:supergrin:

To be truly Yorkshire you needed to add ‘yer c ***’

The fact there's gonna be a Tracey Emin art installation at St Pancras station - she is toilet

Emin - ensuite sellout.

Hacker T Dog

Where is spitting image today when there is sooo much lampoonery to be had ?

I thought exactly the same when I saw that post. They probably couldn't get away with as much these days.

Not allowed to mock chavs these days.

http://metro.co.uk/2018/03/02/univer...party-7357105/

I think the truth is too far gone to be lampooned.

Jeremy Hunt
Jeremy Clarkson
Jeremy Kyle
But Mr Corbyn makes up for them all

When you pay for a year's membership for something, and after 6 months they start sending you bills for the next year when it is not due for another 6 months.

Reluctantly upgradeing my ipad to iOS11 to find it takes a whopping 27G of system storage WTF ???? What if you had a 32G system your ****ed:veryangry

The growing disease of people walking along so engrossed in looking at their phones they are a danger to themselves and other people

Speaker phone conversations just **** right off.

BBS threads about 'going down' and you call yourselves supporters?

I you definitely have a problem there... both my iPad and iPhone6 are on iOS 11 and both have just less than 6gig on system

Apple support forums suggest wiping the iPad or phone back to factory setting and restore from a backup (if you back up to iCloud this should be very easy)

Loved Spitting Image, especially in its early days when the writing was very sharp and funny.

The guys that wrote/made it nearly had nervous breakdowns as the weekly turnover trying to keep it topical was exhausting.

While driving yesterday we went past one girl doing that. She stumbled and nearly fell because she didn't she a hole, that didn't teach her as she carried on snd about 3 metres later she waljed into a tree branch.

Arsenal FC

The fact that my daugthers now have my wifes shopping gene, going to the shops to buy something but doing your best not to actually buy what you went to the shops for.

People who take small children to pubs

It wouldn't be so bad if they actually looked after said children rather than leave them running riot all round the pub.

I think it depends on the pub. We take our baby daughter to the pub but normally the family friendly ones which do food.

Nothing wrong with that

That Arsenal seem determined to play their very worst against every team threatened with relegation except us, for whom they reserve top drawer performances. And I have to live amongst the Gooner scum.

When we were kids we always went to the pub with my mum and dad but there was a room with a telly, we were given a packet of crisps a bitter shandy and told not to make a row or else...

Getting phishing e-mails that appear to be from Apple stating "Your Apple ID Has Been Locked for Security Reason".

Initially looked pretty genuine, but after hitting the link which takes you to a very genuine looking Apple page and entering username and password, it went on to ask too many personal questions... i.e. Credit card number etc.. (which I didn't provide).

As a precaution I went in and changed my Apple password which can be a bit of a palaver.

Bastards!

During the day no problem but at night. The child in question was about two to three and i felt should have been at home.

Don’t even click on the link. They’re always full of errors

I know, I know... fool is me. At lest I stopped when I started to see the questions they were asking.

I Googled this and it is a common occurrence and the Apple graphics used are very good. When I used the "real" Apple site to change my password they text you an ID number to allow access to change your password... but boy it was tough to see anything else that looked different.

My concern is they got my password, but hopefully I changed it in time (within minutes). I have been checking my credit card account periodically as this was linked to the Apple account for iStore stuff.

Again... Bastards!

The word small is superfluous.

A room? We had a doorstep.

I get them, and refuse to use apple products. It pisses me off that I have to buy the missus an iphone, she loves them :(

Fat people in a lift. Husband and wife late 30s in the lift with a max capacity of 8. Lots of under breath muttering as they had to squeeze up to let me in. The guy behind me can't fit. We wait. And wait. I begin to think that adding my weight was too much for the lift and am about to get out. "You have to press the close doors button" says the guy that can't fit. Just at that moment the doors start to close "I know how to use a f u c king lift" says Mr Obese.
"I can see you do, obviously cant use stairs" comes the reply. I then endured 30 torturous seconds of sweaty ranting.

Dumb footballers like Gerrard started this.

Also when someone says ‘top, top player’ really ****s me off.

Car insurance.

"Hello, my premium has gone up by 20% this year despite no claims or convictions, is that the very best you can do?"

