Some C%NT who got on at Ipswich sniffing incessantly on my train back from Norwich. I wanna hurt him so badly. Broken nose for starters.

Hackers.

Of Fantasy Premier League of all things.

Someone has hacked my account used all my chips and filled the team with crap players. Hennessey triple captain ffs.

Also i cannot correct it without using up loads of point so have to just give up.

I mean hacking someones FF team, what sort of person uses their time/life to do this?...

It has to be someone you know if they’ve put Hennessey in goal

Hennessey triple captain ffs

sorry but :D:D:D:D:D

Use the rule of elimination. Did you ever upset anyone by calling Wayne rude names on a thread that was dedicated to his attributes between the sticks ?:hmph:

I blame OwnGoal/Johnsonpen. :supergrin::supergrin::supergrin:

evvo111 and in-exile also go moist for Hennazi.

Bullseye!

Today's caption was 'Feb 10th. Yummy lunch' & was accompanied by a photo of poached eggs on smashed avacado on toast (which was clarified as 'artisan sourdough toast')

Tell this idiot that "smashed" avocados are *so* 2010s and all the cool kids are eating dodo cloaca these days.

Surely that’s breakfast?

Sainsburys constantly giving me vouchers for '£18 off your next Online shop - if you spend £60'.

Point 1 - I have never online-shopped for groceries with you (or anyone else for that matter) ever and don't intend to. I like see what I buy and not have some person who couldn't give a toss (mis)select it for me.
Point 2 - I have not spent even £30 with you in a single shop in the last 15 years, as your Nectar Spy Network could tell you.

Just give me a tenner off my next shop please and I will be well chuffed. Zero chance of that.

There's a whole room dedicated to Cloaca at MONA but it's doubtful it's the same thing. If it is blimey!!

Did some sort of Microsoft/Windows update on my PC overnight.

Greeted this morning with a process to go through to get into MY computer which involved almost being tricked into making Edge my default browser, and signing up for additional security features (for a fee).

I suspect there has actually be very little updating done, and it was just an excuse to get this crap in my face.

Lendafy

Lowes

and all the other ***** who spam me on a daily basis, normally about 50/60

Me being a lazy ****** on a Saturday morning

On the plus side, ruby later, plus some beers and maybe a point at Brentford

Being so unfit through working from home, that 1 1/2 hours of light gardening, weeding, pruning & mulching has left me feeling like I will keel over!
According to Google Timeline I've gone from walking for 29hrs pcm in 2019 to 6hrs pcm for 2021. Luckily I don't put on weight, but feel like I'm slowly turning to jelly.
I find it really hard to motivate myself to get out walking during the working week in winter. I fell like an inmate let out for exercise doing the same old routes.
Officer working isn't an option I'd like as my office has moved another hour away.

Same I thought I was putting a couple of pounds, turned out it was two stone !! Steps were about 10k a day down to 3k :(

I hear and feel your pain.

'Winter Olympics' is just too long and complex to pronounce or type so we must have 'Winters' inflicted upon us by people who are just far too busy for 5 syllables.

Surely 'Olympics' suffices?

Not if you're Salford BBC journo trendy with a beard to stroke and macchiato to drink before your next whatsapp.:)

Fair point, not sure it's easy to tell the seasons apart in Manchester so they probably need to be clear

The expression prevalent with football commentators especially with Liverpool. ''They found a way".

Aussie skier wins a medal and is told her team mate got one as well. I am glad we got two podiums . Not glad she got a medal as wll.

The ‘superbowl’. Stop putting it in UK news - I couldn’t care less about hockey

My body, not content with waking me up for a pee in the night, it's now decided a crap is in order at 4am.....at least I wake up for it.

I despise people who hog two pieces of gym equipment at once.

I move any piece of stuff they're using to reserve one.

There was a woman who used to come into our gym who would take a complete set of dumbbells off the rack and arrange them around her to use at various times. I used to just go and select the ones I wanted and walk off with them.

BBC news ? The BBC have an unhealthy habit of treating any sporting event to which they have broadcasting rights as news items.

Puff piece articles like this: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-60288097. Load of rubbish

One of my sons is a regular user of an outdoor gym in the local park. No machines, just wood beams and benches.
It's entirely different from a fee paying gym.
The users are welcoming, encouraging and collaborative. A proper community. He loves it.

