:D

Depends how tight they do it. If it's done looser it leads to gradual weight loss and no flappy skin.

Ok cheers, sounds like a good solution. Amazing how things like baldness and fatness, that have dogged men for centuries, can now be fixed. What a time to be alive.

Failing to ignore the BBS for just one day.

Adipose on the NHS ?
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ec/Adipose.jpg

Just need an easier way to do penis enlargements and your sorted

You missed the post where I said I go to the gym 3 times a week to.maintain my weight loss? :D

And how do you know he needs one?

Perhaps they can reuse the surplus fat after they've done your tits :)

.

Perhaps they can reuse the surplus fat after they've done your tits :)

.

EDF - and their incessant correspondence about smart meters, and supposedly they are crap and barely save any money.

4lb of cock?

From an unwelcome position of knowledge, I’d hazzard a guess that he meant to post 11.4”

Advocado threads.

Avocados are evil bastards and appear to be taking over the world. They have even made in roads into the BBS and are intent on world domination I tell you.

Parents who don't take their children to the toilet before taking them swimming. Enabling their children to poo in the pool and then not doing anything about it!

Doody in the pool!!

https://goo.gl/images/74qRRF

Banks who keep asking you if you'll switch from paper to electronic statements

:veryangry Dogs - the bastards.

There's one barking his nuts off outside right now (midnight FFS)
It's at times like this I wish I had a gun.

Buy one of the sound emitters online.

People who make you a weak coffee

People who make you coffee.

Coffee is for grumpy baldies.

F—k off, I love coffee.......



Oh!

:D

I never had you down as grumpy. Maidstoned, on the other hand...

I'm not grumpy....I'm goddamn pissed off!!!:supergrin:

:D

Same here. 8 days in a bastard row.

wearing a rucksack whilst someone rummages around in it for something, coathangers,
when an English person corrects a foreigner speaking English over something pedantic.

Idiots on Twatter, idiots on here, idiots on faceache....ffs, I'll have to start reading books again at this rate.

The evening standard’s Palace coverage

The evening standard's West Ham coverage.

The Evening Standard.

West Ham.

Palace

Not a lot really. :)

Liars

English people, who can't speak the language proper.

Like what we does

I parked in the far corner of a car park in a leisure centre on Sunday as the spaces in this car park are tight, I had the kids with me and I don't mind walking across the car park as there's a path. About 20 empty spaces and my car.

When I return, there's 19 empty spaces, my car and some idiot who has parked so close to me, I have to reverse my car back in order to be able to open the passenger side doors. Other than doing it deliberately to be annoying, why would you do that? Probably the same sort of person that will come take a leak in the urinal right next to you even if there are 4 others free.

People who add milk to my coffee

The bastards! Have them horse-whipped.

The bastard toe rags that attempted to break into my British Legion last night. Despite top notch CCTV the police are not interested. This is the fourth or fifth attempt within the year and non got away with anything just the damage to doors/windows. This time however they made a huge mistake of removing some posts of our beer garden adjacent to a horse field where some local travellers keep their horses that almost escaped to the main road. These horses are their pride and joy. The cctv footage has been shown to them and they recognised the motorbikes used so justice will be served one way or the other.

Why were the police not interested?

Said they couldn’t get out to us for a while by which time any forensics would have been disturbed. As the culprits also wore crash helmets said little chance of positive ID.

Smokers. ******* idiots.

Software pricing.

Look, only 4.99 a month (billed annually).

Well it's 59.88 per year then, isn't it, bastards?

Yeah, and why can't we just buy it outright anymore, rather than paying them three times as much over the lifetime of the product for a subscription where the seller does absolutely no more than if they just sold it outright. That's a proper scam!!!

This weather

Having to get up at 03..00am, to let the dogs out. A vixen just came through the farm screaming. Dogs chased it off. I am now with a mug of tea, wide awake and on here.

better than waking up at 04:30am for no ******* reason at all like I did last night and spending the day in a fug... the only thing that improved the day was the beers this evening.

Chilean TVs upcoming love affair with West Ham just because Pelligrini is the manager.

A few months back and they had barely heard of West Ham.

It means the brief football highlights every week will mention Man Utd for Sanchez, West Ham and whoever are on top of the Premier. They might even forego the latter.

Much the same for printers, cheap as chips, and ink, not cheap as chips.

The passengers who go through the barriers at Victoria - and their train has not been announced.
They block the concourse between ticket barriers and the platforms.

You then fight your way past them to get on your train where Southern have given you 5 minutes notice before it departs.

They all stand in the way like French tourists.

Dialling codes.
It's 020 for London!
Not 0207, 0208, 0203

Idiots who leave their bags with their car and house keys, money etc on a wall at a festival and then come and have a go at the staff for not being able to find it.

A bit abstruse that Peter?

