Yep, he looks a fabulous all round cricketer

Yeah, him & Kyle Jamieson both look like they’re going to be very useful cricketers.

That’s an awful shot for Stokes to play when he’s 5no off 15 balls.

**** me Stokes. If you don't hit the ball in the air you cant be caught. o/70 to 4/93. Why play it like a one dayer with two days to play.

Stokes playing white-ball style when there's more than a day to go :wallbash:

I did say ‘should’

Any decent batting outfit with players who are mentally attuned to chasing pretty standard 4th innings totals, should be making a decent fist of this.

However, we are seemingly neither decent or mentally attuned.

Just a totally shit attitude and strategy in the circumstances.

Totally shit

SHOCK HORROR ENGLAND SELF-DESTRUCT.
Not.

4 wickets, 24 runs in 11 overs

F’kin abject

More than two days left - it's only day 3.

And so today's rot begins. 4 top-order wickets for 24 runs. And after such a positive start. This is a test match ffs, not bish-bash-bosh. Bottom line is nothing has changed. We still have just one test-class batsman and therein lies the problem. 'Test' mentality and ability simply isn't there and it will take years to address.

Just when we think there might be a glimmer of hope, we pull the rug out from under our own feet (if I may mix my metaphors like that :D). It's just so disappointing, but not unexpected. 271 may have been a very tough ask, but we could have made a better fist of it. Sadly, the Ashes will probably not be coming home in my lifetime. Winning a test would be nice, though.

Nor is such a 4th total ‘standard’ if we are to believe the historical stats.

Billings and Pope to get 50 each

**** Joe was stiff there

Root's body language awful there. Just accepting defeat. Poor

Not sure what Root could have done there

When do the one day game starts?

Was a very good ball

Can you please tell us what you think Joe should have done in that instance when he got a grubber

Was a great ball, and nothing he could do, but the look on his face just said 'ok, we as a team just give up'

Next weekend in the Windies I think. Surprisingly none being played in Aus for once.

:)


Can’t wait for this farce to finish to be honest I think a major cull from back room staff to players is in order

Sums it all up.

Words cannot describe how lame that shot was from Billings

I do like a Windies tour. Beautiful location, fun cricket, and the ideal UK tv schedule.

68-0 to this :D

All over today then. Is there an extra half hour to be had if needed?

Ollie bowled behind his legs, they're into the tail

Car crash

...

Pathetic

Oh for Botham right now

Doubt it will be needed!

:D At that wicket

Sums up how abject we have been

So after this shambolic tour, who do England persevere with in Test cricket ? Bowlers have done well, stay of execution for them, although we need a new spinner (Matt Parkinson for me). As for the rest, looking at the top 6 and keeper, i'd keep :

Crawley, Root, Bairstow, Stokes. Need a new opener with a technique, and a #3. Keeper should be Foakes, but possibly Bairstow or Billings. If its Bairstow, another #6, possibly Pope.

Root aside, the batting is atrocious. This series has been lost by an inability to make any half decent first innings totals. Mind set is dire, too much white ball rubbish.

Exactly this. To imply that 271 was a ‘pretty standard’ 4th innings target…

i) in a D/N Test
ii) in Australia
iii) when Australia have just been bowled out for 155
iv) & it’s still only Day 3

….is absolute nonsense.

This Daniel Norcross twat is unbearable.

Thank god it’s over

That is ******* embarrassing and I’m Australian

Yeah, he really is. He’s like the love child of Blowers & Jeremy Clarkson. Last year he was proudly telling anyone who would listen about how his wife had picked his clothes & given him a list of which shirt, trouser & sock combo to wear each day.

Yep, your boys should have won 5-0 :D . Thank goodness for Jimmy

History & statistics suggest not.

What’s the % of successful 4th innings chases of >270 in Ashes Tests?

We made a mockery of what is one of the greatest contests in world sport.

Still, every cloud….:p

I was on the treadmill this morning rather enjoying our opening partnership.

England turning "the batting collapse" into an art form :D

The all-white England certainly showing their racial superiority there, having reached a stage of evolution where no-one has a backbone*.

*Mark Wood excepted (no surprise a bloke with some bollocks went to state school)

Too many bloody optimists on this thread.

The least said about this shambolic tour the better, but today's collapse summed up perfectly our spineless players. SACK THE F*****G LOT OF THEM.

