Watching a good play on C4 The Watchman. I swear there are more ads than play.

That's easy for you to say!

Fat f*cks tweeting about shoving pies down their gobs wanking over it and me not being able to slaughter the fat c*nt because he's blocked me. Yet I still get his eating tweets into my email inbox. Eating strawberries in the garden was the last one. Who gives a c*nt. Stuff your face and shut it and f*ck off while you're doing it.

I had to turn Only Connect off on Monday after one of the team's spokespeople insisted on giving each answer with, 'so...'.

I know it's been covered already but for FFS you're giving a short answer, not an account of your day at work (although using it anywhere is still irritating).

Feeling especially intolerant today.
Flying from Stansted Airport which is full of 'cockney wankers' and foreigners, both groups which are inferior to myself.Also apart from my wife and I there are very few attractive people in the world.

:D

The fact that my missus only enjoys takeaways that cannot be ******* delivered.

****.

Tell her to go and get it - you can't go as you are waiting in for yours to be delivered:D

I think she's having an affair with the neighbour.

The Money Saving Expert.

Alex James - cheese-making wazzack

:D

If only. I'd be free to find some 30 stone elephant who enjoys a curry every night.

Brb, neighbour is posting some menus through the door.

:supergrin:

That Salford team having another documentary on TV tonight.

Bryan Swanson. Can't help thinking he looks like a spitting image puppet.

Twats who are love nothing more than to point out minor spelling errors...even if spellcheck realted


And yes...a deliberate one there.

I make no apologies for my helpfulness.

The X-Factor.

Simon Cowell needs assassinating, pronto...can't we send him to Syria for Red Nose day?

Mildly famous people who say "everybody knows that I. ...." when no one has ever heard of them

Currently the BBS

What about people who point out other grimmer (sic) errors? ;-)

People who use the ! for no reason in text messages or emails.

People who pay for their drinks in the pub by card.

The X Factor. Kind of encapsulates all that's wrong with our modern society. Cowell truely is the devil incarnate and his garish show is the total antithesis of creativity and real musical talent. It makes me feel very uncomfortable that young people watch and aspire to some of these characters.

Who carries actual money around these days?

Who doesn't?

The suggested team thread being started two weeks before the next game.

Me, and everyone I know

People who hand over cash and wait for change in the pub, rather than using contactless cards.

Or spend ages seeing if they have exact change, which they invariable don't, so then have to find a note instead, and then wait for change.

There are very few things I use cash for these days. Palace programmes, holidays, popup food stalls etc... that's about it.

People who moan about poor presentation of food. Get your priorities right FFS

Cabaye

Shouldn't that be

People who use the ! for no reason in text messages or emails !!

Spurs,AFC Bournemouth and that bloke in the Holmesdale Lower,probably Block E, who shouted "Pardew Out!" early in the first half.

That was probably me. Though I used other words than Out.

^^^^Student.

He sits right behind me. Turns up to every home game so pissed he can hardly stand, and sure as night follows day, he'll start in on either the way the team is playing, or more likely on Pardew. If the sun is shining in his eyes and he can't follow the game, you can bet that before long he'll be calling Pardew a c**t because he hasn't arranged to make the Main Stand high enough to block out the glare...

My mate and I have a regular bet on how long it will be before he starts slagging either Pardew or the team off. Right now his record of keeping quiet before launching into his first rant of the afternoon stands at a mighty 12 minutes.

I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion about the club, but Jeeze, if you hate it so much why do you come every week?

You and your mate are absolute chaps by the sounds of it

People who get to a till in any shop/bar/pub and don't have either their cash or card ready to pay immediately and fumble around for 30 seconds trying to find it. It's hardly like it can come as a bloody surprise.

Jamie ******* Redknapp.

Palace superdraw....although I swear its rigged because I never win

Using "bud" or "buddie"
Rather than mate ..irritates me
American wannabe arseholes

The English, commie poofs from Surrey in particular.

The Notting Hill Carnival is a carvinal. It should not be known as Carvinal.

people (normally teenagers) who insist on walking down the street using their mobiles like a ghetto blaster so everyone can hear.

Racist nazi scum :jerkit:

Booing

Tourist threads;)

Unsee unsee unseeeeeeeeeeeeee

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2016/...2397277523.jpg

Went to dust off the barbecue for the first time in a couple of months yesterday evening. Take the cover off, lift the lid, to see that something rodent-like has clearly been living in it for said period of un-use, judging by the amount of pellet-sized shit that was all over the cooking plate and the tray underneath. Bloody hell. :veryangry

Adds flavor.

Ratatouille anyone?

EFA.

I've got a feeling it was a possum rather than a rat. There are loads of them around here.

Having to rely on others.

Espically when they make you late.

Exactly the reason, **** it, having the day off now.

Made some of that in France on Monday. What a feckin palarva (sp?). Was ok but not worth an hours work. Anyway...

Hardly original but...England's roads. Feck me. Drove 220 miles in France this morning. Not a single hold up. Not a single stretch of roadworks. Not a single breakdown seen. No accidents. No speed restrictions (despite some dense fog). 220 miles in just over 3 hours.

Land in England and within half an hour there's a jam. Takes nearly an hour to roll up to the dartford tunnel. M25 queuing at 12pm. M11 and A14 rammed at 1.30pm. 215 miles in just under 5 hours.

