Not reading.

Serves you right for watching league!

Having to read we are being linked with every Newcastle player - Krull again

Queueing in Halifax bank, at least 10 in the queue with only 1 window manned, bloke walks down the line asking if anyone is just paying in a cheque, no one responds and he dissapears into a room. "man a window you stupid twat"!

Getting home to an empty house at 5pm to find 9, yes 9 lights on. 9 feckin lights. Went ape shit.

If anyone had said yes, he was probably just going to point them towards the cheque deposit box, and then walk off anyway.

Ape shit to yourself?:D

Yep and in my house 4 TVs on as well!😉

Northern lights.

And the ******* heating is on in my house.

It's ******* June. Bastard family.

They don't deserve you.

I love them really.

:rolleyes:

Yeah was a bit embarrassing actually :D

And the heating was on. It is fecking cold though to be fair

Cyclists who feel they need to swerve around every manhole cover. Just go over them FFS, it's so dangerous.

Its grim up north.

did you take the jeans back?

Nah. Couldn't be arsed mate. Was well hung over and couldn't face the walk into town. 5 pints of moretti, 3 bottles of cobra in the curry house, a very fiery chicken chilli balti and then 6 G&T's. Can't think why I've felt shit all day. Must have been the garlic naan I reckon...

Must have :supergrin:

I've been to the shrink today following the fatality. Left her in bits. Was like some mothers do 'ave 'em :)

:supergrin:

She'll be on the drink tonight then

You're nearly up to the recommended 14 unit allowance after all that lot ...

Probably started after i left, cancelled her pm appointments and everything :)

Got bloody hypnotised on the most uncomfortable psychiatrists bed ever, she told me to think of my favourite place, so i thought of selhurst park, then she started saying its a place with no bad memories, a relaxing place, and i'm thinking, hang on a minute. Then she's saying in this funny voice, its a place you go where there are no worries, and i'm lying there thinking, shit, i've thought of the most traumatic place on Earth. Tried changing halfway through to Cyprus, but it was too late, the damage was done :D

Tried getting up off it at the end, me back was in bits. Got to go back for another session next week. Fecked if i'm getting up there again.

I think I'm fooked this week :rolleyes:

People who come into our shop, buy something, use it for a couple of days and then bring it back demanding a refund as they have decided that "they don't like it".

Worse than them are those who, on being told to feck off, then bang on about knowing their rights and threatening court action. They get told to feck off again but in a louder voice.

But the best of all are those who buy something like a tie for a wedding, wear it in the family photos and then return it for a refund, forgetting that said pictures are plastered all over social media for the world to see.

:D

I'm going to find out where your shop is ;)

I'll give you a clue, Bournemouth away. :)

But not if its on Boxing Day again as we are shut.

Pint of casters?

Not if you break in ;)

Is it Bournemouth? :)

Ironically if someone bought a pint of maggots and returned them as a pint of clean casters two days later, I'd happily make an exception and refund them fully, reselling them in their next stage of metamorphosis and pocketing the extra quid profit.

Close enough, Christchurch is about 3 miles from Dean Court.

Ah OK. Mrs Elgin worked on some farm somewhere there in 1994 picking strawberries.

Good work. I suspect the deft hand of teenagers?

Seems that offspring are carriers of the "Grand Designs Closing Shot" gene. I had never wondered what my house would look like on Channel 4 with Kevin McCloud's voice in the background. Both of my kids just assumed I would, several times.

Tell her that the soft fruit heist case of 1994 is still ongoing down here and the local police are hoping to complete their CCTV training within the next few years to enable a case for the prosecution to be made from the excellent Betamax tape recording in their possession.

She's a wanted woman.

1 teenager. 1 11 year old and a daft missus.

:supergrin:

There are christchurch strawberry plants running riot all over Russia as we speak.

I hope you didn't take your phone back for a refund after you smashed it and yourself through a fence. Ten years ago. Maybe more I think.

Blimey, it's worse than they thought.

(Was it Sopley Fruit Farm at a guess?)

I've said too much already ;)

She says it was.

I didn't smash my phone, i drunkenly left it in the taxi (the **** even answered it the next day:D) and it was a hedge that I smashed through, not a fence.

I stil remembers Helens face when I woke up penniless, no phone and scratches on my arms and exclaimed I'd either been mugged or had a fekking great night.

Wor Alzheimer's

It was indeed a hedge which is a fence in Spain we don't have those wire things. But I absolutely remember being in the taxi with you after with you trying to put your phone back together. It was f*cked but not as much as you were.

[edit] pot calling kettle black every one of us staggering out of that place was c*nted. Wor a long time ago bloody hell still remember most of it.

Will check with the wife tomorrow as she was less *****aced than the rest of us.

Why would you have been in a taxi back from the Garden Bar to benalmadina mind?

Do you know what I don't know either lol. But I was in the back of that cab. Maybe taking me to Steve's Bar in Torrenueva which was one of my locals back then and the next turn off. Oh I can't remember. It was all good anyway lol. Bring that all back and David Murray(a).

