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RazorsEdge 11-04-2021 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedgehog (Post 15740170)
I'll excuse you, as it's pretty unlikely I'll pass you on the street... :)

You never know, funny things have happened :)

Hedgehog 11-04-2021 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RazorsEdge (Post 15740176)
You never know, funny things have happened :)

And if I did pass Joe I wouldn't know it was him, unless he looks like his avatar!

Joe85 12-04-2021 04:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnsonpen (Post 15740174)
Woke Meeeeeeghan supporters who believe she could not get help even though her husbands godmother was amazingly well qualified to do so


I always thought Piers Morgan was an Arsenal fan.

PeterH 12-04-2021 04:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedgehog (Post 15740155)
People who walk about talking to someone on their phone via AirPods or whatever.

Problem I have, is a) are they nut cases talking to themselves, b) I sometimes thing they are talking to me so sometimes smile at them, or c) they really are talking to someone so they totally look at you like you are the weird one!

'totally' ????

Is that California speak?

Hedgehog 12-04-2021 05:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeterH (Post 15740626)
'totally' ????

Is that California speak?

Yes, yes it is... Valley Girl and all that. :p

CT_Palace 12-04-2021 05:28 AM

I think you mean todally (pronounced toadaly)

PeterH 12-04-2021 05:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CT_Palace (Post 15740635)
I think you mean todally (pronounced toadaly)

I think you mean like addled, man.

RazorsEdge 12-04-2021 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedgehog (Post 15740228)
And if I did pass Joe I wouldn't know it was him, unless he looks like his avatar!

It we all looked like our avatars, crikey I will be going boom boom :)

Very true and I agree but I would hope Joe will let you know he is in Valencia and offer to meet for a coffee.

Maidstoned Eagle 12-04-2021 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedgehog (Post 15740155)
People who walk about talking to someone on their phone via AirPods or whatever.

Problem I have, is a) are they nut cases talking to themselves, b) I sometimes thing they are talking to me so sometimes smile at them, or c) they really are talking to someone so they totally look at you like you are the weird one!

Or people who hold their phone out in front of them with it on loudpseaker, so the world can hear their conversation

ExiledStirling 12-04-2021 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maidstoned Eagle (Post 15740642)
Or people who hold their phone out in front of them with it on loudpseaker, so the world can hear their conversation

:(

Polak 12-04-2021 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maidstoned Eagle (Post 15740642)
Or people who hold their phone out in front of them with it on loudpseaker, so the world can hear their conversation

Worse when they sit on the bus yacking away, spouting inane drivel, and you can't go and sit somewhere else because the bus is full

Maidstoned Eagle 12-04-2021 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polak (Post 15740668)
Worse when they sit on the bus yacking away, spouting inane drivel, and you can't go and sit somewhere else because the bus is full

If I'm walking near them or sat, like last week, in a cafe near one of these idiots I just say random inanities in a loud voice. One woman (English) got annoyed because I was joining in with her conversation. :D

Polak 12-04-2021 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maidstoned Eagle (Post 15740675)
If I'm walking near them or sat, like last week, in a cafe near one of these idiots I just say random inanities in a loud voice. One woman (English) got annoyed because I was joining in with her conversation. :D

Sometimes they're discussing very personal things and anyone who is in the vicinity can hear. They obviously have no self awareness. Arseholes

A Wooden Fish On Wheels 12-04-2021 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedgehog (Post 15740634)
Yes, yes it is... Valley Girl and all that. :p

Barf out! That's sooooo grody. etc.

Isle of Wight 12-04-2021 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polak (Post 15740801)
Sometimes they're discussing very personal things and anyone who is in the vicinity can hear. They obviously have no self awareness. Arseholes

Wish I had a remote that simply cut all the signals around me.

Blind_Eagle 12-04-2021 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Isle of Wight (Post 15740828)
Wish I had a remote that simply cut all the signals around me.

https://www.jammer4uk.com/product/6-...control-switch


(Effective but illegal to use in the UK)

chateauferret 12-04-2021 12:12 PM

Sitting on a number 57 bus (a Glaswegian 57) a few years ago going up the Paisley Road a bloke with a mobile phone sitting near me spoke into it very loudly along the following lines:

"Aye **** oaff ye ******* ****. Ah telt ye, ye're a **** an a pure ******* *******. **** me Ah canny gie a ******* **** whit ye hink a ma ******* joab cuz ye jes pure wantin tae be a pure ******* **** aboot it, ye ****. An see yer ******* man he's a ******* an aw cuz I ******* saw him the day, the ****, an he wiz a ******* pure **** so he ******* wiz. So he can **** oaff an aw." (And so on in similar terms all the way from Ibrox to Central Station.) Then, without pausing for breath: "Aye orright Ma, see yous later, orright? Orright."

