Like someone said earlier on this thread, they're too busy on Facebook. The amount of clueless drivers does appear to be on the increase, but it must be horrendous being a learner or inexperienced driver these days.

The wife.


Can't find her passport.
Me: Where do you think it could be?
Her: In a folder
Me:Where's the folder?
Her: I think it could be in a box in the office
Me thinks: ok perhaps take a look in the box.

She procedes to turn the bedroom over

3hours later:
Me: have you found it yet?
Her surrounded by an almighty mess: no, I think I'll have to get a new one
Me: so it wasn't in the box in the office?
Her: I haven't looked there yet


Guess where it was?

:wallbash::wallbash::wallbash::grrr::grrr::grrr:

Even worse when they hire a car in Spain and go mental when faced with a roundabout. Some just stop in the middle of it to work out why their brain is a complete c*nt.

Was it in the bedroom?

Ashley Barnes ex Brighton twat
Pardew

There is an alarming correlation.

Not sure if statistically robust but .....

Hold on Ruskin.

I am not a Pardew hater but I did vote leave.

That bleeding horrible phone interference noise down your speaker. All the way home tonight when i had my phone music running through my auxilliary lead it was going off constantly. Once i'm clear of the city and along the A47 it gets ten times worse and drives me crackers.

My sociology dissertation at Sussex University got a first. The statistics in it were robust though I'd be the first to admit that the principles behind my conclusions were based on one of Durkheim's more anthropological texts.

Would I get a first today for it, probably not but my annoyance is probably higher.

I haven't got a clue what you're on about ROB...:p

I also got a first for my dissertation at the University of Brighton......but I can't remember what that was about either.:D

Anyone who's studied Durkheim will know what I'm talking about. :sunglasses: :vader: :D

My work colleague washes everything up in the sink apart from my mug. Its harder to wash around it than it is to actually wash it I think.

I dont even want her to wash it but its now a battle of wills as to who relents first. Today she has to battle against a new foe in a second mug i have added.

Your move lady.

Do you wash her mug when it's your turn to do the washing up?

Pretentious.......moi?

:D

I'd wash her mug then rub my bell end around all 360 degrees of the rim. :p

I'm annoyed by work colleagues who use washing up liquid to clean their mugs. What, did you mix an oily dressing in it for your lunch or something?

Water and a couple of hands are all that's needed to clean out a mug, not detergent.

If its in the sink of course, i wash everything up like a normal person whether its mine or not.

Sod that

Its only an office of 4 people so its hardly a chore (apart for one person it seems)

Any idea why she's avoiding your mug then?

Seems odd behaviour if there's no reason.

Its a Palace mug too :(

Have i just found out i work with a weed? Eurgh.

Honestly, we get on fine as colleagues so no issues there its like some bizarre tick she has

Having just read that I feel like Prince George in Blackadder where Doctor Johnston (Robbie Coltrane) is trying to explain his dictionary. Just throw in some mother tongue and we're there.:confused:

Grown (able bodied) adults who claim they are unable to change a fluorescent tube. WTF have they been doing all their lives.

While this thread is popular. Do you ever wake up with the hump, angry over nothing in particular, but just fancy fighting the pillow and cannot shake it off all day. I will be better tomorrow.

I used to work with a woman who used to randomly steal other folks food,milk etc.from the fridge,when one of the lads confronted her about it she was very "so what"about it,the lads didnt want to report her for it,but a couple of the wilder young bucks deceided to take revenge,As she was always in before anyone else,they doctored the milk left in the fridge,they added spit,snot piss ,knob wipings,and for good measure,two sleeping tablets,When every one else arrived at starting time,the woman was found looking absolutely green with sickness,and spent the rest of the day snoring at her desk,a bit harsh,possibly dangerous,but the thieving stopped there.

******* Christmas adverts, I've only just finished trying to ignore Halloween and Guy Fawkes night.

Every flucking day.

Bed decorations. We have two cushions and a bed runner at the bottom that lays on top of the quilt. We're the only two that ever see it and have to put it on and off everyday [emoji3]

The fact that my house is still bloody freezing despite having had the radiators on all evening.

Close the windows?

Toilet visit frequency and purpose chat at neighbouring breakfast table.
Oh the glamours of cheap hotels in the north.