From 68/0 to 124 all out. Even by England’s standards that is ******* impressive.

I thought after the first 3 tests things couldn’t look any bleaker. They have managed to prove me wrong. Absolute shambles, utterly pathetic.

Although he conceded 115 in the 1st innings at >run/ball…

At least Root didn't start bawling his eyes out.

Cummins comes across as a good bloke, wise appointment by cricket Aus.

Not great but even the Aussies said Root bowled him from the wrong end. The spreadsheet must have known better than the locals.

Yeah, he's been very professional. Tougher challenges will come as the Aussies now play loads of Test in Asia (I think) but he hasn't really put a foot wrong, either on or off the field.

:p

Sorry, are you saying that at 68-0, with 2 days left, you shouldn’t expect to chase down another 202?

9 wickets for 42 in 18 overs!!!!!!!!!

Call themselves cricketers? They needed a bawling out similar to what we used to get at school from a certain Mr Smith. Made me a better cricketer for sure.

Pathetic.
Embarrassing.
Totally predictable.

Can we leave them all in Tasmania? Being an ignorant pom, all I know about Tasmania is Dame Edna's description, which would seem pretty apt for our shower. Or send them back on the slowest boat available. They could share the rowing duties.

Utterly embarrassing. Heads must roll and a complete reset of County Championship cricket is needed.

Got 4 more runs than 120

True.............but it does take a special type of ability (or lack of it) to lose 10 wickets for 56 fecking runs !!:wallbash:

In all Tests(W-T-D-L)

Target of 270+.
54-1-262-505

Target of 250-300
33-0-88-60

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...301c936981.jpg

LOL

Correct.

Feel free to come back with those stats about % successful run chases of 271 in Ashes Tests, and/or Test matches generally.

Ah, cheers Spike. Can you translate those numbers for me, please, so we can work whether I’m talking bollocks or not?

Well that’s probably where we’ve got to isn’t it. Expecting us not to be able to score 200 runs in 2 days on a decent pitch. I can tell you something, if it was the other way round the Aussies would have pissed it.

That's why the Aussies were bowled out for 155, then ? And it wasn't under the lights, either.

Historically in Test matches targets of 250+ are not that often chased down but obviously 68-0 to 124 all out is completely pathetic

Sides chasing 250-300 lose twice as much as they win. The draw was never in play here so we can ignore those.
I didn't notice you asked about ashes tests, so these are in all matches

Cool, thanks spike :p

I think they need a new parison working the table. Flags and countries all mixed up! Not that is changes England’s woeful state!

Their mentality would have been different though. 68-0 chasing 270 with 2 days left, they piss it. No doubt.

I haven’t seen all the wickets but I’d bet there was no more than 3 that were won by the quality of the bowling. More that our batsman just simply lack both the technique and mental fortitude to protect their wickets.

Thank fvck that’s over

The real LOL

https://iili.io/c6sDc7.jpg

The revolving doors on the away team dressing rooms can be removed until the next time we visit

So your argument has changed from '271 is a standard target for a 4th innings run chase' to 'Australia, at home, would have scored another 202 runs after being 68-0'

Gotcha.

Also add in the fact, we have a fairly shit record at chasing 4th innings totals, to make the comment even more vacuous.

Thanks for the usual bantz lads, sorry about the result.

When we back your way? 2023?

What are the odds, Rooty is still captain and Jimmy & Broady are still in the frame?

I haven’t checked the average 4th innings run chase total but yes I’d suggest 270 was a fairly standard target. I didn’t say it was an easy target, I said it was a standard target, ie we were not set an unachievable target.

And yes, when you get to 68-0 with 2 and a bit days left on a decent pitch, getting 200 more runs shouldn’t really be much of an issue.

Well played, Australia. Congrats to Jim, Bonesy etc.

Absolutely no complaints with the 4-0. I'm still a bit cross that that rain you promised didn't show up - I got 14/1 on the series score being 3-0 :p

No doubt there'll be a post-Tour review to see what went wrong & how we can be stronger next time, just like there has been pretty much every time we've toured down under over the last 30 odd years. Aggers has already published his suggested remedy, no doubt Harrison will give it some thought after he's fixed the racism. Ashley Giles has been unsurprisingly quiet as the cricketing MD :wallbash:

Yep, you're over here next summer by the looks of things. Catch you then :p

No worries, spike did it for you. 270 is far from standard.