Maidstoned Eagle 12-04-2021 12:41 PM

The events described in the above post didn't happen.

Maidstoned Eagle 12-04-2021 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blind_Eagle (Post 15740836)
https://www.jammer4uk.com/product/6-...control-switch


(Effective but illegal to use in the UK)

Can you recommend something a bit smaller and cheaper?

Leopald Stotch 12-04-2021 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maidstoned Eagle (Post 15740931)
Can you recommend something a bit smaller and cheaper?

Earplugs?

Blind_Eagle 12-04-2021 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maidstoned Eagle (Post 15740931)
Can you recommend something a bit smaller and cheaper?

https://i.ibb.co/SfNDhs6/4236-F808-C...8-B4-CE879.png

Stellavista 12-04-2021 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maidstoned Eagle (Post 15740675)
If I'm walking near them or sat, like last week, in a cafe near one of these idiots I just say random inanities in a loud voice. One woman (English) got annoyed because I was joining in with her conversation. :D

I've done something similar, asking them loudly if they are ready to accept our Lord, Jesus Christ, into their lives.

Isle of Wight 12-04-2021 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blind_Eagle (Post 15740836)
https://www.jammer4uk.com/product/6-...control-switch


(Effective but illegal to use in the UK)

Amazing the justification for selling their GPS killer in the UK !!!



Despite the systemís benefits, why do British people need a car GPS jammer? Usually, that device has been used by car robbers all over Britain to snatch luxury automobiles and lorries that contain valuable cargo without being detected through satellite by the British authorities. For frequent traffic violators, a gps tracking jammer is a useful tool to help them break traffic laws and become hidden from pursuing British law enforcement authorities.
Through reading this article, youíll end up being surprised why the title of this article is the need for British people to use GPS jammers, because the traffic and vehicle crimes committed in Britain have involved the use of such devices, and the information regarding their use is useful for British authorities to create countermeasures, such as jammer detectors, to help them capture criminals.

A Wooden Fish On Wheels 12-04-2021 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Isle of Wight (Post 15740978)
Amazing the justification for selling their GPS killer in the UK !!!

As well as being used in criminal activity - GPS jammers are also used by people in company vehicles with trackers to prevent their employers from being able to track them, most likely just at certain times. Some employers track their employees through use of mobile phones as well, which might not always be convenient.

SOUTHGATE EAGLE 12-04-2021 02:24 PM

Cleaning the toilet until it is pristine and lovely, only then, within ten minutes, having to do a thirty megaton shit bomb that sprays the bowl. Then having your finger go through the c*nting paper.

Terrace Bickle 12-04-2021 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SOUTHGATE EAGLE (Post 15741025)
Cleaning the toilet until it is pristine and lovely, only then, within ten minutes, having to do a thirty megaton shit bomb that sprays the bowl. Then having your finger go through the c*nting paper.

Lovely, my lunch will go down really well now. [emoji15]

Martin H 12-04-2021 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SOUTHGATE EAGLE (Post 15741025)
Cleaning the toilet until it is pristine and lovely, only then, within ten minutes, having to do a thirty megaton shit bomb that sprays the bowl. Then having your finger go through the c*nting paper.

Clearly having a good day. Go back to bed I reckon.

Sharkba1t 12-04-2021 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polak (Post 15740801)
Sometimes they're discussing very personal things and anyone who is in the vicinity can hear. They obviously have no self awareness. Arseholes

lol they certainly are!
I remember i was on the train home from work, about 8.30 pm and a young lad was on his mobile - everyone could hear the conversation - which about about the new shoes he bought and his new mobile phone. Brain dead fker.

weltklasse 12-04-2021 04:45 PM

The BT oh Paula advert

Frankly if i had so called team mates giving me throat slitting gestures and telling me to mute myself i may well go postal on them.

