again. I start to drift again and faintly hear the front door open and know now that's it's only seconds before I'm on my own and can go back to the tidy bird in the office. 'CAN YOU FEED THE CAT DARLING PLEASE' comes the screech. I'm fully awake now

I wish I'd gone to ******* work


Haha - wonderful story! [emoji23]

stamford triumph 03-02-2017 06:29 PM

People who park their petrol/diesel cars in front of electric car charging points despite big signs saying plug in cars only. Yes I know, first world problems and all that but if you're low on juice it is fairly annoying.

Joe85 03-02-2017 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stamford triumph (Post 13475772)
People who park their petrol/diesel cars in front of electric car charging points despite big signs saying plug in cars only. Yes I know, first world problems and all that but if you're low on juice it is fairly annoying.



They should make the lead long enough so that you can box them in.

danpalace07 03-02-2017 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Payroll Legend (Post 13474882)
Beyoncé. You're pregnant. Well done.

she seems like a mug to me if she stays with Jay Z even after writing an album exposing him as a cheating rat then gets busy with cracking out a couple more kids

kayjay 03-02-2017 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Worksop Palace (Post 13475231)
Cats > women

Beer > Sport > All other leisure pursuits > Dogs > Cats > .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ......................> navel lint > fungal toenails > earwax > Women (more specifically the one I'm married to).

rhiannapaul 03-02-2017 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Payroll Legend (Post 13474900)
Agreed. It's all about me with cats.


are you the croydon cat killer?

oh i hate cats too

still car drivers on phones for me i ride a motorcycle every day the wander all over the road lost in thier texting its just so dangerous

stamford triumph 03-02-2017 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe85 (Post 13475834)
They should make the lead long enough so that you can box them in.

Actually that's another annoying thing. The optional charging cable for the so-called fast chargers is quite long but the standard one for 3 pin plugs is unbelievably short and states you shouldn't use an extension lead. What are you meant to do - drive through the front door to get to the nearest 3 pin socket? Other than that I love my Nissan Leaf:)

Slimbloke'H' 04-02-2017 01:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Payroll Legend (Post 13474886)
The fact that I just discovered that Beyoncé is already programmed in to predictive text. Ffs.

You are shitting me? :(

Slimbloke'H' 04-02-2017 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Worksop Palace (Post 13475231)
Cats > women

You are an absolute wrongun! :(

GorBlimey 04-02-2017 05:14 AM

Sinks in hotels that don't drain the water faster than it's going in.

What kind of shit is lurking in the plumbing to slow down water?

Worksop Palace 04-02-2017 07:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Slimbloke'H' (Post 13476281)
You are an absolute wrongun! :(

I do my best

davech 04-02-2017 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pidster (Post 13475348)
TLDR

Being old, I had to google it.

But still, :D :p

remmer 04-02-2017 09:15 PM

coming home ravenous after the match looking forward to eating half a cow - and the wife serves wholemeal pasta in a pesto sauce with toasted effing pinenuts

Panther 04-02-2017 10:48 PM

The Arthur Wait. Get there at 2.30 and you finally get in at 2.45; then it takes forever to get out at the end of the game.

Worksop Palace 04-02-2017 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by remmer (Post 13479519)
coming home ravenous after the match looking forward to eating half a cow - and the wife serves wholemeal pasta in a pesto sauce with toasted effing pinenuts

Yeah but at least we didn't get bummed 4-0 at home to the worst team in the league....

Oh

SeanPalace84 04-02-2017 11:56 PM

People that take every opportunity to slag off Cabaye. **** off.

elgin eagle 05-02-2017 12:11 AM

Bit harsh on cabaye Sean.

PhuketEagle 05-02-2017 08:29 AM

GF trying to cheer me up (watching Palace lose again)by stuffing hot chestnuts in my mouth when I'm drinking BEER.


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