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-   -   Ashes 2021 - 4-0 (https://www.cpfc.org/forums/showthread.php?t=285220)

cockneyrebel 16-12-2021 10:11 AM

The worst thing is you know England's wickets will tumble when they get in. It's a shame as it's just not a contest, which makes it boring.

art malice 16-12-2021 10:11 AM

We've probably got three analysts currently weighing up whether Australia will enforce the follow-on.

RazorsEdge 16-12-2021 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by art malice (Post 16153764)
Going Forward Unit.

:)

Worksop Palace 16-12-2021 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by art malice (Post 16153797)
We've probably got three analysts currently weighing up whether Australia will enforce the follow-on.

Unfortunately, not an unlikely scenario

crystaljim 16-12-2021 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GB2506 (Post 16153754)
All the talk over the last few years has been Archer, Wood and Stone bowling in Australia at 90+mph. Only one of them is fit and we don’t play him. I know he has had injury problems but you have to play him if he is fit.

Indeed. Remember what Johnson did to you guys here on a supposedly ideal batting track with raw pace?

You've literally picked a bowling attack for the evening sessions.

art malice 16-12-2021 10:28 AM

Listening on the radio. Sounds like the Amex.

crystaljim 16-12-2021 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by art malice (Post 16153823)
Listening on the radio. Sounds like the Amex.

Must be the over rate!

cockneyrebel 16-12-2021 11:15 AM

Brilliant, drops him again :D they really are all over the shop.

GB2506 16-12-2021 11:17 AM

**** off Buttler.

Get Foakes in this team. A proper wicket keeper

jmemour 16-12-2021 11:17 AM

Ridiculous.

stinky 16-12-2021 11:20 AM

I just cannot believe how bad that drop was

art malice 16-12-2021 11:22 AM

Buttlerfingers strikes again

Jordan's Jacket 16-12-2021 11:23 AM

He really is not a very good keeper

adrenalin john 16-12-2021 11:24 AM

Bus for Butler

GB2506 16-12-2021 11:25 AM

That was an absolute dolly at test level. So so bad.


He won’t be dropped though as he’s Joe boys best mate.

Wolfnipplechips 16-12-2021 11:26 AM

Just seen it. That is ******* shocking. How is this **** still playing test cricket?

RazorsEdge 16-12-2021 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crystaljim (Post 16153847)
Must be the over rate!

:lux:

RazorsEdge 16-12-2021 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfnipplechips (Post 16154001)
Just seen it. That is ******* shocking. How is this **** still playing test cricket?

Let’s be fair, he is not the only one in that team that applies to.

RazorsEdge 16-12-2021 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by art malice (Post 16153823)
Listening on the radio. Sounds like the Amex.

At least they are moving forward in the right way :)

Wolfnipplechips 16-12-2021 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RazorsEdge (Post 16154039)
Let’s be fair, he is not the only one in that team that applies to.

Agreed.

But catching is a prerequisite for wicket keepers. Butler couldn’t catch Covid at 10 Downing St.

RazorsEdge 16-12-2021 11:32 AM

What a ball

Olympian2 16-12-2021 11:33 AM

If only we had someone in Australia who could actually catch…https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...1117dcea91.jpg

RazorsEdge 16-12-2021 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfnipplechips (Post 16154051)
Agreed.

But catching is a prerequisite for wicket keepers. Butler couldn’t catch Covid at 10 Downing St.

Lol yup that is a fair point

The catch of Harris was described as ‘superman catch’ maybe he needs to come back to earth

GB2506 16-12-2021 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfnipplechips (Post 16154001)
Just seen it. That is ******* shocking. How is this **** still playing test cricket?

He’s Joe Root’s good mate off the field, as simple as that.

It’s why Root shouldn’t be captain. Fantastic batsman, awful captain.

GB2506 16-12-2021 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Olympian2 (Post 16154061)
If only we had someone in Australia who could actually catch…https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...1117dcea91.jpg

Best keeper we have and a decent bat. It’s ridiculous he hasn’t been given more chances.

RazorsEdge 16-12-2021 11:35 AM

The England back room staff are more in numbers than the crowd I think .

Bones14 16-12-2021 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cockneyrebel (Post 16153888)
Brilliant, drops him again :D they really are all over the shop.

