He says his favourite footballer ever was Cruyff... and later had to admit that he’d only ever seen a five second clip of him playing.

and my Mrs. watches his daft cookery programme every week. The insufferable smug wanksock. Lovejoy that is...

Looked like a tramp, and stepped forward out of turn.

But oddly, it is another party leader who, as usual every Remembrance Day, has provoked the fury of the tabloid writers.

Chris Sutton

In the other changing room do people walk around with their knockers out?!

I only read it online for free now. I'm not giving them any more money. What swung it for me was the readers comments section. Thunder***ts united. Incontinent First World dribbling. Smug arseholes.

Juliette Ferrington interviewing Jurgen Klopp. Every time. Just suck his cock & be done with it, eh?

Leona Lewis' butchering of Bridge Over Troubled Water at the Festival Of Remembrance. Why?? Did she really think that was good?? Absolutely Criminal insult to the song and the occcasion.

In which case, shouldn’t you be annoyed about Guardian readers rather than the august organ itself?

When you are told ‘do you know how it works here?’ In a patronising tone when sitting down to a table at a restaurant. It’s food and tables you havent reinvented the wheel. The customer doesnt want to feel that have to be in your click to succeed in the experience. More and more places are doing this as I think they think it trendy to have a Individual way of doing things. Went to Hopper near Bond St after the match on Saturday and was given a bill and payment machine after minute of finishing the meal, to which they said you can sit here but what we do here is to make you pay the bill, we know it’s different. Shame great food but was fairly rude and unexpected.

(this wasnt Mirsh Masala in Tooting Broadway where you expect to get kicked out as soon as you finish, which I love for that, that a canteen not a middle of the road restaurant).

“We are Liverpool. This means more.”

Nope. The paper has got very poor over the last five years or so.

100

Can’t stand that. Constant whinging about the league. When you remind them of their endless recent cup victories they come back with complaints that they briefly had Paul Konchesky and Charlie Adam in their team.

I used to love that place, but the complete lack of space between tables and queuing pissed-up punters once caused me to accidentally arse-butt a full glass of red wine into a strangers lap.

I said sorry profusely but they were not happy.

shit lib paper for FBPE twats and yellow tories

Annoys me as well but then I just think of Crystanbul and the brilliant gif from that night.

Insightful. Thanks for sharing.

Ditto James Blunt or whatever his name is.

Yes. Very strange song.

Contestants on University Challenge who introduce themselves by their first name only

You shag dogs

Actual dogs, or just hounds?

You might want to remove the rolled up Daily Express from your arse.

Certainly if he wants to speak…

Traffic.

What’s a yellow Tory?

Someone with jaundice prejudice

Contestants on University Challenge who introduce themselves as "originally from" as if they don't still live with their parents for 20 weeks a year.

Their Methi Gosht is/was the best curries going.

Pretty much everything was good. I also used to like Al Mirage next door but it was no booze allowed so a different dining experience. The Chana Massala , garlic naan and mango lassi for about £6 was awesome in about 2011ish.

Oh man I really fancy a curry trip back to Tooting now, but I'm not 100% sure I can sell it as a date night.

Nigel Wray. You’ve been caught. Just admit it.

It's the best in London easily, Tooting that is for curry.

Michael Crawford and Alfie Boe.

Surely Ball?

The name, not what you’re saying.

That fecking paco (police) helicopter that's been buzzing around all fecking afternoon.

Probably been said before. Probably by me also. But BBC making a massive thing about the early rounds of the FA Cup, and small teams, because it's the only 'real' sport they get to show. But then a fluke 3rd round draw throws up a Prem v Prem draw and then that's what they show, even though it'll be under-21 v reserves

And Chichester is NOT pronounced ChiT-chest-ter

Thought the fecker had gone... but must have just been refueling.. 4 feckin hours now... pilot must be dizzy as ****

The cringe is strong with this one

How much money must they waste??

Yes Ball. Utter *****.

still circling. I figured out its actually 2, tag-teaming. Obviously something going down in the local rough area. The Mrs saw some FB video of the local rozzers on motorbikes unsuccessfully trying to arrest someone and getting chased off... but to warrant 2 choppers for 5.5hrs now does seem a bit excessive. I'm watching the noisy fecker right now training a floodlight down onto the ground

"OK boomer".

The current buzz phrase being used by unoriginal, unimaginative dickheads, desperate to appear remotely funny or relevant.

Amazed they took each others cocks out of their mouths long enough to howl into a mic.

Any shop or restaurant that sells foie gras

Even La Pateria de Sousa?

Another thing that, if it didnt exist, then neither would the animal that produces it.

You’re not referring to foie gras I hope?

Why?

Er yes it would, you can still eat geese. Just getting a huge tube forcing it down their throats and force feeding them until their liver nearly explodes is not really necessary.

