Luis Suarez

I prefer that to posh people dropping aitches. Gaz Coombes on Saturday Kitchen this morning, for example.

I'm really starting to get annoyed by the woman next to me at work who insists - no doubt advice from some shitty lifestyle supplement - on drinking a litre and a half of spring water without a cup or other vessel to pour it into. You got the noise from the initial gripping action, the noise of the water being poured downward, the noise of the suction, the noise as air rushes in to fill the vacuum left by the displacement of liquid, the noise of the plastic bottle as it resumes its original shape, and then the thump of it as she replaces it onto the desk.

I know it's trivial, but it's starting to grate.

People who think the world wants to hear their conversation when they're on the train. Usually they are on the phone.

You probably need to make a game of it. Next time she goes for a pee, drop something inside the bottle. Then you can run a sweepstake on which swig she will notice it.

Washing up liquid?

Sunday Brunch or whatever the **** it's called on Channel 4. Interviewing a celebrity then asking them to cook a ******* risotto at 9:30 in the morning... I just don't understand the relevance. And why cooking? Why not have a chat with Judy Dench then ask her to help change a head gasket on a 1973 Ford Escort? Coming up, Seasick Steve plays live in the studio then tiles the bathroom.
Gets right on my tits.

Methanol?

'Ive heard from a reliable source.....'

Its not trivial. I once lived with a bitch who did just that but at 4am when she would wake up thirsty. Pour it in a glass or beaker and place by bedside you f*cking inconsiderate whore. Needless to say I never held back on farts whatsoever after this. And deliberately snored loudly.

The next time she does it pick up your keyboard and whack it right across the end of the bottle so it crumbles and bursts in her face. You would be laughing all the way to the dole office.

:D Matt Bellamy from Muse talks about his new album - then pairs up 15 different pairs of his family's socks

I would have gone with "In space no **** can hear you swear" .

That probably explains why I have no friends :D

Loud eaters
People who like to play 20 f*cking questions in the morning
Milwalls mascot
Roy hodgsons England team selection

Places that add a service charge automatically to a bill that the waiting staff and/or chefs see nothing of.

If it's a service charge it's for the actual people that provided the service not the people that own the place. Cheeky bastards.

Aren't they tips?

People who race you to the front of the queue in fast food restaurants, then stare up at the menu for 5 minutes because they don't know what they want

Surely that noise is the reason throats and sickles were made for each other?

Pointless games like today that you watch because there is no football on, and it's shit

Jake Bugg.

Boring England.

Women on Facebook who comment on pictures of other women with comments like, "You look Stunning", "You are so Beautiful", "Absolutely Gorgeous" etc, etc, ad nauseam...

In real life they are saying, "Bitch", "God she's ugly", "look at the surgery she's had" and "I wouldn't be seen dead in that outfit"...

Can you imagine men making these comments?

:D and add to that so they get the same insincere comments back when they post a picture.

Read this and learn

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Watching-Eng...ng+the+english

I don't think it is unique to The English... the ones I see are very American.

People (almost always women) who try to maneuver their way to the doors of a train just as the train has left the previous station. Extra points if the person does it at a big station during rush hour.

Oscar Pistorius

Palace incapable of confirming European friendly games until the last possible moment.

The 'bing-bong' bell noise every time you either go through or even get near the door to a 7-Eleven or Family Mart. God, those poor sods who have to work there must be driven crazy after about 5 mins! If anyone knows a way to turn off this effing sound please let me know (apart from cutting off the power).

Bing bong. Sa was dee ka , chern ka.

Stop trying to use it as a lubricant... Its not :)

Hurts when it gets into the eye of the old fella

I would ask why you are putting it on your old fella. But having stayed in the grottiest motel in NSW last week . and there was no soap or shampoo in the place only washing up liquid . I think I see where you are coming from.

Gout

Management politics.

similar sort of thing. when I was at school I had a Saturday job in Debenhams. By the end of the first Saturday in December I wanted to kill everyone who had ever written a Christmas song. But especially Paul McCartney and those sodding frogs.

I don't f*cking care what Claudia f*cking Winkleman likes or looks forward to. She is a talentless media-tart why should I f*cking care what she likes.

It is cock and cock.

Tossers who post over-sized pictures on the BBS.

Sorry? :D

Aggressive gingers.

http://funnycatsgif.com/wp-content/u...nger-cats1.jpg

Brits using the word 'vacation'. It's HOLIDAY you ******* bellends.

You know that the world has gone to hell in a handcart when she is considered an adequate heir to Barry Norman. She must have some stuff on people who make decisions at the BBC. Only explanation.

Look at her eyes on TV. Years of spunk in them. F*cked.

She is a bonafide pig, make no mistake (what no vomiting smilie :eek: )

Maybe :moo: will do instead!

This. Very much so. And it's a lift not an elevator. And take the letter "z" out of words it doesn't belong in.

I quite like her

If we are Yank bashing, how about their incorrect spelling of English words? And how they also mispronounce words eg "alooominum" and "rowte", I could go on and on GGGGGRRRRR

You sound like a very angry and frustrated virgin. Am sure you are not, and a charming and pleasant young man, but even so.

I totally agree:veryangry

Pubs/restaurants that serve chips in those mini buckets or baskets. They think they're being edgy and decorative, where as everyone knows it's just a form of portion control. **** off and pile my chips high until they are falling off my plate.

Women who make a photo containing half of their face, taken in the dark, looking away from the camera their profile picture, because that particular photo makes them look slim.

In deference to little al are you referring to friez

Much rather have a bucket/basket than have the chips stacked jenga style like some places do. That really is stingy and doesn't cover up the fact that you are getting about 6 chips with your burger.