He's now my favorite my a long stretch.:D

Sorry;)

Wolfnipplechips 16-12-2021 11:42 AM

200 for 4 or five and we’re in the game.

Butler has to go. He’s not good enough with the gloves or the bat. Burns can keep…

Bones14 16-12-2021 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfnipplechips (Post 16153614)
Who is the most annoying Aussie commentator?

I’m going King Warnie atm.

Ian Healy by a long way. The most arrogant piece of work i've had the displeasure to listen to. Horrible commentator and a two faced piece of shit.
Cant stand the guy.
Bill Lawry was my all time favorite though. Brilliant com, but a true gentleman to go with it.

GB2506 16-12-2021 11:44 AM

Are we able to call Foakes up or as he didn’t make the squad we can’t add him?

Bones14 16-12-2021 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Worksop Palace (Post 16153706)
Pitch looks absolutely dead

It's always a batters paradise in the first 3 days. Hence the reason you need a good spinner for day 4 or 5. Days 1,2&3 the spinner needs to hold down an end, get through the overs and give the quicks a breather. As well as be economical with an occasional wicket.

Bones14 16-12-2021 11:50 AM

Be a great team if you had Stokes, Woakes and Foakes along with Peter Willey and Graham Dilley (RIP).

stinky 16-12-2021 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GB2506 (Post 16154151)
Are we able to call Foakes up or as he didn’t make the squad we can’t add him?

You can't change a team part way through a Test. But he can be called up for the next Test surely.

Stockport_Eagle 16-12-2021 12:07 PM

Track & Trace seem to have caught more Australians than England today :wallbash:

*nicked from BBC

stinky 16-12-2021 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stinky (Post 16154254)
You can't change a team part way through a Test. But he can be called up for the next Test surely.

Seems I'm wrong. Apparently their series has ended and we didn't retain any of them so he's back home.

crystaljim 16-12-2021 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bones14 (Post 16154173)
It's always a batters paradise in the first 3 days. Hence the reason you need a good spinner for day 4 or 5. Days 1,2&3 the spinner needs to hold down an end, get through the overs and give the quicks a breather. As well as be economical with an occasional wicket.

Yeah but Australians describing the Adelaide wicket accurately was just a dishonest ruse to make England pick a spinner. :rolleyes:

Olympian2 16-12-2021 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crystaljim (Post 16154475)
Yeah but Australians describing the Adelaide wicket accurately was just a dishonest ruse to make England pick a spinner. :rolleyes:

Ha! That’s not quite what I said…. :p

GB2506 16-12-2021 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stinky (Post 16154254)
You can't change a team part way through a Test. But he can be called up for the next Test surely.

Haha I know you can’t change a team mid game. Would be nice if we could!

RazorsEdge 16-12-2021 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bones14 (Post 16154146)
Ian Healy by a long way. The most arrogant piece of work i've had the displeasure to listen to. Horrible commentator and a two faced piece of shit.
Cant stand the guy.
Bill Lawry was my all time favorite though. Brilliant com, but a true gentleman to go with it.

I forgot about that twat Healy, he is one arrogant so and so.

Sydenham Eagle 16-12-2021 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RazorsEdge (Post 16154590)
I forgot about that twat Healy, he is one arrogant so and so.

To be fair they don't come anywhere near the Indians for outright bias.

RazorsEdge 16-12-2021 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crystaljim (Post 16153666)
It's amazing the countries the game is expanding to!

Flipping auto correct :)

RazorsEdge 16-12-2021 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sydenham Eagle (Post 16154604)
To be fair they don't come anywhere near the Indians for outright bias.

Bogale and Gavaskar are also cure for insomnia:

Mind you speaking of bias, Ian Smith is up there

desperado 16-12-2021 05:17 PM

Straya have the ball tamperer back as captain - cricket's moral decline continues

Worksop Palace 16-12-2021 07:14 PM

Didn’t realise Buttler had dropped two. Just seen the second.

Frankly, that’s f’kin embarrassing. Absolutely pathetic.

RazorsEdge 16-12-2021 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Worksop Palace (Post 16154914)
Didn’t realise Buttler had dropped two. Just seen the second.

Frankly, that’s f’kin embarrassing. Absolutely pathetic.

