IKEA stuff is overpriced shite anyway.

Checkout folk who seem incapable of starting to scan your shopping until your basket has been emptied.

Anyone eating at a subway is subhuman anyway!

Can be dangerous as they can stick in your throat when posted out...having lost their moistness..... :moo:

must not bite...

Which all makes perfect sense, to us because we are blokes. And for that reason we also have no voting rights.

My Facebook feed being full of St Patrick Day stuff

plastic paddies are worse than AIDS

Surely that's to stop it piling up at the end when there's no one to pack it. I'd rather they do that then whizz it through whilst I rush to catch up.

If you're posting this sort of thing at 21, I can't imagine what you'll be like at 22, let alone 40!

IKEA is hell on earth. I was dragged round it once. Never again. Got lost for hours!

"Don't worry - there is shortcut over there, it will get us back to kitchenware; I know where we are then." No it didn't. No she didn't.

I reckon Lord Lucan isn't dead at all - just hiding out in IKEA.

And another thing. For years I thought it was called I-KEA. I now learn it is actually IK-EA. Still can't find anything though, whatever it is called.

IKEA comes under he heading of mental cruelty.

Women - full stop, end of story, close the thread. :veryangry

?

People trying to interact with me in the lift. I stand there with my headphones in specifically to avoid small talk with people I have no interest in communicating with, and people still don't seem to get the ******* message.

Supermarket staff at self-scan that think they are the first ones to make the "Now, are you really over 25?" gag when approving my alcohol purchase. Oh God, here we go.. Yes!! Over 25 stones. No!! l'm only 19 really, but I've had a hard life!!! - which usually results in "Oh, you did a really long paper round then? No. I am clearly over 25. I'm 53, with hardly any hair, and look more like 93, get waved into retirement villages, am being stalked by Saga insurance services and have absolutely no sense of humour at this present moment. Now **** off and push the approve button before you go forth and multiply.

No. 7 does certainly apply to me, does that mean that one day I'll be a serial killer?

I've already alerted the authorities

I saw a bloke go into total Basil Fawlty style meltdown in there once. He was like a child in a supermarket. His face was crimson and he was bellowing something along the lines of "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME. IT WON'T MATCH. THE WALLPAPER IS BLUE. THIS IS GREEN. JUST LOOK. LOOK. IT. WILL. NOT. MATCH. WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME??". Everyone was staring and sniggering at him but his wife, who'd seen it all before just quietly said to him "David, you're making a scene again. Please can you calm down".

The streetlights will be owned by different councils, where I am the newer ones which will be going LED belong to Kent County Council, the traditional ones are ours (the Parish Council). They are mixed up throughout the village.

My life is so boring.

'Damn Daniel'. It wasn't humorous the first time, and it's not ******* humorous now.

Tax-dodging scum.
Google their tax affairs, its an eye-opener.

Ticket resale sites, selling tickets for 4 times their value on Getmein - and the tickets aren't even on general sale yet...........

YES.. genius Psycho Killer is your path.... Please take me off the kill list! :eek: ;)

She's probably dead now.

Look - if I could be assured that sort of thing would happen at a least every other time I go there, I would be first in the queue at rope-drop o'clock every weekend.

Having long suspected that the "sex tests" conducted by the athletic governing bodies were basically one question; "Do you find farts funny?" - I am now led to believe that there is a tie breaker "Ikea all Saturday afternoon, sound like fun to you?"

Watching the price of flights going up while waiting for FA to set a date/time for the semi final.

I bit the bullet as soon as we beat Reading. Shitting it now.

I bet. What do you need, sat/sun, early/3pm/5pm?

Ideally Saturday. But early on Sunday is just about doable.

I'm the opposite, although early saturday would be ok. No sleeper on saturday night so need the 1830 from Euston, which would be next to impossible to get back for. There's early morning flights down or back though, so could go on a mad drinking spree I suppose :)

that can get to **** sharpish. People seem so desperate to make something viral these days

What is it?

People who ask you a question and then disagree when you tell them the answer....if you ******* know then don't ******* ask me you *****!

http://www.popsugar.com/tech/What-Da...photo-40264897

The new white wall tiles at Sloane Square tube.

You see it's things like that that made me leave the country. Tile c*nt f*ckers.

Discovering The Hole in the Wall pub on the Westbound District Line platform at Sloane Square closed in 1985.

Sunday

BBC

Gary Lineaker

Grow the feck up FFS

Having to lift my arm to order a beer. Surely my mobile can do for me if they have wi-fi? Disgusting - technology behind the times.

I expect Pat of the Palace will be along shortly.

Yes. Sadly missed. In the 70s when I worked near Embankment and lived in Turnham Green, it was great for a swift pint and 20 minutes of respite after a hard day at work and an overcrowded tube home.

I would be annoyed but I was half expecting it. :)

The lack of 4G when I visit the UK.
It's like going back in time.

Chemists.

Why does it take half an hour to get a prescription?

