+1

Not sure if I should be impressed or annoyed but my wife's, ability to to waste the 2 hours before she goes to work doing nothing.

In that case, I challenge you to be sadder than me :supergrin:

Bear with me here...

We have a shelf outside our kitchen window for potted plants etc. that has been there since before we moved in some 30+ years ago. It is made of fiber board and Formica and is in pretty sad shape.

This looked like a perfect project for me to take on so took some measurements off the old shelf and set about designing a new and improved replacement. I put it all on CAD on my PC and came up with an over engineered marvel made from composite decking material.

I've been working on the project for about 2 months now (basically only one day a week) and today was to the point of taking down the old shelf and replace it with my masterpiece... which I must add I was pretty impressed with if I do say so myself.

Anyway, haul it onto the brackets in place and I'm shocked to see it is 10 inches too long! WTF I say to myself. I measure the new shelf and it is 111 inches long - just as designed. Move it back to the garage and put back the old shelf. My intent being to go check my CAD drawings and figure out what went wrong.

I go back to the old shelf and measure it again, and sure enough it's 111 inches - by now I'm thinking senile dementia is getting the better of me. Then I notice on the tape measure it goes 99, 100, 111, 102, 103 etc., etc.. I pull the tape out more and there is 109, 110, 111, 112 etc., etc.. You have to be kidding me... Piece of Taiwan made shit! What are the odds?

So, back to the drawing board as they say, and then to the store to buy a new tape measure, preferably one made in the USA.

So much for measure twice cut once!

I guess I'm annoyed, but at the same time finding it kind of amusing, and can't stop shaking my head.

Going to a supermarket for a top-up shop, realising i have left my bag for life in car.... use all available pockets... go back to car, empty pockets but forget the hand sanitiser in my back pocket. I sat in car and the bottle cracked... sanitiser all over arse and car seat. Luckily it didn't go in my batty crack, as I would imagine hand sanitiser on ya balloon knot would sting a bit.

Should have used a metric tape. :D

I wish...

Rich ****s who don't pay their taxes

:D Excellent gripe/story.

And let that be a lesson to all of us - next time you go to the DIY store for a new tape measure, check ALL the numbers are in the right order before you buy!


BTW - I can never, never, trust my measuring, which is very annoying. Measure twice cut once??? More like, measure 7 or 8 times cut once

I'm beginning to think the crew that built my house had these tape measures back in the 60's... judging by some of the squareness of some of the walls... then again a few major earthquakes in that time have probably given them a good excuse.

Back to my project... I have three choices really. I can lob 10 inches off one end (not going to happen), or 5 inches off each end (not going to happen), or take "x" amount off the 4 sections to remove the 10 inches. The last option is the correct thing to do, but is like starting all over again. Will need to remove 96 screws and cut 24 boards to a new length.

What else have I got to do... the last option it is.

A good craftsman Bob, never blames his tools. ;)

Delightfully funny. Still I feel for you, but glad you seem to appreciate the humor. The final result will be great since you've already made once. Looking forward to a pic.

I 100% agree... but this is pushing the limits of that old adage!

I had a similar experience recently, couldn't work out why a lot of things I was doing were out by a centimetre. Eventually noticed that the magnetized tab on the end of one of my tape measures had a "helpful" sliding mechanism which added an extra centimetre when extended.

It's now measuring the inside of a landfill somewhere.

Made me laugh out loud.

Genius post.

We deserve a picture of this masterpiece once installed I think. I am struggling to visualise quite how complex this shelf must be to demand a CAD drawing, 8 days of labour and at 101 inches its a serious beast :) Full of plants, it must weigh a ton and so I am guessing is floor standing and the brackets are to prevent it falling and crushing a beloved relative or three.

Re the tape measure, this clearly merits a place in the BBS museum. Maybe you could build a shelf for it? ;)

The BBC.

Time to go for adverts i think and stop up paying for this crap.Okay they do make good programming etc but also a load of crap.Take that Michael Mcintyre programme.Part of it they go an wake up Peter Crouch in the middle of the night in Portugal with a crew of about five plus Holly Willoughby, Mike Dean!! and Dion Dublin.I am guessing they didnt fly over on Easyjet and not in Economy.
Then listened to five live drive time yesterday around 6pm and it sounded like a local radio stations 3am programme with people messaging in about sounds that annoy them and then even Nicky Campbell phoned in to chip in and then went onto a conversation about how he was taking his dog to the vet.It sounded like Alan Partridge but on an national radio station at a peak slot.

111%

My boss putting a gif of Pardew's Wembley dance on my on-line birthday card.

HB Steve, and must say, top trolling by your boss.

In the USA!!!!!
The original post was brilliant and worthy of a thread on its own.

Thanks - it's actually tomorrow. And yes - he's a bloody West Ham fan.