As a matter of interest, do you only eat free range chicken, non high intensity farmed meat/fish etc?

Damn.

As you were then.

Blind eats free range cormorant....

:supergrin:

olly..? Olly?...OLLLLLY!!!?

As a matter of interest Jamaican KFC is prized because our fowl are reared in traditional wooden coops in the open air. The birds are not exactly sauntering around but it has to be better for them than high intensity factory production

No, it's Chi.

Because it wouldn’t be correct.

You can buy foie gras that has been produced without the bird having to endure gavage. It’s bloody expensive mind but it’s also bloody fantastic.

Ironically, to the best of my knowledge, it’s only produced in Maidstoned’s adopted country. :D

:D

You’re actually advised to not eat their meat due to bioaccumulation.

As an aside, even foxes won’t eat cormorants.

Tea bags that are in pairs. Why?

Makes packaging easier.
But the joy of tearing the join of a handful.

Is this a euphemism?

Tulse Hill Gyratory System being mentioned all the time on the radio traffic bulletins. When I went to school there it was a fkn one way system:veryangry:veryangry:veryangry

But that was a crystal set and the only problems back then was the stagecoach horse had thrown a shoe.

You're up early:hi:

But what is it with this Gyratory crap? We meant to dance round it!!:wallbash:

What the f**k is the obsession old people have with 'clearing out their cupboards'? Every week I speak to my old dear and she is always clearing out her f**king cupboards. I've seen her cupboards- they usually contain 3 tins of soup and a tin of evaporated milk!
Unless the whole 'clearing out my cupboards' is a euphemism. And what she actually means is she was taking a shit before I phoned her?

Me: hello existing fuel supplier, I have seen a tariff of yours on a comparison site that looks good?
Fuel supplier: ah yes. You qualify for that deal.
Me: so can you put me on it?
Fuel supplier: No. You need to use the switching site to do that.
Me: even though it is one of your tariffs? It’s on your website, I can see it and have the tariff details from your website.
Fuel supplier: you need to use the switching site
Me: But I am not switching, I would be staying with you.
Fuel supplier: sorry you need to use the switching site
Me: but if I have to go through that grief of registering on a switching site and the like surely I would pick another supplier who is a little cheaper than your offering.
Fuel supplier: you need to go use the switching site
Me: that’s insane. But okay then.

Go to switching site. Chooses cheaper option.

Bloke in Tesco earlier talking loudly on his hands-free wandering through the aisles. He went ‘that’s the way it goes mate.’

I counted a beat and then came the inevitable ‘it is what it is.’

Bruce Hornsby should do a remake

"Driving home for Xmas" by Chris Rea. It's hurtling towards us like a thundering juggernaut. There's no escape.

This has probably been done already but....

bloody Christmas music in shops already.

https://s5.gifyu.com/images/6EF6D096...E913435E4B.gif

The model train fella?

:)

These signals will never change

Been there done that currently fending off current supplier who wants to fit a new smart meter replacing one thats less then a year's old fitted by my old supplier...total f***ing madness.

Recipes that call for 'mixed herbs'.

Fvcking cop-out.

Time to dig out an old thread

Dishwasher salt containers. Why located at the back instead of the front ?

It's normal to use 'So' to ask a question but the new habit of using 'So' to answer a question is mildly irritating.

"So, when did it become acceptable to use 'So' as the introduction to an answer?"

"So, it's probably in the last couple of years that it's become common"

"So, is it used in that way mainly by young people?"

"So, yes"

"So - there we have it !"

Now sit back and wait for all the phone calls trying to persuade you to stay.

CK has the cleanest cupboards in the whole of Christendom

See post 18258..... :p

Then the c*nt will turn up and say something isn't right on your connection - caused by the previous supplier - and you have to have the emergency team out to come and change a cap that sits on top of a cap otherwise you'll be forcibly evicted for your own safety.

Of course it'll be the same c*nt you had before because the suppliers don't do the work and if anyone f*cked it up, it was the twat standing it front of you apparently repairing it.

I'm sure these c*nts are doing it for banter.

People on a train in rush hour who go into a blind panic they will miss their stop so shove everyone out of the way the second it pulls out of the station before they want to get off

You could have stopped here.

Doughnuts being baked by Supermarkets rather than old-school Fried!

If you watched Masterchef last night, you would have seen Marcus Wareing frying them first then baking them.

You’re welcome

American spelling I dislike too ...

Amerikan ?

Paul McNamara , political correspondent Channel 4. Fecking amateur. Can’t get through one story without numerous cock ups. He ain’t up to it.

Sounds like he fits right in with the politicians he's reporting on...

Rylan Clark Neal.... just why? Hopefully his head will disintegrate with his next procedure.

He breathed!

Told ya.

Ooh! get back in the knife drawer you:clown:

Virgin media. Scum.

Brilliant Peter. Thanks.