Clingfilm

Hate Clingfilm. Who invented it and why does it never never come off the roll thing?

Over attentive waiters/waitresses who stand two feet behind me and top up my drink every time I take a sip.

I'm 47, I can pour my own ******* drink, thanks.

Everyone at the Clinton rally in tears and shock, the same image as people who had just watched the Space Shuttle blow up.

Hysterical people on social media especially from grown adults who have lived through tons of elections and don't seem to realise that it isn't the end of the world and life generally does go on.

Right now? America

What is 'purpose chat'?

Stop it - You really shouldn't dolphin to someone else's business....... :D

Good shout. Some of the over the top reactions by the press and public over here are ludicrous. Most have no idea of policies and are purely going on personality and public opinion anyway. Yes, Trump is a bit of a **** but Hillary isnt much better.

The really ******* annoying ones are the idiots that think this is some kind of class / race / anti-facisim war and Trumps election is some kind of call to arms.

Holiday season coming up and therefore all the new movies about to be released are being advertised on tv.
Apparently EVERY ******* one, we're told, is the "best film of the year".

We've got exactly the same. I've always thought what the **** for and it must only be us who goes through this daily palaver so glad to see you go through it as well. I assume that you take no part in this nonsense and expect the crap to be removed from the bed when you want to lie down otherwise it gets launched across the room. I showed my wife your post and she said that's nice. Well, she would, wouldn't she.

The Last Leg (c4 comedy show).

agreed, its crap. none of the people on it are funny. don't know how its still on.

Jeremy Vine and his sodding graphics.

And they all seem heavy on the special effects.

People who bomplsin about specific TV programmes. There's a gazillion other sides to watch, or go read a book

People on social media who will shoot down anyone pro-Trump/Brexit and label them a fascist etc. and then wonder why people don't openly support Trump/Brexit. Liberal fascists.

People, including waiters who don't know that 'testing the wine' in a restaurant is to see if it is corked and corked alone. "Oh this one is lovely" "Is that to your taste, sir?" Idiots.

Hahahaha...especially when it is screw cap

Women have been avoiding my mug for years. Still haven't understood why? May be the untrimmed beard

People who call Christmas the "Holiday Season" or the "Holidays".

It's f*cking Christmas and if you're so politically correct that you cannot call it Christmas then f*ck off!

I'd wish you all a Merry Christmas but it's far too early and another thing that annoys me is people who do that too early and those that wish you a "Happy New Year" in the middle of January.

F*ck right off!

I've heard more people complaining that it's not Christmas, only November than I have heard say it's Christmas or bringing it up in conversation.

Ps Happy New Year

Metallic pin poppies (I'm certian people put them in their drawers and reuse them each year).

They also look crap

That's you knocked off his holiday season card list

Oh **** off you knob.
Having your home away from home here in the US you should know the period from Thanksgiving through to Christmas New year is called the holiday season (plural) because there's more than one public and/or religious holiday in short order.

Excessive nasal hair.

I know I've bangs on about this twice but Idris f*cking Elba. 'Ahh man'. It's got to he stage now I bastard hate him almost every ad break ever sometimes twice with that poxy Sky Q box. Akin to someone knocking on your door 20 times a day trying to sell you shit you don't want. 'Ahh man'. Please stop FFS and go and solve some bastard murder before I murder you myself you f*cking c*nt.

They are generally made with the year on them now; you can spot the re-users.

I tend to go through about 5 paper poppies a year through damage or them falling off and me not noticing. Am quite happy wearing the metal pin this year.

People 'writing open letters' to their sons/daughters/younger selves, when what they are actually trying to do is make a statement in a newspaper, magazine, etc.

He only gets away with it in the gusset household because he was Stringer Bell.

Dustbinmen building a barricade of bins in front of my van every Thursday - we tip the b@stards at Christmas as well!

Sitting down for a nice relaxing poo at work when a fat person comes in and sits in the next trap. Having to listen to them huffing and puffing as they squeeze one out and expend more energy than at any other point during their day ruins what should be a great moment. Being paid to shit.

