people that can't park straight in car parks

Christmas.
Yep, i'm a miserable git, get over it.

Leonard Cohen songs. Now, there is a son who sings just like him. Maybe there is areason to like his stuff. 40 plus years tells me no.

Trying to plan a visit to your family (not yours plod), when you know all you're going to get is hassle and blame for stuff. Wish i could just go down to watch palace instead and leave them to get on with it without me.

Postmen nicking the money out of xmas cards.

Adverts with people who make a "WOW" face ..... Does my head in !

Having to see family I don't like anyway (with good reason)

Sitting in the library yesterday, and some blokes mobile kept ringing out - loudly!!! Wanted to run over and cave his head in with the Veggie recepie book I was reading. I whispered this burning desire to Mrs Bubbs and she thought I was over reacting.....which annoyed me further.

<makes mental note to put phone on silent round bubbses tomorrow> :)

Bubbs, you do realise you have just admitted to reading a veggie cookbook. In a library. With your Mrs....

arsenal adverts on youtube

Leaving the house in a rush only to realise halfway down the road that you've put your shoes on the wrong feet, so all you can do is cross your legs and hop which takes more time than jogging trust me. Then having to sit on the train cross legged so it looks like they're on the right feet. Luckily it doesn't happen more than once a month or so but always when your in a rush.

People who can't spell dinosaurs' names properly.

Edited for Accuracy

People on the BBS who take everything they read so seriously...

Jackie Stewart.

Liverpool fans not replying to my texts.

Black Friday

What a crock this is, but yet people are so desperate to show they have got a bargain for some reason we have inherited this tedious retail tactic

Its never an x-box for a tenner as Amazon will try and convince us, its £7 off an electric toothbrush we dont really need, or the entire boxset of Hi-de Hi for £25.

pop up bearded wankers (except Jedinak & Ledley)

Taking photos and videos at gigs and sporting fixtures (particularly irksome on iPads).

Live in the moment and enjoy the event you've paid to see. Is a crappy Vine of Jedi's free-kick and three subsequent social media likes adequate compensation for not being fully involved in the emotional delirium? Is it bollocks.

People that don't understand that if you don't like a certain food because the smell and taste makes you feel ill, that fact will not change just because they have cooked it. "You should try a little bit". Why would you like to see someone gag and wash their mouths out to make you feel better?

Fish in my case, maybe Quiche as well. We just don't agree with each other, stop making me eat it.

Sardines, crab, mackerel,salmon... Just the smell alone makes me want to vomit, and the taste is horrific. Surely it must taste completely different to those who eat it, i can't imagine how anyone could enjoy such foul food.

Shows which are an extension of another show - The Apprentice: you're fired, the xtra factor, strictly come dancing: it takes two.

Boring mundane shite to fill up time. The cheap and easy option for stations.

Brendan Rogers and the media attention on Liverpool losing to us. It's all his fault etc, as if losing to Palace is like the nadir of how bad it can get.

Can't you just buy these things when you get there?

Reminds me of South Park, wheel of fortune where Randy mucks up:

N _ g g e r s ......






Hate being nagged - that's why I moved out recently :D

What? I mean when people cook for me at home or whatever and insist on me trying some fish even though apart from tuna, I have never liked it.

Obviously don't like muffin either then.

People that don't take their rucksacks off their backs when on the tube, even if not particularly large. They have no spatial awareness with the rucksack so continually knock people and they also take up space. Piccadilly Line is the worst offender.

If you use google on a smart phone etc, just as you try and click in the search box, it moves at the last second and you end up accidentally clicking one of their crappy 'special logos' about an historic event.

Even if you remember, and delay your click, it adjusts its own delay to still screw you up

thetrainline.com gets me like that on a regular basis, the app is much better though.

That's a particular gripe of mine too.

In any case, rucksacks are for those on a hike or climbing mountains. Why are they needed at altitude of less than 750 feet?

Running out of loo roll and having to try and use the brown cardboard inner roll thing....hurts your bum!! :(

People getting Bond wrong :veryangry

Oy, hope your'e not pointing fingers.
I only nick packets and parcels now days:D

I use the cat. It is a thing that annoys him.