Slimbloke'H' 12-04-2021 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blind_Eagle (Post 15740962)

Carrot tips?

Maidstoned Eagle 12-04-2021 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blind_Eagle (Post 15740962)

Where's the fun in that?

Blind_Eagle 12-04-2021 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maidstoned Eagle (Post 15741391)
Where's the fun in that?

Sniff it...

Maidstoned Eagle 13-04-2021 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blind_Eagle (Post 15741450)
Sniff it...

Uurgh, no...that's put me right off my bogies.

Stellavista 14-04-2021 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maidstoned Eagle (Post 15741793)
Uurgh, no...that's put me right off my bogies.

Do you suck or chew?

Isle of Wight 14-04-2021 05:41 PM

Bloody on online click bait adds with either a banana, or some kind of jack fruit, telling me to about a simple trick to improve my bowels.

Vendy 14-04-2021 06:49 PM

"5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Became a C-Suite Executive"

Came up on LinkedIn Feed what a croc of shite, I have the unfortunate pleasure of perusing jobs after 25 years out of the saddle, some of them said report to the C-Suite, I had to ******* Google it as I thought it was some sort of Office type of software. Some of the bollocks speak is just incredible. Does Explain CEO COO CFO every ****** wants to be a chief.

Maidstoned Eagle 14-04-2021 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stellavista (Post 15743336)
Do you suck or chew?

Depends on whether I have hay fever, sometimes I crunch.

Stellavista 14-04-2021 10:02 PM

Fat kids on powered scooters.

Blind_Eagle 14-04-2021 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Isle of Wight (Post 15743360)
Bloody on online click bait adds with either a banana, or some kind of jack fruit, telling me to about a simple trick to improve my bowels.

Thereís a similar hack on xhamster.

CP-RJW 14-04-2021 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stellavista (Post 15743569)
Fat kids on powered scooters.

Any able bodied person below the age of 40 on an electric bike.

Fatboy 15-04-2021 10:59 AM

The current working environment where everyone subcontracts out the work - so nobody knows (or cares) what is going on.

I was tasked to only escort an engineer on-site for him to install 2x data switches.

- No site survey was done for here to know the issues that were going to be faced.
- Nobody checked that they had all the parts required.

I'm now getting asked what is needed when another engineer returns to finish the job.

Not my circus - not my monkeys.

BlazeRIP 16-04-2021 02:12 PM

Some absolute tosser that has a rooster making bloody noise all day . Perhaps other people don't want to hear it all day , never thought of that ?.

vincentinbetwee 16-04-2021 02:16 PM

Do you live in the countryside?

BlazeRIP 16-04-2021 02:19 PM

Built up area of Biggin Hill

Richard 16-04-2021 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vendy (Post 15743408)
CEO COO CFO every ****** wants to be a chief.

I think Chief People Officer or Chief HR Officer represent new lows.

A Wooden Fish On Wheels 16-04-2021 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlazeRIP (Post 15744994)
Some absolute tosser that has a rooster making bloody noise all day . Perhaps other people don't want to hear it all day , never thought of that ?.

I was just on a call to India the guy was presenting with a background of cockerels crowing, goats bleating, children screaming, and someone (honestly) playing the harmonica :D It painted quite a picture, but I was glad to be able to click 'Leave' after an hour :)

A Wooden Fish On Wheels 16-04-2021 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richard (Post 15745009)
I think Chief People Officer or Chief HR Officer represent new lows.

I hate the latest quasi-religious 'Agile values' methodology craze that sees people have job titles of 'Scum Master' and other such complete and utter bollocks.

People make millions from this, and all run around patting each other on the back. Meanwhile those of us who actually put our hands on the keyboards of commercial IT systems (rather than just talking about them) just sit in the background getting on with the actual work that needs doing.

beef 16-04-2021 02:52 PM

Good old agile. I’ve found that it tends to reward the people that can talk the most shit. You end up in meetings about meetings. Then you have meetings about why no work is happening. You’re not allowed to suggest less meetings because you’re no longer a ‘team player’ then.

A Wooden Fish On Wheels 16-04-2021 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beef (Post 15745016)
Good old agile. Iíve found that it tends to reward the people that can talk the most shit. You end up in meetings about meetings. Then you have meetings about why no work is happening. Youíre not allowed to suggest less meetings because youíre no longer a Ďteam playerí then.