Do to him what they do on those prank videos. Tell him there's no toilet paper in your trap and ask him to hand you some paper under the divider. Dip your hand in a jar of Nutella then as you take the paper from him wipe it on his hand. Mind you the fat bastard would probably immediately know its chocolate spread and lick it off his hand. Therefore I suggest using real shit.

twats like this. You want kids ? Then pay for them

I've also spent shed-loads at restaurants, but never thought to ask for 'freebies' (think of the children. No, you look after your own kids)

publicity-minted twot of a father. Spend your money , like the rest of us hard-workers (without children)

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/215754...-old-daughter/

People in Christmas clubs when it's time to cash in, and then brag about it relentlessly. Who really needs to spend more than one month's salary at Christmas-time anyway? Two, if you count November. They're like those obnoxious children you see waiting for other children to finish their sweets before disclosing to all and sundry that they've got loads left. The bloke at work has just cashed in £4,000. Unless he's a guilt-ridden child molester, he really doesn't need to go without £400 a month the rest of the year to pay for his two kids at Christmas time. It's bollox.

Especially in soups

Things that annoy you
 

We have guerrilla bin-men, that hilariously adopt stealth mode and career down the road 4 hours earlier than the standard 1130 every so often revelling in the peculiarly light workload that day and befuddled why so many vexed people in dressing gowns are visible in their mirrors prowling the streets.

Why?

:confused:

Fireworks still going off this week
Metro and Standard - waste of paper
Farage
Trump

Because they take my vastly overloaded bins, heavy cardboard (which they're not supposed to) and occasionally bits and pieces from my van that are, strictly speaking, trade waste, which again they could refuse to take. I know quite a few people that tip.

We also give the postie a fiver for not pinching our bills.

Tip the dustmen or tip their trade waste?

Oh very much so, just write a ******* statement. Stop thinking you're better and more intellectual than everyone else and that your point of view is so much more important than the thoughts a normal person would say directly to their kid should be heard by all. If it was Morgan Freeman, fair play. Everyone else can bugger off though

So essentially you're paying him for breaking the rules?

Would the word "bribe" be a better substitute?

Fascist

'Comedians' that go on for 20 minutes too long

Was at a dinner last night. John Siles (Nobbys lad) was the after dinner speaker. Was funny for 15 minutes. Should have sat down after 30. Went on and on and on for 50 and became tedious. Why do these feckers not know when to STFU and sit down ?

Surely the people who wear them may have donated again.

Ha! The Dustmen.

I'd like to add, there's nothing bad like asbestos, just the odd bit of plastic pipe or lagging.

'Bribe' is such an unsavoury word, I prefer reward.

Homes under the Hammer and the music. It really grips me for some reason

Presenter - this house has mouldy walls
Music - the most obscure song you've ever heard which mentions mould walls somewhere in it's lyrics.

It's like someone has gone onto google and literally typed, lyrics with "XXXXXX" in it.

This happens around 12 times per show.

There was another DIY show that used to be on BBC1 that had a shocking theme tune (the one with LLB and was pretty notorious for being sh!t). I later found out the composer's other work was pretty good.

That's it really.

What I can't understand is why Dion Dublin ever got the chance to present it.

I know, it's not like he ever played for West Ham either.

I assumed he was talking about the UK, not your bang out of order colony. :)

Donald may well be getting rid of political correctness but they will still say Mas Cow instead of Moscow. And erbs and f*cking bayzil instead of basil.

Bayzil Fawlty my arse.

They will also say color instead of colour.
I make em bloody right too.

Should be culler.

People chomping on sweets. Or banging their tea spoon against their mug as they stir it. I could go in to a rage.

Followed by the tipper truck getting stolen for the second time in two years.

When at a bar you do the nice gesture of indicating to a barman that the bloke next to you was first, and he then orders 8 different drinks and food.

...and then the barman doesn't serve you next...

well he quoted my post so I assumed he was just having a go at me. He's got form on that score.
Anyway,

innernet
congradulations
Lyesestershire
sackerr
youman

Lots of language crap in this colony that I won't miss when I leave next month.

and then pays by card

Which is declined

I would've thought paying by card was quicker than paying by cash, no?

And hopefully cut up in front of him.

That's the spirit :supergrin:

The Sunday Times Money section which nearly always leads with a photo of a smug middle class family doing 'the right thing'.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/...67_634x407.jpg

Is that a selfie?

Lets guess the kids names

Jemimah, Elsie, Flora and Tobias.