Same, I was told we keep your money in a safe place....

Busybodies chasing you up all day asking if you saw the email about the other email.

I love this quote from Donald Knuth:

“Email is a wonderful thing for people whose role in life is to be on top of things. But not for me; my role is to be on the bottom of things.”

The Marc Jacobs perfume TV ad - "Daisy, Daisy, Daisy".


F*ck off!

It IS utter bollocks mate but for some reason perfume companies are serial offenders.

All languages change and evolve, so what?

I reckon you're right: the loan from Latin is a different class of word from the one it's used as in English (plural noun vs. singular noun); whilst we often use the foreign plural for imported nouns (e.g. Greek nouns in -ma making plurals in -ata), that's a nonsense when the word has been reclassified like this. An agenda consists of "agenda items", so an item on the agenda is not an "agendum" (although I have seen that usage); the reason is that a number of items would then be "agenda" the plural, but that word is already in use to denote the list of items; an agenda is not the same thing as a miscellaneous list of agenda items.

"Data" is another example. Plural noun (from a verbal past participle) in Latin, mass noun in English. A piece or item of data is not normally a "datum" these days, although it was quite recently. I use this word a lot :) There is a word "datum" but that means something else: a reference value or base from which measurements are made. For example, the Greenwich meridian is a "datum" because it is from there that all other longitudes are measured. The plural of this as "datums" (not "data") by the same logic.

Maidstone to mention google in 5,4,3,2......

Yep. That’s something that annoys me: language quibblers. If you can understand it then it’s fine. The English language started to be standardised long after it was first spoken and written.

Any toe related injury. Today's was a bottle of shampoo landing on my foot from its perch in the shower.

Any pain inflicted upon a toe or toes is magnified by at least, I would say, 2 million percent

Starmer is really bloody annoying though!

Gout can be pretty annoying and painful enough to stop you sleeping despite prescription-strength painkillers. I had heard that the toothache and earache were so painful because "the teeth / ears are close to the brain". Sounds like boll^H^H^H^H an old wives' tale to me. They do also say that gallstones and kidney stones caught in the pipes are the worst pain you can get - thankfully I've never found out the hard way.

That is true for knees and elbows, too.

And eye sockets, hamstrings. and whatever utter nonsense the likes of Wickham and The Soldier are suffering from. Nice job when you can get it. Imagine in our own fields being absent for illness or injury so long / the firm would have you out in three months, some would let you go in a week. Football clubs send them on holiday or to nightclubs.

This, with ******* huge clangers on.

Only the other day I looked down at my bare feet, the right one sufficiently close to a particularly bastard chair leg that has assaulted me on more than one occasion that I thought best pop yer shoes on matey. And there comfortingly close to my left foot were my toe saving flip flops (sturdy leather affairs). At this point the phone beeped as it received a message, absentmindedly I read the message. This seemingly minor taking of the eye off the ball was all that bastard toe assaulting chair leg needed to maneuver its way into position and ambush my unsuspecting pinkies on their way to the safety of the adjacent foot ware.
Howls of pain and swearing ensued.

Replace with bean bags. You are getting into old hippie territory now.

Talking of agendas.

That was my point, well done.

A bottle of roku gin fell on my foot a week or two ago. Not from a particularly great height (about waist level), but Christ that smart. Nice bruising though.

My boiler packing in again, this time the error message means its dead. Can handle having no heating but no hot water is difficult. So have to fork out 2.5k to.replace it.

Were we ?

Oh, yours against Googleferet you mean?

Gotchya :p

A few years back I hurt my lower back, and then got sciatica. Never had pain before or after like that. It was so bad I almost felt like throwing up. Then the co-codamol kicked in and it eased up.

I can imagine that originally there was a script with the models failing repeatedly to utter their dialogue successfully. Finally, at the end of 12 hours of shooting, the exasperated director says to them "OK ladies, I tell you what - just repeat Daisy a few times and we can get this f..cker in the can".

People who say “Here here” instead of “Hear hear”.

It's not impossible that you are not the intended target audience.

How can you tell, just by listening?

I like how they start saying it together and then trail off leaving one model on her own at the end, not quite sure when to stop.

Do you mean "write", rather than "say" ?!

Beaten to it ; getting slow old man :)

I obviously missed a spat here, but Maidstoned is relentless on this matter !

And it's not as if chateauferret is the lone BBSer who clearly looks stuff up on Google before posting. I can think of other culprits ...

Fair comment ! Guilty of the old "should read to the end of the thread before posting" ...

I do!

I’ll add another one- when I use the wrong verb when writing or saying something.

