Post match interviews with John Terry,who cares what this chav thinks

Trust me after 20 years of marriage, this is a blessing.

Asking for a receipt when paying in a cheque at a High Street Bank and being told I can write you one out. It's Twenty f*cking Sixteen!!

That "Jack" character off Silent Witness.

Being told the company I work for is merging with a competitor back in early November and 3 months on still not knowing if I have a job in the new organization (and it's not just me, only 3 names have been announced so far and that's the President, COO and CFO) the rest of us - approx. 500 people across both companies haven't a Scooby's)

Old people in shops. Get our of the f*cking way you miserable sods.

http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/ar...181911.jpg?v=1

Mergers are never about the workforce. It's a board room stitch up.

Thks for your suggestion Yoda about contacting the GF opposite me in the restaurant. Only prob is I don't have Facebook...ye olde phone's one of those wind-up versions, so would first have to buy a new mobile, then take selfies & mail for responses. A new GF comes cheaper than a new mobile in these parts!

The pair of ***** either side of me on this train constantly wagging their ******* feet. Sit still you hyperactive bell ends

Yep....I don't think you two are match, to be honest about it.

Her loss. :hi:

My Dobermans feckin arse the smelly big git:veryangry:veryangry

Yeah what is that all about? It's normally women who cross their legs then their foot goes mad. Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle. Calm down ffs.

In 2016 you can shove a cheque into a machine and not even queue up:D

Haha....and don't they f*cking love telling you instead of getting behind the jump and serving people?! I actually did try and do that but the cheque was so grubby after being in my pocket for over a week it didn't recognise it. :D If however I had been successful I would have got a decent receipt with a scan of my precious cheque. Now that is more like what I expect in 20 fuc*ing 16!!

Bank Managers who are little older than children.Spoke to the new guy today and he was fecking full of buzz words,shite like "touching base",fecking "blue sky thinking" and the best yet" imagineering",after two minutes of listenlng to this foetus in a suit,i pissed off and had a haircut.Told him id come in again when there was an adult in the branch.

In 2016 you can take a photo of the cheque using your bank's phone app and deposit it there and then. With, of course a photographic record held online for future printing should you need a receipt.

Make that 8 years! ;-)

:D

Stoke

So once you had run that up his flagpole, did he salute it?

I expect that was a 'step change' for him.

What's a cheque? :bash:

The use of apostrophes in plurals these days. I know you used to see greengrocers doing it with "Apple's 50p", but it's everywhere now. Especially in football chat.

Freekick's
Transfer's
Throw in's
Play-off's

Aaargh.

Apostrophe's in plural's? Load's of them's ingraining's in people's brain's. It's unbelievable's the standard's of teaching's the'se day's. (That's enough's - Ed.)

Frazier Campbell.

Well, indeed. But much to my chagrin they are still wildly popular in the US. At least the phone app makes their continued usage bearable.

The best two I have seen have been on a chalk board outside an Irish Bar here:

Spur's
Wale's

FF'S!

I thought you lot spell it 'check'?

Turning right out of a t junction, waited a long time, spot a gap, check right, check left and the mrs head is in the way because she's doing the looking. NO!!

The country of my residence yes. I however do not. ;)

Roadworks -how can a ton of gravel, a few machines and 12 blokes standing around doing f**k all cost $6m?

Quiz shows where the contestants talk for 5 minutes before giving an answer.

People who cannot spell Fraizer Campbell's name correctly.

Why do old people spend ages being served in banks on a Saturday when I'm behind them in the queue? They've got all bloody week to go to the bank. Why do they go shopping on a Saturday at all? I'll tell you why - it's to piss me off. Looks like they've succeeded.

Quite right. I don't care about the contestants and their ******* life stories, just get on with the questions.

Ask Elgin Eagle...

Yes, but that's a bit less annoying than when people can't spell Nigel Martyn and Kenny Sansom correctly, both of whom are unquestionably club legends.

Bolaise. I get a great view of him from the Arthur Waite.

People who say 'underestimate' when they clearly mean 'overestimate'.

'That goal might have won the Play Off Final - and you can't underestimate the importance of that'

Roaming the streets of Paris and seeing Chocolatiers, gorgeous Patisseries, a shop dedicated just to Pistachio nuts and coming home to see a new 25p shop exists in the UK and has sold out of stock in 2 days.

:D

This. Pointless is the worst for this so much that I record it and start it at 19 minutes to avoid the first round.

:D

I finished that job last Sunday I'll have you know. Well, in as much as any of my diy jobs can ever be described as 'finished'. Now building a decking 'wall' to keep the chihuahuas from playing battleships out there. Battleshits is probably more accurate actually.

Congrats :lux: I expect a photo of the finished product :D

p.s Next project please start a thread :p It will cheer us all up to read your exploits!

It may be a while :)

Even Selhurst Park is not immune.

Painted sign in the Whitehorse says "GENT'S"

Maybe that's the toilet belonging to the one Gent in the Whitehorse?

Amen to that, most of the football threads on here are being ruined by ludicrous over-reaction.

The photo or the next project?

'Nikki' off Silent Witness what a bloody self righteous cow. Would though

Elijah Wood - underwhelming actor
Drivers who beep their horn if the driver in front hesitates a millisecond when the light goes green
People talking loudly on their mobiles outside my house early in the morning

:)

http://i.imgur.com/IATd4fT.jpg?1

http://i.imgur.com/S2otfGD.jpg?1

Silent witness full stop, while are they always sticking their noses in the Police work.