He hardly moved not sure what he was doing. Even kids are told to get your body behind the ball

Worksop Palace 16-12-2021 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RazorsEdge (Post 16154931)
He hardly moved not sure what he was doing. Even kids are told to get your body behind the ball

To be fair the bright pink ball is tricky to see…… :rolleyes:

RazorsEdge 16-12-2021 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Worksop Palace (Post 16154932)
To be fair the bright pink ball is tricky to see…… :rolleyes:

Oh yes, can blind you

lol

Worksop Palace 16-12-2021 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RazorsEdge (Post 16154945)
Oh yes, can blind you

lol

:D

Wolfnipplechips 16-12-2021 10:54 PM

If I dropped that in the stiffs as a replacement ‘keeper I’d be embarrassed and definitely wearing the “Dick of the day” T shirt.

RazorsEdge 17-12-2021 05:23 AM

Root is going to bowl we are saved

RazorsEdge 17-12-2021 05:54 AM

Stokes strikes finally

RazorsEdge 17-12-2021 06:36 AM

A decent morning I must say. Root getting a wicket was good to see, maybe Burns can bowl next :)

Tomo 17-12-2021 07:30 AM

Looks like nothing happening now.
I don’t think we’ve bowled bad but luck not gone our way and inadequate catching has cost us this match.

That and more poor selections.

RazorsEdge 17-12-2021 07:31 AM

Looks like Smith May score a ton where is my mate Malarkey he is good with vexing. I have to do it on his behalf now :)

Aki Aki Aki 17-12-2021 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomo (Post 16155223)
Looks like nothing happening now.

Wait until we have a bat :D

Stockport_Eagle 17-12-2021 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aki Aki Aki (Post 16155226)
Wait until we have a bat :D

And when we do, please remember we're in Australia. The score is wickets for runs, not runs for wickets. Just a note to help save any confusion

Aki Aki Aki 17-12-2021 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stockport_Eagle (Post 16155230)
And when we do, please remember we're in Australia. The score is wickets for runs, not runs for wickets. Just a note to help save any confusion

:D :D

0.bj 17-12-2021 07:42 AM

Wake up to see Woakes still can’t but a wicket in Oz. Who knew? Not the analysts.

0.bj 17-12-2021 07:51 AM

Head gets a very thick edge that somehow doesn’t carry. Are we to assume they’re stood forty yards back because it might give Buttler a better chance to soft pouch a spooner?

It’s pretty awful again. We’re poking some fun at the analysts here but there are serious questions to answer about how much simple stuff they are getting so very wrong.

GB2506 17-12-2021 08:04 AM

It’s day 2 of just the 2nd test and England have so far created 13 nicks this series, only 3 have resulted in wickets. Dropped 7 catches so far.

That is absolutely woeful

0.bj 17-12-2021 08:10 AM

6 over throws in two overs. Might as well give Buttler a bowl just in case the Aussies missed us waving the white flag.

GB2506 17-12-2021 08:12 AM

We look defeated. Body language is really bad.

Buttler is just sulking and hasn’t said a word for 30 overs.

0.bj 17-12-2021 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GB2506 (Post 16155267)
We look defeated. Body language is really bad.

Buttler is just sulking and hasn’t said a word for 30 overs.

We seem to have a collective sulk when the sandpaper enthusiast gets more than ten runs. Lurpackface obviously has a fantastic average but do other teams simply give up against him and completely unravel in the same way we do?

We’re preparing for another decade of it giving up with his mini-me as well by the looks of it.

RazorsEdge 17-12-2021 08:38 AM

Anderson is still the man.


What a shame Smith coudlnt finish his ton.....hehe


7 down now but the game is more or less lost I think, play to draw

Aki Aki Aki 17-12-2021 08:39 AM

I said before we should never have toured Aus given how average we are at the moment. It's a tough challenge at the best of times, we should have used covid as an excuse when we had the chance :D . Can't see anything other than a series drubbing. Wrong squad, wrong team selection, wrong captain, wrong coach, just not good enough, it's pathetic.

crystaljim 17-12-2021 08:42 AM

Settle down guys, have you forgotten we are missing our 2 frontline bowlers?

The pitch will still be flat when you bat.

Aki Aki Aki 17-12-2021 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crystaljim (Post 16155294)
Settle down guys, have you forgotten we are missing our 2 frontline bowlers?