I now have my own gym in the patio. It just crept up on us. Visitors bringing stuff they don't use. It is all set up...running machine, weights, stretching cables, punchbag.....I should at least be safe from the wife's fury for a while.

Is that a quote from Fred Wests autobiography?

When you buy a “brand name” for your home automation as it’s worth the comfort of a big company behind it and they decide they don’t want to play anymore discontinue, end of life and end of service so the whole lot won’t work past Christmas. Cheers D-link you ****ers

When the 3rd steering pump you've bought, and the 2nd that's actually turned up, has the same fault as the one it's replacing.

Loosing things.

So much so I have a lost list. The bad news is I have lost my GoPro session. I was haveing trouble getting it to sync and was faffing about. Put it down ( not back in its box ) and 1 month later i cant find the bastard. I have turned the house upside down trying to find it. The good news is I found the magnifying glass and the telephone that was aready on the list. ( back of drawer and fell down the back of a cabinet)

Putting a new piece of veneer on my dashboard and realising that it is upside down after the glue had set. What was the point of aligning the grain so carefully? Idiot.

Playing football Sunday afternoon… still aching midday Wednesday.

The fact that most people in this country are messy pigs, I was on a slip road for a roundabout and the amount of rubbish strewn on the verge was disgusting

i was wondering where my missing "o" was.

ITV remaking The Ipcress File "with a modern female twist", and "based on the novel of the same name by Len Deighton" FFS!!!

Why? Do people really think they can improve on a classic? The 'twist' is hardly a giant leap. It can be easily implied in the original book and film with a bit of imagination.

Go and do something NEW you unimaginative barstewards and stop ruining originals. :veryangry

Yeah the recent Phileas Fogg remake with Dr Who was very right on..

I've not seen the new TV version and am willing to accept it's a load of shite, but the film itself was quite different to the book - the protagonist didn't even have a name in the latter.

The Caine film was considerably better than the book.

I don't doubt it, but it doesn't mean that original "works of art" are untouchable. Mario Puzo's Godfather novel is not very good in my o.

As was the Caine Mutiny.

Being given a 7p off per litre for fuel at Morrison's when the nearest Morrison's petrol station is over 20 miles away.

The Day of the Triffids as a book was much better then the film. The TV version got close but nothing beats the book so far.

Annoying.

What about Citizen Caine ?

I feel the same about calls for a female James Bond. Do that and it just isnt James bond any more. Its just another thriller

Did you get shot in the forehead as you were writing this?

No. Are you going to write another shit and unfunny post about Wordle?

The level of detail devoted to prolapsed vaginas was particularly unpleasant.

BBC breakfast storm coverage wtf visuals all about a mixture of American road signs and the government covid message box, cutting to outside broadcasts desperate for dramatic images with their reporters exactly where they are telling everyone not to go.

Any ars*holes out taking selfies on the seafront in the storm should be arrested for public order and endangering life. Not theirs - we can do without tossers like them - but the poor brave souls who will have to endanger theirs trying to rescue them when they are blown out to sea. Maybe an afternoon in the cells will re-focus what passes for a tiny mind.

The 'look at me' society :jerkit:

So's mine, but I used the £7.50 off a £50 shop and then used the 7p/litre off fuel to fill up. :p

Total saving - over £10.00 :lux:

Ooh, feeling triggered, Alflite?

Theyre probably doing "extreme Wordle"

There was me always thinking the book was written by Frederick Forsyth.:angel:

That was the Odessa File. ;)

From Wiki: The IPCRESS File is Len Deighton's first spy novel, published in 1962.

BBC's obsession with curling, in fact ANYTHING scottish :S:

Keep it in the Turdle thread, please.

. . . or Brexit thread maybe?

Just realised I was woooshed :D

flushed

In the late eighties he moved into a village in Hertfordshire called Essendon. I used to work behind the bar of a pub he used regularly there. Always an interesting and pleasant man to chat with, despite us having very different views on most subjects.

The wind
The rain
Chelsea
Schlupp in midfield
The Winter Olympics

Why would the olympics annoy you?

because it seems they are being held at SP. Should hand out medals for navigating the slalom that is replacement bus services.

Chelsea (again)
Game management
Not seeing games out
Hope kills again
The awful sense of enivitability
Where's my beer?