The vast majority of these people don't actually have a proper job to do - they just host and attend meetings to talk about the work that other people will be given to do.

Stellavista 16-04-2021 03:34 PM

:eek:
Quote:

Originally Posted by A Wooden Fish On Wheels (Post 15745031)
The vast majority of these people don't actually have a proper job to do - they just host and attend meetings to talk about the work that other people will be given to do.

That's my experience. I rarely instigate meetings, because I'm too busy. Others seem to do it in order to make themselves feel relevant. Nothing panics them more than empty diary pages.

Hedgehog 16-04-2021 05:15 PM

Re all the above... I'm so happy I'm retired.

I get all queasy remembering all that shit.

Olympian2 16-04-2021 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by A Wooden Fish On Wheels (Post 15745014)
I hate the latest quasi-religious 'Agile values' methodology craze that sees people have job titles of 'Scum Master' and other such complete and utter bollocks.

People make millions from this, and all run around patting each other on the back. Meanwhile those of us who actually put our hands on the keyboards of commercial IT systems (rather than just talking about them) just sit in the background getting on with the actual work that needs doing.

'Chapter Lead'

I also got an e-mail the other day which began......'I am pleased to share this blog on shifting my mindset in order to understand the OKR framework'

Johnsonpen 16-04-2021 05:24 PM

Woke wankers on the bbs and in life generally.

El Aguila 16-04-2021 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedgehog (Post 15745169)
Re all the above... I'm so happy I'm retired.

I get all queasy remembering all that shit.

You don't know the half of it. Stuff that took five minutes on the phone is now an hour on video call.

LN1 16-04-2021 06:20 PM

My local GP surgery. I have one prescription and in the last two years the method of renewing it has changed three times and they never tell me its changed so I feel like an idiot when the time comes to renew. Its a good thing the tablets are supposed to make happy :(

Also just about any company or shop that changes its layout or practices and doesn't inform its clients or customers. :veryangry

beef 16-04-2021 06:27 PM

Use of the word ‘woke’ to undermine genuine concerns about human rights, cronyism etc

Skintagain 16-04-2021 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlazeRIP (Post 15744994)
Some absolute tosser that has a rooster making bloody noise all day . Perhaps other people don't want to hear it all day , never thought of that ?.

If it's an area of biggin that was built in the last 50yrs there's possibly a clause in the freehold about obnoxious animals.
Ask one of their near neighbours to look at their freehold.

CP-RJW 16-04-2021 06:51 PM

Everything about the word “woke.”

How it was created by black Americans, and like everything they create, appropriated by the whiteys.

How it just means ‘aware of racial injustices,’ and that’s somehow a bad thing in some peoples minds.

westsussexeagle 16-04-2021 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beef (Post 15745213)
Use of the word Ďwokeí to undermine genuine concerns about human rights, cronyism etc

Indeed. It's been appropriated by the Right as somehow a dishonourable trait much as happened with 'Politically Correct.'

westsussexeagle 16-04-2021 07:14 PM

ATM Obviously the ultra excessive coverage of Prince Philip's death but within this the cringing, fawning narrative from Nicholas Newton Henshall Witchell that the BBC feel we have to endure on a seemingly hourly basis.

Hedgehog 16-04-2021 08:40 PM

Appliances with those membrane buttons (I don't know the technical name for them*).

We have them on our stove, microwave and refrigerator, and all are only a few years old. Already they are breaking through the "skin" and looking crap. Also the on/off button on my radio in the bathroom.

Shit design for the sake of looks.

It should be noted that I warned my wife this might happen when she picked them out in the showroom. We better not mention that though...

* Apparently according to Google that this what they are called! Yeah Me!

A Wooden Fish On Wheels 16-04-2021 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by westsussexeagle (Post 15745251)
ATM Obviously the ultra excessive coverage of Prince Philip's death...

Arse To Mouth, indeed.

Johnsonpen 16-04-2021 09:54 PM

Andrew being allowed to talk when he won't break a sweat to talk to the American police.