The pitch will still be flat when you bat.

Come on Jim, you know how it works with England. Aus 460 all out, England 30-3 at the close, the ball swinging all over the place :D .

GB2506 17-12-2021 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crystaljim (Post 16155294)
Settle down guys, have you forgotten we are missing our 2 frontline bowlers?

The pitch will still be flat when you bat.

You could pick 2 blokes from the stands and they would still cause our batting lineup problems.

Bones14 17-12-2021 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GB2506 (Post 16155316)
You could pick 2 blokes from the stands and they would still cause our batting lineup problems.

Hard to argue with that GB. Root might get his first ton on Australian soil though, so some good might come of it.

0.bj 17-12-2021 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crystaljim (Post 16155294)
Settle down guys, have you forgotten we are missing our 2 frontline bowlers?

The pitch will still be flat when you bat.

You are talking about a team that has picked a bowler who’s as dangerous as a Labrador puppy because we can’t trust the seven bats above him.

jmemour 17-12-2021 09:35 AM

Think there's a genuine argument that you send out Robinson and Woakes to bat

art malice 17-12-2021 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmemour (Post 16155361)
Think there's a genuine argument that you send out Robinson and Woakes to bat

Or Broad and Anderson

Wolfnipplechips 17-12-2021 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmemour (Post 16155361)
Think there's a genuine argument that you send out Robinson and Woakes to bat

We will do in a minute.

desperado 17-12-2021 09:41 AM

Without Jofra Archer, Mark Wood and Ollie Stone England are always going to struggle to bowl any side out for under 350 on hard flat wickets

The bowlers are all very similar right arm fast-medium, without a genuine front line spinner Root can change the bowler but not the bowling

0.bj 17-12-2021 09:42 AM

Probably not appreciated Down Under but we have to endure oodles of utter bollocks from the mouth of Root about plans, horses-for-courses, specialisms and all sorts of other crap he learned in business studies… and then watch as a bloke whom historically struggles to bowl on Aussie pitches is picked twice in succession, and above 1100 wickets in the bank.

This specific post is aimed at Woakes but it’s merely highlighting the gaslighting of the English cricketing public by the ECB, the idiot Silverwood and our worst captain since the summer of 800 captains.

(And we have managed to drop another catch in the time it has taken to type this :D )

0.bj 17-12-2021 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfnipplechips (Post 16155368)
We will do in a minute.

:D

Yeah, give it 40 minutes… :hi:

Wolfnipplechips 17-12-2021 09:43 AM

Just after the first six have capitulated.

Wolfnipplechips 17-12-2021 09:45 AM

Just time for another Butlerfingers moment.

art malice 17-12-2021 09:46 AM

Will we have to face the pink new ball under the lights? That’ll be so TYPICAL of our luck, and yet more data for our Misfortune Moving Backward Unit

Wolfnipplechips 17-12-2021 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by art malice (Post 16155379)
Will we have to face the pink new ball under the lights? That’ll be so TYPICAL of our luck, and yet more data for our Misfortune Moving Backward Unit

Imagine if we hadn’t let them bat for 5 sessions.

art malice 17-12-2021 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfnipplechips (Post 16155381)
Imagine if we hadn’t let them bat for 5 sessions.

I know. Just typical

0.bj 17-12-2021 09:49 AM

Woakes has guaranteed his selection for Boxing Day with that well-executed plan to dismiss Richardson.

art malice 17-12-2021 09:50 AM

Hope we planned for when it all falls apart

crystaljim 17-12-2021 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 0.bj (Post 16155370)
Probably not appreciated Down Under but we have to endure oodles of utter bollocks from the mouth of Root about plans, horses-for-courses, specialisms and all sorts of other crap he learned in business studies… and then watch as a bloke whom historically struggles to bowl on Aussie pitches is picked twice in succession, and above 1100 wickets in the bank.

This specific post is aimed at Woakes but it’s merely highlighting the gaslighting of the English cricketing public by the ECB, the idiot Silverwood and our worst captain since the summer of 800 captains.

(And we have managed to drop another catch in the time it has taken to type this :D )

There are plenty of posts on the Cricket thread about your (admittedly) hilarious manager speak. Art Malice has made replicating it an art form.