Nothing is more painful than giving birth.

Apparently think of trying to shit a watermelon

We say we got it from Google others pretend it came from their fevered brain.

Riding an elephant comes close.

Being rid by an elephant beats it.

Amen brother.

Luckily, it's well documented that women were built with a far higher pain threshold than men. Hence, I think it's safe to say that, in real terms dropping a shampoo bottle on your toe in the shower is equally painful for a man

I think this is some cunning plan by the Almighty to increase swear-box revenue.

People who use double negatives in a sentence.

For both the human, and the elephant.

A tradition that needs to die.

I wouldn't know where else to use them.

Numerous pieces of legislation in India and South East Asia have been introduced to prevent this practice, but the final drafts have been seriously truncated

Tsk, tsk.

I was wondering whether - given that "impossible" is the negative of "possible" - this was actually a triple negative.

Either way, it's a very strangled way of making a point.

:D

Reminds me of an old joke.

And old lady is feeling unwell and has taken to her bed and calls the Doc out. Dr goes up to see her and diagnoses flu.

Dr - ‘Well Mrs Brown, you will need to rest and that means remaining in bed for at least a week. Have you ever been bedridden before?’

Mrs Brown - ‘Oh no. But I’ve been table ended a time or two’

…

A lawyer arguing in favour of plain English? In what strange times we live…

Grr, having to go back to the shop to buy a replacement birthday card, because I automatically signed it from both of us. :(

:(

:( Horrible, Al.

In a sack, with a brick, in the canal? :D

I’m pretty sure Chanel used jaz music in their ads to put off a customer sector they didn’t want as it cheapend their product.:D

I thought it was intentional and quite funny.

:D

Like.your doggies, my cats are working animals.and.earn their keep by keeping the rodent.population down. Why would you drown a fine animal.like that?

Ivory sorry

The Thugby League season is about to start down here, so the sports news will now be dominated by grunting f*ckwits talking about 'footy'. Just **** off my telly, meatheads.

Buying a pair of jeans in my ‘normal’ size and them not fitting. Blaming it on the lockdown inactivity/beers only to realise that, according to recent feedback on the internet, loads of people have reported that the company have seemingly changed their sizing policy(unless we are all fat lock down piggies!)

ME using random false stops in.his. posts.

You obviously don't read the Telegraph, it never stops with them. You would think they had a financial stake in it

Correct, I don't, although I have / you're right.

I don't actually buy any newspaper these days.

My kindle putting random full stops in my posts.

My son's Science teacher (who I can hear via the remote lesson) talking about 'pardicles' rather than 'particles'

I'm tempted to join the 'chat' & put him right.

Australian, yes?

No, he's friggin' English! :rolleyes:

Just watched too much US TV, I imagine and/or he's a lazy bastard.

A couple of football related irks.

What planet is Solskjaer on suggesting that outside influences denied them a penalty. He either has short term memory loss or is a wanker.

That penalty is not given when it is a game between the big sides...if a big side is playing another team the decision is different.

This season has seen a host of managers bigging up their teams or a player following one or a couple of good results - Lets call it doing a Moyesy. I see the Arsenal twat is the latest to get afflicted.

He is a wanker

Is the correct answer

Those Just Eat and Money Supermaaaarrket ads with the stupid voiceover man who can't seem to be able to talk properly or pronounce some basic words. Reckon its the same chap in both.

People (my wife!!!) who don't / can't stack the dishwasher properly! FFS! It's not difficult!!! :wallbash:

I still use my dads saying from when we were kids :

‘Stack from the back Jack’

And my lot ignore me just like we did my old man.

I refuse to use it. Hot water, scourer and Fairy Liquid for me.

I feel your pain, I'm sure my wife just throws it all in

Never had one.

The kiddies home had one in 1979. I seemed to be able to load that up with no problems when I chipped in with the duties.

The fairly liquid here, somehow named Virginia the same as my wife, is my go to as well. I more often than not do the washing up. It was my first job in a hotel at 18, that and peeling spuds etc.. Very little use of the scourer though, we have the kind of pans that a scourer destroys. The wok gets wiped with a towling and water, and we are going the iron skillet route - sometimes they take a scour.

Yep, woks do not like being scoured. Took me two or three to realise it though.

Joanna Lumley. Drivel with a plummy voice is still drivel.

You had a dishwasher in the (presumably) 80s ? - posh lad.

Might not be the best as far ashygiene is concerned, but don't most Indian chefs let theirs more or less marinate...?

Didn’t need to be posh to have a dishwasher. Just a grandad that could get anything for not a lot :p

The fierce heat kills off bacteria but my blackened wok would win no beauty prize.

