For the same reason you always find things in the last place you look.

If you get on a train and the middle seat is empty and the fella next to you has quite broad shoulders, don't engage in a pointless battle of trying to squeeze your shoulders in. ****wit. I couldn't think of a witty response either, so stayed silent. Happy to hear suggestions :)

**** that, lazy bastards should score movies the same as everyone else

all the women judges on BGT/X Factor then

A Facebook correspondence:

"hey Connor, how you been?"
"Alright mate, you?"
"yeah sweet man. do you think you can get me a ticket for the man utd and palace fa cup final???"

My film (not 'movies') marks are out of 11.

An 11/11 **** is what you is.

Had 3 people do this to me so far.

One went to the Semi, but not a palace fan so nah. One was someone i've not spoken to for 6 months but made out like we're still such close mates, and was at least kind enough to spend 10 mins asking whats going on in my life before popping the question. And the other, my old boss, again, someone i haven't spoken to in 7/8 months. Didn't ask me directly. Saw her facebook status asking people to get her 2 tickets for her nephews for the final. She tried ringing me, knew exactly what she was ringing for. Let it ring through to voicemail. "Ring me back please".... I never rang back.

All of em come out the woodwork.

they can all ******* do one

Fat people who drive to work, never take the stairs, then spend the whole of their lunch hour moaning their diet isn't working. After just polishing off chicken and chips and also never being too far away from some form of cake during their working hours.

Twathouses

Mmmm....chicken and chips. And cake.

Yeah I hate them fat c*nts.

Thick. illiterate lorry drivers.
Delayed my journey into work this morning

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-36200939

At first sight the headline is a bit misleading. The lorry hit a Lambeth bridge; not Lambeth Bridge.

The right answer. I'd rather give any spare ticket to a stranger who posts on here a lot, than someone who crawls out of the woodwork to target me on bookface.

Given it's one ticket per person, where are all these alleged 'spare tickets' going to come from?

You may have a family member or neighbour at palace that is unable/doesn't want to attend for whatever reason.

Remote controls that require Olympic marksmanship precision to turn the channel over.

Short beer measures in pubs. As I've had a few days off I've been out and around and it seems to be a general policy not to fill the pint glass(I'm a real ale drinker). Five times in the last 3 days I've had to ask for my pint to be topped up...[emoji35]

The sudden insistence within the media of pronouncing the Bernabeu differently to how it's been pronounced for the last f*cking fifty years. F*ck off.

It should be pronounced Berna-bay-oo. I'd get the hump if some spic said Selhoost Peyrk.

Benalmadeeeena my arse as well.

This is annoying but occasionally I can find humour in them like this one:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-34026667

Mind you it must be fecking annoying for lorry drivers in South London that you can barely go 500m without finding a low bridge.

Steve Mcmanaman. **** off

I don't mind him. He walked the walk as a player so I'll cut him some slack as a pundit. The only thing wrong with what he says more often than not is his accent. Needs to cut his fecking hair though.

Is that a request Chocky?

If so, wrong forum. NSC may be more your (ball) bag.

The "Which block are you in at Wembley" thread :( :sob:

The first floor of my building holds the Jenny Craig office here. Ive been caught outseveral times mentioning that the fatties should consider walking up the lone flight of stairs to go to their weigh in rather than have me guessing if the maximum weight limit of the lift is close to being compromised.

It's prostate cancer, not PROSTRATE! FFS! (see worst ad on TV thread). Please look up words in dic u dic. (I know I spelt dick wrong, it was a play on words but he'll get my meaning.)

I've already covered off Lift Morons on here but yes, f*ckwits that get the lift for 1 floor when there are stairs nearby - whatever their shape/size - really piss me off unless they're somehow incapacitated. It's probably taken them longer to walk to the lift and wait for it to come than taking the stairs would've done.