"....tap tap tap... yes sir, that's our very best price"

"Ah, OK then, company X have quoted me 35% less for the same cover so I'll switch to them"

"Oh, hold on a minute sir, because you're a very valued customer I can actually match that quote"

Tossers

Thats when I tell them to stick it.

Yup, same here. And call them f*cking liars.

It's a pathetic dance every year. Taking a sanity break now before doing the same with my home insurance later...

The amount of coverage given to the dull, backslapping, hot air awards ceremony that is the Oscars.

Buying grapefruits thinking they were oranges. Then peeling them.

American Football.

My boy persuaded me to go to Wembley last year for an NFL game there.

The Portland Paedos were playing The Miami Dolphin Fiddlers. Apparently.

Absolute load of shyte (apart from Def Leppard appearing at H/T) that should never be allowed back in this country.

C*nts.

:lux::lux::lux:

On the subject of lifts, what is going on in the minds of people who stand right up to the lift doors as they open, meaning you can't get out, and they can't get in?

They're twats.

Also the people who get in the lift, press their button then stand in the doorway meaning everyone else has to elbow them to press their floors... and often elbow the person out the way when they need to get out as Twat #1 is going to the top floor.

They're practising before moving up to doing the same with train doors.

And while we're on lifts.....young men preening themselves for a good 30 seconds or so in the back wall mirror with other persons present.
Perhaps I'm just not embracing the modern era of male vanity.

New layout of mcdonalds, you can either use a gaint ipad or go to a trendy low level counter to place your order. Thats where the high tech ends, you them wait with everyone else for your number to appear on a screen which means you then get to fight your way to the counter to collect your order.

You’re missing the ‘deliver to table’ option P.

Like trying to fry half a tinned peach, thinking you were in for cheeky egg banjo post pub.

I got a can of paint out of the cupboard this morning to do some touch up. I wrote the details of the paint down so I could get some more, now I can't find the damn can.

We live in a small house, it has to be here somewhere... it's driving me nuts.

I hate stuff like this.

Its probably with my new(er) posi-driver that I needed yesterday. Scampy wee-fe**er.

I once found my missing shed key in my dressing gown pocket, if that helps - though?

OK, my turn. If there's a coffee cup in the paint cupboard then the paint tin is in the dishwasher.

The amount of "internet superstars" filming their post match reaction showing how upset or disappointed they are and frantically sharing it on social media. Honestly, **** off, if you were that ****ed off you wouldn't be filming yourself you narcissistic arseholes you'd be on here sharing your hate, you *****

And the 22:11 train that broke down at selhurst can **** off as well

On FB "share if you agree"

People filming at football matches, just watch the game

In Lewisham, you get to go straight into Macdonald's while all the school kids have to wait outside until another comes out, which I wouldn't otherwise give a toss about. The problem is that 95% of these kids are black, which just makes you feel like you're living in some sort of system of apartheid. It's horrible.

No. He's missing the 'Don't even go in the f*cking door' option.

That, and the endless f*cking petitions.
And what's with those twats posting up timeline items from five years ago that nobody cared about in the first place?

You go on to Facebook, so much so that you notice stuff, but you'd never step into a Macdonald's?

You don't need to visit it much to know it's full of shit.
And no, I don't frequent fast food outlets (apart from the odd sushi).

or like a previous, upset, generation would have done - brick their coaches;)

ur obviously married. As the police chief in Cassablanca said, "Line up the usual suspects."

When someone fills the sink up with dishes but doesn't wash them.

Either wash them or stack them on the side so someone else can use the sink. Worse still if it's then filled up with water and left.

Am I missing something? You wrote the details down, thus there isn't much paint left, and you intend to buy some more.

Why not just pop out and get a new can based on the details you have written down?

Yes and no... the can (a quart) was/is basically full. I was doing a bit of an inventory of all the paint in the cupboard as I need to do some touch up of some damage to a wall in one of the rooms. While doing this I thought I would make a chart of all the manufacturers colour numbers, gloss, etc. for each room (this is the sort of stuff you do when you are retired! :supergrin: ).

Still not found the damn thing, and it is more the mystery than getting another can, which it looks like I will have to do when/if i need this colour.

I'm sure it will show up in the last place I look! :rolleyes:

These are the same people who don't realise that shit comes off plates and cups so much easier if you quickly rinse it off immediately even if you don't have time to wash it properly - rather than leave it to congeal for hours.