That's a shocking roundabout. It's also bad when you're a pedestrian as you have no clue whether you can cross. I was out for a "run" a while ago and was crossing South Eden Park Road coming from Stone Park Avenue. An SUV was turning into the road without indicating and nearly run me over. I shouted at the driver whilst gesticulating and he was having a go back. Complete twat.

Whilst we're on the subject of driving, there are no end of bellends who drive out of David Lloyd onto Stanhope Grove without looking. I don't know what goes though their minds but I presume that they think that they own the road because they've been to an overpriced gym. I have had to slam the brakes on several times to avoid cars where the driver isn't paying attention. On one occasion, a lady was coming out, i had stop abruptly whilst giving her the benefit of my horn. She was looking somewhat bemused whilst I shouted at her to look where the **** she's going. She then stopped in the middle of the road. I said you might as well finish the manoeuvre now you're halfway.

They also speed down Stanhope in full aggression mode, scowling, with one hand at the top of the steering wheel whilst probably having a crafty tug with the other. There are speed bumps all along the road but they speed between the bumps and have to brake sharply when they get to the next bump. What's the bloody point apart from going "Look at me! Look at me! I'm a **** in a fast car going to the gym"? Arseholes.

Amen :supergrin:

https://www.amazon.com/TXY-Stainless...%2C168&sr=8-17

You could add 'people who drive to the gym to sit on an exercise bike or run on a treadmill' to my list.

I want you to be the MAN I think you are, and not the MOUSE that would be so disappointing.

When it is your boss's birthday, please gif a picture of a limousine with the wheels coming off from our Cardiff game against them.

Actually looking at the tape today, I could have "gone metric". Just would complicate things at this stage.

Note the offending "111" on the tape:

https://s3.gifyu.com/images/IMG_1545.jpg

Easy, it’s 100 inches and three centimetres.

100 inches + 2.5 cms actually :D

The white noise that is Sam Matterface

Criminal that ITV have Matterface/Dixon first choice and Tyldesly/McCoist second choice ... madness.

Hedgehog and the angry inch

Criminal that they are the top two choices.

McCoist is worse than white noise.

I'm not sure how Clive Tyldesley has morphed into some sort of commentating deity. He was intensely irritating when he was top dog (for far too long) and had clear Man Utd bias to boot. Always came across as too John Motson like to me, overscripted and overprepared, his commentary never seemed all that organic.

I particularly hated his "it's WAYNE ROONEY" or whoever it was whenever someone was lining up a shot, he'd obviously identified that as a trademark calling card but it sounded ridiculous.

So in summary I was pleased to see the back of him.

Or the chubby teen bawling at Cardiff after the game.

Congratulating myself on getting through the day with no glaring acts of absent-mindedness, only to discover I put the frozen peas in the fridge.

Clive 'that night in Barcelona' Tyldesley? **** off!

Ah, but what did you put into the freezer instead of the peas??

Comical in his randomness.

We can add Jim White in there too. I suspect SJ harbours a serious private loathing for the tiresome weasel.

The feeling might be mutual.

Dunno, they see each other quite often at weekends.

Aviation and Redundancy. Again

Sorry to hear that buddy

It's a game of inches...

Yes, sorry to hear that.

I thought aviation was doing OK post COVID lockdowns... shows what I know.

For God's sake don't ask 'em where they're from.

Miserable fans desperate for others to be as miserable as them

Your body. You will find out in 50 years.

I sometimes get asked where my surname's from... I usally reply "my dad" ;)

Anyone else have trouble opening what they call here "Blister packs" of medication/pills?

I got some over-the-counter allergy pills in the week and they come on these sheets which you can tear off the individually packaged pill. They give you a corner that can be lifted to peal back the paper backing - first problem is lifting the edge due to a) eyesight and b) freshly cut fingernails.

Second problem is once the paper backing has been removed, any amount of pressing on the pill from the reverse side does not seem to get the pill to break through the foil. Works once in a while, but usually resort to getting the scissors out to pierce the foil to get the little buggers out.

Just put the pills in a bottle thank you...

Maybe there is a "knack" to doing this I've not figured out... off to YouTube to see if I can find something.

There is that, yes

Oh no. All the best buddy.

If you do find a ‘hack’ please post a link :)

Miy issue is popping the pill out and not realising there's still a bit of backing foil with the pill between my fingers and cutting my lip with it! I've got one of those 'organisers' but can never be arsed to fill them regularly.

Are you sure they're not pills to increase sperm count?

Football fans screaming and getting angry about where the ball is placed for a corner kick, as if it matters. Especially annoying as they're almost always wrong, as more often than not the edge of the ball is hanging over the white line.

No point having the soding quadrant then is if it doesn’t t matter

That ship has sailed...

Back on subject. I just got 7 of the pills out of the packing for the week. Took me about 15 minutes to get them unpacked. Resorted to using scissors.

If there is a secret to getting these pills out, I sure can't find it. All videos I found make it look so easy.

I'm glad they are not pills to be taken in an emergency!