Spineless Si.

shag a granny websites?

You been hitting those internet dating sites?

She sets fire to her kids.

The first time I ever got the 5 chip treatment I genuinely thought they had made a mistake and called the waiter over and demanded a "proper" portion. Which I got:D

Game of thrones esq?

Ooh classy

Doesn't she care about global warming?

Food served on chopping boards, give me an f ing plate

For chopping boards also read lump of slate.

This resonates.

I've never been given a slate, but it sounds horrendous.

Eating off a chopping board makes me nervous.

Gout. Amen to that.

Getting old
Social Media
The middle class sense of entitlement
Cucumber
Unix wierdos
Religious Extremism
The Scouse **** who wants to be prime minister
Scousers in general
Scotland (because the Irish have a lot more to be anti English about)
Public money wasted on elite "arts"
Badly lit rooms
The design of mass produced cars in general (the motor industry has a lot to answer for)
Top Gear and Clarkson (for the second time on this thread)
Germans (because I have to work with quite a lot of them)
Being angry too much

What's Unix wierdos?

Summerhouses. What is the point?

"My Bad"
starting a sentence with "Here's the thing"
and "lets reach out for a coffee"

Anyone who says lets reach out or thanks for reaching out!!
The Dartford crossing 12 miles of traffic yesterday. Also if now its fully automated how comes they can [pass the salary saving onto us??

Sports Minister Tracey Crouch just said 'going forward' eight times in a three-minute interview.

Go forward and fvck off.

I cringe when I hear an adult say "my bad".

Never heard anyone say "lets reach out for a coffee", but it sounds like people taking the piss out of themselves....

Vacation

late 14c., "freedom or release" (from some activity or occupation), from O.Fr. vacation, from L. vacationem (nom. vacatio) "leisure, a being free from duty," from vacare "be empty, free, or at leisure" (see vain). Meaning "formal suspension of activity" (in ref. to schools, courts, etc.) is recorded from mid-15c

I don't say I wouldn't. And her half sister Sophie at the same time.

What's the temperature got to do with it Mr Scotchman?

Come on Oirland.

Big Suze. Mmmmmmmmm.

Claudia Winkleman? Never heard of her/him/it. Could be a man or someone trying to do a take-off of Cher on a bad day? What's with the black stuff under the eyes? Does she/he/it play baseball on the side by any chance? I think we should be told.

If it's not a plate or bowl it can get to ****. Hipsters/contemporary conformists have a lot to answer for...

Hotel keys that work the power so you cant charge your phone when you leave the room.

A bit of card or a folded up sheet of paper shoved in the power switch thingy is your friend.

And the prize for most irritating station announcer ever goes to the twat they've got plugging upcoming programs on the SyFy channel - oh my good god somebody shoot the ****, please.

Joggers/runners trying to negotiate London Bridge southbound at 08:15.

People who try and beat the queue at London Bridge by walking down the inside of the train to the front then push in front of you.

Prople who aggressively barge in front to get the last seat and then barge in front again to get off as you stand all the way in the aisle.

If you do get an aisle seat, then the people standing in the aise who keep brushing the top of your head with their newspaper and bashing you with their rucksack which they leave ontheir back.

And then... the people that have been queuing for ages for the ticket barrier decide its time to search their pockets for the ticket only when they are actually at the barrier.

And...dont get me started on wheely suitcases at packed railway stations.

You may be able to sense it's been a joyous commute today!

I don't miss my daily commute into London Bridge at all.

14 min drive to the brewery, and even then I get annoyed with people.

I'm not a people person.

That Tony Laithwaite wine ad where absolutely no one is pissed, apart from the woman with a huge glass of red in her hand who says 'the staff are so lovely'. Like to have seen her after she'd finished that glass and was moving on to the next.

Thanks Stinky, that's made me feel so much better! 14 min commute to the brewery......

In a similar vein...

People who push the "Bus Stopping" button just as it pulls out from the previous stop. At least let the poor bloke get back into the traffic FFS.

My one real commuting gripe is when those sitting expect to be able to get up immediately and off the train, pushing their way in to the queue to get off before those who have been forced to stand. I am usually able to sit, but will never move to get up until those who have had to stand in the aisles next to me have at least had the opportunity to move before I do.

These people get on my tits.

As someone who is usually standing on the train, I make a power play as we are pulling into the station and support myself with my arm on the shelf above the seat of the person I suspect will do this.

I have twice got into arguments on crowded trains with people who have tried to stand and get in front of me and I haven't let them. Good thing about most English people, and especially work commuters, is they get very embarrassed if you cause a scene about their behaviour and they back down (I myself have no shame).

Nissan Micra's and the idiots who choose to drive what must be the worlds slowest car.

Jo Wilson's ridiculous Scottish accent on Sky Sports News

Good for you - when I do stand I will do the exact same and put myself into a position that stops them getting up. Not had an argument yet, but would be happy to were it to happen.

Flies

Not sure about this one. Surely it's better to do it early than late to give the driver time? What is annoying is when loads of people press the button repeatedly.

Yep. Then despite the sign being lit, other people repeatedly pressing the bell afterwards

God I miss London.

People who press the open button on the train door before its even stopped. How desperate are these people to get off the train half a ssecond quicker?

People who sit in the outside seats who when you ask them to get up so you can get into the inside seat, look like you've just asked to **** their Mrs whilst fingering their arsehole.

Snorers on trains, show a bit of decorum you fat mess

White people with dreadlocks. It just looks terrible.

Not just that, the fecking idiots that think if they press it 100 times, it is going to open. It isn't. ****wits

Not when there are at least 5 minutes driving along the motorway in between stops it isn't.