Oh and don't forget - if you have an oily pan, put it on top of all the other stuff you've piled in the sink so that all that stuff also gets covered in oil and sits in the six inches of tepid, oily stagnant water that has resulted from the plug being blocked by the food you couldn't be bothered to scrape off into the bin collecting in the plug hole.

That feels better.

On the subject of washing up....I can't understand how my wife and 2 kids can use EVERY SINGLE ******* SPOON, BOWL, MUG AND GLASS IN THE ******* HOUSE BETWEEN ME LEAVING FOR ******* WORK AND GETTING HOME!!!

Haha. Yes. Both of these things. I am now looking at the remains of dinner and realising that I will have to do it before it drives me nuts.

Washing up? Are you all students?

Get a dishwasher :D

Yes dishwasher. Instead of quickly rinsing off the plates and cups after dinner and sticking them straigt in the dishwasher throw them in the sink and.....

I have one but have never used it. We don't have enough stuff to fill it.

Thank you. You've done that rant for me.

So that the plates and cups and knives can sit in it until the wife deems it full enough to switch on? Hateful horrible petrie jars of disease them thing.

As opposed to a dishcloth that typically has more germs than a toilet seat. Dishwasher is much more hygienic in my opinion.

What's with this shaking one leg up and down whilst sitting habit? Seems to be an Under 30s trait in public. Irritating is cool.

Idiots who persistently dump their household rubbish bin bags, without using a dustbin, out in the street in the full knowledge it will likely be ripped open by foxes and cats. Then being so lazy they don't even clear up the mess afterwards and leave it blowing round the street, week after week. Morons.

Agreed. Used to get mcdonalds breakfast friday mornings. The mcdonalds (chancery lane) is small enough as it is with 0 table seating. People take ages on IPADS and then have to bundle to the front only to then walk out and realise it probably isnt even the right order!!!

Have to admit I find myself doing this occasionally, normally if in a bad mood. Thankfully I don't take public transport on a daily basis or would probably be shaking both legs constantly.

Are they owned by Argos now?

That's how I'm bringing up my kids.

Tell us more about your rock n' roll lifestyle.

:angel:

Today I may alphabetize my CD collection. :p

Also on my hit list...

Rearrange my stamp album and sort out my sock draw. (and no I'm not joking!)

You need a hobby HH.

Turning Gillette SS on at 7.50pm and seeing the Man U goals and FT result one after the other. In red.

Not what i needed to see

The ‘common cold’. I can deal with the cold, blocked nose, sneezing but f—k off with the f—king sore throat where you can’t sleep for sucking razor blades. Why does a cold always start with one - stupid human shit.

Also, the c—t that gave it to me!!

****s can't even reboot their computer. They've had all fvcking day. Lazy wankers

The shite new Ladbrokes’ ‘odds booster’ ad with Chris Kamara.

The fun’s stopped Kammy, so stop.

I raise you the annoying Nationwide adds. Their Marketing Team are the Devil's spawn.

Did the socks, sorted out the photo albums and tackled all the household admin crap that we've been hording for years.

Next stop the shed.

Stone me, what a life!

You feel good once it is all done. A cleaning and a cleansing.

A man after my own heart!

Ummm photo albums - I forgot about them. I'll add them to my list.

At some point, I still have to..

Set up my new PC (six months waiting).

Catalogue my DVDs (about 2,000)

Photo albums

Frame various prints and pictures.

Cash machines asking me twice if i want to view my balance despite me not choosing that option. ATM wankers

People who eat pastries / croissants by tearing off the tiniest little piece at a time, making the whole event last about 45 minutes as they slowly stuff it in their irritating gobs

Anybody who still uses the phrase 'park the bus' when referring to football thinking it makes them some sort of tactical aficionado - it doesn't it just makes you the sort of tool who texts into BBC live text

You'd be OK with me, I made 2 M&S Raspberry Yum Yums disappear in about 1 minute 5 seconds this afternoon :lux:

Bollocks like Raspberry’s yum yums are a thing :eek:

I love raspberries and yum yums. Never seen ‘em together

People who eat burgers by disassembling them into their constituent pieces to eat individually. FFS.

Substitute ‘sausage’ for yum yum* and ‘tomato’s’ for raspberries and you might finally understand the universal revulsion to your breakfast preference, you utter wrong un.

* WTF is a yum yum?