:D:lux:

Newspapers selling their front / back page to advertisers resulting in the pages being 90% covered in black ink. Just been reading the evening standard on the way home and my fingers are smothered.

Britains got more talent is quality though. Well I think so :D

Never mind your fingers, think about the poor damage to your brain.

Seeing dozens of those free mags like metro etc on trains and trying to resist the urge to read them.

When you watch a TV show or movie with someone and go to talk about it to them but it turns out they were on their phone for all of it and expect me to explain everything. Just **** off.

The number of drivers who don't indicate anymore.

Would have failed your test in my day... it's engrained in you. I even do it when no one is around.

Mirror - Signal - Maneuver.

Mantra to live by.

My wife's is Maneuver - Mirror - Signal.

This bunch of muppets

http://i1319.photobucket.com/albums/...psc69edc08.jpg

Don't know whether it's already been mentioned but YouTube video bloggers. Complete tossers.

'Entertainment Update' programmes that are on for about 2 minutes and are on smack right in the middle of the film you are trying to watch on the telly. If you try to record the film you have to get it in 2 parts or record the poxy thing inbetween in order to get the full programme without missing anything.

This couple from Grand Designs annoy me.

Contriving through their cluelessness to waste their entire 80k budget on a barge that finished up as an unfinished floating tin shed.

Thinking these people are social workers giving people advice in life choices.

Putting their kids at risk through their half baked schemes.

Having no idea on what it takes to live on a house boat and never once thinking about running costs.

Couldn't help but laugh when I watched some spoilt, self obsessed bint doing a vlog on the train going to that Harry Potter experience thing and you could see some woman behind her sniggering. Who the **** just starts droning on loudly on the train?

And bloody programmes that start with 5 minute highlights of 'what's coming up', just show th f*cking thing instead of airing spoilers. Same thing after a commercial break there has to be a recap on what we just saw 5 minutes ago. I haven't got Altzeimers yet you c**ts.

People that insert my or his into a sentence.
Ala; I love MY football
I like MY Chinese me.
He loves HIS football.

Tw@ts

This thing now of clapping all the way thru a certain minute of a match cause it's linked to some tragedy, every team is now going to adopt one at some point and it will never end.

When you are already at a mini roundabout and someone to your right is still 50 yards away just assumes they still have right of way, and then gives you the look. Hey, I'm on the roundabout . . . !

Annoying twats who won't shut up in my lectures and decide to disrupt everyone with their shite senses of humour.

When your hairdresser describes your hair as the bit you are "still clinging onto" ...

Ex wife Nuff said

People who start every sentence with "and I was like" and then "he was like". Just had to listen to an hour of it on the train. By the end I thought my ears were bleeding.

exactly

"And he turned round and said"......

Did he really turn around ???

Stupid f@cking threads about cars.

Northerners. Most recently, the fact they seem to think everyone in London is ******* loaded annoys me the most about them

Ali77.

Makes me want to punch them in the face.

The phrase "below par" when talking about a bad performance pisses me off.

Self loathing isn't a pretty trait. :D

Little al when he's bored.

Gerry Francis' barber does have a point though.

People that says words like 'guesstimate'

Family and friends that ask you "how's your car running?" when they've run out of pointless small talk.

When you are telling someone an interesting story and their phone rings in the middle of it, they answer it, talk for 20 seconds, then it expect you to carry the story on after. Nope, forget it.

The lack of spiritual enlightenment in the human race. Money and material possession being the main drive instead of spiritual wealth.

People who return from holiday and make a huge performance about how many emails they have as if this scenario is unique to them and doesnt happen to 99% of office workers.

Screaming f*cking kids on planes. For a start the very young scream because the pressure hurts their ears, so it's arguable that the parents are being child abusers, knowing their children have to suffer so they can get their piss up in Benidorm 5 minutes after the bastard was evicted from the tart's minge.

Secondly because the older ones can't be controlled by the same f*ckfaced parents at a later stage.

There should be a special compartment for them all to piss off into, or be banned from normal flights worldwide and be able to fly on kids planes only, fair enough make them cheap so they piss off there.