Terry ******* venables

Wtf brought that on ?

You watching Shearer's Euro 96 docu?

Spanish drivers who sit in a traffic queue blocking you from turning into another road, who then get the arse when you point out their stupid selfishness, get out of their car, stomp over to you and reach in to grab you.....then start to bitch and whine as you grab them, put the electric window up, trap them and then punch them in their stupid fat face.

U.S. English

Punch them in their stupid fat face through the glass of your door window?

Or climb across the front seats, exit through the passenger door, walk around and then punch them in their stupid fat face?

Their head has in my car. Keep up.

Their head has what in your car?

A broken nose probably

Exactly....watching him splash his ill gotten cash on some pile in Spain.
Banging on about what a great team he built - that won 2 out of 5 games in that tournament, which he didn't even have to qualify for. Spiv twat

Fully grown adults thinking they are clever by whizzing round London pavements on push scooters.

Grow up. Bastards.

Aussie English! ;)

Agreed, massively over-rated for achievements in 96.

A spate of spoof bookings to Hotel Escondido to be made then? :p

There's one of these pricks who gets on the train at Tamworth on a regular basis. He really does look like a complete and utter bellend and I would love to see him fall off his child's toy.

not being able to eat anything for 24 hours

Altercation with maidstoned?

wish it was.
Arse doctor in the morning tomorrow :(

Especially if they are complete with crash helmet, knee and elbow pads

Dickheads

Greg Proops - hadn't seen this sneery bloke for years, till he turned up on The One Show tonight, still don't like him

The England kit.

Mexican ******* waves

God yes. I used to hate him on that improv thing they used to do. The other lanky American was rubbish too. Clive Anderson too. Smarmy gits.

Lanky canadian I think :)

The rubbish quoting happening over on the GCSEs thread

Agreed. Poor relation of 0FCzSIUNxlk. Avoid.

Mexican fecking chiwawas. If they're not shitting or puking, they're yapping.

Still the England band. A summer of football ruined by a bunch of nerds with trumpets. Just **** off and die *****onkeys :veryangry

People who can't put paper towels the right way round in a toilet. How ******* hard is it?

Service Stations that still have paper towels in them. Get a ******* Dyson.

People who put paper towels in toilets.

Mister Smug. Took a course in improvisation. Sums him up.

Tell you what. This pissed me right off at Wembley yday. My mates were joining in, I just thought, what a ******* pair of bellends you are doing that.

The fact my wife and 2 kids can use every knife, spoon, fork and glass in the house between the hours of 3pm and 9.

And I bet none of them can unload a dishwasher.

Probably not, if we had one.

People that chain their bikes to a lamp post in the City. They always fall over and you have to clamber over them. I know it's only a few extra seconds delay in the pedestrian bottleneck but it f*cking irritates me.

Step on the wheel.

The thing I hate most is forgetting things as soon as I enter the room, like now.

Really? And I assume the majestic irony was lost on the sceptic buffoon.


(I do hope I have not been whooshed)

Wrong thread : see "Middle Class Problems"

No you have not!

"Substitutions mercifully broke up the second-half rhythm, allowing the Scots to escape with their dignity intact."

More journalistic lies from the BBC. The Scots dignity was shattered the moment they walked on the pitch in that kit. Makes England's red kit seem good.

Pick it up you bell.

People that write City with a capital C

What about Capital city ?

I prefer a towel/dryer combo. Dry your hands with a towel under the dryer for double speed, and use a towel to grab the handle of the door to exit without having to cover your clean hand with the piss, faeces, and perianal sweat of the multitude of dirty bastards who don't bother to wash their hands.

tv/radio show presenters who do a huge feck off pause before announcing the result.

working all weekend during my notice period. Damn professional integrity

Hate to say it but paper towels are more hygienic than some hand dryers that blow bugs and bacteria around the room. Helps though if the paper towel machines are filled up correctly :(

On the topic of paper towel...those paper towel dispensers where you have to pull that lever thing on the side multiple times, which is usually still wet from the previous user, for the paper to come out before ripping it off.

The dishwasher debate

:D:p

I love it when people say 'I support city', as if its the only one ever.

The fact that my TV doesn't pick up ABC, which makes no sense to me because I live literally right next door to ABC studios.

Can't you just peer through the window?

It is acceptable if for example you are a Cardiff fan who lives in Cardiff and are actually in Cardiff while having the conversation. But now that Man City have been accepted as part of the footballing gentry these days, and the media talk of City as though there is only one is very annoying.

There's only one Palace.

True. Annoying, inaccurate, and massively disrespectful to all the other 'city' clubs. Typical that it all stems from one of britains wankiest places. 'united' is just as bad, and the media don't exactly help to quash it.

If anyone tells you they support city, just reply with how great you found it that city won the league this year instead of any of those wanky clubs from Manchester.

Nice one, i'm definitely using that. Works for Man Utd wankers as well, which is a bonus :)