In the kid's home the people who ran it had everything. Dishwasher, both kinds of video player, a CB radio.

There wer only about a dozen of us kids, including their own two. We went to Butlin's twice, and they took the other kids to Spain (I was with my dad in Scotland at that time).

I did my sixth form at Hastings College 16-18. They gave me a generous fun allowance. I typically stayed at friends houses, and popped back to babysit the others sometimes.

They had a Daimler Sovereign, a juiced up Beetle with a porsche engine (or half of one, and a kit car. Their oldest, and a best mate of mine to the day,
was allowed to drive them, so we cruised along the seafronts at that age.

All financed from Lewisham's and Southwark's very generous social services budget. I was a bit of a tealeaf in my younger years. There was a seachange
around 17. They used to leave the office unlocked, and on one occasion their was bundles of notes all over the place - Lewisham had just been down lol. Tempted, but I found the adopted mother and suggested they shoud lock it away. If I had taken a 100 notes, they wouldn't have noticed.

And not a Jimmy Saville in sight...although some of us kids were a bit naughty given the chance.

Me and the one 15 year old girl left behind from the Spanish trip were tasked to video the Royal Wedding. She was left behind because her baby was due. The father was a returning kid from Poly who was 18. That was kept hush hush. Lost contact with them, but they were still together as a couple at least 15 years after the scandal. Her brother was such a scalliwag that he had to do a few months re-educating in Borstal.

The owners weren't the most responsible of people. There was a bit of a teenagers row at school with another kid's home, and he march us all up there for a confrontation.

The best of all were the couple of black kids. Just about the only black kids in Bexhill at the time. They got some stares. Especially as we started poppong into pubs from 15/16. One of them was as hard as nails. My adoptive father liked to keep the unruly boys on track with an offer of a fight. He offered this chap the same. The kid took his shoes off and waited outside in the patio. Daddy had second thoughts on that one.

Good 4 years of my life overall.

There is a chunk of it for the BBS perusal.

People who can’t hold a knife and fork correctly.

Also people who cut their food, then transfer the fork into another hand before picking up their food.

You're dissing the legend that is Matt Berry.
Brilliant comedy actor. You should watch Toast of London, which used to be on C4.
Agree with you about the frigging ads though.

Thanks for sharing that, you should write a book.

I should.....

I could call it the Great ChinesE Powdered Milk Scandal...

although my stories are true .... I can be prone to exaggereate, but all the above happened as written.

I am sure there are a fair few on here that have done crazy things, and I wouldn't score highly on those internet 'danger' charts - with hard drugs, prison, deviancy on them.

But it has been interesting.

Had a machete held to my throat in Buenos Aires once. Did a tandam sky dive over key west just to trya nd impress a German girl. Tattooed at Venice beach. Non resulting prossie in Hamburg. Fiddled with by some nonce at the London Museum. Crying to a bar made after my nates had disappeared during a weed and beer addled night in Amserdam. Add Palace into that, and varios misadventures following getting pissed up in the City.

Modern day Ernest Hemmingway without the horrendous treatment of women and animals.

I used to do that as a kid, it's a left handed thing, you disgusting Antilefthandist.

I’d buy the book.

SC would colour it in....

Packs of Ham.
You have to get out 1/4 of the pack to get a slice the way it is wrapped up in itself.

You could have just said "Americans".

I'll write the foreword: "A riveting read from first page to last. But don't read in bed - will give you frightmares! " - Bert's Head.

Strained a back muscle doing pull ups. Now can’t move. [emoji31]

My sympathies - feels worse when it's self inflicted however well meant.

I was desperately trying not to.

I clearly misjudged you.

I'm left handed, but have always managed to eat 'normally' without resorting to such methods. What's more, come dessert time, I don't have to switch to my right hand to eat with a spoon, like most right handed people do.

By my reckoning, this makes me the best.

To add to stavros's righteous outburst, I would like to make a special mention for the particularly American trend of foregoing a knife altogether, and for instance pushing peas onto a fork with their finger, while the knife lays untroubled on the table.

Weather forecast saying there was only going to be light winds where I was going, only for there to be a gale blowing when I got there. It not like the forecast was days ago, but when I got up this morning. I blame Michael Fish!

People who come to look at the house you're selling and ask that, if it's a private sale could we give them 5% off as that's what we would pay an estate agent in commission. Get to **** mate.

5% :eek:

Is the going rate over there? Mind you I wouldn’t know what it was over here as haven’t moved for 7 years or so but 5% sounds toppy

With you there..