9 out of 10 people that go through airport security, they just take their valuables out of the tray like some **** and leave it there so that it blocks the rest coming, it takes two seconds, even people who have seen the hold up and are waiting for their valuables do it. I dont know why people dont engage their brain. I end up putting about 5 trays away while Im there to speed up the process to get my bag.

This is about 1 of 20 things that annoy me about people using air travel though.

Amazon delivery driver demanding that I give him my full name in order for me to do the good deed of signing for a parcel on behalf of my neighbour.

When I said that I would give him my first name, but wasn't prepared to give my full name to someone who I had absolutely no connection to and who would therefore have my full name and address, he threw a right strop and stormed off (with his parcel).

I'm not normally so obtuse, but I have no idea what the need for my full name was and have never heard of delivery drivers asking for this before.

You what, you calling me a **** or summink?

Why couldn't you have gone with Nigel Scarfer?

Is that what abstruse means? I was trying to sound clever! :confused:

Just seemed a bit random, so assumed you were part of the staff in question.

Oh gawd yes.
(It’s already started btw)

I work from home so often take packages in for neighbours and the couriers always ask for my full name which I have no problem giving

I have a green pyjama top.

My wife insists it is a grey pyjama top which looks green.

Surely if it looks green, it is green?

This is but the latest in many similar garment colour related arguments over the years and it drives me nuts.

I was. :)

Lead story on BBC Sport website being Ibrahimovic scoring his first MLS hat-trick.

Who gives a fvck wankers.

The DVLA, again. Wankers.

The bunch of teenage girls, from London, judging their accents, who ****ed off from a pristine Norfolk beach leaving all their litter behind: empty lemonade bottles, plastic cups, crisp packets etc.
I felt obligated to pick it all up.

I'd say "try living in Brighton" but it's not worth the abuse.

People who light cigarettes and don't smoke them.

Retail staff who don't make eye contact when dealing with you.

School holidays ruining my midweek days off.

Cinemas that close their box offices so you have to queue up behind people buying popcorn, nachos, hot dogs, ice cream, Maltesers and vast buckets of Coke when your film starts in two minutes.

Seed investment in small businesses making it unaffordable for those of us who want to be owner-operators.

I guess that's why they have 30 minutes of adverts these days.

30 minutes of adverts before films in the cinema.

People who still can't make it to their seats before the film starts despite this.

The advert:trailer ratio.

Films on Film4 having advert breaks.

Drivers who seem to think an amber light means accelerate.

And a red light means the same. The Uber school of driving, which happily also dispenses with the need for indicators. Grand Theft Auto is real.

You could have stopped at cinemas. Awful places.

I love a proper old stalls/circle picture house, not those shitty multiplexes that we have now. F*cking awful. The box office/munchies stands are combined to entice you to buy the overpriced crap on display. What sort of bellend pays seven quid for a bucket of popcorn? Box of maltesers from the supermarket and a hip flask, and you're sorted.

Analysis paralysis… I blame Google. I am now incapable of making any decision when it comes to purchasing something without Googling the crap out of it, with the end result of me thoroughly confusing myself and ending up not buying anything, or if I do I second guess the crap out of myself.

It was so much more pleasant buying stuff on a whim and a prayer.

Spanish cinemas are about 5€ to get in and they sell beer for 1:50€. Bloody Brexit. :lux:

That's more like it. Do seats come with a free goat, and some toothless hag in a shawl trying to shake you down for spare change outside the lav (blowjob optional)?

Quite. Much better to stay in and watch Love Island :hi:

They're generally pretty cheap on a midweek afternoon over here. And empty. And the minimum wage staff don't give a toss what food and drink you bring in.

People who think they'll wait for the DVD (or whatever the modern equivalent is) are missing the point

You've been to Beckenham Odeon then.

The ones who really can’t afford it. :frown:

We’ve taken to using the UCI in Sutton, free parking for three hours and a £ shop over the road for the goodies.

Nah, my Saturday morning picture days were in Brixton. We wait until we're on the Isle of Wight to see any movies we fancy. Cheap as chips midweek.:lux:

Hot hotel rooms

Hotel curtains that don't overlap properly and let light in

Hotel doors that have a massive gap at the boot and let light in

Hotel rooms with tiny bathrooms

Hotel rooms with little red lights the are only visible when the rooms is dark, thus impossible to locate an obliterate with your shoe with the lights on.

Hotel (in fact any) breakfast self-serves set out so it is possible for people to defile the the scrambled egg (or an other) serving spoon with baked bean juice. There should be a special serving area for that odious concoction out in the car park. And why do people eat so much hotel breakfast?

Because it's there !

Happy holiday

I had my first (non-self-administered) hand job while watching Look Who's Talking at the Ritzy.

This may explain why I love going to the cinema. And why I always fall asleep

Right now, I'm mostly annoyed by inappropriate posting.