Aki Aki Aki 17-12-2021 09:55 AM

Now the fun begins ...

Sydenham Eagle 17-12-2021 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 0.bj (Post 16155370)
Probably not appreciated Down Under but we have to endure oodles of utter bollocks from the mouth of Root about plans, horses-for-courses, specialisms and all sorts of other crap he learned in business studies… and then watch as a bloke whom historically struggles to bowl on Aussie pitches is picked twice in succession, and above 1100 wickets in the bank.

This specific post is aimed at Woakes but it’s merely highlighting the gaslighting of the English cricketing public by the ECB, the idiot Silverwood and our worst captain since the summer of 800 captains.

(And we have managed to drop another catch in the time it has taken to type this :D )

It's all well and good slagging off Root but who would you have as captain? Stokes is probably the only other player who is guaranteed a place. Captaincy depends a lot of the players at your disposal. In terms of batting we are shambolic and the fact that he performs so well under so much pressure is a credit to just how good a player he is - can't imagine how many runs he'd score if he was in a team with 3 or 4 other players of equal calibre. In terms of bowling he's lost Archer and Stone and Wood can barely string 2 matches together. Perhaps a more pertinent question is why we have only produced 2 world class spinners (Underwood and Swann) in about 50 years?

Tomo 17-12-2021 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by art malice (Post 16155379)
Will we have to face the pink new ball under the lights? That’ll be so TYPICAL of our luck, and yet more data for our Misfortune Moving Backward Unit

What luck?

We've not taken our chances. Australia have earned the right.

I don't think we've bowled badly until the last hour or so, but we've not taken our chances and keep getting selection wrong.

0.bj 17-12-2021 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sydenham Eagle (Post 16155395)
It's all well and good slagging off Root but who would you have as captain? Stokes is probably the only other player who is guaranteed a place. Captaincy depends a lot of the players at your disposal. In terms of batting we are shambolic and the fact that he performs so well under so much pressure is a credit to just how good a player he is - can't imagine how many runs he'd score if he was in a team with 3 or 4 other players of equal calibre. In terms of bowling he's lost Archer and Stone and Wood can barely string 2 matches together. Perhaps a more pertinent question is why we have only produced 2 world class spinners (Underwood and Swann) in about 50 years?

So he’s above criticism because we have no obvious replacement?

He chose to bowl Archer into an early grave, ffs.

art malice 17-12-2021 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomo (Post 16155397)
What luck?

We've not taken our chances. Australia have earned the right.

I don't think we've bowled badly until the last hour or so, but we've not taken our chances and keep getting selection wrong.

I was joking

0.bj 17-12-2021 10:05 AM

Just checked. The two year plan for the Ashes included Archer bowling 82 overs over 11 days in New Zealand in November 2019.

Sensational captaincy.

Aki Aki Aki 17-12-2021 10:10 AM

Please just f-off Burns. Utterly useless

Sydenham Eagle 17-12-2021 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 0.bj (Post 16155399)
So he’s above criticism because we have no obvious replacement?

He chose to bowl Archer into an early grave, ffs.

I didn't say that but there are plenty of players who weren't great captains who have an excellent records due to the players at their disposal. If you are in a bit of trouble and can chuck the ball to McGrath and Warne or Ambrose and Walsh it makes life a bit less complicated.

art malice 17-12-2021 10:11 AM

Drops mic.

(Wasn’t Buttler this time).

0.bj 17-12-2021 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aki Aki Aki (Post 16155410)
Please just f-off Burns. Utterly useless

No send-off from Starc says it all. No contest there.

0.bj 17-12-2021 10:12 AM

Hope Woakes is padded up.

Wolfnipplechips 17-12-2021 10:12 AM

You have to laugh.

greybot 17-12-2021 10:12 AM

We are truly awful.

Aki Aki Aki 17-12-2021 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 0.bj (Post 16155413)
No send-off from Starc says it all. No contest there.

No need, Starc is almost embarrassed to take Burn's wicket. It's all too easy and predictable.

art malice 17-12-2021 10:14 AM

Wonder what Graham Thorpe does?

Aki Aki Aki 17-12-2021 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by art malice (Post 16155419)
Wonder what Graham Thorpe does?

Continuing the same top quality job that Ramps did for years


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