Doubtful.

Surely the powers to be and decision makers dont need convincing after this shambolic tour as to what is now needed to hopefully get back on track.
WE all can clearly see that change has to start with the restructuring of the County game, but also those other mickey mouse competitions that was introduced so as to realise possibly just where one of the main problems stems from, get that right first and then look at sorting out the problems facing England on the pitch.
It should not take too long to implement the new systems, but in the meantime kick start it by getting the replacements for Giles and Silverwood this Spring for starters ,and then take a long hard look at the Team.
Firstly, We all realise areas to focus on which is a priority, then put the focus on encouaging emerging Young talent but also with a mix of experience in the side to offer a better balance. Yes we know it is a major task as the cupboard is fairly bare when it comes to genuine quality, but young players with true ability can be improved on but also crucially able to cope with the pressure of Test match cricket, which will only come with regular playing experience.
This could see us struggle for a year or Two as we get it right, but long term we will have a side to be proud off and return to Australia and wipe those smiles off their faces i seeing our players humilated as we have just experienced.
Now is that not a lovely thought?

England play the West Indies in a three Test series in March

The good news is that they are almost as bad as we are, the bad news is that nothing will have been learned from the Ashes debacle and it will be more of the same for players selected to play

The re-structuring of County Cricket always flounders on the same course of action. Someone's actually got to go into the dogs' home and administer a lethal injection to cute puppies like Northants, Gloucs & Sussex - because they can't be found a home. No-one's ever done it and no-one ever will.

Spot on. You can add Derbys, Durham & Leics to that list, too.

But the problem has been solved. You just ban Aussies from playing for counties.
The problems solved. Ashes are as good as yours in 2023!

So do we need to scrap 'County' cricket and move to elite franchises, a bit like American Rules? A sort of Cricket Premier League, with an elevated 'club' structure below it?

Doesn't immediately solve the problem of the quality of available players, though, but it could give a strucure to enable improvement. The downside is possibly making the 'second tier' an afterthought, but any cricketer worth his salt would hopefully strive to move up?

Play the long format when the weather is best. And leave Bish-Bash-Bosh or, god forbid, The Hundred (:veryangry) to its own league, like the IPL. One or the other, but not both. They only need one day or a few hours.

Does this discussion now belong in the Cricket Thread?

Nah leave it here and add the final score to the thread title! :p

We will get you lot one day, Jim :D

Behave yourself!


Yes, it does :p

Yeah but then blow it in the morning session on the next day.

You have to admit it was the most ludicrous response to a cricket problem ever documented.

Let's not forget. Australia haven't won an Ashes series over here for over 20 years. India, South Africa (twice), Sri Lanka & New Zealand have all managed it since the Aussies last did... :p

Yeah, especially as Tom Harrison has decided the answer to all our problems is to beg for our lot to be allowed to play Sheffield Shield :supergrin:

Yet when the Aussies decide an Englishman is good enough to play Shield cricket (Matt Parkinson, NSW) the England brains trust algorithmatron disagrees.

Exactly. Until the drawn series in 2019, home advantage was enough for you guys.

*but are generally competitive - which cannot be said of England in Australia.

All comes down to money. Counties need income and get most income from T20 and other short-forms of the game. The last thing they want is to play T20 in April/May/September as the English climate means more chance of rain....and therefore no such income (a problem less pertinent in the Southern hemisphere perhaps). They want to play the money matches when there's least chance of being rained off. Unfortunatety the English weather cannot be changed and people seem to spend more money at T20.

If you're a 20 year talented cricketer, you must surely be blinded by the bright lights and £££ of the IPL rather then the pat-on-the-back for scoring 12 off 190 balls to save a Test. Announce now that Englands test players will get £1m bonus each for winning in Australia in 2025/26 and it might become more of a priority.

Exactly this. They always give us a good game and win 1 or so per series at least.

The last 5 series in England.
2-1
2-1
3-0
3-2
2-2.
That suggests a level of competitive spirit and talent lacking from 4 out of our 5 last ventures over there (not a single win). And a couple of the draws were fairly tight affairs!

I asked the thread title to be changed to reflect the score, and the mods kindly done it

I think we have to own this :(

You're all completely right, guys. But, jeez - gimme a break - I was just trying to find a single positive in this whole sorry affair :p