:lux::lux:

Yep. When you have 2 kids and pushchairs, shopping and these lazy ****wits fill the lift up so you can't use it and stand there looking at you having to manage all this because they are too ******* lazy to use the escalators 20 metres away. You know the things that do the climbing for you. :wallbash::jerkit::wallbash::jerkit::wallbash:

Oh and I nearly forgot, staring into their phones. No you haven't suddenly become attractive to the other people, do you think it's going to change by staring into your phone and seeking attention ??????? :jerkit:

Yep, bloody annoying that!

Bless
Absolutely
Basically
Bespoke
Intrinsically
Essentially

Status update: Got my tickets for the Final,...YAY!

Just happened to me twice in the same lift journey FFS. **** these ****ers that are too lazy to take the ******* stairs.

The BBC bitesize revision app advert. Does my fecking head in, why can't they just have got a spotty swot with greasy hair to plug it rather than the epileptic fit inducing, full of trendy kids mess it is.

Benalmadeeeena my arse as well.[/QUOTE]

Your arris has been there a few times.

and
"In terms of:veryangry"

listen to Mark Lawrenson. He cant complete a sentence without using it twice

The sudden trend of referring to The Republican Party as The GOP. Why have we started doing that? I bet Americans don't talk about The Tories.

Your arris has been there a few times.[/QUOTE]

Talking of which I am out there for the Saints game. Any recommendations where the match may be on. I was out there same time last year for the Liverpool away game. Watched it in a bar for of Scousers. When we got the penalty I couldn't resist shouting out 'Let Gerrard take it!'

Mr Savage had the same issue on MOTD recently.

Savage can barely complete a sentence that makes any sense. It is distressing that he is allowed anywhere near the BBC

Talking of which I am out there for the Saints game. Any recommendations where the match may be on. I was out there same time last year for the Liverpool away game. Watched it in a bar for of Scousers. When we got the penalty I couldn't resist shouting out 'Let Gerrard take it!'[/QUOTE]

Your only chance there is The Lounge Bar. They have all games on at 4pm on Saturdays but if everyone is playing at the same time last game of the season it will be hit and miss. Only place I know it's guaranteed to be on is a bar I drink in but it's a 30 euro cab journey from you.

The missus and her excuses :D

bbc 'news'

My hearing. All I want to do is listen to James Blake's new album at an ungodly volume, but my hearing forbids me from ever listening to music at such a volume unfortunately.

"Must spread" etc. It is dumbing down on a weekly basis now.

I'm sure there must have been a time when they reported without adding political bias or smear, but that time certainly isn't now is it. Think they are having a race to the bottom with sky news.

It annoys me that I get more annoyed about stuff as I get older, not less.
Aren't we supposed to mellow with age?

Did you ignore, or register your feelings by making a small but still just about audible sigh and/or look at your watch? I try and do both when the opportunity arises.

unsubscribing from an email list that you some how ended up on and then getting a confirmation email that you have been successfully unsubscribed.

"To unsubscribe, please call this number" - NO!! :veryangry

Westfields.

Earphones that keep falling out of my ears.

I took a large, audible breath, looked to the ceiling with a face of great discontent and made sure to press the close door button as loudly and forcefully as I could when they departed from the lift, ensuring they knew about the great inconvenience they caused me.

Excellent, excellent.

The yearning to be rich followed by the realisation that will probably die before retirement.

May I suggest that anything that stops you listening to James Blake is a good thing ?

BBC has been total dogshit for years mate. News, sport, 'drama' et al.

Frankly, they are an embarrassment.

How dare you! James Blake is a God amongst us mere mortals! I suggest you take that blasphemous tone elsewhere before you are condemned to the deepest depths of hell for the rest of eternity.

I think you'll find I've already been condemned to that fate for far worse things than thinking James Blake is shite.

Educate yourself in music my young friend. Brian Fallon - Painkillers.

I'm not sure why I thought it'd be a good idea to take a music recommendation from you, but I couldn't get through half of that song. It wasn't an enjoyable experience at all.

:eek:

To be expected. If you like James Blake then there's probably no helping you. :p

Your only chance there is The Lounge Bar. They have all games on at 4pm on Saturdays but if everyone is playing at the same time last game of the season it will be hit and miss. Only place I know it's guaranteed to be on is a bar I drink in but it's a 30 euro cab journey from you.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for that. Is The Lounge Bar in the Harbour Area?