That is much better.

It remains to be seen if Steve has the kind of wanker boss where this type of banter is deemed one way only.

I know those "blister" packs you're talking about and yes they are a pig, but thankfully I have only come across them in the US. For the rest of us, regular blister packs for pills are on the whole easily navigable.

People who leave the foil/paper on the tub of butter/spread after it’s been opened

It helps keeps the surface of the butter from starting to discolour and helps prevent the butter from being contaminated by other overly fragrant foods in the fridge.

Be afraid, 93pct are confirmed Pyschopaths apparently.

https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/20...e-psychopaths/

That's what the lid is for, assuming we're talking about spreadable Lurpak or whatnot.

“Lurpak”? Only Russian oligarchs can afford Lurpak nowadays.

Norpak.

Never used to get this BS . . . . why now?

Maybe because footballers used to clearly put the ball in the corner rather than silly nonsense.

Flle under face holding, timewasting with fake injuries, laying down behind the wall, and countless other shite.

I agree with the view of incandescent, rabid fans, though. Maybe it is incels exploding life and societies frustrations out. Liverpool, Chelsea, Newcastle, Spurs, West Ham loads of them.

lol - it has gone up a lot for sure, but Sainsburys are doing 500g for £3.75. Got 4 tubs on Saturday, i'll have you know. :D

Totally agree, the important "line" should be the inside line of the quadrant, not the outside.

Where is Selhurst Celtic when you need him?

They do that with Anchor Spreadable too - on offer for 1 week @ £3.75 then back to full price of £4.75. Sadly only room for one tub in my fridge.

Would you do the same for the goal line meaning the ball doesn't have to completely cross the line for a goal to count and similar for throw ins etc?

Yeah, it's always on offer somewhere.

Adverts for new film releases- 'In cinemas February three'

The third you wankers!

Some things you can't skimp on- Lurpak, Hellman's mayo and decent bin liners

What sort of pervert does this?:

https://pics.me.me/hellmanns-est-191...p-34349486.png

Interesting sandwich combo

I've had to start using one. For three months in a row, when I came to the end of my prescriptions I found that I had a different number of tablets left. How I managed it I have absolutely no soddin' idea, and using an organiser is the only way I seem to be able to keep on top things. :(

I have that problem too. I take a small pharmacy daily (or maybe it just seems like that). Different hospital clinics change pills/amend dosage seemingly for fun, so nothing is in sync any more; everything runs out at different times. One of those organisers is vital for me - filling it up is my Friday morning chore.

It's the highlight of a Saturday evening for me. I've used one ever since I forgot to take my pills and ended up in hospital for 17 days!

My first trip to central London in a car for decades. The roads have been totally altered to accommodate bikes. This is actually great and a sensible thing to do. However why gets my goat is even after all that at every bloody traffic light 2 or 3 will, instead of waiting, will simply jump the red when there is a gap in the traffic. Even jumping the cycle only traffic lights! Right in front of Police as there is simply too many and what fine do they get? They will be the first to moan when they are hit or they hit a pedestrian. Twats

AATOT

Next one
Attacks of places of worship. I don’t care is it’s a church mosque or synagogue. I’m not religious but think for those that are these are places of sanctuary and contemplation. To blow people up here in whatever name is simply scum. What’s wrong with people?

We've literally covered the whole country in roads to accommodate cars, and yet the majority of drivers still speed.

and already a standard response pre programmed in....see above.

I accidentally binned tablets so that I could get all my repeats in sync, hoping that it might help. Fat lot of use it turned out to be. At least it means that I only have one trip to the chemist every two months. :)

Saturday for me too - ready for Sunday and the start of a new week! :p

Source?

"Steves Big Bok of Spurious Cyclista Fax"

Here you go. Figures are even worse for 20mph limits, but I've not got those to hand.

https://www.gov.uk/government/statis...-to-march-2021

I've looked out of the window and seen some fields and woods, so perhaps the word "literally" has changed its meaning recently.

Here are the 20mph ones -

Key line "Under free flow conditions 87% of cars exceeded the speed limit at the 20mph sites."

(It's even higher for motorcyclists.)

Wow that’s huge whataboutery
Yes but, the majority of boat hire users do more than 3 knots in restricted areas the bastards.

It feels like in the lockdown period everywhere became 20mph !

Not really. Investment in cycling infrastructure is often linked to cyclists' behaviour, as you have done (and, whilst I know you didn't say that, the latter given as a reason not to do the former) yet no-one says we shouldn't spend money on roads until drivers stop speeding.

It is the definition of terrorism. The more despicable the target, the bigger the impact.

Place of worship.
Street market.
School (kindergarden).
Pop concert.
Maternity hospital.
Apartment buildings in Kiev.
A public marathon.
A videod beheading of aid workers with a sawing knife.

Take your pick.

Attacking a military base, a government building or police station just isn't going to cut it anymore.