CP-RJW 17-04-2021 01:32 AM

Foxes and the unspeakable noises they make

A Wooden Fish On Wheels 17-04-2021 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CP-RJW (Post 15745470)
Foxes and the unspeakable noises they make

Their mating cries have caused many a Police helicopter to be scrambled, for sure :p

Isle of Wight 17-04-2021 01:45 AM

At it screaming outside tonight causing the dogs to go ballistic :(

A Wooden Fish On Wheels 17-04-2021 01:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Isle of Wight (Post 15745474)
At it screaming outside tonight causing the dogs to go ballistic :(

D'ya like dags?

ozzieEagle 17-04-2021 01:57 AM

School f...ing holidays.... little buggers everywhere.... Parks, swimming pools, shops, even bloody restaurants, in the f...ing daytime. Not to mention increasing the cost of a midweek overnight stay somewhere...... Bastarrddds......

Spoiling the peace and quiet of my retirement.

Hedgehog 17-04-2021 02:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ozzieEagle (Post 15745480)
School f...ing holidays.... little buggers everywhere.... Parks, swimming pools, shops, even bloody restaurants, in the f...ing daytime. Not to mention increasing the cost of a midweek overnight stay somewhere...... Bastarrddds......

Spoiling the peace and quiet of my retirement.

I would have thought after all the school they had missed school holidays would be canceled this year?

KYLIE MINEAGLE 17-04-2021 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ozzieEagle (Post 15745480)
School f...ing holidays.... little buggers everywhere.... Parks, swimming pools, shops, even bloody restaurants, in the f...ing daytime. Not to mention increasing the cost of a midweek overnight stay somewhere...... Bastarrddds......

Spoiling the peace and quiet of my retirement.

Was in Melbourne for a couple of days this week. Thought the moaning sound I heard was the wind.:supergrin:

ozzieEagle 17-04-2021 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KYLIE MINEAGLE (Post 15745487)
Was in Melbourne for a couple of days this week. Thought the moaning sound I heard was the wind.:supergrin:

Considering escaping to one of those over 55 villages.... they'll rarely get in there lol!!

Maidstoned Eagle 17-04-2021 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedgehog (Post 15745482)
I would have thought after all the school they had missed school holidays would be canceled this year?

The teachers worked matey, they need a break too.

Levski 17-04-2021 02:26 PM

Neighbour using his power washer for hours on a weekend, especially on sunny days it seems, so that no-one else nearby can enjoy being outside.

I don't get it. It's outside. There is going to be dirt, lichen etc. Just leave it. I genuinely don't understand the need.

Lingfield Eagle 17-04-2021 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levski (Post 15745839)
Neighbour using his power washer for hours on a weekend, especially on sunny days it seems, so that no-one else nearby can enjoy being outside.

I don't get it. It's outside. There is going to be dirt, lichen etc. Just leave it. I genuinely don't understand the need.

I'll be power washing all my paths and patio next weekend getting them sparkly clean for the summer. It's for a few hours once a year.

andyocpfc 17-04-2021 04:29 PM

Things that annoy you
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Levski (Post 15745839)
Neighbour using his power washer for hours on a weekend, especially on sunny days it seems, so that no-one else nearby can enjoy being outside.

I don't get it. It's outside. There is going to be dirt, lichen etc. Just leave it. I genuinely don't understand the need.


I donít understand why people donít do it. It transforms your garden and pathways. As LE says, once/twice a year for a couple of hours.

Pub Idol 17-04-2021 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levski (Post 15745839)
Neighbour using his power washer for hours on a weekend, especially on sunny days it seems, so that no-one else nearby can enjoy being outside.

I don't get it. It's outside. There is going to be dirt, lichen etc. Just leave it. I genuinely don't understand the need.

This!

Always the same pricks who do it on sunny days. Its deafening even with Earbuds in.

Maidstoned Eagle 17-04-2021 04:31 PM

Its probably the people who smoke their neighbours out with bbqs that are complaining.

Pub Idol 17-04-2021 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maidstoned Eagle (Post 15745961)
Its probably the people who smoke their neighbours out with bbqs that are complaining.

Take it you got a pressure washer.

Walter Wort 17-04-2021 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by A Wooden Fish On Wheels (Post 15745014)
I hate the latest quasi-religious 'Agile values' methodology craze that sees people have job titles of 'Scum Master' and other such complete and utter bollocks.