Daniel Sturridge goal celebration.

Helmet.

People constantly asking how many tickets are left. Why the hell would anyone on here know?

My dad hates him for this reason. I said "you won't be saying that when he scores for England and does it"...

He told me to **** off, hes a ****. Oh. :D

I make your dad right.

Same here. Wavey armed twat.

Answering the door to two reasonably fit women whose first words are 'can I interest you in these words from the book of Matthew'.

go forth and multiply?

That's when you whip out your cock and say 'can I interest you in the finest 10 inches Scotland has to offer' and then spin it around like a helicopter

I might have multiplied with one of them but the other one had crazy eyes which suggested she would start babbling in tongues if I kept the door open much longer.

:D

You never think of those replies until its too late :)

How do you know he's got a 10" cock?

It might have been a few years ago :)

But how does he know? Bit weird if you ask me...another man saying you have a 10" willy.

He might have been to the semi. final.

I like the fact that whilst you should have been listening to what wonderful insight that their religion may bring you.... You were probably weighing up if you would go forth and multiply with the one who had crazy eyes :D

It was a typical male response mate :) When I said I wasn't really interested in all that stuff, I wasn't really expecting them to say 'how about a threesome instead, I'll cover my loony stary eyes with this book' :D

Should have taken them around the back (oo er missus) and shown them your new deck :)

If the threesome did then go ahead, there would have been far more mentions of 'God' and 'Jesus' than in any religious conversation you may have had instead.

This conversation is making me want to drive round the estate and see if they are still about :)

Lucky guess

Saucers.

Whats the ******* point? What do they do? other than make the whole thing unstable and increases the chances of spilling. 2 things to wash up.

Saucers can **** right off.

When the tea was too hot, old blokes would poor it into the saucer and slurp it down as it cools quicker that way. Slurping is quite annoying.

Well obviously, surely that's normal isn't it?

Filthy slurping bastards, another reason to hate saucers.

:supergrin: Where would we all be without saucers? Civilised people make water that comes out of taps.

You know, the three inch one....

Yeah but it would only be right to tell them why.

Find out more about this Mathew geezer too, dirty wenches were probably thinking spit roast.

And if saucers had never been invented we would not talk about flying saucers either.

I suppose I could have interrupted the swivel eyed loon to ask her if their religion embraced free sex and threesomes as part of the conversion process, and maybe suggested she could bring Matthews book with her if she wanted something to read in bed. Instead my feeble brain was only able to come out with 'er, I'm not religious thanks'. Probably a good job in hindsight, as the missus definitely doesn't go in for that sort of shenanigans, and I really want to see the cup final :)

Yodel. Delivery service for M+S.
Website says item delivered (to my Mum's place), she however has received nothing.
Get online and web chat customer service at Yodel.
They need to "interview" the driver at the end of the day to find out where he left the package. What? He doesn't have a phone? You can't call him or send him a text? No, I have to "expect" an email within the next 48 hours.... 48hrs!!
Wankers

Here, enjoy this saucer related video:

Not quite up to Elgins religious threesome but....

Dominos. Robbing bastards. £22 for 2 pizzas (with a £10 off token !) 6 slices from each pizza. 12 slices. Nearly £2 a slice.

**** right off

Having a freshly poured beaker of naff £4 vino knocked onto my crutch. Will be getting off the train in 15 minutes for maximum embarrassment.

Some people would pay more than 4 quid for that!

So without the 10 quid off voucher they would have cost £32 ?
That's £2.66 a slice :eek::eek:

Leicester fans clappity clappity shit. Anyone in that stadium clapping with their own hands is a bone fide proper Leicester fan. Anyone with a clappity is a Johnny come lately twat. Even Bocelli didn't have one.

To slurp tea, is taste tea, you bloody philistine. I would love to slurp tea next to you, you hateful git.:mad:

Bloody hell that man has a voice. I hear he slurps his tea.