Utter utter wank

Apparently it's palava.And on that subject,words that you have to look up how to spell because you've never written them before but say them all the time.


While our roads are horrible,littered with traffic,roadworks and the most ill thought out diversions that you could ever imagine,at least we don't have tolls.The only traffic you hit in France is for a toll.You are literally paying to stop.And they don't make sense until a bit of practice so you sometimes go to the wrong machine and end up trying to get a whole queue of traffic to reverse for you.Madness.

edit: Except the Dartford Tunnel as you mentioned.Ban tolls.

I beg to differ

If you get a tag, or nick your old mans, you breeze through the toll booths. No taking tickets and riffling for change etc.

I'd pay £20 or so to drive 200 miles hassle free everyday of the week

On the subject of tolls, wankers who don't have a tag and block the rest of the motorway up queueing to pay with cash.

Wiltshire. The new Samson / Bolaise / Hopkins / Martin*.

It's Wilshere, FFS.

* Unless he doesn't sign for us, in which case I couldn't give a toss.

People who incorrectly spell the name of our greatest ever left back, ironically within a sentence about incorrect spelling. It's Sansom, FFS.

Errr.

Errr... whoosh?
I think that was his point, he misspelt all of them to point out that people misspell them all?

Bit of a fail there, Viking no 2 ;)

Oh well, I don't really stuff anyway. I'll sit here embarrassed and put my pants back on.

:p

Sure we've all done it from time to time.

when i hear "whatever" that is it

Rather than signing off emails with a classic 'Thanks' or 'Sincerely, *name*', this woman I'm emailing is signing off her emails with 'In unity'. I can't be the only one that thinks this woman is a ****wit of the highest order?

I'm just thankful I have PHIL BARBER in my life to remind that there are still some alright people out there.

You have to be bouncing that back at her with some classics of your own.

^ This. How about you sign off with 'Who's Unity?'

One arse at work, his auto email signoff is "Rgds" not "Regards"...so important in his own mind that on that one time he had to type and save that auto signoff that he to save time by omitting 3 letters.

:jerkit::jerkit::jerkit:

Or BR for best regards. Wtf, just write the words you last twathouse

And using one initial to sign off ;

BR

M

Wankers

People who go to the cinema and then just talk constantly to each other at an audible level the entire time.

Just stay home FFS, you do know you are in public right?

Same with gigs,

Slowly getting more and more annoyed at the new generation of people going to gigs, put your ******* phone away, shut up and enjoy the music ... Do the young people that we have these days just go to things to say they have been or do they actually want to be there?

People who take their dogs to work. If I wanted something to dribble and leave hairs all over my suit I would have gone and sat in a dog basket.

People who spend the whole gig watching it through their phones. Sometimes you can't even see the stage for the sea of cameras. More concerned with showing people on social media that they were there than actually enjoying it.

The fact gigs aren't as good as they were when I was 16. I miss sitting on the sticky floor at the Brixton Academy smoking, waiting in fervent anticipation of seeing the Manics, Pavement, Radiohead, Blur, Green Day, Foo Fighters etc.

Also annoyed than the Astoria closed. Brilliant venue in its day.

Agreed!

Not just gigs but everything. People don't want to go anywhere or eat anything they just want to film it or take selfies to boast on Facebook and Instagram. The worst is with endless baby photos. I'm beginning to think some are conceived just so the parents can generate hundreds of likes on Facebook.

This just shows the state of the workplace now days. People at my place bring their dogs in. One person, I kid you not, brought a ferret in because it had a runny nose.

hate people at my work, wouldn't miss them apart from the bird opposite who has a great ass

A ferret? :eek:

Should have released the ferret.

Or worse, children. No one at work cares about your crying, screaming pile of piss and snot besides you.

Any bloke of whatever age who wears a polo shirt with the collar up Cantona style. He was a wanker and you all are as well, every bloody one of you. Oh you look so cool I wish I was you.

Wankers.

Perhaps it keeps the sun off your neck Cocky old son oh sorry chocky cocky

Whilst I hate it, it is not a *****na thing, Ivy league American style was around way before that French ****

In the same way wearing sunglasses indoors keeps the sun out of your eyes.

Oh....

:frown:

I thought you might like me Chock....soz

in my (piss poor) defence, some of my shirts have collars that feckin stiff, it's difficult not to wear them up.

Anyway, I'll get my coat

People who wear the collars of their coats up indoors.

Evan Davis' continual SHIT puns on Dragons Den.

Someone should give him a dose of his own medicine and say in the same smarmy way, 'F*ck you c*nt'. No smug arsed innuendos there bugger face.

**** me you've got me well and truly pegged

Why do people bring their pets to work? Don't understand. Is it some kind of national pet day or something ffs?

If one of my staff brought a pet or kid to work they would be back at home sharpish

BBC's love affair with all things Man Utd including another programme on Salford tonight.

The bloke at work who thinks he is the king of banter and calls himself a Bantersoros and the Archbishop of Banterbury.

:jerkit::jerkit::jerkit:

both are equally excellent contributions to the thread. Vermin loving BBC or bantz loving tools. Hard to pick which one is worse

Please tell me he really calls himself the Archbishop of Banterbury. The thought that there is such a cock in this world, has cheered me up no end :D