You go to an off licence the bloke gets the vodka out of the cabinet behind the counter. You pay for it and go home (unless you're 16 in which case you go to the park)

Was in Boots yesterday and had to wait half a ******* hour. Get the packet out the back, put it in a bag and give it to me. Stop dithering around out the back. What the actual **** are you doing?

people leaving before the end of the game
 

People leaving before the end of the game then stand in front of you when something happens on the pitch. If you are going to leave KEEP WALKING.

Invest in a pocket size cattle prod.

Best bit is, if we score and you press the button, they end up dancing and celebrating our goal whether they wanted to or not.

General Palace discussion is a bit of a wind up at the moment. Oh and cats that insist on sitting on your lap / chest when you already have a laptop or paper on it.

I have the same issue in the US as it happens. I suspect the mobile operators do not pay for 4G on the overseas networks

For me the annoying thing today is removing bits of pigeon from around the house.

Defenders who foul someone in the box then accuse them of diving

Defenders who win the ball then dive to win a free kick.

Bar staff who are very busy working behind the bar doing 'stuff' and too busy to serve beer to customers who are waiting.

******* youtube adverts. Been getting the same ******* shit advert with Rizzle ******* kicks.

People who fill the sugar bowl so bleeding full that the slightest contact with the spoon results in sugar going fecking everywhere. Its not like its a 5 hour operation to refill it when its empty is it.

Half full sugar bowls.

:D

Its like playing bloody jenga just making a cup of tea.

If it is that full it should be taxed...

Anyone would think there was sugar rationing imminent. I just hate a sugary mess all over the worktops. Going to pour varnish on them as payback.

That awful Loyd's Bank (I think) advert with the guy who can't sing singing that everybody has got bills to pay in that camp show tunes I can't sing kind of way. My ears bleed.

because of my VPN I keep getting ones in German.

add to the list: shouting krauts

Starting bloody roadworks outside my house from 9am on a bank holiday. That really annoys me.

For people that don't want You Tube adverts get Adblock.

Flashbacks in TV shows.

Dream sequences in TV shows.

If you want to tell us what happened in the past just show everything in the right order.

Michael Owen

Tw@t!

People who write 'loose' when they mean 'lose'.

And vice versa...

Far worse are the people who write "of" when they mean "have", and don't even realise

'Brought' instead of 'bought' is the worst of all.

Are when they mean Our

Sarah Millican's voice.
Sarah Millican.

Fat bloke on train who refused to put his bags on the parcel shelf whilst everyone around was crammed in like sardines.

I suppose rather than actually ask him to move them everyone just gave an annoyed look and quietly tutted to themselves.

I was just testing you

An infuriating way for insecure idiots to avoid having to admit to making a mistake

The number of people who think style includes wearing blue jeans when not fixing an old car

You could have simply posted this, which describes an annoying situation, without mentioning how you failed to confront him:D

love her voice... hate everything about that tall bird miranda something. when did she become a celebrity? waste of skin

Don't think I've ever heard this not being said tongue in cheek

There's a bloke I work with who says it constantly. He's a manager so he usually approves others work & he goes ballistic if he spots a mistake - on the rare time he has to do the donkey work he always screws up & whenever you give him a correction he says 'I was just testing you'. He's a pompous agressive rude little arse & he supports west ham. Could be why my taste for this particular saying has run a bit thin :)

that woman's about as funny as 12 hour Countdown repeats

It's about time these people got a bollocking in the car park. ;)

It's up there with "I borrowed him a fiver".

The bloke sat opposite me on the train who when the trolley service came past said, and I quote :

'Hi. Can a grab a Coke please'

To which the stewardess should have replied :

'No you cannot. If you grab anything from my trolley the good looking mid 40 year old hunk sat opposite you (that's me btw) will lean over the table and poke you in your right eye and then flick your bosset end for good measure'

Can I grab a Coke..... Fook off !

Maybe he got mixed up between "a Coke" and "your tits".

:D

Voiceovers on tv shows that tell us what we;'ve just seen.

Mostly northern monkies that pronounce Hospital, Hospical.
Talk proper like what I do.

It's ozpicul

FFS

French people who confuse their Croydon railway stations then call you a div. it's mindless.

Well obviously any fool would know this.

Acting dynasties. I realise that many of the professions in London are full of wealthy young people who got jobs through nepotism, but at least in most industries it's not something that is actively celebrated. The Redgraves, The Richardsons, The Foxes. Piss right off.

The Osbornes

National Lottery........after tonight its got beyond a joke. Win £15 for 5 numbers £25 for 3 numbers..... hmmmmmm think there is going to be some ramifications.

Er 15 for 5 but 25 for 3?

That is bad to be fair!

Yep ohh its £51 for 4.....

Err what? Isnt 5 one off the jackpot?

Exactly

https://www.national-lottery.co.uk/r...breakdown/2113

Bizarre.

The miserable, pessimistic, moaning, blaming, ignorant, self righteous, fair weather 'fans'