Jamie and his magic torch

The European Union

Wordsworth was lovely though.

Good choon as well.

******* up one of the easiest things to make. An omelette :rolleyes::(:veryangry

An omelette is easy to make.

A good omelette is not easy to make.

How did it go wrong Cary. Over done ? Don't let it ruin your day fella. Just think this time last week......oh maybe not then :sob:

Having a few beers at lunchtime and either needing to sleep, or carry on drinking.

My fault Rich.... too much filling.. too much water in the tomatoes, and though the taste was that of omelette in just splattered onto the plate in just what was globules of eggy veggie type stuff.

We all know that the joy of a meal is not just the taste but also its visual presentation.

Taste: 7/10
Visual 0/10

Overall experience 2/10.

Last week:

The day as a whole, result excluded 10/10
The result 0/10

Overall experience 8/10 (so proud to be a Palace fan, loving being amongst other Palace fans)

Rather experience last week again than experience my shit omelette again.

Chin up mucker. There's always the deep fried mars bar to look forward to later :eek:

Living up here I am going to have try one one day aren't I? Rude not to :(

If only one of them had bastard heard you. :(

Hard to believe ain't it. Just knock the fat heeded twat out.

If only......

Yep fraid so

Can't Touch This.

What a heap of steaming ordure.
Made by, starring and presented by total tw@ts, and quite clearly aimed at those of extremely limited intelligence. They are wasting my licence money on this???

Or it belongs on C Beebies. They might appreciate it.

:jerkit: ***** on here who leave you big boys private messages but would I guarentee say feck all to your face coz your such a big man in your bedroom banging one out to a bit of porn on your spunk stained keyboard you know who you are little boys you know who you are

People who wear fancy dress at sporting events. :S:

have you let this person/s know how you feel about their antics?

FPMSL

football commentators in australia. i'm watching the cl final and they sound surprised that the players look tired halfway through extra time. ******* morons they are.

and their banter is shit.

My kids not liking the same pizza so there's a total of a whole one left by the time we're done. A ten spot I could have saved.

what is it about the BBS that made a few people have a meltdown yesterday? Was it the heat or something?

People parking in parent and child bays without children. Everyone seems to fecking do it! So disrespectful, especially when there are parking spaces available that would just add 30 seconds - if that! - to your walk into the shop.

Added to that: me, the Mrs and our 1 year old were in Sainsbury's yesterday. Daughter's got a case of the trots at present and of course took the opportunity whilst out in public to go again. Rushed her to the toilet before it came seeping out all over the show but had to wait as the baby changing was engaged. After a few minutes the door finally opens and out of the baby toilet walks a middle aged man! Mrs Bubbs was ready to chin him.

I have only ever had one, and that was in Cheshire.

The BBC devoting an entire section of the Champions League final match report to how great Mark Clattenburg is

"I spy with my little eye...." & "What do you mean Real's goal was offside?"

The amount of people asking me if I watched the CL final. No I didn't. If it aint Palace I don't give a ****.

Really really shit.

Yes I got 'who do you want to win tonight?' I replied 'not really that bothered, but Sheff Wed'...totally blank looks back. 'Oh you mean the Champions League final, not really bothered but I hope that **** Clattenberg has a mare and never gets a top game ever again'.... blank looks. 'He is the referee'.... strange looks.

I could be wrong, but I don't think you really want to be putting shit in an omelette.

The Dutch, why do they always seem so smug?
It feels like they are in on a secret, and they are not going to share it with outsiders.

My wife going on about this great dessert she has brought and then its bloody chesscake, i dont even like bloody chessecake!!

Are they anything like cheesecake?

That's the following day's breakfast, no?

No. Bacon, sausage, egg, beans, toast is breakfast

The pizzas are now in t'freezer

Wot, no muesli��

No. But looking at my gut, maybe I should

You could have made this for them

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slides...14801_free.jpg

without the green bits obviously :)

Bloody hell that looks marvellous.

Made me hungry now

You could always use some shitty chain like dominos or Papa Johns who do half and half

Refuse to use dominos anymore. Total rip off and shit pizzas

I got 3 pizzas, a chicken grill (flame grilled chicken, pitta, salad, slaw and fries) and some extra fries for the same as 2 pizzas from dominos

Wankers

People with the attention span of a knats knob that go to a concert and talk - listen to the music FFS, that's what most people have paid to hear not them droning on about what they had for lunch. When you say something they get all upset, go quiet for a number and then start again. *****.

Even worse, people that record the whole ******* thing on their phone. Just watch the bloody thing.

Dutch blokes are hilarious. Worked with quite a few and they are unwittingly great fun. Firm of conviction and full of bonkers phrases. The short one can be a bit chippy though.

this pisses me off so much. there's nothing worse than being forced to watch a show through a phone because the inconsiderate asshole in front of you is blocking your view with their phone. ******* *****.

Wow ! Swear filter is a myth :eek:

I went to a Bat for Lashes concert a few years ago and had to tell a group of young'uns to stop singing along!

I paid £30 for a ticket to hear her singing, not them. The ******* *****.

Well, the filter's working with my posts.

It works now

Nobody pays the full price for 2 Dominos pizzas do they ??

People who circumvent the BBS swear filter then moan when they get banned ;)

No. It's still a rip off with any of the myriad of offers they send out

Wankers

Yeah, the bastards

That's cos you're a ****

Man bags. Seem to be a staple part of the chav wardrobe now. Even saw a load of little smallwall support with them on yesterday. Suppose thy do like a spot of handbags.

Yes man bags are so passe now that they are now available from sports direct.

Pink lions? :clown:

Well they do like to march with 'pride'

Ditto football matches.

When people make exaggerated reactions when they sneeze, you know, they go 'excuse ME!' really loudly, as if they are surprised and shocked by the ferocity of their own sneezes.