Looking good EE :p

Hula hoop looking a bit worse for wear though :)

Cheers mate. Its the hula hoop equivalent of my back :)

:D

Why the 300 bins?

and where's the brush handle gone?

They're full of pea gravel ;)

Threads about pea gravel.

:D

Christ knows. Think it became a paint-roller handle at some point.

that's what they all say ;)

I miss watching run down the wing in front of me. I still remember him breezing past Glen Johnson for Gayle's first in Crystanbul. None of our players are quite as good as that kind of run as Yala is

I seem to remember the missus being unhappy at having no brush handle. Trying to explain it was a diy emergency didn't wash :)

Having to settle for an 85 Grahams, when you want an 84. Same with a 79 Taylors when you want a 78.

Hard life mate init ....

******* idiots yelling on their phones on the train - "AH JUS LEF LOUSHAM" "LOUSHAM" "LEW-IS-HAM FOR ****SAKE"

There's a reason the person on the other end keeps asking you to repeat yourself; it's because you can barely string two coherent words together you gibbering imbecile.

People on trains who even when you show them that you have reserved a certain seat refuse to move.

Show em your size nines son!

F'ing web sites that lock you out after only 2 attempts at logging in incorrectly and then want you to call their customer service line, which you do, only to find they are only there between 7 and 5 EST Monday to Friday!

Rant part 2 (connected) - bank Apps that suddenly want you to register the mobile device before you can use the APP (it's been working just fine for 2 years), and when you follow their instructions (received access code via text) will not let you log in because you have not registered the mobile device!

Why can't IT leave well alone! *****...

There are very few circumstances in life that will ever need the use of violence but this is icertainly one of them.

Why do people assume the person sitting in said seat was not a 6 foot 6 brick built shit house, and the person's whose seat it is is a 5 foot 5 average guy?

Sometimes you just have to accept somebody is an a-hole and hope karma will get them.

You haven't watched many movies, have you?

Not those sort... no. :)

:D

Two words - Charles Bronson.

shit razors and the price of new ones. Decided to jump on one of those shave club subscription sites (Shave Club UK), only £5 for 4 good razors every month or two. **** you, Gilette

BBSers who have stopped pooing themselves in public for ages now. Someone shit yourself FFS. :veryangry

A real bastard sometimes. I wonder how I muddle through?

Any port in a storm.

Match reports in the press and on the radio that tell you what happened in the post-match press conference rather than what happened on the pitch. Who cares what Wenger or Van Gaal thought?

People who talk far too loudly on the phone. You don't need the feckin' phone, just open the window and they'll be able to hear you anyway, f*ckwit.

Idiots who drive along the M4 after dark in the pissing rain & howling gale with only their LED daylight running lights on, and hence no rear lights. Absolute ******* moron! There was another one later in n the M25 with just his sidelights on, but at least that meant he had rear lights - he soon put his headlights on when he turned onto the unlit M23!

Forgetting your oyster card and wallet and having to pay £4.90 simply to go one zone. Ridiculous.

Every cat within a mile radius using my lawn as a ******* toilet.

Opening any news site and having the Superbowl rammed down your throat, it wouldn't be so bad if they talked about the game, you expect that, but they are talking about the bloody HT entertainment and the adverts.

Daily mail?

People who make smug takeaway orders on the phone in public. Fvck off

Mail, Telegraph, Sun, Mirror, BBC etc.

Drivers who fail to realise they have to stop at roundabout, not keep going and scare the life out of you.

B+Q and there new 'Health and Safety' rule if you need any wood cut.

They will not cut any piece of wood, MDF, plywood, etc if the strip is under 23cm. This also includes the off-cut you do not actually want.

Apparently a customer sued B+Q after getting hit by a small off-cut from the saw machine that flew up in the air and hit them (well that's the story).

When I asked the question about 'Why don't you just do these smaller cuts with the blade in the HORIZONTAL position - so it could only go sideways and not up' - He could not answer me (the saw can make horizontal and vertical cuts for those who have never used this service).

They could also build a room around the saw set- up - but that would mean expense to them.

Instead we have to spend more money than you want to on a larger piece of wood just because they cannot be bothered to do small cuts horizontal.

Related to this, the club's twitter page going on about it all yesterday. We know you're trying to attract Johhny Septic but ******* calm down with this shit. We are first and foremost an English team, don't forget that.

all feels like our identity is starting to fade.

If you've got contactless on your bank card you can use that on the same way and it'll be Oyster prices

Gig tickets.

They charge ludicrous service charges,postage and other 'fees' and then don't send the bloody things out until a couple of days before the gig.

Why?

:veryangry

F*cking meerkat bastard c*nts. Seven f*cking years of this shit it was mildly amusing at first until people started saying 'simples', FFS give it a rest. Not funny now it's bollocks. Even the c*nting Wombles only had a couple of years shelf life.

PISS OFF.

******* homework, hate it, hated it as a kid hate it as an adult when im king im binning it get kids doing sport and creative stuff after school instead.

Anyone who says "simples" should be boiled in their own piss. Same goes for adding "hashtag" or "dotcom" to a sentence.

#F*ckingspoton

#Peoplewhoaddhashtag

#Boilinyourownpiss

lynx 'rise' shower gel. WTAF is this shit. Had to have another shower to wash the smell of it off.

Companies that change their software/website then ******* hide everything and make it so difficult to use you end up throwing the ******* computer across the room. Latest being Apples discussions forum. Its so far up its own arse I have no idea how to do even the simple things like post any more. Software designers WANK3RS THE LOT OF THEM!

A good example of this - Southern trains....