People make millions from this, and all run around patting each other on the back. Meanwhile those of us who actually put our hands on the keyboards of commercial IT systems (rather than just talking about them) just sit in the background getting on with the actual work that needs doing.

'Scum Master' :supergrin: Was that deliberate?

Microsoft used to have 'Microsoft Evangelists' which was a bit creepy.
They may do still for all I know.

Levski 17-04-2021 05:52 PM

Agile, lean, Six Sigma etc all utter garbage. People seem to think 'its from the corporate world, therefore it must be good'. It's just weird.

Hedgehog 17-04-2021 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levski (Post 15746085)
Agile, lean, Six Sigma etc all utter garbage

Agree... Our company spent probably millions on Six Sigma and black belts and green belts, and it came down from on high.

I think more than one person suggested that if the company wanted to streamline things and save the company money, then doing away with Six Sigma/Lean etc. was a good starting point.

chateauferret 17-04-2021 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levski (Post 15746085)
Agile, lean, Six Sigma etc all utter garbage. People seem to think 'its from the corporate world, therefore it must be good'. It's just weird.

Agile is actually sensible stuff dressed up to look like bullshit.

Six Sigma is bullshit dressed up to look like worse bullshit.

Waterfall is pretty pants IMHO.

Paulinmorden 17-04-2021 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chateauferret (Post 15746202)
Agile is actually sensible stuff dressed up to look like bullshit.

Six Sigma is bullshit dressed up to look like worse bullshit.

Waterfall is pretty pants IMHO.

Whenever I've seen stuff labelled as 'agile' which always comes with a description of it's methodology I've thought it just sounds like giving commonsense a label. Despite this we forever up with systems that sound grand on paper but inevitably are worse than what they replace.

Levski 17-04-2021 08:30 PM

LOL, what is Waterfall?

chateauferret 17-04-2021 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levski (Post 15746461)
LOL, what is Waterfall?

That's where a business analyst spends ages and ages writing a big fat document called "Statement of Requirements", gets it signed off, chucks it over the fence to a design team who produce some further documents specifying how it is to be done, they get that signed off, then they chuck it at the developers who write code that supposedly does what it says in the previous lot of documents, they get that signed off and then hand it over to the testing team who find out that none of it works. Then you have an inquisition, then you start again.

In Agile, someone says "Wouldn't it be a good idea to build something that sort of does X?" and a bunch of people suggest what features it might have. Then you choose a core set of features from this list and start designing and building right away. When you have something that sort of does the core features you give it to the business and say "This is a start, what do you think"? Then they tell you what to change and what to add next, and you start on the next chunk of design and development and you go round and round like that building more and more bits until some bigwig decides there's no more money and you stop.

The difference is that in the Agile method you usually even in the worst case have something that sort of does something useful by the time work stops; in Waterfall it's perfectly possible to end up with nothing but a steaming pile of poo because the requirements were bollocks and you don't find out until it's too late.

The other good thing about Agile is you get lots of nice buzzwords like Scrum Master (who is really a sort of scrum half), Retrospectives, Sprints (a way of managing and tracking pieces of work), Three Amigos, Standups, and a sort of card game in which everyone decides how big a particular piece of work is.

Dodger 17-04-2021 08:44 PM

Yeah or more simply, waterfall the developers insist what they’ve built is perfect as per spec, agile the project manager makes it up as they go along.

Reps AJ 17-04-2021 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chateauferret (Post 15746202)
Agile is actually sensible stuff dressed up to look like bullshit.
.

If you read the manifesto it all makes sense.

Then you get some knobhead who ignores all that, labels it agile and then wonders why its not working

Baffled Bob 2 17-04-2021 08:55 PM

Chelsea

sunshine lucas 17-04-2021 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chateauferret (Post 15746498)
The other good thing about Agile is you get lots of nice buzzwords like Scrum Master (who is really a sort of scrum half), Retrospectives, Sprints (a way of managing and tracking pieces of work), Three Amigos, Standups, and a sort of card game in which everyone decides how big a particular piece of work is.

...bloody Ďsprintsí... Whenever I chase up any development from Developers at work itís always: Donít worry itíll be in one of the next couple of sprintsí... some stuff has been in more sprints than Linford Christie (as I said to a manager, who was too young to know who Linford Christie was) :veryangry

chateauferret 17-04-2021 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dodger (Post 15746574)
Yeah or more simply, waterfall the developers insist what they’ve built is perfect as per spec, agile the project manager makes it up as they go along.