Why? It's just a ***ing sneeze. Jesus.

I know. F*cking HELL!

Stevie Hawkings voice. Upgrade that chip and change the ******* record mate.

:frown::(:sob:

:supergrin:

FFS he had to be a Palace fan.

:D

Slaw?

Add yourself to this thread.

I don't use them because their pizza's are shit

And way overpriced.

Good shout. I didn't realise they annoyed me until I read your excellent articulation of something I hadn't been able to put my finger on.

People who get on tubes that are already packed like sardines and shout in a passive aggressive manner to people to "move down please, guys". Where am I supposed to ******* move to you ******* idiot? Just because there is no room for you, you will have to wait for the next train dickhead

People who seem to live in the toilets at work.

Go in there for a slash and you're in there every single time having a shave or brushing your teeth and because of you I can't have a quick few sly puffs on the E-Cig.

Ha ha don't remember writing that. Feckin Yankee phone

bet these are the same people who insist on telling everyone to move down the bus/train when everyone's tired and ****ed off

Back to the Land of the Lift Morons... what is it about them that turns people into f*ckwits?

If I'm already in the lift when you get in, you can be certain it's because I'm wanting to go somewhere. I guarantee I'm not there because I want to spend all day in the feckin' lift. So if you're still deep in conversation by the lift when it arrives, then finish the feckin' thing BEFORE you get in the lift rather than get halfway in, then stand there in the doorway pressing the DOOR OPEN button delaying the rest of us while you finish boring the living shit out of whoever it is you should have finished talking to already. Selfish tosser. :veryangry :wallbash:

Morons that decide to stand in doorways when it's raining. It's due to rain nonstop for the next week, what the **** are these ***** waiting for? Let me in the ******* building you useless **** nuggets.

More unacceptable work toilet behaviour:

The Broadsheet Reader
These morons can be heard loudly turning the pages of their oversized papers while doing their business. What a man wishes to do in his own home is his business, but do you really think your colleagues wish to know your habits or be subjected to them?

The Dirty Handshake
Ever found yourself in that uncomfortable position when washing your hands, somebody who has just been using the facilities spots you, comes over offering a handshake. Leaving you the choice of ignoring it or having to shake their hand knowing what they have been doing. Grim

The Mobile User
Yep, there's always one isn't there? Do you really think we want to listen to you talking shit to someone while taking one?

At this point I flick the drops off my fingers into their faces while uttering
"Don't you hate it when you piss on your hands".

Heb 7:24 russian smear.

Likewise, the small independents near me are far better quality and value. However, it’ll be an important lesson for the kids to learn if they don’t reach compromises or continue to arse about

Victoria station on a friday. W*nkers and pull along bags everywhere

Answering the house phone, only for the inevitable pause followed by 'Mr Thompson (not me), I hear you were recently involved in an accident that wasn't your fault'. Feck off.

If they're on the phone in the next cubicle (especially if it's a manager on a business related call) you're perfectly entitled to put the heels of your hands over your mouth to make the loudest, wettest fart noises you can accompanied by pained straining noises.

The phrase 'to end 50 years of hurt' to describe England's attempt to win the euros

What a load of cock.

Forgetting my jeans for a night out with work and having to buy some I don't really need. 65 bastard quid and I don't really like them.

And my toothbrush so that was another £3

Wankers who stop across keep clear sings at a junction instead of letting you out and then look straight ahead pretending they are oblivious, rather than acknowledging the frenzied torrent of abuse I am putting their way. Learn how to drive you c*nts.

Beggars who turn rude when you try and ignore them

Keep the receipt and take 'em back in the morning :p

Think you're stuck with the toothbrush mate.

That's why I like you Paul, the thinking mans Palace fan. :p

Could get messy tonight though. In dirty Leeds for beers (as we speak) and then for a ruby and more beers. Not sure they'll take them back with half a lamb chilli masala and some saag aloo down them...

Prolly more chance of taking the toothbrush back

People saying that AFC Wimbledon were at wembley in 1988 when they were only formed 14 years ago

:D

They've probably been taken back 3 times already :) The missus bought 2 ties for a funeral today, I had to model them like the face of tk maxx then they'll be straight back to the shop after the old boy has paid his respects.

Have fun in LEEDS.

Saw a beggar today. He smelled. He was eastern european and had a Man Utd tracksuit top on. Was pleased with how I managed the natural emotions arising from that perfect storm bombarding my senses.

Probably lost on the journey home from Wembley

He stank. You smelled.

So I'm watching some rugby league and apparently they've introduced a clock to reduce the time the players spend dicking around at scrums. This is okay with me. What really annoys me is that they are calling it a 'shot clock'. They're not ******* shooting anything, it's a ******* scrum. I don't need any shit Americanisms while I'm watching Australian sport for ****s sake.

Croydon and it's ridiculous traffic schemes and road works - hour and a half to get home to WW yesterday!!

What you could have walked it quicker!! Where was the hold up?

From the top:

Road works in Beddington Farm Road
Road works on A23
Road works around broad green
Road works from the Plough to A23
Road works on Waddon Road (decent cut through - now one-way)
School holidays shoppers
Macro
Best Buy
Croydon drivers (not including me obviously!)

If it is rugby league calling it a scrum is a way bigger offence than having a shot clock.

Tim Vickery, the South American correspondent for Talksport. Bore off FFS

He was excellent on 5Live. We need more decent journalists covering football in the media, not the usual retinue of ex-Liverpool players who can string a couple of sentences together.

Or has he dumbed down for TalkSport?

He certainly knows his stuff but a succession of lame jokes (we even got the 'not even a household name in his own house' today) and ostentatious South American pronunciation tipped me over the edge