^^^^

another weekend to be spent with a dark cloud :grrr:

Arsenal away
Leeds Away
Brighton Home and Away
United away
Chelsea Home

it's been a season of late goolie grabbers..

Beers and boxing helping

"Morning, team"

F**k off, c*nty bollocks.

Ebay.

Forces my serach world wide as standard then i have to filter. Fk £52 shipping from USA Bollocks

Listing defaults to accept offers. I dont want to i start at my minimum. Twats.

THEN it offers to promote my listing for £XYZ EVERY TIME even if the fking thing has a 99p start. twats twats twats.

That f****** awful " comedian " Kemah Bob and her ridiculous voice.

deffo

People on the telly box who moan about flooding (yes I do sympathise) but if you live by a river or near a flood plain and you live in the UK it's bound to happen.

Isn't the point that the risk, and frequency, could be significant reduced by some investment in flood defences and better land management?
Though I do struggle sympathising with Shrewsbury, where we've endured some properly shit away fixtures. :)

The Australian Weather bureau. Cant spell Metrology . It's been raining solid for nearly two weeks on and off, and I mean heavy. But they refer to it as showers. **** knows what will happen if we get any heavy rain.

My total inability to understand women

You’ve just joined the world’s largest club.

My perennial bug bear, Apple’s autocorrect.
I haven’t used an android device so I can compare them, but I was wondering how good other OS providers are at autocorrecting.
As for Apple, I’d love to get in on the autocorrect software meetings just to hear the twisted utterly incomprehensible way those people must talk. If their productisanythingto go by (that’s an actual example: 4 simple frequently used words in a not infrequent or illogical sequence and it can’t figure out I’ve not included the spaces) they must all be speaking gobbledygook.

Listening to Talksport taking about the alcohol ban on Wembley way Sunday, some bloke Liverpool support calls in, of course he has a nice home counties accent. He basically said big clubs like Liverpool and Chelsea are used to going to be finals, other clubs its like a big day out and we cant behave ourselves.
Muppet!!

There's your problem, pallet....

On the news, little kids in Ukraine, around my grandaughter's age sitting in shelters with masks on preparing for invasion. Heck!

Taunting home fans. It's good that they're quiet, enjoy it. Don't do anything to encourage them

A united fan I used to know said that the sight of Pardew dancing really enraged them and got them going, obviously we know what happened..

When people keep speaking to me while I have earphones in

What ?

Honking at people with earphones in, who are totally oblivious to the world around them, as they saunter into the road, whilst listening to Abba's greatest hits.

ABBA? in Nashville? There;s great music in Nashville, there’s no.excuse for ABBA.

Mitigating circumstances if you were to run them down.

Those pesky ruskies

They hadn't gone away you know..

Royal ******* mail. Absolute shambles of an organisation. I didnt get ANY post, nothing, for a month during the Xmas period, then 3 weeks after Xmas I suddenly got a bunch of cards and letters and stuff shoved through my letter box.

Consistently get letters and packages to me delivered to wrong houses like the postman cant be arsed to read the address properly.

Back in the old days you'd collect your mail first thing in the morning and open it while having your breakfast. Now IF it comes its likely to be around 2 or 3pm or whenever the lazy arse postman decides to saunter round.

Its incredible how many businesses and communications depend on such a shit company and how no one ever seems to take them to task.

And again: https://www.theguardian.com/commenti...-use-my-toilet (comments not enabled this time).

You're like one of those miserable old white men in the Guardian music section comments who can't countenance anything that is vaguely fun.

People who post Twitter links without saying what it's about.

Started getting bogus messages on WhatsApp.

It was the last bastion of escape from this shit.

"Hi how are you, it's been a while"

"Just to let you know I got a new phone number"

If you are going to try and scam me you must do better...

A couple of years ago, I found the Tesco driver for next door pissing against my wall. :veryangry

He seemed not particularly bothered, nor when I told the next door neighbour that I wouldn't accept the deliveries he was trying to make to her, as he had gone straight from pissing, to handling her groceries. :veryangry

Able bodied adults that press the wait button and use the light controlled crossing….in roads that aren’t bloody busy!!

Just use your eyes and cross the road using your own judgement you robot, instead of making me stop in my car, when you had ample time to safely cross before I arrived and then after.