In Agile you don't have a project manager in the same sense, you have a Product Owner whose job can be just that. The idea is that you build something, then see what you need to do to it to make it fit the requirements, because - and this is the whole problem - you don't know what the requirements are in full before you start.

Stavros 69 18-04-2021 12:33 AM

My handwriting is awful as well.
Trying not to sound sexist but every woman I know has lovely handwriting and mine looks very junior school.

CP-RJW 18-04-2021 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stavros 69 (Post 15746909)
My handwriting is awful as well.
Trying not to sound sexist but every woman I know has lovely handwriting and mine looks very junior school.

Nothing sexist about that, been countless studies about that very real trend. Factors such as superior motor skills at a younger age, and a societal expectation for girls to be neat and pretty in everything they do have been cited.

Hedgehog 18-04-2021 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Levski (Post 15746085)
Agile, lean, Six Sigma etc all utter garbage. People seem to think 'its from the corporate world, therefore it must be good'. It's just weird.

I should add that one of the biggest culprits of "pushing" and implementing all this crap is Boeing.

I have a sneaky hunch that some of the problems Boeing got into with the 737 Max maybe traced back to one or more of these cost cutting, corner shaving mumbo jumbo malarkey.

Stavros 69 18-04-2021 12:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CP-RJW (Post 15746910)
Nothing sexist about that, been countless studies about that very real trend. Factors such as superior motor skills at a younger age, and a societal expectation for girls to be neat and pretty in everything they do have been cited.

Supposed to be in the other thread.
However Iíll always be grateful to Bill Gates for word.
Spell check saved my career.
Luckily Iím senior enough not to have to ever write on the board if anyone has to.

Hedgehog 18-04-2021 12:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stavros 69 (Post 15746909)
Trying not to sound sexist but every woman I know has lovely handwriting and mine looks very junior school.

I need to introduce you to my wife... probably has the worse handwriting I've ever seen.

Many people (including doctors) think she must be a doctor, who have notoriously bad penmanship - which unto itself is scary!

Stavros 69 18-04-2021 12:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedgehog (Post 15746914)
I need to introduce you to my wife... probably has the worse handwriting I've ever seen.

Many people (including doctors) think she must be a doctor, who have notoriously bad penmanship - which unto itself is scary!

Everytime I have to write a thank you card or anything hand written I get my Doris to do it otherwise someone think itís my imaginary child writing on behalf of me.

Hedgehog 18-04-2021 12:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stavros 69 (Post 15746913)
Supposed to be in the other thread.
However Iíll always be grateful to Bill Gates for word.
Spell check saved my career.
Luckily Iím senior enough not to have to ever write on the board if anyone has to.

Funny you say that, I'm a very neat writer but very bad at spelling (who knew!), and dreaded having to be the one writing on the board during a meeting. A downside of the neat writing is everyone can see your spelling mistake.

I learned a trick of suddenly having a breakdown in my neat writing when I wasn't sure how to spell a word and sort of made it an ambiguous scribble or my other trick was to abbreviate words. For example I would put Matl. for Material.

Stavros 69 18-04-2021 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hedgehog (Post 15746920)
Funny you say that, I'm a very neat writer but very bad at spelling (who knew!), and dreaded having to be the one writing on the board during a meeting. A downside of the neat writing is everyone can see your spelling mistake.

I learned a trick of suddenly having a breakdown in my neat writing when I wasn't sure how to spell a word and sort of made it an ambiguous scribble or my other trick was to abbreviate words. For example I would put Matl. for Material.

Winged it for years with abbreviations.
Shorten almost every single word.
Lucky that most of my life is numbers.
Canít **** those up so much.

A Wooden Fish On Wheels 18-04-2021 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Walter Wort (Post 15746082)
'Scum Master' :supergrin: Was that deliberate?

Ha! No it wasn't and it slightly dilutes the message for those who haven't heard of a Scrum Master... Although perhaps it adds a little for those who have!

cappuccinoeagle 18-04-2021 02:22 AM

I Can See Your Voice- only seen the ads for it, but the fact that McGuinness, Holden & J Carr are in it is all I need to know.


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