Listen to the bloody racket on this flight landing at Barcelona. If this was a parents and kids only flight as I suggested then fine. But it wasn't, people had to suffer this shit. It would be enough to make me want to hijack it and fly it into the sea. That would learn them.

Selfish f*ckers get a boat. Swim. Anything but sit in a tube making people's lives a misery when all they want to do is relax with a gin and tonic.

Sky Sports News presenters who pronounce Aguero in Argentinian. Shaddap ya faces!

Can they not invent some sort of travel gag for children when they want to scream? A soft ball with an attached strap perhaps. Dangling it in front of them may do the trick.

see Black Friday, Xmas

Jamie Carragher

Waitrose lorries.

Micheal Parkinson "I have been asked many times which is my favourite interview " The bane of day time television for old codgers---piss off you old git!

Seating at football.....and football fans that want their manager to put out a scratch team of mostly under 21's in the FA Cup so as to concentrate on the League.....we're at home to Newcastle ffs,we can win it and set up an exciting away day in the 4th round...

Against Dover :) I get your point and agree totally though. The Premier League/Sky/Alex Ferguson wind me up for devaluing my favourite competition.

Kiss my custard you posh softie

Getting Dover away when there was 42 teams within an hours drive from my gaff left in the draw. Sums my feckin luck up at the moment

candidate for post of the year, laughed out loud several times reading it

Privileged, know it all scumbags like this. Why is it the rich love to tell the poor how to be poor?

"Go down pub, drink ten pints" etc

10 ?

14 at least

People gawping at your screen as they walk behind you in the office. Fvck off and mind your own business

Whilst this is very amusing, Chockers appears to have failed to realise that the 'special compartment for them all to piss off into' is economy. Same as the 'adults who can't afford to escape the screaming kids'.

;)

Probably stated before but can't be arsed to read through all the pages.....people who stand still on escalators - usually in the middle so you can't get past them.... And people who stand still on airport travelators.

really getting on my back recently is having the tops taken off bottles of coke at games, & people using knifes and forks in the wrong hands!!

I agree. I was once on a plane where a mate of mine objected to the piercing shrieking of a child in the row of seats to our right. We both had savage hangovers and I could tell he was becoming increasingly agitated. We hadn't even taken off before he slapped the newspaper he was reading on to his lap and gave the mother of this child an evil look. The mother stood her ground and told him that the child was profoundly deaf, to which my mate angrily replied, "I wish I ******* was!" He then turned to me, (who was now looking out the window bright red and deeply ashamed of my friends behaviour), saying, "she won't look to me for sympathy again will she?" He then nonchalantly carried on reading the paper, with the other nearby passengers looking towards him with that open mouthed did that just happen look? Remarkably though, the child's screaming abated proving that it was just another case of the bad parenting you so hate.

Pesky teachers.

What do you mean by spiritual enlightenment?

On the subject of planes, people who start telling you about where they're going. I don't give a f*ck

Often been covered on the BBS Chocks. Some like to turn it around and say it's the complainers that are the selfish ones.

Nice response. Worthy of a touche. And the Ryanair cheapo option angle may well be worth adding as well.

Think you're wrong on the latter. Not that I stand still on them. However, if you are so desparate to walk, walk alongside the travelators, and let the lazy fecks stand still.

Particularly when they don't realise that the majority of people who work in London can't afford to live in London and have to spend 1 hour+ commuting from places outside of the city on overcrowded cattle trucks each day.

People that stand in queues in fast food places and wait till they are being served before deciding what they want. Particularly mums with their kids.

Jimmy Carr's laugh.

People that top everything aka Toppers. For example;

Me: "It's so hot today I must have drank 2 litres of water."
Topper: "Thats nothing! I've drank 4!"

I like to get to the front of the queue in KFC, stare up at the menu for at least 90 seconds before quizzically asking the already irate looking man behind the till, "Do you do chicken?"

no price tags in poundland

In other words, tourists. Recently(ish), while waiting for a Tube some Yank almost barged me out the way to take photos of the wall.